Touch Me There (34 page)

If you don’t have a body of water readily available to engage in watsu water shiatsu, you can still bathe one another. This opens the blood ves- sels near the surface of your skin, making your body more responsive to touch, including sexual touch. During this sensuous time, take care of each other’s every need, washing each other, shaving each other, sham- pooing each other—all the while complimenting each other’s bodies and expressing what you love about your partner and your relationship. Dry each other off, wrapping your love in a soft towel or a bathrobe when fin- ished.

Try making love while wearing a silk bathrobe, relishing its fabulous feel against your skin.

Yoga Poses for Total-Body Stimulation

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POSE 10.1:
Couple Cuddle (see picture on facing page)

One lover gets into the resting pose: resting on their knees, forehead to the ground, arms extended backward at their sides. The other lover wraps themselves over the first. Now breathe together, feeling the connection, love, energy, and trust. Cuddle for at least five minutes. Switch positions.
Results:
Couples feel bonded as they exchange heat and energy and ab- sorb the power of touch.

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POSE 10.2:
Tantric Embrace

One partner lies down on their back with arms stretched upward over- head, the back of their hands on the floor. The other partner lies down on top, with their legs straddling their partner. Using the thumbs, the top

YOGA POSE 10.1: Couple Cuddle

partner stimulates the bottom partner’s Spirit Gate acupressure points, which lie on the dip between the wrist bone and the center of the wrist crease (see Figure 12.2 on page 171).

Results:
Fear and anxiety are relieved and harmony is strengthened in this full-body hug, a variation on tantra’s Harmony Bonding pose. Part- ners feel each other’s energy, especially through the heart chakra.

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The Naughty Spots

T

he buttocks deserve a chapter of their own because they are a self- contained playground—plus, people love them so much! Between anal fingering, anal play, anal sex, and working the buttocks, this area of

the body can really keep your hands (and face) busy.

The Buttocks

Whether or not you’re into anal play, the butt itself is an amazing hot spot. Taking into account its curves, texture, size, and meatiness, it is one of the easiest erogenous zones to manipulate, whether you’re spanking it during sex, grabbing and pulling it for deeper penetration during thrust- ing, or holding onto it just because they’re your love buns. The buttocks are also one of the few intimate areas that lovers can touch while they are in public, whether slipping a hand into a lover’s back pocket or giving the butt a playful slap, squeeze, or caress. Furthermore, when you’re out danc- ing, bumping and grinding against your hottie’s backside is a way of show- ing interest in the more advanced moves that might happen off the dance floor later in the evening.

Many lovers like to have their buttocks massaged and gripped during foreplay and sex, and this area can handle a rougher touch than other parts of the body. You can get away with more pressure here than you can

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elsewhere, so enjoy exerting a little more force (though only inflict pain if that’s what your heartthrob desires). Some men and women like being spanked, some harder than others, with the resulting jiggling action send- ing a rippling effect throughout the groin. Nerve endings resonate with pleasure from the light stinging, tickling sensation as the buttocks become redder and redder. Furthermore, genital hot spots, like the scrotum and inner lips, feel the vibrating effects of butt play and ache with desire as a result.

So go ahead—grab, pinch, dig in your nails, or spank your sweetie’s buttocks. During sex play, if the position allows, knead the butt cheeks firmly or tap on them gently. Run your nails along a lover’s back, tickling the area where it meets the butt. Hold or grip the buttocks during sex to direct the angle, speed, and depth of penetration.

You can also play with the butt crease for a different sort of pleasure. Run your fingers or tongue up and down it, and know that lovers, espe- cially those who are timid regarding anal sex, can derive much of the same pleasure from having their butt crease massaged as they would from full anal penetration. For
gluteal sex,
which involves one partner contracting their gluteal muscles while rotating the pelvis as the other partner thrusts a penis or dildo into the crease, lube is a
must,
unless you want a rug burn of sorts, since the crease produces no natural lubrication.

