Thoughtless (48 page)

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“Kellan, I…” I didn’t know what to say, my eyes were starting to tear up again.

He didn’t let me even attempt to finish. He brought a hand up to stroke my cheek and kissed me again, but tenderly, sweetly, the kiss was full of emotion. “I’m so in love with you, Kiera. I’ve missed you so much.

I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I say awful things to you. I’m sorry I lied about your sister…I never touched her. I promised you I wouldn’t. I couldn’t let you know…how much I adore you…how much you hurt me.” It was as if finally telling me what he really felt, released all the rest of his bottled up emotions, and he couldn’t stop himself.

He spoke rapidly in-between his tender kisses. “I love you. I’m sorry.

I’m so sorry. The women… I was so scared to touch you. You didn’t want me…I couldn’t take the pain. I tried to get over you. Every time with them, I was with you. I’m so sorry…I love you.” Tears flowed freely down my cheeks as I listened in shocked silence.

His heartfelt words, his tender lips, it made me even weaker, made my heart race.

His lips never stopped moving over mine, his words never stopped flowing between them. “Forgive me…please. I tried to forget you. It didn’t work…I just want you more. God, I’ve missed you. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’ve never wanted anyone, like I want you. Every girl is you to me. You’re all I see…you’re all I want. I want you so much. I want you forever. Forgive me… I love you so much.”

I still couldn’t process what he was saying, the look of fear and hope in his eyes. It made me want him even more though. It made my breath heavy and ragged. His kiss picked up intensity in response. “God, I love you. I need you. Forgive me…stay with me. Say you need me too…say you want me too. Please…be mine.”

He instantly stopped kissing me and froze, staring at me terrified again, like he finally just realized exactly what he had been saying.

“Kiera…?” His voice was shaky. His eyes glistened while he searched mine.

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I realized that I hadn’t said anything in a really long time. He had been pouring his heart out to me, and I hadn’t said a word. Of course, he really hadn’t left me an opportunity to speak, but from the terror in his eyes, I don’t think he realized that. All he could see looking at me, were my tears and my silence.

Emotion locked up my throat and I closed my eyes, giving myself a minute to absorb everything. He loved me? He adored me? He loved me? He wanted me…forever? He loved me? He wanted me to be with him? He loved me? Feelings for him that I had struggled so hard to push back, flooded through me. Everything we had gone through - every tear, every joy, every jealousy - had he loved me the whole time?

I felt him pull away from me, and I realized I was still lying silent with my eyes closed. I opened them and looked up to his sad, terrified face. I grabbed his arm and stopped him from moving away from me. He met my gaze, the tear in his eye finally rolling down his cheek. I brushed it away with my thumb and cupped his cheek. I pulled him closer and kissed him tenderly.

“Kiera…” he muttered between my lips, pulling away slightly.

I swallowed the lump in my throat. “You were always right…we’re not friends. We’re so much more. I want to be with
you,
Kellan. I want to be yours. I am yours.” It was all I felt in that moment, all I could think to say. In that instant, he was my entire world. Nothing else even existed to me besides him, and I didn’t want to resist him anymore. I was tired of fighting this. I wanted to be his…in every way.

He rolled back on top of me and brought his mouth back to mine. He exhaled softly and he kissed me deeply, like we hadn’t kissed in years.

The passion I felt coming from him was almost overwhelming, his whole body trembled with it. He shifted his weight and pushed against me, making a noise deep in his throat that thrilled me.

I ran my hands down his back and he shuddered. I felt the edge of his shirt and grabbing it, ran my fingers up his bare skin, taking the shirt with me. Gently I pulled it off of him, gazing at his amazing perfection for a second, before his lips came back down to mine.

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He shifted his weight again and brought his hands slowly down my neck, across my chest and up under my shirt. His hands were shaking as he pushed my shirt up and pulled it off me. His body was still shaking lightly as he kissed me. He was holding back, I realized. Forcing himself to go slowly, forcing himself to remain in control, in case I changed my mind. The thought of how much he wanted me, and how unsure he was of me, filled my body with fire.

