Toxic Secrets (19 page)

I could hear him laughing behind me saying something along the lines of ‘you’ve got to be joking.’

This time, I flowed smoothly down the mountain. Jaxon passed me then slowed down to let me pass him. We kept up the playful game of cat and mouse until we reached the bottom. He stopped directly in front of me, picking me up in a big bear hug, celebrating my accident-free journey. Jaxon lowered his face to mine.
Was he going to kiss me again? Would I let him?
I closed my eyes, ready for his soft lips to connect with mine. I couldn’t restrain myself this time. I wanted to feel his tender skin, taste his sweet, cool mouth, get lost in him again.

After waiting what felt like an eternity, his forehead connected to mine. His breathing was ragged, and I could smell the sweet, peppermint aroma tickling my senses. “I’m so proud of you. I knew you could do it,” he whispered, restraint evident in his tone. I kept my eyes closed, afraid of losing control if I looked at him.

My breathing was heavy, not from exertion, but from the unwelcomed feelings I was developing for this wonderful, charismatic guy embracing me. Confusion was overcoming my senses again. I was perceptibly attracted to Jaxon, but was I developing a crush? Yes, it was a possibility. He represented all the qualities in a guy I never knew I wanted. Unless I wanted my heart broken later, I couldn’t allow those feelings to grow. He was much older than me, my mom wouldn’t allow it, he lived on the opposite coast, and he would be leaving soon.

Jaxon released me, setting me back on the quickly accumulating snow.

We spent the entire day together, alone. He bought my lunch, ignoring me the entire time I argued, waving my money to the cashier. As the day progressed, the snow changed from dime-size to quarter-size, adding at least six more inches to the amount already lying on the ground. Jaxon and I sent continuous texts to Kendra and Reed throughout the day, both of us deciding to give up when they never responded. At first I was worried, fearful of something horrible happening to them, but after a while my concern became overshadowed by anger. Knowing how sneaky Kendra could be, my intuition was telling me she had this planned all along.

The evening hour was quickly approaching, filling me with anxiety. The snow was coming down relentlessly, and I knew, even if we left right then, our drive home would be treacherous. I was tired, cold, and ready to go home. My hair was in between stages of being wet and frozen, and my stomach couldn’t make up its mind whether it was hungry or nervous.

Jaxon’s phone buzzed, bringing me subtle hope, when suddenly my phone buzzed right after his, indicating I also had a text. My mood lightened a little as I saw Kendra’s name flash on my screen.

K: Hey we r n the main lobby trying 2 find somewhere 2 stay 2nite. Roads r bad!!

The first thought to cross my mind was how much my mom was going to freak and how I would be grounded until I turned eighteen.

I turned to Jaxon, curious to find out who his text was from. “That was Reed. He said to meet them in the main lobby. They’re trying to find a place to stay for the night.” he smiled warmly at me. “You look cold. Let’s get you inside and see what those two crack-heads have planned for us.”

After wasting an hour of arguing over Reed and Kendra’s irresponsibility, we managed to make amends, thaw our limbs and clothes, return our rentals, feed our bellies, and reassure our parents that we were okay. Due to the weather, someone had canceled their reservation at the last minute, freeing up a one bedroom chalet at the bottom of the mountain. It wasn’t exactly what we were hoping for, but it was better than our last option—sleeping in Reed’s truck.

It was early in the night once we got into our chalet, and exhaustion was taking over. The place was small, but suitable for our one night stay. It provided all the amenities we would need, minus an extra bed. I whispered my concerns to Kendra of our sleeping arrangement, but she was dead set on sleeping with Reed. Reed voiced his reasoning of why he was not sleeping with another man when he had a sexy, hot woman to share his bed with. I could have strangled Kendra for telling Reed I didn’t want to sleep in a bed with Jaxon. Taking notice of my discomfort, they offered to sleep on the couch bed, taking all the blame for us being in this predicament to begin with.

Staking claim on the bathroom, I took the first shower. The hot water felt amazing, relaxing my tense muscles from a surprisingly stressful day. I vigorously scrubbed the washcloth over my teeth, trying to clean them the best I could without a toothbrush.

