Tracie Peterson (30 page)

“I’m not surviving, Brook. I’m only existing . . . and barely doing that.” Ashley stared into the flames. “I thought I had everything. The perfect house. The perfect life. The perfect marriage.”

“You’ll feel that way again. You just have to give yourself time to heal.”

“It’s more than that,” Ashley replied sadly. “I can’t explain it, but it’s more.”

“Is it because you can’t have more kids?”

“Partially,” Ashley answered honestly. “But there’s more.”

“What is it?” Brook lightly touched her sister’s shoulder. “Please tell me. You know I won’t say anything to anyone else unless you want me to.”

Ashley drew a ragged breath and a sob escaped her throat. “He lied to me,” she barely uttered.

“Who lied?” Brook asked.

“Jack.”

“Jack lied to you?” Brook shook her head in confusion. What could Jack have possibly done to Ashley at this point? “What did he lie about?”

Ashley shrugged and wiped furiously at her tears. “I’m not even totally sure.” Her voice broke and she gave a harsh little laugh. “I can’t remember.”

Brook felt completely confused. “Then how do you know he’s lying?”

“Because I caught him in part of it today.”

“Part of it? What did he say today that was a lie?”

Ashley turned to look at Brook. “He told me I wasn’t in the office on the day of the accident.”

“And that was a lie? How can you be sure?” But even as Brook questioned her sister, she remembered Jack having said something to her shortly after the accident. Something about Ashley having been on her way home from seeing him at the clinic.

“Shelly told me I was there.”

“I just remembered something,” Brook said, knowing that she couldn’t keep it from her sister. “Jack told me you were on your way home from seeing him at the clinic when the accident took place.”

“See,” Ashley said, her voice nearly pleading. “See, I told you. When we pulled into the parking lot at the clinic, I felt strongly that something had happened there. I just knew that I had been there the day of the accident. It’s not the first time it’s happened. Jack had me at the clinic once before. It was Memorial Day weekend and we were headed up here. I felt it then too.”

“Do you ever actually remember anything? Anything specific?” Brook questioned, hoping that by talking about it, her sister might release some of her grief.

“No, not really,” Ashley replied. “But now I’m troubled by more than not remembering. Now I know that Jack doesn’t want me to remember for some reason, and that’s what really scares me. What if I went there and told him about the baby and he wasn’t happy? What if he said something mean and we argued?”

“I can’t imagine Jack being that way, Ashley. After all, you told me he wanted another child.”

“I thought he did, but maybe I misread him. Maybe he changed his mind, and when I came to tell him, we fought about it.”

“But surely someone else would have overheard you fighting.”

“Maybe they did. Shelly looked as though I’d just announced plans to bomb the place when I mentioned knowing that I’d been there on the day of the accident.”

Brook shook her head. “You’re absolutely sure that she was upset?”

“She lost the color in her face. She stammered and seemed
very
upset by the topic.”

“Did she give you any real details?”

Ashley turned back to the fire. “No. You and Jack came down the hall about that time.”

Brook remembered the moment. “She did seem upset.”

Silently, Ashley nodded her head. “I know there is something more going on. I just can’t figure out what it is and it’s driving me insane. This sadness is threatening to eat me alive, and I have to find a way to exorcise myself of its control.”

Brook closed the rest of the distance and embraced Ashley tenderly. “I’ll help you figure it out. I promise to stay and help you as long as you want me here.”

“I wish you never had to leave,” Ashley said, putting her head on Brook’s shoulder. “You’re the only one I can trust to understand. The only one who won’t think I’m crazy.”

Brook hugged her tightly and knew in that moment that if Ashley needed her to stay forever, she would easily give up her career in New York. There had to be a way to break through the pain and veiled mystery of the accident. There had to be a way to release Ashley from the hold of her demons.

“I won’t let you go through this alone,” Brook whispered.

Chapter 26

Mattie stared down at the packet of letters from Mavis. What secrets would be unleashed by this Pandora’s box? What could Rachelle have finally decided needed to be said before she could die? The thought of opening each one and reading them before giving them over to the girls crossed Mattie’s mind.

As she thought of the girls, Mattie felt overwhelmed with sorrow. She had never known such stubbornness in all of her life. When the girls were little, they had always been a handful. But now, as adults, they were almost impossible. Connie had closed her heart to her siblings, and everyone else seemed to accept it without challenge. Deirdre hardly acted like herself these days, and Mattie couldn’t help but fear something was horribly wrong in her life. Maybe the problems in her marriage had escalated and she didn’t want Mattie to know.

For nearly two days now, Mattie had tried to talk to Erica, Deirdre, and Connie by telephone. It was her hope to see the girls forgive one another and work through their problems, but now after talking to a decidedly bitter Erica, Mattie had reached her limit of tolerance. Erica felt it was Connie’s place to apologize, then mentioned that she’d made the mistake of trying to explain the situation to Brook. When Mattie asked if Brook offered any suggestions, Erica had begrudgingly admitted that Brook thought the entire matter was nonsense. Without saying so, Mattie agreed. Enough was enough.

Mattie figured if that’s the way they wanted it—if they couldn’t see what they were doing to themselves—then maybe it was time she showed them. She threw the packet of letters onto the kitchen table
and decided to get down to business.

With determination and purpose, Mattie decided to implement a plan she’d considered for some time. She headed first to the dining room, where she cleared the table of its ornate candlestick holders and brocade table runner. Then, taking out a plastic matting that she’d had cut for this table, Mattie covered the beautiful mahogany wood. Next, she pushed the chairs back against the wall and went to her sewing room.

Taking her rotary cutter, ruler, and pins, Mattie moved through the house with one goal. If the girls refused to see the situation for what it was, Mattie could think of only one way to prove her point.

