Toxic Secrets (20 page)

“Look, I think it’s sweet that you want to be my BFF, but I just think it’s a bad idea. We’ve already crossed the line on two occasions…” I paused, thinking, “You know what? I’m the young and inexperienced one here, so why am I making the mature and more reasonable decisions?”

He scooted back in the bed, propping his back against the headboard. Hesitating before answering me, he caused my mind to temporarily wander. “I don’t know, I’m just trying to help you explore, experience all the things you’ve missed in the last few years.” His voice sounded agitated. 
Was he thinking about Phillip?

We sat in silence, neither of us looking at each other. After what seemed like minutes slowly ticking by, Jaxon’s voice startled me. “Courtney, your personality is pure. You’re full of life. Just being in your presence makes my soul content, and I like the way I feel when I’m around you. It’s not just the physical attraction that draws me to you. It’s your character too, the person you are on the inside.” Feeling his eyes on me, I couldn’t gain the courage to look at him.

Still not looking at him, I shook my head. “How can you say that? You barely know me. I appreciate your flattery, but there is nothing special about me. I’m just a plain, little ol’ country girl, living in a small town with no goals for my future,” I sighed. “I haven’t even decided on a college to attend, or, better yet, what career path to take.” Speaking those words aloud to him made me feel like a failure.

“I know more about you than you think,” he murmured.

He reached over to place his fingers under my chin and lift my face up. “Look at me.” I obeyed his command. “Fuck the last four years. Now is the time for you to become the person you’re destined to be without someone dictating your future. You have plenty of time to figure out what you want to do. Who says you have to start college immediately after graduation. I didn’t, and look at me.” His tone was solemn. He honestly believed there was hope for me. “Now that Phillip is out of the picture, you have nothing holding you back.”
Shit!
I should tell him that Phillip and I made a truce, but I decided it was best not to. It really was none of his business.

I blew the few strands of hair hanging in my face. “You know, I think the earth is shifting.” He lifted an eyebrow in question. “I think you just gave me brotherly advice, or would that be fatherly advice?” I snickered.

Jaxon swiftly sat up, giving me no warning as he pushed my shoulders, causing me to fall back onto the bed. “Shut up! You’re such a brat!” he laughed.

Lying on my back giggling, Jaxon attacked my ribs with wiggly fingers, which quickly turned into breathless laughter. He was tickling me on my belly, inner thighs, armpits, anywhere he could gain access to. “I’m going to tickle you into submission. Now admit you’re worthy,” he huffed.

He had no idea what kind of war he had just declared on me. I loathed to be tickled. I mean, it literally made me angry. It was as if once my tickle zones were attacked, my legs would start rotating like pistons, kicking vigorously. I had absolutely no control over them.

Nine times out of ten, the “tickler” usually got hurt, and poor Jaxon fell into the ninety percent bracket. Not sure what my heel made contact with, but I heard a grunt fall from Jaxon’s mouth followed by a few curse words.

Shooting up on my knees, I looked Jaxon over to assess the damage. Immediately, I felt horrible. Jaxon’s hand was cupping his mouth and nose.

“I’m so sorry, let me see,” I cried, trying to pull his hand away from his face. I was horrified when I saw all the blood. “Oh my gosh, Jaxon! Get in the bathroom so we can clean you up.”

“I’m fine, Sweet Cheeks. It’s just a nosebleed. I get them all the time,” he muffled through his hand while walking into the bathroom.

Practically on his heels, I followed right behind him.

“So I didn’t do that then?”

He laughed, “Oh yeah, you most certainly kicked me in the face,” he paused, blowing his nose, “but it doesn’t take much to make my nose bleed.”

Grabbing a wet washcloth from the shower, I started wiping the blood from Jaxon’s chest. “What the hell, woman!” he exclaimed, jumping back from my reach. “That shit’s cold.” He reached across me to turn the hot water on. “Bloody my nose, freeze my nipples, give me blue balls, what else are you going to do to me today?” 
Blue balls? Did I invade his dreams?

I doubled over laughing. “All those things were done unintentionally… especially the last part. And correct me if I’m wrong, but, if you hadn’t tickled me, we wouldn’t be in this situation to start with,” I said, flashing him a smug grin.

“You could’ve warned me, ya know. How was I to know a sexy set of slender legs would kick my ass?” He was standing in front of the mirror, wiping the blood off his chin, neck, and chest. Standing behind him, I closely observed the winged tattoo I saw the morning after the party. I openly eyed the set of angel wings embracing a heart with a halo hovering above it on his left shoulder. The names Jacqueline and Zoey were elegantly etched in calligraphy inside the heart, and the word ‘forever’ below them.

Glancing up, I felt the playful banter escaping right out of the tiny room. Jaxon was watching me through the mirror. He stood motionless, giving me a blank stare. “Go ahead and ask. I know you want to know.” His tone told me he was perturbed. Laying the bloody washcloth down, he stretched out his arms to brace himself against the sink, his head hung low. Under any other circumstances, I would’ve gawked at the muscles stretched tightly across his back, but this was not the time to ogle.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” I whispered.

Not meaning to, I lightly traced my fingers over the names. He inhaled a deep breath, holding it in a few seconds before loudly releasing. The inner pain he was battling was visible. “Jacqueline was my mother. She died while giving birth to me, and you already know Zoey was my gramma. She died a couple of years ago from breast cancer. Now, if you don’t mind, can we talk about something else?” he asked, looking over his shoulder, his eyes cutting through me.

