Toxic Secrets (15 page)

I laughed again. “Well, they’re cute, and they make your already beautiful eyes look voluptuous.”

“Sultry and sexy,” Kendra said nonchalantly, throwing me off track with her random remark.

“Huh?”

“Gah! Keep up, Court! Sultry and sexy is the look I’m shooting for, not cute. Voluptuous is a perfect description, but who wants to be cute?” She rolled her eyes, shaking her head at me.

“Careful there. You’ve exercised those eyes enough in the last few minutes. I’d hate for you to get a migraine,” I giggled and smiled at her, giving her my best smartass grin.

“You’re still a bitch,” she huffed with attitude and stuck her tongue out at me. All I could do was shake my head at her and smile.

Our first stop was the mall. Kendra had the ever-growing list of people to buy for. Her mother left her with specific instructions of who to buy for and what to buy. Even the store to buy it in. Kendra was a chronic shopper, so it never bothered her in the least to do her mother’s bidding.

Thankfully, my list was smaller than usual, as this year I was short on cash. My gift buying consisted of my mom, Kendra, her parents, and Reed. Christmases past saw most of my hard earned cash going directly to Phillip, and I was guiltily excited to disperse those dollars elsewhere, although I was still considering buying something small for his dad.

The mall was overly crowded. Christmas music blasted through the speakers in every store, and women of all ages were wearing some sort of Christmas décor. Small children were running around, either playing or whining while waiting to have their ‘moment’ with Santa, and I absorbed every little piece of it into my merry little heart.

Kendra and I snaked through the crowd at the food court, looking for an empty table to rest our legs and feed our growling bellies. Finding one, we took turns guarding it while the other ordered food. I had my usual gyro from Great Wraps while she ordered from the same place everyone else in the mall flocked to—Sbarro.
Pizza, yuck!

I popped a fresh fry into my mouth, nearly burning it. “So, what are the plans for Christmas and New Year’s?” I garbled, quickly taking a sip of soda to relieve my scorched tongue. I took another gulp, holding the cold liquid in my mouth to bring some relief before swallowing. “I really want to do something different, something fun. What do you think? Any ideas?”

Kendra’s lips broke out into a mischievous grin as she shoved her slice of pizza in her mouth.

“Hurry and chew,” I muttered. “I know you’ve got something up your sleeve with that sneaky grin you’re sporting over there.”

“Hmm, it’s funny you bring this up because Reed and I were just talking about the same thing this morning,” she said, wiping pizza sauce off her chin.

“Well, to be honest, I was kind of thinking about me and you doing something by ourselves, but I’m up for whatever.” What I really wanted was for us to spend some time alone like we used to.

Kendra took in a deep breath, giving me a nervous feeling as to what she was going to say next.

“Hear me out before you say anything or make any decisions, okay?”
Yikes!
This was serious news she was about to deliver. I started to feel a little uneasy.

“Okay,” I said warily.

“We were talking about going skiing up in West Virginia for New Year’s—”

I interrupted her. “Count me in! Why would you think I need to consider going skiing when you know I’ve been dying to go for years?”

Kendra went every year, and Phillip never wanted me to go.  I always gave into his obsessive controlling need to have me close to him. Even though Kendra invited him every year, he always declined. He always used the excuse that it was too dangerous, that he didn’t want to risk breaking a leg or arm, and he didn’t need anything jeopardizing his basketball career.

“Because Jaxon is going.” Kendra almost cringed, as she threw in the monkey wrench.

“Oh.” It was all I could say. Her mentioning Jaxon was the last thing I expected. The guilt settled in the pit of my stomach. Our separation wasn’t fair to him. I knew it from the moment I had made the decision. He treated me with nothing but kindness, and I swept him to the side the same way I did Phillip.

Kendra leaned up from her chair, propping her elbows up on the table. “Okay, here’s the deal… Reed and I really want to go skiing New Year’s Eve, and Reed invited Jaxon to go with us. Reed asked me if it was okay if Jaxon went, too, so I told him sure. Problem is, Jaxon doesn’t want to go because he said he will feel like a third wheel, and he doesn’t want to intrude. Reed really wants Jaxon to go, so he wanted me to ask you if you would come, too.”