Entering the sewing room, Mattie looked at the award-winning quilt and paused to pray. “Lord, I just want them to understand the importance of being together—of being whole. I think this is something you’ve been showing me for some time, and now I feel that the time has come for action. Please help them to see and understand. Please let them come back—if not to me, then to each other.”

At eight-thirty that evening, it was still light enough to sit in the gazebo and work on her project. Mattie had turned on the light, nevertheless, knowing that her eyes didn’t see quite as well as they used to. As the sun spilled into a hazy blend of colors on the horizon, Mattie worked with an inspired diligence. She finished the first side of her fourth wall hanging just as Harry came whistling down the walkway.

“Mattie? You down here?” he called.

“I’m in the gazebo,” she replied. “I thought you might row over this evening. I guess you decided to drive instead.”

Harry walked up the steps of the enclosure and took off his ball cap. “I was just too tired. It’s been a busy week.” He sat down opposite Mattie at the picnic table and motioned to her project. “That looks mighty familiar. Similar pattern to that quilt you won all those prizes with, isn’t it?”

“It’s not just similar, Harry. It is the quilt. I’ve cut it apart,” she said, trying to keep her voice even.

Harry looked confused. “Why would you do that? I heard someone offered you twenty thousand for that quilt.”

“They did,” Mattie said, putting her sewing down for a moment. She touched the piece fondly. “I’m doing this for the girls.”

“I think it’s pretty,” he commented, seeming at a loss for words. “But I liked it better when it was all together.”

“I did too,” Mattie said with a smile. “And that’s the point.” She picked up the piece again, feeling no need to explain any further.

Harry seemed to sense Mattie’s mood and stared off at the lake. June bugs buzzed at the bulb overhead, and off in the distance a choir of bullfrogs had begun their nightly chorus. Harry sighed and after the third time, Mattie couldn’t help but ask him what was wrong.

“Wrong? I didn’t say anything was wrong,” Harry replied.

“You didn’t have to.” Mattie put the sewing down once again. “Don’t you think after all these years that I know when you’re upset about something? Do you want to come clean with me or do I need to play twenty questions?”

“No need for games,” Harry answered. “I guess I’m just sort of rattled about the wedding plans.”

“How so?”

He shrugged. “Just seems like a lot of fuss for a single event. And try as I might, I can’t get excited about it.”

Mattie heard the resignation in his voice—the same resignation that edged his conversation every time mention was made of his upcoming marriage to Sarah Hooper.

“Harry,” she began, “this is a very important part of your future. Maybe the most important act you’ll make as an adult.”

“It doesn’t feel that way to me,” Harry said, shaking his head. “It just feels like a big . . .” His voice went silent.

“Mistake?” Mattie questioned.

He looked at her in stunned silence. Then finally, after what seemed to be an eternity, he nodded. “I guess it does.”

“How long have you been feeling this way?” Mattie asked.

“I guess about the time Rachelle died,” Harry admitted.

Mattie nodded. “About the same time the girls came home.”

“I suppose.”

“I think you more than suppose, Harry. Do your feelings have anything to do with seeing Ashley again? Are you still in love with her?”

“Nah, I don’t think Ashley and I knew what love really was back then,” Harry admitted. “I think I was already thinking about this long before they showed up. But after talking with . . .” His voice faded.

“Did one of them help you see things more clearly?” Mattie asked with a curious interest.

“I guess I’d have to say that Connie caught my attention.”

“Connie?”

Harry grinned rather sheepishly. “I know what you’re thinking. Leave it to me to be intrigued by the biggest challenge.”

“You can’t go after anyone until you deal with Sarah.”

He nodded. “I know. And it’s not fair for her to go on making plans for a wedding that shouldn’t be taking place.”

Mattie reached across the table. “Harry, you have to come clean with her right away. She’ll be hurt, but it’ll just get worse if you let this thing stretch on. The closer it gets to the wedding date, the harder it will be.”

“It’s just that I’m not sure what to do. How can I explain to her it’s just not right for me?”

“Maybe you could start by telling her
why
it’s not right. Tell her how you feel—or rather, don’t feel. No woman should want to marry a man who doesn’t love her.”

Harry bowed his head. “I really tried to love her. I thought long and hard about it. I knew I wasn’t getting any younger and I wanted to marry and have a family. I guess God just kept hounding me—showing me it wasn’t right, that I didn’t truly love her. She’s a very nice woman, but she’s too much like Ashley. She wants things I can’t possibly give her.”

“Then just tell her that,” Mattie said softly. “She may not understand, but she’ll be grateful in the long run.”

“I guess you’re right. It’s been weighing on me for a long time. I just hope you know that Connie didn’t cause any of this. I felt this way before she came back to the farm. It’s just that when I saw her and talked with her, there was a spark of something that was clearly missing in my life with Sarah. I knew that I couldn’t go ahead with the wedding.”

Mattie carefully put away her sewing and got to her feet. “Go home, Harry. Go home and call Sarah. Tell her you need to talk to her. Don’t put it off. And whatever you do, don’t break the news to her over the phone, and don’t take her anywhere. Just meet up with her at her house and sit and talk. That way, when you’re done, you can leave and she will have the comfort of home.”

Harry followed Mattie’s example and stood. He looked longingly across the lake. “I wish it would just go away,” he said, sounding very much like he had when his mother had taken sick.

“I know you do, Harry. But wishing won’t make it so. Pray about it. Pray and then trust God to help you get through it. It won’t be easy, but it will be for the best.”

His head was bent, intent upon the ball cap he turned round and round in his hands. Finally he nodded. “Guess I’ll be going.”

“You call me if you want to talk,” Mattie said as he moved past her.

He reached up to help her down the steps. “I will, Mattie. Thanks for understanding.”