Toxic Secrets (12 page)

“No problem… jerk,” I mocked, coughing out the derogatory name. It came out a little more harshly than what I’d meant. He wasn't being mean to me, but I didn't like how he'd been blowing me off. Even if I was being Nosey Rosey.

Jaxon popped up straight in his seat and glowered at me. “I’m a jerk because I don’t want to give you the run-down of my life history? I don’t know who you think you are, but, if I want to withhold a detail about my personal life, then that’s my prerogative,” he scolded, pointing to himself while jabbing his finger in his chest. “I don’t appreciate people, especially a young, gorgeous girl that I know is off-limits, invading my personal space.” His clear, blue eyes were seething with annoyance… and lust?

I snapped back at him. “Well, excuse me for trying to find out more about a complete stranger that I’ve spent twenty out of the last twenty-four hours with,” I paused, “and, might I add, took me to my friend’s house while I was totally passed out drunk. Hell, you could’ve even taken advantage of me for all I know!” I shrieked. It was a false accusation, and I regretted saying it as soon as it left my mouth. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that,” I whispered.

He didn’t seem to hear my apology as he removed his sunglasses to show his annoyance with me. His eyes were lowered with a deep wrinkle between his eyebrows. “I took advantage of you?” I couldn’t tell if he was looking at me with wounded eyes or if he was shooting daggers at me. “Are you fucking kidding me? You fuckin’ mauled me on Reed’s couch, and, if I had not stopped kissing you, I’m pretty damn sure you would’ve let me fuck you right then and there,” he barked.

Oh hell… and there it was. He just laid it all out on the table.
I wondered if I should come clean or keep pretending to not remember.

He pressed his fingers to his temples, massaging them intensely. Then, speaking with a lower-leveled tone, he asked me, “Do you fuckin’ realize the kind of trouble I could get in to if that shit were to happen?”

I nodded, feeling numb.

I had to fix this downward spiral fast. I promised Kendra I would play nice, and, honestly, I wanted to. I didn’t like the idea of him being upset with me. I provoked the argument. He'd been nothing but nice to me. I would've never talked to Phillip in a derogatory tone, so why was I acting this way toward Jaxon?

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” I pleaded getting louder with each apology. “I didn’t mean it, and I don’t know why I said it.” I grabbed his arm tightly as I begged. “Please forgive me?” He stopped rubbing his temples when I touched him.

Quickly letting go, I started nervously playing with the zipper on my jacket. Focusing my attention on my fingers, I continued speaking, not waiting for him to answer. “I didn’t mean to pry. I mean, I did, but I didn’t. Mama has always told me the best way to ever learn about anyone or anything is to ask. I know I should filter some of my questions, but I find you intriguing and…” I stopped myself from rambling any further or saying something I would regret later.

Jaxon kept his eyes focused straight ahead, watching people walk through the parking lot. “Courtney, please understand, I’m a very private person. What I told you within the last twenty minutes is more than I’ve told anyone in a very long time. I don’t even tell Reed shit about me.” He turned his head facing my direction. “I’m flattered that you are interested in who I am, but I’d rather we keep it on a need to know basis for now. The less people know, the easier life is for me.”

Feeling his eyes on me, I looked up to meet his stare. “I understand. So do you forgive me?” I winced.

“For what? What you accused me of, or for you attacking me last night?”

Staring at his lips, I thought about our kiss again. I wanted to tell him I remembered, but I couldn’t.
Coward.
“Hey, eyes up here Sweet Cheeks,” he chuckled, lifting my chin with his finger.
Busted!

He released my chin, and I could tell the playful spirit of his that I liked so much was making a comeback. “Yes, I forgive you, but if you’re apologizing for your sexual hunger for me last night, then don’t. I enjoyed the hell out of it, but, please, do me a favor—don’t try it again because next time I doubt I will be able to muster enough self-control,” he said with a cocky smile still perched on his face.

