T.J. Klune - Bear, Otter, and the Kid 1 - Bear, Otter, and the Kid (28 page)

Ty unzipped the bag the tux was in, and it smelled slightly stale, but Ty said that Febreeze would kill any odor. I told him I wasnt wearing that. He told me to shut up and try it on. I did, and when I stepped in front of the mirror, the suit fitting surprisingly perfect (is there any other way for this fairy tale to go?). I was shocked to see how good my reflection looked staring back at me. We had forgone the bow tie because it was plaid (at least Ty had forgone the bow tie because it was plaid; I thought it looked very retro) and the matching cummerbund was left off, as well. What we had was a black tux with a white shirt that Ty made me tuck in. I started doing bad James Bond impressions in the mirror, and Ty said that if I did that on the beach with Otter that I was going to be alone forever. I stopped. When I looked to the Kid to see if he approved, he smiled and said I was almost presentable.

The next few days were spent in alternate states of panic and preparation. Otter called me a bajillion times and asked me what the Kid and I were planning and then made me swear not to tell Ty that he had broken his promise. I told Otter I didnt know what he was talking about. He called me a liar. I called him a jerk. He asked to come over, but I told him no, I was busy. I really
was
busy getting ready for all of this, but I also didnt want to see him until this whole thing was going to happen. I didnt want to ruin the surprise, knowing really that I just didnt want to throw up on him when he showed up at my apartment. Otter called an hour later, sounding suspicious, and demanded again to know why Ty told him to wear a tux but no shoes and go to the beach at eight oclock the following evening. I told him once again I had no idea what he meant. He growled into the phone, and it was low and breathy and that ended up being the first time Ive ever had phone sex. Messy, messy business, that.

Ty approved the menu (everything cold, making it easier to make and bring to the beach) and the haircut (I tried to get out of that one, but he told Sam, the same guy who had been cutting my hair since I was a baby, to cut it as short as possible but still have hair; when he was done, I was shorn and horrified, and the Kid was smirking and satisfied). He approved the table (a large black card table from the furniture store), the tablecloth (white), and the candles (long and tapered; I wanted scented ones but he said those are for when people eat meat and have to poop—I didnt bother to explain that I do both). He approved the music (some easy-listening Muzak crap that wouldnt impede on any conversation), the flowers (I said no flowers; he said that gay or straight, people like flowers, and we agreed on two roses), and my etiquette (apparently, according to the eighteenth-century British lord who appears to be trapped in the body of my younger brother, my table manners leave something to be desired, and however unbelievable it may sound, elbows do not belong on a table, ever). I was essentially his chauffer as we went from place to place, preparing everything that he already had laid out in his head. The only thing that he let me be in charge of was what I would actually
say
to Otter (but he did say to keep it short and sweet. Oh, and to say it after we eat. And to look him in the eyes. And to not put my elbows on the table when I do it. And that maybe it should rhyme because they were learning about poetry in school).

So while I drove my little brother and planned his fantasy night of how I was going to give Otter the key to my soul (his words, not mine), I silently panicked and wrote lines of bad poetry. Normally, I am actually quite adept at writing poems and lyrics to songs Ill never sing, but this stuff was just atrocious. For example:

I love you
You love me
Thank God for that
I’m so happy
And Tys personal favorite (which he helped on):
Otter! Otter! Otter!
Don’t lead cows to slaughter!
I love you, and I know
I should’ve told you soon-a
But you didn’t buy the dolphin-safe tuna!