I ran my hands back down his bare back, feeling every muscle, every defined line. He groaned lightly as I brought my hands around to his chest and ran my fingers along the faint scar on his ribs, the scar he had gotten because of me…because he loved me. His lips never leaving mine, his hands brushed over my shoulders, down my arms, over my bra, down to my waist. I sighed happily at how good it felt to feel his touch again; it had been so achingly long. He shifted again and his shaking hands lowered to my jeans. His fingers played with the waistband on them, almost considering if he should…

I pulled away from his lips and whispered in his ear, “I’m yours…don’t stop.” I shifted my weight under him suggestively. Exhaling and relaxing, Kellan listened to me, he didn’t stop. He started unbuttoning my jeans and biting my lip, I moved to unbutton his. He pulled back to watch me intently. He stopped shaking. He seemed to finally believe that I wasn’t going to stop this. I finished undoing his jeans, as he was starting to pull mine down. Gazing at me with such love in his face, he softly said my name, and that he loved me again, and started kissing my neck.

His face, his words, hit me with such intensity, that I stopped breathing. Suddenly this felt wrong, dirty. It didn’t match his tender words, and I couldn’t go through with it. “Kellan, wait…just a min-” I said tentatively.

“Kiera…” He stopped tugging at my jeans and groaned heavily. He sagged his entire body against mine, his head resting on my shoulder. “Oh…my…god. Are you serious?” He rocked his head back and forth on my shoulder. “Please don’t do this again. I can’t take it.”

“No, I’m not…but-”

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“But?” He pulled back to look at me breathlessly, his blue eyes blazing with desire and now, irritation. “You do realize, that if you keep doing this to my body, I will never be able to have children?” he snipped.

I laughed at his unintentionally amusing remark. He pulled back more and frowned at me. “I’m glad you find that funny…” Still chuckling, I ran a finger down his cheek, eventually making him smile. “If we are going to do this…if I’m going to be with you,” I looked around at the dirty floor we were lying on, “it’s not going to be on the floor in the backroom of Pete’s.”

He frowned, then immediately reversed it and kissed me softly. “Now you object to being with me on a dirty floor?” he whispered.

I laughed again at his reference to our tryst in the coffee stand, and at hearing his humor return. It had been a long time since I had heard that too.

He kissed me again then pulling back, forced a frown on his face. “Did you…did you just get me to pour my heart out to you…so you could get me naked again?” He raised an eyebrow at me charmingly.

I laughed again and gently grabbed his face in my hands. “God, I missed you. I missed that.”

“Missed what?” he asked quietly, gazing back at me and softly stroking my bare stomach.

“You…your humor, your smile, your touch, your…everything.” I gazed back at him warmly.

His face got serious. “I missed you so much, Kiera.” I nodded, swallowing the emotion in my throat, and he kissed me softly again. Suddenly, he pulled back and eyeing me half naked beneath him, bit his lip and raised an eyebrow. “You know…there are other options for this room besides the floor.”

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“Really?” I asked, enjoying his playfulness.

“Yeah…”

He

looked

around

the

room,

smiling.

“Table…chair…shelf…” he looked down at me, his grin suddenly devilish, “wall?”

I laughed and stroked my hand down his chest, marveling at how quickly my emotions around Kellan could change. Hadn’t we just been at each other’s throats, and now we were intimately joking around. “Just kiss me.” I shook my head at him.

“Yes, ma’am.” He smiled and started kissing me deeply. “Tease,” he muttered, moving his lips to my neck.

“Whore,” I muttered back, grinning and kissing the cheek I had ruthlessly slapped earlier. He laughed huskily in response and moved his lips to the base of my throat.

A persistent soft knock drifted through the room, but Kellan and I both ignored it.

“Hmmm…” I closed my eyes as he lightly ran his tongue up my throat. God, I loved that.

He was bringing his tongue up and over my chin when the annoying knocking that we had both been ignoring, suddenly became a door swinging open. I gasped and tilted my head up, my heart racing.

Kellan raised his head to look at the door.

“Jesus, Evan…you scared the shit out of me!” Kellan said, laughing.

I didn’t feel like laughing, this was not how I wanted someone to walk in on me. To his credit, Evan was covering his eyes. He immediately closed the door behind him and looked away. “Uh, sorry, man. I know you two are…uh, I need to talk to you, Kellan.” Evan seemed really embarrassed, but he couldn’t be any more embarrassed than me. Kellan laid over me, protectively shielding me from his
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view, not that he was looking in our direction. “Your timing kind of stinks, man.” He frowned at him.