He was so dang charming, and I loved how we could argue then flirt within seconds. Even though my physical attraction to him made me uncomfortable, he still set off an aura that allowed me to feel like I could be myself with him.

The first couple of hours into my shift were boring, but I wasn’t going to complain, considering it wasn’t my night for concession duty. I had the privilege of patrolling each theater for people propping their feet on the back of a seat, people using their cell phones, or people sneaking in snacks or fast food. I usually didn’t enforce the rules, but the one thing I couldn’t stomach was teenagers hiding in the back row, doing things with their mouths and other body parts that should be done in private. Phillip tried to pull that stunt with me once, and I told him he had lost his mind. Some people have no shame.

I could tell it was around the seven o’clock hour because each theater started to get crowded with mostly pre-teens. The adults and kids around my age group usually waited for the ten o’clock shows. I was walking down the aisle when I was suddenly grabbed around the waist and pulled down onto someone’s lap. “Surprise, surprise.” I heard whispered in my ear followed by a light, familiar chuckle.

When I looked around, I saw he was sitting by himself. “Phillip, what are you doing? When did you sneak in here?” I whispered back. I tried to get up, but he had a death grip around my waist.

“I’ve been sitting here since the movie started. I watched you walk in. You were looking in the other direction, though, when you walked up the aisle.”

Turning my head, I tried to face him, but I could only get it turned enough so that my cheek was facing him. “I texted you earlier, why haven’t you texted or called me back?”

“Because I wanted to come here and surprise you,” he whispered so low I could barely hear him. I could feel his lips lightly touch my earlobe, so I turned my head back quickly to face the movie. He apparently took that as an invitation to taste my exposed neck because he slowly licked the sensitive area closest to my ear. Instantaneously, the goose bumps betrayed me.

I jerked hard trying to twist myself out of his tight grasp. He wouldn’t relent. “Phillip, stop! We are not doing this remember?” I was trying to sound forceful, but fear was creeping in… and maybe a little longing.

“Damn, Courtney! You can’t wiggle like that on me and not expect Dr. Philgood to rise for the occasion. He misses you.” He wasn’t lying either. My butt could clearly feel how much he missed me.

“Phillip, I swear if you don’t release me I’m going to scream to the top of my lungs. Now… Let. Me. Go!” I gritted through my teeth. He released my waist but quickly grabbed my wrist before I could walk out of his reach.

I stood glaring down at him. “You agreed to us moving on. Pulling me down onto your lap with a hard-on is not moving on.”

He released my wrist, sliding his hand across my palm to interlace with my fingers. “Okay, okay, you’re right. We did, but you can’t blame me for trying.” He gave me a look indicating he was asking for forgiveness. The derailed train was finding its way back on course. My tensed muscles slowly began to relax. “No, I can’t. I think I know better than anyone what kind of needs you require.” He could interpret that however he deemed fit.

I scanned the seats around me to see if anyone was paying us any attention and felt even more relieved to see all eyes were on the big screen. I squatted beside him so I was at eye level. “I can’t hang out in here but for a few more minutes, so let’s talk. What did you want this morning?”

“Don’t get mad, but I have to take baby steps with this.” He reached up to tuck a few strands of hair behind my ear. It was difficult fighting my intuition to not lean into his touch. “I know you went out on a date last night,” he paused, “although it’s your right to do what you want. I just wish you would’ve told me beforehand. I felt like a fool when people came up to me asking me about it, and you know better than anyone how I don’t like being caught off-guard,” he mocked in a low voice.
Was he silently threatening me?

“Phillip, I—”

He put his hand up to stop me.

“I know you’re probably thinking I’m mad, but I’m not. I’ll be honest though. When I first found out, I was pissed, but I’m over it now. Aren’t you proud of me?” He was sporting the biggest smile, visibly proud of himself.
Was he honestly asking me that?
Of course he was because, for him, to not lash out at me spoke volumes.