The Anus

Being the external opening of the anal canal, the anus is an area of soft tis- sue folds, wrinkled and puckered in appearance, which may be covered with light or dark hair. The anal area is a major hot spot when you con- sider that the anus and rectum are full of sensitive, responsive nerve end- ings. During sexual excitement, the anus and anal canal are engorged with blood, becoming even more sensitive and aroused when directly stimu- lated. Many couples love engaging in anal sex play, since such acts can end up stimulating a number of other erogenous zones in addition to the anus, like the G-spot and perineum in both sexes, and the prostate gland and bulb of the penis in the male. Furthermore, the rush of doing what culture deems to be forbidden can be thrilling in and of itself, with the mind

getting off on the fact that you’re doing something considered “dirty,” “taboo,” or “wrong.”

Why Is the Anus Such a Hot Spot?

For some individuals, the anus is the most erogenous zone on their body and, for even more people, anal sex gives a deep feeling of sexual pleasure that is unobtainable in other ways. Some women report orgasm during anal intercourse, especially when accompanied by hand stimulation of the clitoris. Gay men also report orgasm during anal intercourse, primar- ily due to stimulation of the prostate—something any heterosexual male can experience as well. Having your partner wear a strap-on with a dildo can enable a man or woman of any orientation to experience the pleasures and sensations of anal sex.

Lastly, as stated in the chapter on the prostate, the forbidden nature of anal play makes it all the more desirable and sexually gratifying. This psychological component is what makes this practice highly satisfying for many lovers.

Anal Myths and Misconceptions

Myth: Anal sex play is only practiced by gay men.

Anal sex is an activity that people of all sexual orientations engage in, whether with a penis, a strap-on with a dildo, or other object. While up to 60 percent of gay men have tried anal sex, less than 30 percent have it regu- larly, with most opting for fellatio (oral sex). Furthermore, a number of surveys have found that 20 to 45 percent of women have engaged in anal sex. The myth and worry that anal play is a gay thing is a result of homo- phobia and misconceptions that say anal eroticism is only pursued by “perverts,” “sluts,” or “weirdos”—basically, sexual minorities.

Myth: The anal area is dirty.

Typically, there’s only a small amount of fecal matter in the anal canal. Furthermore, the anus has far less exposure to germs than any external area of the body. If people have issues with cleanliness during anal play, they can opt to take a shower or bath beforehand and/or be sure to have a

bowel movement or enema (an injection of liquid into the anus) to clear out the rectum.

Myth: Anal play is painful.

While at times anal sex can be uncomfortable, stressful, and painful, it does not need to be any of these things. If done in a relaxed environment with time, communication, comfort, trust between partners, and tons of lube, people can have pain-free anal sex. The anus contains a dense con- centration of nerve endings. When it is relaxed and welcoming to pene- tration, a person will experience pleasure and even orgasm rather than pain. If you experience pain, your body is trying to tell you that some- thing is not working. This warning should be heeded by taking a break from, or changing the process of, anal penetration.

Rules for Anal Play

• You need to want it. If you don’t desire anal play, then it’s not going to be pleasurable, and it may be downright uncomfortable, difficult, and painful. Think of trying to feed a baby when it doesn’t want food. The little one’s mouth clamps up and the baby throws a fit, definitely not making the feeding any easier. Your anus is likely to react in a very similar fashion if you’re not up for having it stimu- lated.
  
• Find the right time and place that will allow you both to be relaxed and where you won’t be disturbed. Anal sex is not “quickie” sex. A great deal of time needs to be devoted to getting relaxed and turned on, and to working the anal sphincter muscle to prepare it for proper, comfortable penetration. Plan for this activity at an uncrowded point in your calendar. Don’t do it, for example, the night before a big test or presentation, when you might be tense and preoccupied. Anal sex requires your full effort and attention.
  
• Prepare for the event ahead of time. Have safer-sex products, lube, a towel, a washcloth, baby wipes, and anything else you need readily available. To deal with cleanliness issues, have a bowel movement and/or take an enema, especially if you are not having well-formed