Torn (21 page)

“I’m so sorry, I’m … so …” I
shook my head, my vision blurring as I reached up to fist his shirt, not
wanting him to walk away from me.

“Sssshhhh,” he soothed as he
kissed my forehead, then wrapped his arms tightly around me. I completely
disintegrated, surprising myself at the volume of tears that spewed from my
eyes as I sobbed. “If I had to lose the girl, I couldn’t think of a better guy
to lose her to. I know you’ve been fighting your feelings for him because of
his rep, but you also know he’s so much more than his past. He needs you, Sky.
He’s been miserable since Dad died. His baseball and … sex,” he said that word
with a hint of apology in his voice, as if he knew it would hurt me to think of
Nate with anyone else, “well, they were the only things that kept him going,
but now he has you. Sometimes he’s the Nate I remember from before the
accident, before he took all of that on his shoulders. I’ve never seen him so
at peace as when he looks at you.”

“Only you … could be so gracious
… in defeat.” I gasped for air between words as I let go of his shirt and locked
my arms around his waist, holding him as tightly as he was holding me. “I do
love you though, tell me you know that, Josh,” I said quietly, after I managed
to contain these damn unnatural waterworks.

“I wish it wasn’t like a brother,”
he sighed. “But the thought of life without you in it is worse than seeing my
brother happy with you. I can’t promise not to throw the odd dagger his way
when I see you together, and I may need to walk away for a while if it gets to
be too much, but I’ll adjust. I’m just sorry you felt like you couldn’t be
honest about how you felt about him before now.”

“Don’t, don’t be so nice. I feel
like I’ve strung you along, especially with this stupid,
stupid
idea of
dating you all.” I sniffed and lifted my tear-streaked face up to his. The sad
expression hadn’t left it. I wondered if I’d ever be able to unsee that look,
or forget the fact that I was responsible for it.

“If I know you, and I think I do,
you wanted to show us that you were taking this choice seriously, that whatever
decision you made hadn’t been taken lightly and without due diligence. I think
you already knew you wanted Nate, but were afraid to admit it?”

I nodded and sucked my lips into
my mouth as I blinked back more tears. I did know it. I’d known it from the
first moment I saw him, but he scared me with his experience. I’d wanted to
want Josh, the safe option, the one my head had screamed at me to choose for months.
But at the end of the day, desire was what propelled everything. It created
need. Need to breathe and stay alive, need to sleep, eat, drink, succeed. And
my heart had desired Nate with a force of passion I’d never experienced before,
and was sure I wouldn’t again. I’d been prepared to take risks all of my life.
Shunning the popular crowd. Befriending the gay outcast. Ignoring fashion
trends. Turning my back on the usual girly pursuits in favor of traditionally
male ones. Yet I’d shied from the biggest risk of all. Opening my heart. I knew
for sure now that Nate owned it. I just had to let him know I’d reached that
conclusion.

Josh slowly let go of me and
pulled a tissue out of his pocket. He started carefully wiping my cheeks and
under my eyes, my arms refusing to release him. I was scared he was going to
leave me the moment I let him go.

“There, that’s better. I’ve never
seen you cry. You were really worried and upset about telling me this, huh?”

“Well, duh!” I forced a smile and
he shook his head. “I’m scared, Josh. I’m scared of losing my best friend, and
of seeing him at college every day but not sharing my thoughts with him, of not
holding his hand when one of us needs some reassurance or comfort, or laughing
together over Billy’s stupid antics and jokes.”

“You’ll never lose me. I’ve suspected
for weeks that I was never going to be the one, and I’m still here, aren’t I?
Just promise no intimate PDAs in front of me for a while. It’s one thing
knowing and accepting you lost out to your brother, quite another seeing his
tongue down the throat of the girl you wanted.”

“I promise,” I nodded. “You are
going to be the most amazing boyfriend to a very lucky girl one day, Josh. And
I know, even though I didn’t choose you, that I’m going to be kind of jealous
to see you with her when it happens.”

“Thanks.” He gave me a grateful
smile, then frowned. “Can I ask you something, then we can forget about it and
carry on with our platonic date?”

“You want to know what Nate had
that you didn’t?”

“How do you do that? You know what’s
going on in my head.”