Ty asked me if I got the hidden message in his poem. I told him it was loud and clear.
So I panicked and planned the most elaborate and wonderfully terrifying night of my life. I thought I would have enough time to do everything that needed to get done. But then it was Wednesday, and I dropped Ty off at school for his last day. Then it was Wednesday afternoon, and I picked Ty up from school and took him to the Herrera household and dropped him off there. All the time between when I sent him to school and when I picked him up is a haze. Before he got out, he made me go through the checklist, and once he was satisfied that I had remembered everything (and after telling him
no
three times that I was certainly
not
going to use his poem) he gave me a hug and whispered that he loved me in my ear and told me he would see me on Sunday when they got back. To give you an idea of how much of a wreck I was, I only twice made him promise to call me so I knew he was okay. Okay, twice on the car ride there. Actually, I told him four times, and it was while we were parked in front of his friends house, but come on, I can be a mess and still be a good big brother.
I went back to the house and paced for another couple of hours, then, with no choice left, I packed up everything in the car and drove down to the beach. I grabbed Tys poem off the counter, just in case. The drive there was only ten minutes, but it was the longest ten minutes of my life. It only took me fifteen minutes to unpack the car, but it was the longest fifteen minutes of my life. It took me twenty minutes to set everything up, and it was the shortest twenty minutes of my life. To my horror. And then it was seven forty-five, and I changed quickly at the car and sprayed myself with a cologne that Ty had picked out. I started with one squirt but didnt think that was enough, so I ended up accidentally spraying on six more.
I went back to the beach to wait, smelling like a department-store tragedy. As I crested the rise that looked down to where I had set up the table, the last rays of the sun shot out over the ocean, and I looked down and saw the white tablecloth flapping gently in the breeze, the candlelight flickering and the music drifting softly up toward me, and suddenly understood why Ty is a genius. It was perfect. Everything about it was just perfect. In a reality-dating-show kind of way.
I waited down at the beach, and right at eight I heard a car drive up. I picked up a flower and went and stood in front of the table, and I looked up at the hill and saw Otter reach the top, where I had just been moments ago. He was also in a tux, and I grinned with amusement as he wore no tie or cummerbund or shoes, as per instructions. He looked down at me, and his smile was so big it almost split the world in half. He walked slowly down the hill and stood in front of me, and I bowed slightly (per Ty) and presented the rose to him. He laughed quietly and accepted it and kissed me deeply on the lips, and it felt good, and I realized how much I had missed him over these past few days and how ready I was to do anything for him. If Creed had shown up right then, I would have told him everything. If Anna had shown up right then, I would have said everything anyway. Right as he pulled away, the crooked grin on his face, the gold-green shining, holding me in such a regard that I almost blurted it right then, I realized that I love him pure and simple. Its not a matter of logic or function. Its a matter of my heart.
So, its all perfect, right? Down to the last detail? Everything was going so well. And then everything happened at once.
“Uh, Bear?” Otter said to me.
“Yes?” I replied, falling into his eyes.
“Theres a seagull eating our food,” he told me, and it was the most romantic thing Id ever heard.
“I know, Otter. And thats why I did all this. I promised Ty I wasnt going to say this now, but I have to. Otter, I lo—wait, a what?”
He pointed over my shoulder. I turned and saw that a seagull had landed on the table and was picking through the food that I had so elegantly and delicately placed out. My eyes opened wide, and I squawked in anger and ran toward the stupid bird that was ruining everything. Otter was laughing behind me, and I planned to kill the bird and then kill him. I reached the table and clapped my hands together loudly, trying to frighten the seagull away. It hopped up and then landed back on the table. I waved my hands at it, puffing out my chest to make myself look bigger. It startled backward and knocked over glasses and two of the candles. The candles fell over onto the table and immediately lit the tablecloth on fire. The seagull flapped its wings and started to lift from the table and proceeded to knock over the other two candles the other way and they ignited the other side of the table. I froze, staring at the table, listening to the bird fly away and listening to Otter still bellowing with laughter behind me. The CD player switched to a new song, and it was an easy-listening elevator rendition of Billy Ray Cyruss “Achy, Breaky Heart,” and I didnt know how the night could get any worse. I grabbed one of the glasses and ran to the ocean, determined to get seawater to put out the fire so we could sit down and eat the food the seagull had not eaten. Or stepped on. Or defecated on. I filled the glass to the brim and was running back to pour the water out on the table when the sky above us opened up. The clouds that had seemed so far in the distance when I had first arrived here had snuck up on us, and now they broke wide open, and rain like Id never seen it fell from the sky. I stood a couple of feet from the table, glass in hand, watching the small fires get doused by the rain. “Achy, Breaky Heart” died as the CD player shorted with a crackle, and all I could hear was the rain and Otter trying to catch his breath as the laughter died.
And thats where we are now. Brilliant idea, lousy execution.
Otter walks over to me, still chuckling softly to himself, his hair plastered against his forehead, his tux coat drenched through to the skin. He stands in front of me and takes the glass out of my hand and sets it back on the table. He cups my face in his hand and leans forward and kisses me gently on the lips. He pulls away and grins his grin and raises my hand, and I see he is still clasping the rose and is now pressing it into my hand. I look back into his eyes.
“Otter. Otter. Otter,” I mutter.
“Yes, Bear?” he says beautifully.
“Dont lead cows to slaughter,” I say.
He arches an eyebrow. “Come again?”
I take a deep breath. “I…
love
you and I know I shouldve told ya soona.”
His eyes widen slightly. “Wait, what? You… me?”
I shake my head. “But you didnt buy the dolphin-safe tuna.”
“Bear, what the hell? Did you just…
rhyme
?”
I nod. “I wrote it. Ty helped. He learned poetry in school.”
He leans in and kisses me again, his mouth tasting like rain. He pulls back again, but only far enough so he can speak. I open my eyes, and his are open, and my God, theyre everything. “Was all this for me?” he whispers above the rain.
“Yeah.”
“And did you mean what… you just said?”
I dont hesitate. “I did. I do. I love you, Otter.”
He presses his forehead to mine. “I love you too, Bear,” he says, and then his lips are on mine, and we are on fire, and we burn the world.