“Whoa, slow down and take a breather Kendra. You’re going to pass out from lack of oxygen. I promise you I wasn’t going to interrupt, if that’s what you thought,” I chuckled, shaking my head.

“Courtney?” she said, her voice all whiney. She batted her stupid, fake lashes at me at the same time as popping her bottom lip out.

“Really? We’re resorting to pouting?” I asked, cocking my head to the side.

I stayed mum for a little while longer, tapping my finger against my temple. Not wanting to answer yet, sitting silent, pretending to contemplate my answer. Kendra was used to instant gratification, so I liked making her squirm. I really, really wanted to go, so, if I said yes, was it going to be worth it to me in the end? I guessed I’d never know if I didn’t take that chance. Imagine, little ol’ me, Miss Chicken Little, expanding my horizon. It may not be considered living on the edge to most people, but it was to me.

“Pleeezzz? Wait, no, you don’t have to give me an answer now, but will you please consider it and let me know something by the end of the day?”

And the never-ending begging began. I knew if I didn’t answer, she’d talk the subject to death.

“I’ll go, but you have to promise you won’t announce this on Facebook. My life has been flowing smooth as still water in the past couple of weeks, so there’s no need to lob a rock into it.”

“I promise. You know I’m always good on my word. My goal in life is to make yours better, not worse,” she smiled. Moments like this were why I loved her so much. My secrets were her secrets; taken to the grave.

Kendra threw our trash away while I gathered all of our shopping bags. “Do you think we can find the remaining gifts in enough time to get you back by four o’clock?” she asked, crossing off items on her list.

I smiled at her. “With your shopping expertise, I’m sure.”

On the way home, I debated talking to Kendra about Phillip’s apology. The longer I thought it through, the more I decided to leave it alone. I wasn’t in the mood for fighting, and, when I defended Phillip—which I thought I would—we inevitably ended up in a yelling match. My day had turned out to be nearly perfect, so my lips were staying sealed until further notice.

My thoughts flipped from Phillip back to our earlier conversation about Jaxon. I wondered how Jaxon felt about me going, or if he even knew. “Is Jaxon aware that there is a possibility I’m going skiing?” I sneaked a sideways glance at Kendra to read her facial expression.

She was not giving anything away. “Yes.”

“So… how does he feel about that?” I asked, propping my back against the door so I could assess her better.

Her lips curled up to the side. “He’s pretty damn excited, if you want to know the truth.”

Wow! Blunt much?

She had my curiosity running wild. “Did he say this?”

Kendra suddenly slammed on her brakes then raised her hand, sprouting her tallest finger and shouting profanities at the car in front of us. I sat there taking steady breaths to lower my pulse and decided to sit back in my seat and watch the road so I wouldn’t be taken by surprise again.

Moments later, she carried on our conversation, as if nearly rear-ending the car in front of us had never happened. “Court, he didn’t have to. You could see it on his face… the way he talks, the way he acts when your name gets brought up. He asks about you every day, you know,” she said as she pulled into the theater parking lot. “If you ask me, I think he likes you, but, if you ask him, he says he thinks of you as the little sister he never had,” she frowned. “I think he just doesn’t want to admit he has a crush on you, you know because of the age difference and all.”

“Huh,” I said to myself. In the minimal time I spent with Jaxon, I received so many mixed signals from him that I felt like I was a traffic light on the blitz. I’d admit, I was profusely attracted to him, I would have loved to been his ‘friend’ or even his girlfriend, but I saw too many complications stemming from either.

Kendra parked beside my car, popping the trunk so I could gather my shopping bags. She rolled down the window. “Thank you again for agreeing to go skiing. We are going to have so much fun. You won’t regret it, I promise,” she yelled cheerfully before driving away.

As I unlocked the door to my car, I noticed another envelope lying under my windshield wiper. Pulling it out, I found another card with a single red rose on the cover. I open it up and saw that beautiful penmanship again, the card reading ‘Please forgive me. Phillip.’
How did he know my car was here? Was he stalking me?

Chapter 14 ~ Holiday Surprise

The temperature was hovering around the freezing mark, and a fine dusting of frost blanketed the ground. Christmas Eve in Mayberry was both beautiful, yet chillingly frigid. Every now and then, North Carolina got a hefty dumping of snow, but it looked as if today was going to be more of the customary ice. 
Ugh!
I had a very busy day planned ahead, and hazardous weather was not a part of it.