The sharpness of his voice caught me off guard, and instantly my defenses kicked in. “First of all, I didn’t ask. Second of all, you don’t have to be so rude. If you didn’t want to talk about it then you shouldn’t have brought it up,” I seethed. When he told me he didn’t like talking about his personal life, he wasn’t joking.

He turned around and rested his butt against the sink, with his arms folded across his chest. “Well since you’ve admitted to being intrusive, I figured I better give you the info that you want.”

My face was tingling with heat as anger dissipated throughout my body. “By looking at the design of your tattoo, I believe I have enough common sense to recognize you’ve lost people close to you, so I wasn’t going to pry.”

At first I was overwhelmed with sympathy; losing someone you loved was profound to me. I couldn’t fathom the grief he must harvest. But now, his insolence was steering me further from any compassion I held for him.

“Maybe not at the moment, but you would have eventually.” His behavior was very condescending.

My mind was boggled. How did we go from joking and goofing around to vile attitudes and nasty accusations in zero point six seconds?

I shook my head.

“You’re such an ass!” I yelled, slamming the bathroom door behind me.

Taking my frustration out on the overstuffed garments, I picked up my ski attire, and yanked them on over my thermals. Tears started stinging the back of my eyes, forcing their way out. I blinked rapidly, fanning them, trying to dry them away. My feelings were hurt and I was angry, but it didn’t erase the guilt I felt.

Thinking he was so much different than Phillip, the converse personalities didn’t vary much at all. I didn’t want Jaxon thinking he could manipulate me. I was not the bad guy here, and I wasn’t apologizing.

Kendra came barreling through the bedroom door. “What the hell is going on in here?” Swiftly, I swiped at my eyes, erasing all traces of tears.

Throwing my happy face on, I kept myself busy to avoid making eye contact with her. “Nothing. Jaxon and I were just joking around,” I said, using my bubbly voice.

“Oh. Well I heard a door slam and before that I thought I heard y’all arguing.” Reed walked up behind her, peering through the doorway.

Keeping my head down, I pulled the sheets up on the bed. “Arguing? What would we be arguing about? All you heard was me kicking his ass when he found my tickle spots,” I laughed a little fake.

“Ah, damn!” Reed snorted. “What kind of injuries did you sustain?” he yelled at Jaxon through the door. I prayed Jaxon could hear our conversation and play along.

“Nothing bad, just a little nose bleed. I’ll be alright,” he yelled back. All traces of hostility toward me disappeared from his voice. “You guys should have told me her legs were like a machine,” he chortled.

Three hours later, we were back on the road heading home. Jaxon and I hadn’t spoken to each other since I slammed the bathroom door on him. After the first hour, I think Reed and Kendra were onto us, knowing something quirky was going on. Neither one asked questions, nor included us in their conversations. I was thankful to Kendra for giving me a little space.

The drive home was taking longer than the two hours it took coming up. The snow had fallen throughout the night, giving the road crew less time to clear the highway. Reed had to keep the truck in four-wheel drive due to some unplowed areas, causing us to merge into one lane.

After we traveled through West Virginia, the road conditions improved. The further south we drove, the less snow we encountered.

Now that I didn’t have to stay alert anymore, I rested back against the head rest in hopes of relieving some tension. I felt a pesky headache coming on from my stressful morning.

My phone buzzed with a text, waking me from my doze. Jaxon’s name appeared, puzzling me. I never programmed his number, in fact, I didn’t have his number.

J: I apologize 4 my behavior.

I held my phone, staring at it, contemplating whether or not I wanted to respond. I preferred the words ‘I’m sorry.’ I gave in, like I always did with everyone.

My phone quickly buzzed again.

J: I told u I don’t do well revealing personal biz. Am I 4given?

Me: Doesn’t sound like much of an apology.

J: Plz SC? If u knew me well enough, which I hope u will, u will know I don’t do apologies.

SC?
Was he meaning Sweet Cheeks?

He didn’t hand out compliments, didn’t give apologies, but, here in a matter of days, he was admitting to breaking his own rules. Was he lowering his standards or was he really that fascinated with me?

Me: Why me? Why are you so intrigued by me?

Sneaking a peek at him, I watched his thumb rapidly tap over the phone. As soon as his thumb stopped moving, I awaited his reply.

J: I told u already. No need 2 repeat.

Before I could text him back, my phone buzzed again.

J: Plz don’t make me go back to Cali w/out our friendship :(

A sad face? That was classic. I stifled a giggle before Reed or Kendra could ask what I found so funny. Then, cutting my eyes over to Jaxon, I found him watching me and waiting for my reaction. His bottom lip was puckered out, pouting. A big grin started to spread across my face, I couldn’t stop it. Once again, he was that one word he disliked being called—adorable.

We had one issue to discuss or we were a no-go.

Me: If we’re going to continue talking to each other, we have to open up to one another. I know this is unstable ground for you to tread on, but it’s one of the most important elements required in a friendship. Deal?

Keeping my head down, I tried to get a view of him from my peripheral vision, unsure of what his reaction would be. If he agreed, I could only think that he truly valued the person he thought I was. Waiting for him to decide, I sat there holding my phone in my hand.

It buzzed once again.

J: I can agree 2 that, but I can’t guarantee it 2 b an easy ride. U have 2 b patient w/ me. Let me take baby steps. Ok?

My heart swelled.

J: BTW u busted my top lip. I think I deserve a kiss. :*

J: U know, 2 make it feel better and all.

Now a kissy face? His charisma was killing me. I texted back what I wanted to do, but couldn’t.

Me: LOL

Our silent conversation in the back of Reed’s truck was something I would remember for a long time.

J: Laughing? I’m suffering over here and ur laughing @ me? :/

J: Look @ me