“Like you do mine,” I reminded
him. “I know you want a list, you want to know all of the areas that you
think
you don’t compare to him. But that’s not it. If you gave me the list that you
believe you’re lacking in against Nate, I bet I could counter every single one
of them with a reason to show why you’re his equal.”

“So what was it?”

“I saw him first.” I lifted my
shoulders as I pressed my lips together and waited for that to sink in with
him. “I saw him and there was an immediate attraction, it was like he … imprinted
himself on me, and once that happened, no one else stood a chance.”

“So if you hadn’t had a flat
tire, and you’d stopped and come into the diner and seen me first, I might have
imprinted on you instead?”

“If I hadn’t had a flat tire, Nate
would never have directed me to Joelle’s, so I’d never have come in and seen
you. Who knows what might have happened between then and us meeting at college.”

“You’re saying it’s fate then, that
you and Nate were meant to be together?”

“I don’t know, Josh. We might go
out for a while and find we’re not actually compatible. But I just know that I
need to try, that I’ll never be happy if I don’t. We could work this around in
circles for days, but the truth is we’re here right now, and it is what it is.
I can’t change that, and even though I’ve hurt you, and probably Billy too, I
couldn’t do anything different if I was given the chance again. I’m meant to be
here.”

“Actually you’re not, you’re
meant to be enjoying yourself on your ‘date’ with me. How about we leave behind
the deep and meaningful stuff, and the agonizing heartbreak and sadness, and go
enjoy ourselves?”

I laughed when he took me into
the arcade. Not the shiny new fancy one in the entertainment complex, but the
one we’d been hanging out in for the last three months. The one that looked old
and tired, in desperate need of a coat of paint and a good clean, not to
mention the return of some of its patrons who’d obviously defected to the new
version across town.

“I love that you get me, Josh
Hudson. That you know I’d rather be here, that you know playing in here for the
rest of the night is just what I’d want to do with you.”

“Ok, but I think it’s only fair
to warn you that I just got my heart broken by the girl of my dreams, so I’m
liable to take out my pain by kicking your ass on every single game you
challenge me to.” He cocked an eyebrow and flashed me a smile to tell me he was
joking. He was, but I detected that there was also an undercurrent of truth in
there, too.

“Bring it on, Josh. Bring. It.
On! You pick first, and none of this best of three chivalry crap. It’s do or
die, a one-time deal.”

“Racetrack,” he shot back with a
sly grin.

“You want your ego as well as
your heart crushed in one night?” I teased. He wanted me to treat him like
normal, to fall back into our easy routine and banter, so that was what I was
going to give him. It was the least I could do.

“I told you a guy’s got to have
some secrets,” he called over his shoulder as he headed over to the machine and
climbed into the right-hand seat. I quickly joined him and fed the coin slot,
giving him a look that said there was no way he was paying tonight, not after what
I’d done.

“Ready?” he inquired.

“Born ready,” I shot back, as I
gripped the steering wheel with one hand, my gearstick with the other, and
slammed my foot on the accelerator as the flag dropped.

“What. The. Hell?” I uttered, as
I stared at the scores and race time on the leaderboard. Josh had thrashed me,
and my record. Instead of now being numbers one through five, I was two through
six. I dragged my eyes off the screen, still stunned, to turn and face him. “What.
The. Hell?” I repeated, and he just shrugged with a mild look of embarrassment
on his face.

“I felt bad for Billy. Nate’s got
the looks, athletic smarts, swagger, and now the girl. I’ve got the charm, the academic
smarts, and the whole boy-next-door thing. I wanted Billy to have his ‘thing.’”

“So you … I’m not sure the word
is ‘cheated’ when you downplay your skills and lose.”

“I let him win and pretended I
wasn’t very good.” He shrugged again as I shook my head.

“See,
that
, that right
there is why you are so special, Josh, and why I’m so, so proud to be able to
call you my best friend.” I leaned over and hugged him tightly, a hug he
returned as we buried our faces in each other’s shoulders.

“Christ, I hope Nate’s not spying
on this date, or I’ll be going home with a black eye,” he joked.

“Don’t,” I giggled. “He is a bit
possessive.”

“You haven’t seen anything yet,
trust me. So, you going to tell him tonight?” Josh asked, as we let go of each
other and sat up.