After showering, I put my thermals back on over my panties and bra. I ran my fingers through my hair to disentangle the wet curls, making myself somewhat presentable before going to bed.

Jaxon kept quiet as I crept to the bed, sliding under the covers. There was so much tension building in the small bedroom, I was relieved when he took his turn in the bathroom. I tried to rush myself asleep as he took a shower, hoping the combination of my fatigue and the running water would lull me to sleep before he got out. His shower lasted a whole two minutes. I switched positions, lying on my side with my back facing where he would lie. The room was dark, only a sliver of light was peering from the crack around the bathroom door.

Before exiting the bathroom, he turned the light off. My eyes had already adjusted to the dark, and I could clearly make out his half-naked silhouette as he approached the bed. I feigned sleep as he crawled under the covers beside me.

Lying still for what seemed like hours, Jaxon startled me as I felt him turn his body to face me. “Court, are you awake?” He was whispering, tapping my back. Stretching, I turned onto my back, pretending he woke me up. “I am now, is something wrong?” I whispered groggily.

“We need to talk.”

“About… ?” Oh boy, I was afraid of where this was headed.

“Us. There is something going on with us. I know you feel the chemistry, too. If you didn’t, you would discourage my flirting.” His voice was steady and serious. “I know you remember what happened after the party. I know I hurt your feelings, and I apologize for that. I had to stop before things went any further. I didn’t want to take advantage of you in your condition, that wouldn’t have been fair. Something… something like that should be consensual without alcohol fogging one’s intellect.” He was propped up on his elbow, looking down at me.

My heart fluttered, I was lost for words. He knew. He knew this entire time what I thought was my own personal secret. I felt like a fool. “Why didn’t you say anything? Why did you ask me what I remembered if you already knew?” I was confused why he hadn’t told me this before now.

“I didn’t know how you felt about me. You kept reminding me how you didn’t want a boyfriend, that you were only interested in us being friends. And I can’t leave out the times that Kendra and Reed reminded me you were off-limits,” he sighed. “I occasionally tossed a few hints your way here and there to see what kind of reaction I would get from you,” he huffed. “But—”

I cut him off before he could say anything else I didn’t want to hear. I don’t know why I did it, but it was possibly the most impulsive thing I’d ever done in my life.

Reaching up, I cupped his stubbly face in both hands, and pulled him down until our lips met. He was hesitant at first. The kiss was feather-light, so I grazed my fingers over his ear, through his short, soft hair, encouraging the kiss. He inhaled deeply, his breath ragged, the smell of mint exploding all around me. His lips parted slightly, and the tip of his tongue ran across my bottom lip, asking for an invite.

Accepting the invitation, I opened my mouth, tasting his tongue and the sweetness that fulfilled him. He ran his hand down my arm, sliding it across my abdomen before grabbing my hip, squeezing gently. At that point, the kiss deepened. I trickled my fingers across his jaw line, down his neck, stopping once I reached his nipple rings. I allowed them to explore his chest, fondling the piercings, which caused a moan to escape his lips. He quickly repositioned himself over the top of me, hovering, but not putting any weight on my sensually heated body. His mouth pulled away from my lips, making a trail down my neck, leaving light kisses along my collarbone.

The loud sound of something falling from the other room startled us both, stopping us in mid-action. Jaxon swiftly flipped over onto his back as I sat ramrod straight in the bed. We both sat silently still, only our heavy breathing filling the blank room. We sat motionless a few more minutes, enough time for my mind to clear, to fall from the clouds I had just been floating in.

My heartstrings were pulling me in all different directions, I didn’t want to say the words out loud, but I knew I had to. “Jaxon?” I paused. “What just happened, it can’t happen again. I’m feeling things for you that I shouldn’t. You are leaving in a day, and I can’t allow myself to become attached to someone that lives three thousand miles away. I’m sorry,” I whispered. I lay back down and turned so my back was facing him, feeling a tear escape my eye, I was angry with myself for letting him in.

“I’m sorry too. Happy New Year, Sweet Cheeks,” he whispered back, his words full of melancholy.

Chapter 16 ~ Texting

Dreams… the stories we fantasize about, carnal thoughts coming to life in hopes that they never become exposed.