Unintentionally, Evan flicked a glance at us and immediately looked away again. I clutched Kellan tighter, wanting to be anywhere but here.

“Sorry…but you’re going to thank my timing in about ten seconds.” Kellan smiled widely. “Really, Evan, can’t this wait, like ten-” I nudged his ribs and he looked down at me, then back up at him, “twenty minutes?” I unintentionally giggled.

“Denny’s here,” Evan stated.

I stopped giggling. “What?” I asked quietly.

Kellan sat up, straddling me. “Shit,” he said quietly. He handed me my shirt and I quickly slipped it on. He stayed on my lap, thinking.

Evan finally looked over at us without looking away. “Unless you want tonight to get…even more interesting, Kiera needs to leave, and you need to stay and talk to me.”

Kellan started nodding and finding his shirt, slipped it back on.

“Thank you….” he said, looking back up at Evan.

Evan half-smiled. “See…I knew you’d thank me.” I felt ice cold as Kellan finally got off my lap and helped me get up. We adjusted our clothes and I started having trouble breathing. Kellan put a hand on my shoulder. “It’s fine…it will be fine.” Panic flared through me. “But the whole bar…they all saw that, they’ll be talking. He’ll know something.”

Kellan shook his head. “He’ll know we had a fight…that’s it.” He looked over at Evan, who looked impatient for me to leave. “You should go, before he comes back here looking for you.”

“Okay…”

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“Kiera…” He grabbed my arm as I turned to leave, then he pulled me in for one long, last kiss.

I was breathless when I went out into the hallway.

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20

Chapter

New Chapter

Luckily, the hallway was empty. I quickly ducked into the ladies’ room, which was also empty. The panic abated and I sank to the floor and put my head on my arms. That had been too close. If that had been Denny and not Evan? My stomach clenched at the thought. If I was going to leave Denny, it wasn’t going to be with him finding out like that. Was I really going to leave Denny for Kellan? I loved Denny, I didn’t want to leave him…but…Kellan’s arms had felt so good around me again. I knew that I wasn’t going to say no to him anymore. I needed him too much. Maybe it could work with both of them? I smiled and held my fingers to my lips, remembering Kellan’s tender kiss. Did Kellan really love me? Did I love him? That thought thrilled and terrified me. Could I really handle having an irrefutable affair? Could Kellan? Could Denny?

Opening the door, I peered down the hall. Still empty…good. I glanced over at the mirror and decided I didn’t look like I had almost been with Kellan…again…and sighing, turned and left the small room.

My eyes instinctually went over to the band’s table as I reentered the bar. I frowned, no Kellan. Was he still in the back room with Evan? I couldn’t worry about it, as I was getting icy stares from several customers, who looked none too happy about my prolonged absence and also…Denny was approaching me, a little cautiously.

I hoped for a moment that maybe no one had told Denny anything yet, but over the low rumble of voices in the bar, I heard Griffin loudly yell,

“Yeah, Kiera, woooo – nice bitch slap!” I saw Matt smack him hard in the chest, and heard him mutter, “What? Fucker probably deserved it.” I closed my eyes and cursed the stupid, loudmouthed ass. Seriously, what did my sister see in him?

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“Kiera?” Denny’s soft accent made me open my eyes. “Everything okay? The whole bar has been going on and on about you hitting Kellan?” His brow was scrunched in concern, his eyes reflecting the same.

Walking by him, I grabbed his hand and made my way to the bar, stalling for time. What do I tell him? Kellan never told me what to say.

My earlier irritation at Griffin actually sparked an idea, and without carefully thinking it over, I spit out, “The jerk slept with Anna when she was here, then never called her again…broke her heart.” Denny stopped walking alongside me and I stopped walking…and breathing. “Oh,” was all he said. His brow didn’t soften though, and I had no idea if he believed me or not.

“I couldn’t take him using her like that, and then…all the women he’s been bringing home. It was just so disrespectful to her. And tonight he was practically getting a lap dance, and I guess I just – lost it.

I…defended her honor, in a way.”

“Oh,” he said again, then his brow softened and he smiled softly.

“Why didn’t you tell me that earlier? I would have talked to him about that.”