“No. And after tonight, you
probably think I’m some kind of sadist to torture all three of you. But I know
he’ll have put a lot of thought into our date tomorrow, and there’s a certain
level of expectation as to what will happen on a date.” I flashed Josh an
apologetic smile at the reminder that I’d likely be kissing Nate at some point
in the next twenty-four hours. “I want him to experience that, to have the will
she, won’t she? And I want to see the natural reaction on his face when I
finally tell him. Does that make sense?”

“It does to me. Besides, if you
told Nate tonight, you wouldn’t be going on the date he’s planned out so
carefully. He’d be wanting to make out instead.” Josh shuddered at the thought
of it, while I felt giddy with anticipation. “And even though I know it’s going
to happen at some stage, I’m happy to prolong the part where it doesn’t.”

“Promise me you won’t tell him?”
I pleaded.

“I promise.”

We got out of the cars and spent
the next few hours as we always had in here, albeit without Billy, or Nate on
occasion. We played, we yelled in frustration, we cheered with exhilaration,
and we laughed. We laughed so hard it was almost as if the horrible part of the
night had never happened.

Almost.

Sky

Saturday Afternoon

I sat at my dressing table, staring at myself
in the mirror. I looked so different. Mom had helped me put on some gray
eyeshadow and taught me how to do the flicked-out eyeliner that I always
thought looked so pretty on other girls. I was lucky that my skin was pretty
flawless, and had enough coloring from days spent out in the sun that I didn’t
need any foundation. There were limits for a girl who was used to just scraping
her hair back into a ponytail and running out of the door. She’d also shown me
how to apply a tiny bit of blush, then where to add some highlighter cream to
emphasize my cheek and brow bones and Cupid’s bow. A slightly darker, dusky
rose lip-gloss, and I had a whole new look. One that made me look sultry, sexy
even. Would Nate like this look on me? He seemed to like me fresh-faced anyway,
was this taking it a step too far?

“Why do you have that infamous
Torres pout right now?” Mom laughed, as she finished straightening my hair for
me.

“I’m worried he won’t like me
like this.”

“Sky, a bit of makeup won’t
change how he feels about you. Instead it will make him feel good that you went
to some extra trouble for him, it will show him that you want his focus on you.
You don’t have to wear it every day, but for special occasions you should make
an effort. And a first date with the man you’ve wanted for months counts as a
special occasion.” She held my gaze in the mirror’s reflection, and I nodded.
It made some kind of sense. “Do we need to have the talk now?” she added
quietly.

“Mom!” I protested, rolling my
eyes. We’d had a good heart-to-heart this morning and I’d confessed that I
wanted Nate, that I couldn’t stop thinking about him, that I felt alive
whenever I was near him. She’d given me her blessing to go out with him, but
warned me to spare Pops any passionate details about my dates. Apparently while
he was coming around to the idea that Nate wasn’t the bad guy everyone made him
out to be, he still had some reservations. “It’s a first date, I’m not putting
out on a first date!”

“From what I hear, he has plenty
of experience.”

“And from what I’ve seen, he also
has plenty of patience, for most things. Trust me, it’s not an issue right now.
But I know to be careful when it becomes one. I’m nineteen soon, Mom. I’m not a
kid anymore.” I held her gaze as I slipped in some silver hoop earrings.

“You’ll always be a kid to us,
Sky, no matter how old you get. When I look at you, I can still see that tiny,
beautiful baby girl that I first held in my arms. We’ll never stop worrying
about you, you know that, right?”

“I do,” I nodded with a soft
smile. I stood up and turned to face her. “So, how do I look?” Nate’s message
had said that he was picking me up at three p.m. and that I could wear whatever
I wanted, as long as I felt comfortable and was able to walk a little. That was
it, no other clues. I’d gone with a pair of tight white jeans, my black knee-high
boots that I’d worn for my date with Josh last night, and an off-the-shoulder
black slouch sweater.

“Wonderful,” Mom smiled. “Like
you’re not trying too hard, but you still manage to look sexy and classy with
it.”

“I’m thinking I need to get that
outfit that Sandy wore,” I teased, and she laughed and shook her head. Pops had
made me watch
Grease
earlier in the week, so I’d know why he’d called
Nate “Danny Zuko.” And I had to admit, Nate did give off that bad-boy vibe. I could
see why Pops was a little nervous about me hanging out with him.