My radio was firmly set on a station that played all-day-long Christmas music. Dancing around the house, full of cheerful Christmas spirit, I finally finished wrapping the last of my gifts. I was belting along with Johnny Mathis’ ‘Sleigh Ride’ when I faintly heard the doorbell ring. Running down the hall to turn the volume down, I nearly busted my butt on the freshly polished floor. Hastily, I opened the door, sucking in an absurd amount of cold air as I gauged my much unexpected visitor. My heart fluttered momentarily. From fear? From delight? From the abundance of love I still carried for the psycho male species standing before me? So many mixed emotions were tingling through every nerve ending of my body. This boy had me questioning my own sanity.

Phillip’s looks were so deceiving. His GQ physique masked his malevolent persona. My body involuntarily responded before my brain as I drank him in. His lustrous, brown eyes raked over me as I stood stunned, staring at him. His dirty blond hair was shaved close to his head, and he now had a small goatee that made him look a few years older. He stood motionless in my doorway with his hands shoved in the front pockets of his faded jeans.

“May I come in?” he whispered, his head hanging low. His chocolate browns peered up at me behind his dark eyelashes. The demeanor radiating off of him was a mixture of seduction and passiveness. I was unsure of which emotion he was aiming for, and the latter wasn’t his style.

Pulling myself down from the clouds, I quickly got my brain on the straight and narrow path. “Can I trust you, Phillip? Are you going to turn all psychotic on me again?” I huffed, pushing my hair behind my ears. I needed to do something with my hands to hide the nervous shakes he triggered. “I can’t keep doing this with you. I can’t keep letting you take control of my heart,” I pleaded, my hands grasping at my chest. “You break me. You’ve shattered my spirit so many times. The pieces are incapable of being put back together.” Phillip took a step toward me, and I shook my head. “No. Don’t come any closer. Just tell me, what do you want from me?”

Phillip took yet another step forward, reaching a hand up and cupping my face. “I just want your forgiveness, nothing else,” he said softly, shaking his head. “These past few weeks have killed me. I can’t handle not being near you, not talking to you. I know I’ve fucked up, and I understand your anger with me, but, please, I’m begging you, forgive me.” I could see things in his eyes that I had never seen before—regret, shame, sorrow.

Seething, I asked the most obvious question. “Why now, Phillip? Why after all the times you’ve treated me like a piece of shit, why now do you want my forgiveness?”

He stood immobile, a pained expression wrinkling his forehead.

“Answer me, dammit!” I screamed, my fist clenched tight by my sides.

“Because I can’t handle not having you in my life. I’ve tried moving on without you, but I’m not capable, Courtney. Yes, I know I dated other girls, I know I screwed around on you, but none of it replaces you.” He reached forward, and his thumb started caressing my cheek. “I’m not asking for us to get back together. I fucked up. I get that. I’m just asking for your friendship, for your forgiveness.”

My heart was racing a hundred miles an hour as I listened to his words of endearment continue on.

“Did you know Trent came up to me and asked me if he could ask you out? I told him you were free to do whatever you wanted, and that I was not in control of you. Doesn’t that say something, Courtney?” he whispered, his other hand reaching up to cup the other side of my face.

I grabbed both of Phillip’s wrists, lightly pulling his hands from my face. The contact was too intimate, and I didn’t trust myself in his personal space. “Yes, Phillip, it does. I can forgive you, I always do, but I can’t trust you. Believe me, I’ve tried,” I said harshly.

Phillip took one final step closer. “Just give me one more chance, please? I’m begging you, and you know I never beg.” He was starting to freak me out, displaying a new personality I’d never met before. I’d thought my introductions had been made with all of them by now.

“And if you go on one of your crazy rampages, then what? I’m supposed to forgive you again? I can’t keep going through this vicious cycle, Phillip.” I suddenly noticed he had slyly made his way into my house. Standing firmly by the door, I wasn’t about to let him in any further.

“Then don’t make a decision now. Let me show you I can be the person you always desired me to be. I can prove it to you. Just give me a chance,” he pleaded