I said it and it came out easier than I had hoped, easier than it should have been. There was a moment that night, when he entered me for the first time, that I felt as full as Id ever been. Im not trying to be graphic or anything, because I dont necessarily mean that in a sexual way at all. Okay, yes, I guess I kind of do mean it that way, as there was a pinch and then pain, but then I rose above it, and it was like I was floating above myself, detached and high. I only had a dim sense of what was happening to me, but then a shock wave rose through me, and I was slammed back into my body and rode it out in a blur of gasps and claws. As I came (without even touching myself; how does that even happen?), something inside me exploded as I shot onto my chest and my pleasure-drunk brain could only think of God creating the universe. First was nothing and then there was
everything
. Otter held me as my body rocked and shook, and for the first time, I realized there was such a thing as
good
earthquakes, that as long as you have someone to tether you to them, the shifting of the world can be a wondrous thing. It still scared me shitless, but I wasnt about to allow that to take him away from me. Not anymore.

So quickly, inevitably, the days passed.
Otter kept his promise to me and didnt try to push me about anything. I think its because Ty was right, that Otter just needed to hear how I truly felt about him. Any tension that had remained evaporated, and we were able to discover what we had meant when wed vocalized our feelings for each other. A day never went by, regardless if we had fought or not, when I didnt know how he felt about me. I tried to make sure he felt the same.
I often contemplated on how different it was for me and him than it was for me and Anna. I still remember the first time Id told Anna that I loved her. We were fifteen, and it was sweet and Id meant it, as much as a fifteenyear-old male
could
mean it. She had given me such a smile, then proceeded to punch me in the arm and say that she knew. I felt like the top of the world then. With Otter, though, I passed the top a long time ago. I didnt know that a person could feel so much for another and not burst.
As I said, Otter kept his promise to me, and as much as I knew it probably strained him at points, I couldnt help but admire his patience. If I were him, I wouldve probably kicked me to the curb time and time again. Dont get me wrong: he still got exasperated at times, times when I went through my panic modes where I was just sure that everyone knew about us and that they were all talking about us behind our backs. But I never saw that shadow cross his face after that night on the beach. I had been the one causing it, and I was the only one who could have taken it away.
During the next two months, things changed in my life, changed in ways I had never thought possible.
Ty came back from his camping trip the Sunday following the best date disaster that I have ever been on. I talked to him multiple times on his trip, and no matter how many times he asked, I refused to tell him what happened. He would howl at me over the phone and demand to speak to Otter. I would say good-bye and hang up. A few seconds later, Otters phone rang, and Ty complained some more when I answered that one as well. Otter and I drove over to the Hererra house that Sunday and were both amused to see Ty sitting on the curb, his bags next to him, scowling and tapping his knee impatiently.
“Well?” he said, opening the front passenger door to Otters Jeep and climbing inside onto my lap.
I hugged him. “Hey, Kid,” I said happily. “How was your trip?”
He ignored me and looked at Otter. “
Well
?” he said again.
Otter grinned. “Did you have a good time camping?”
Tys glared back and forth between me and Otter. I could hear Otter struggling to keep a steady composure. I was trying to think of sad things and gross things to keep my mirth at bay. I had started to replay where Bambis mom had gotten shot over and over in my head when the Kid grinned at me evilly and turned to Otter and said, “Bear likes to be spanked during sex.”
There was a beat of silence in the car, and then Otter couldnt hold it in any longer and lost it, which in turn caused me to start laughing. The Kid sat, growling through his teeth as he stared back and forth between us like we were fucking nuts. When at last we were able to calm down (but not before Otter shot me a lust-filled look that told me wed be talking about
that
later) I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around the Kid and told him how amazingly horrible it had gone. I got to the part where I told him I recited his poem, and his face broke out with such a glow that I started laughing again.
“Did you get the extra meaning from what I wrote?” he asked Otter when I finished.
Otter grinned and mussed his hair. “I sure did, Kid. Thats why were taking you to a steak house right now for dinner. Welcome home.”
The Kid laughed and laughed and laughed.