“Your dad would have heart
failure to see you dressed like her in that scene. He’s struggling enough with
the thought of you dating, don’t make it any harder on him. How are you feeling?”
she asked, as I checked my watch to see that it was ten to three.

“Excited and terrified all at
once. Like I can’t wait, but I feel nervous at the same time.”

“Butterflies in your stomach?”

“He doesn’t give me butterflies,
he gives me
fireflies
. When I see him, it’s not just a gentle fluttering
in my stomach. It’s explosive, like my stomach’s also on fire. Like he makes me
so happy, I’m radiating their light out for everyone to see.” I grabbed my
small black clutch, packed with my essentials of my phone, the new lip-gloss
Mom had given me, and now tissues. If I’d cried with Josh last night, I had no
idea how my eyes might react tonight. In fact, as I turned around, I needed
them right now, for Mom. She was dabbing her eyes and sniffing. “Mom?”

“I’ll be fine. It’s just my baby
girl is all grown up. If she’s not in love already, she soon will be. Before I
know it, she’ll have left home, be getting married, and then starting a family
of her own.” She fluttered her hands in front of her eyes.

“Are you trying to freak me out?”
I laughed as I went to hug her. “I’m on a first date, with the guy who has a
reputation for never seeing a girl more than a few times. Let’s not get too far
ahead of ourselves.”

“I can’t help it. I miss my
little girl, and I can’t wait to be a grandma.”

“Oh my God,” I exclaimed, letting
go of her. “You and Pops are at the opposite ends of the spectrum. He’ll be
threatening Nate with a shotgun if he so much as tries anything with me, and
you’ll be thrusting lubricant into his arms along with my ovulation calendar!”

“Sky Torres!” Mom burst out
laughing and dried her tears. “Trust me, with the right man, no woman needs
lubricant.”

“
Ewww
, I so didn’t need to
know that! Not listening, not listening,” I sang, quickly covering my ears,
wishing I could take away thoughts of my parents together in that way as I
skipped out of the room. “Thanks for the help, see you later.”

I ran upstairs and found Pops
sitting out on the deck, just staring at the view. He seemed in a contemplative
mood. He’d been bemused at my date with Billy and happy to drop me off to see
Josh, but this date with Nate was obviously bothering him.

“I’ll be going in a minute, I
just came to say bye.” I stood nervously at his side, wondering how he’d react
when he saw my makeup. He looked up and gave me the once over, then nodded.

“You’ve done your eyes, they look
really pretty. So, he’s the one, is he?”

“Yes,” I confirmed, studying his
face to try to gauge his mood, but he said nothing, just nodded with a slight
frown on his face. “I know you don’t like him, that you wouldn’t have chosen
him for me, but you don’t know him. You only know what you’ve heard about him,
and not all of it’s true. You won’t change my mind.”

“I know that, I raised a stubborn
daughter. Just don’t rush things, ok? Be sure you really know him, that he has
changed. He needs to be worthy of you, you don’t need to change for him, ok?”

“Ok,” I nodded, breathing a sigh
of relief that he wasn’t putting his foot down and refusing to let me see him.
My stomach twisted in knots as I heard the doorbell ring and checked my watch.
Dead on three p.m. Pops stood up, but I quickly put my hand on his chest and
shook my head.

“No you don’t. You didn’t go and
give Billy or Josh a lecture, you won’t give Nate one. Besides, he doesn’t know
that I’ve chosen him, and I don’t want you ruining it for me. I’ll see you
later, I’ll text if I’m going to be late.” I kissed his cheek, then cut him off
as he opened his mouth to speak. “Before you say a word, I won’t be having sex,
so you can stop sitting here getting yourself all twisted up about it. See you
tomorrow.” I spun around and headed to the front door, and had just grabbed the
handle when he called over to me.

“Sky, have a good time, ok?”

I looked back at him and nodded,
knowing he’d had to force himself to say it, that it was taking all of his
efforts not to go and tell Nate, in no uncertain terms, exactly what behavior
he wouldn’t tolerate from him. “Thanks, Pops,” I mouthed, then opened the door,
stepped out, and shut it quickly, before he changed his mind and followed me
out.