Waking up confused, I questioned if I ever fell asleep the night before. The warmth radiating off the heavy body wrapped around me was enough to trigger the dreams I sustained.

Jaxon’s legs and arms were folded around me like weaving ivy. I turned the only thing I was able to move—my head. Trying desperately not to wake him, I rested my cheek against the fluffy pillow as slowly as possible. He was facing me, breathing steady, his face completely relaxed and serene.

Staring at him, I observed every detail, scrutinizing his most delicate features—he was almost too beautiful to be a male specimen.

My eyes held their gaze on his lips, remembering the softness and tender way they caressed my skin. The taste, the coolness of his breath, and his tongue as it stroked mine into pure delight. The power it took for me to restrain myself from kissing him again was substantial as he laid there unintentionally tempting me.

Inhaling deeply, I cleared my mind of all things Jaxon and prepared myself for the awkward day that lay ahead. If we managed to omit future conversations of everything that happened beyond taking showers last night, I would be a very happy girl.

A nudge against my thigh, jostled me from my thoughts.  Jaxon’s long, dark lashes flashed open, revealing fiery blue eyes. From the smoldering stare-down he was giving me, I was in some serious trouble. If my calculations were correct, the perpendicular outline of our bodies placed him… well, let’s just say he was suffering from a serious case of morning wood.

The sheer closeness of his man parts didn’t feel restrained.
Was he a hang loose and roam free kind of guy?
My mind was spinning, wondering if he was saluting me or some chick from his dreams.

Jaxon continued to hold my eyes with a sensual glare, and I felt as if he had some kind of power over me, disabling me from pulling away. “Sorry, normally he lets me control his thoughts, but this morning he’s not listening.” His voice was deep and raspy, “Especially when waking up to a beautiful brunette with shimmering green eyes.” His gaze turned more intense. 
Geez! What was he doing to me?

My heart felt a subtle squeeze, almost like a hug. I was very aware of my appearance when I first woke up, and it was definitely not worthy of compliments. His words of endearment were like a foreign language to my ears—incomprehensible. His crude remark should’ve disgusted me, but it didn’t. My insecurity held onto the beautiful and shimmering words, words that were always meant for other girls, not me. 
Why? Why was this happening to me?

“Jaxon, you can’t say things like that to me,” I whispered. My eyelids lowered, breaking the trance.

His warm hand reached up to caress my cheek. “Courtney, I have to be honest with you. I like you. I mean, I 
really
 like you. I know the circumstances are shitty for us but, you can’t run and hide just because another guy finds you attractive or funny or just flat out enjoyable to be around.”

I peeked a little through slit eyelids. “You enjoy hanging out with me?” I asked, scrunching my nose up and, finding it hard to believe. “Nobody enjoys hanging out with me except Kendra, and… well… Reed.”

Jaxon’s hand slid away from my cheek, resting on my shoulder. “They would if you let them,” he smiled, sympathetically. I heard his double meaning loud and clear.

“I’m trying,” I whined. “You have to understand, Jaxon, this is uncharted territory for me. You alone are a huge step in a direction I’m unfamiliar with. Cut me some slack, please?”

He leaned up, propping himself on one elbow. The covers fell from his chest, gathering at his waist. I wanted to stare at all of his glorious beauty, but I wasn’t taking a chance at getting caught again.

“What do you mean uncharted territory? We can remain friends, no strings attached.”

I twirled a piece of loose thread from the sheets around my finger. “I’ve never had a guy friend.”

“Never?”

I shook my head, “Never. I know, how pathetic huh? I just can’t imagine telling a guy all my deep, dark secrets. I don’t think it’s possible to share a bond like what I have with Kendra without developing feelings for the guy, of course, unless he’s gay.” I chuckled.

He laughed, “You’re just young and inexperienced. You need to live a little, put yourself out there and take a chance every now and then.”

I laughed a little in return. “What do you think I’m doing now? This,” I waved my hand around to indicate us, “is taking chances. This is a huge leap for me.” Sitting up in the bed, I folded my legs Indian-style. “Besides, how can we remain friends when we have enough chemistry flowing through us to score an ‘A’ in the class?”

He raised one eyebrow up at me, “Really? An ‘A’?” he said more to himself, nodding his head. My eyes rolled as I regretted my words.