“I told you, as long as it wasn’t someone from school, I was going to behave, and I intend to prove to you that I can.” I was in complete and utter shock.
Was Phillip turning over a new leaf?

"Pick your jaw up off the floor, Court, unless you want me to put something in it,” he chuckled.

"Gah, you're such a perv," I said, then walked away before he could stop me again.

I carried on with my nightly duties of cleaning up spilled drinks to having to kick a couple of girls out for starting a popcorn fight. That incident got me fuming when I thought about having to clean up the mess after closing hours. My mind wandered throughout the night thinking about Phillip. I thought about everything Phillip and I had been through over the past few years and what all I had endured from him. I should treat him like the piece of trash he treated me, but, in my heart, I still loved him. And, more so, I was not a malicious person. My thoughts then flipped to what my plans would be after graduation when I had free reign. Time was running out, and I needed to pick a career path. Phillip wanted me to attend the local community college while he was making good use of his basketball scholarship at Wake Forest. His plan was for me to be a stay-at-home wife and pop babies on command. I couldn’t believe I was so stupid to agree to sit around and wait four years for him while he indulged in the fraternity life, partying and having a different girl every night of the week.

I felt overwhelmed with all the possibilities that awaited me and my future when I was jolted from my thoughts with a gentle squeeze on my butt cheek. Spinning around to see who was copping a feel, I came face to chest with a brick wall made of lean muscle—
Phillip
. God, I missed the smell of him. I inhaled deeply then took a step back to look at his mischievous brown eyes.

“Hey, sorry about that, my hand has a mind of its own.” His friends, Corbin and Keith, held their fists up to their mouth trying to stifle a laugh. My face flushed with heat from embarrassment, and I furrowed my brows, cutting my eyes at his immature friends. “Yeah right, I’m sure you did. You do realize we are standing in a crowded lobby, or do you not care?”

Before Phillip could respond, Jaxon came out of nowhere to join us. “Hi, Sweet Cheeks. You mind if I join this little ass-grabbing fan club you got going on over here?” He was twirling my car keys around his forefinger.
Holy shit!
I knew they would meet at some point in time, but I never imagined it would be this soon, much less this type of situation. My heart started pumping blood through my veins at a rapid pace.

“Uhhh…” I stammered, feeling a full-blown panic attack mere seconds from taking place.

My eyes cut over at Phillip to assess his response, and his eyes were blazing with fury as he stared at my keys spinning on Jaxon’s finger.

“Jeanette, who’s your friend?” Phillip asked, scrutinizing Jaxon. His voice was calm, but the use of my nickname told me he was angry. I knew he was mulling over why Jaxon had my car keys in his possession.

Jaxon stepped up with his hand stretched out. “I’m Jaxon, and you are?”

Phillip shook his hand for a brief second then released. “I’m Phillip, a very close friend of Courtney’s.” Jaxon’s friendly behavior suddenly shifted as the recognition of who Phillip was registered.

“So, how do you know Courtney?” he asked Jaxon, taking a step closer to me.

Here was the question and answer I dreaded the most. I was petrified. The voices surrounding me started to sound muffled, and all other sounds were drowned out by my heartbeat thumping in my ears. My face and neck felt like they were on fire, and everything in the room starting spinning. Unable to breathe anymore, I collapsed.

Chapter 12 ~ King of Crazies

This had to be the worst panic attack I had ever encountered. Phillip grabbed me instantly, scooping me up and cradling me in his arms as he quickly headed to my manager’s office. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t swallow. My lungs felt more and more restrained, as if a boa constrictor was wrapping itself around my neck going for the kill. Hyperventilation hit me with full force, pulling my chest tight and filling me with more anxiety than my heart could contain. I was one hundred percent sure I was a beat away from a heart attack. My pulse was pounding in my ears. My vision felt blurred through the haze. 

I felt Phillip gently situate me on his lap as he sat down in one of the old office chairs. I closed my eyes, hoping it would help ease the nauseated feeling growing deep in my stomach.