“Hey,” breathed Nate’s voice as I
stood in front of him, so close I couldn’t even see what he was wearing. But
with my heels on, it was nice to be eye level with those kissable lips. His
breath smelled minty fresh with the faint aroma of coffee, but I noticed the
lack of aftershave. Nate never wore it. He always smelled of citrus body wash,
which I could detect an undercurrent of, and I was pleased he hadn’t tried to
be something he wasn’t tonight.

“Hey,” I replied, my stomach
spinning like horses on a carousel. I stifled a moan as he lifted his right
hand and gently palmed my cheek as he leaned in and kissed the other one.

“Your eyes look stunning,” he
rasped, his voice still holding that rough and gravelly tone that was so,
so
sexy to my ears. “But you shot out of that door so fast, I never got to see
what you’re wearing.”

“Sorry,” I giggled, sounding all schoolgirl
nervous again, which I hated. “Trying to stop Pops from coming out with his
readily prepared lecture and shotgun.”

Nate laughed and stepped back off
the front step, far enough that I had a chance to run my eyes up and down his
body, to drink him in while he did the same to me. I smiled when I saw that
this
was
the Nate I knew, no attempts had been made to fancy himself up.
His dark brown hair was ruffled, like he’d just towel dried it in a hurry. He
was in his favorite worn boots, but had on a new pair of slim-fit ripped black
jeans, a clean white tee tucked in, and a black leather bomber jacket that
looked like it had been distressed over months of wear. In fact, the only
concession he’d made, that I could see, was that he was clean-shaven. None of
that five o’clock shadow he often sported that I found so appealing. It was
him, the guy I’d wanted from the start. He didn’t need to pretend to be
anything other than what he was for me.

“You look gorgeous,” he
confirmed, his eyes lingering on where the domes of my breasts were visible
even through the loose-cut top. I felt my core clench at the thought that he
was observing me through sexually wanton eyes. “You know I love tight jeans on
you, just don’t bend over in front of me or we might have to cut this date
short.”

“Ditto,” I replied, already
knowing how good his ass looked in pants. “So, Ace, where are you taking me?”

“Ace,” he chuckled, as he reached
over to put his hand on the small of my back and started to walk me toward his
car. “You wanted us to show you that we knew you, not to go over the top trying
to impress you, so I tried to find a balance. I’m not sure I can top the fancy
dinner Josh took you to last night though. I’d planned on the drive-thru burger
place, until he dropped that bombshell on me while I was getting ready to leave.
So now I don’t know where to take you to eat later.” The fireflies in my
stomach glowed brightly at the thought that he really did get me, that he’d
planned where I wanted to go all along. But I was also sad that he was now
second-guessing himself.

“He wasn’t supposed to say
anything, but gorgeous as that meal and surroundings were, and they were, they
were
really
fancy, he got that bit wrong. I don’t need fancy. Given the
choice, I’d pick that drive-thru every single time.”

“You would?” Nate met my gaze,
his eyes full of hope, and I nodded.

“Every. Time.” I laughed when his
face lit up, and accepted his offer of a hand into his car when he’d opened the
door for me. His touch on that small part of my body made me feel as if he were
touching me all over. I wasn’t sure how long I could wait to let him do that.
He slid into the car and started the engine. “Am I going to get any clue about
our date?”

“No. Do you trust me?”

“You know I do,” I nodded, as he
shot me a questioning look. He smiled and turned his attention back to the
road, before reaching over to put on some music. The smile didn’t leave his
face as I sang along to the songs while he drove. It was weird. Part of me
wanted to try and impress him, but part of me already knew that I didn’t need
to. Just like I hadn’t needed to around Josh or Billy, either. I could just be
myself, Nate himself, and we were fine. I liked that. That we were comfortable
enough around each other not to change. I looked at him curiously when we drove
out of Boulder City, again when we drove past Henderson and headed left on the
215, but he just had a knowing grin on his face. I tried to contain my
excitement at the thought that we might be heading to Vegas. Other than Nate’s
couple of games and practices I’d come to see, I hadn’t been to Vegas since the
first time with Mom and Pops. We still hadn’t managed our family trip for the
weekend. We couldn’t be going to the stadium now, as I knew he didn’t have anything
scheduled today. He’d picked today specifically because he knew he had the
afternoon and evening free.