Tracie Peterson (26 page)

Morgan continued to cry but did as she was told. Deirdre felt like some sort of monster as she made her way downstairs with Morgan still sobbing. She had just opened the door when Mattie came down the hall.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, seeing Morgan’s tears and the suitcases in Deirdre’s hands.

“We’re leaving. I suppose it’s just as well. Dave had to cancel the trip and he wants us to come right home.”

Mattie frowned as if sensing there was something more to the situation. “But what about Morgan? She can stay, can’t she?” At this, Morgan wrapped herself around Mattie’s waist and buried her face against Mattie’s dress.

“No, she can’t stay,” Deirdre replied. “Dave said we were to both come home.” She opened the door and marched out to the car. Morning dew caused the grass to glisten, and overhead gray billowy clouds suggested rain.

Mattie and Morgan walked out together and had just reached the car as Deirdre slammed the trunk closed. “Get in the car, Morgan.”

“Can’t I please stay?” she pleaded.

“Don’t argue with me.” Deirdre let the exasperation show in her tone. “I know you want to stay. I wish I could let you, but Daddy wants us home.”

Morgan began to cry even harder and finally Mattie came to the rescue. “Say, how about I come visit you one of these days and maybe your daddy will let you come back to the farm with me?”

Morgan wiped at her eyes and sniffed. “Do you think so?”

“I don’t know why not. We’ll talk to him about it as soon as he can get his big case solved. Okay?” Mattie bent over to kiss Morgan’s cheek.

This seemed to appease the child. “I love you, Grammy,” she said, throwing her arms around Mattie’s neck.

“I love you too, Morgan.”

“Come on,” Deirdre told her daughter. “We’ve got to get a move on.”

She didn’t know why she was in such a hurry. In fact, truth be told, she felt like not showing up at home for days—just to make Dave pay for the misery he’d heaped upon her. If it weren’t for worrying Mattie, she’d do just that. She’d drive off in the opposite direction and disappear for days. Maybe even weeks.

“Don’t you want to wait and say good-bye to your sisters?” Mattie questioned Deirdre.

“They don’t care about anyone but themselves. Somehow we got to talking about your quilt last night and that made us just fight more. Even Erica managed to tick me off. I’m tired of their attitudes and it’s probably best I just go. Otherwise I might say something I’ll regret.”

“Well, if you’re sure that’s what you need to do,” Mattie said. “But you know how I feel about anger and arguments.”

“Yes, I do,” Deirdre replied sadly. “But it’s too late. We let the sun go down on our anger, and we even slept on it. I think it will be with us for a long, long while.”

Chapter 21

Connie soon followed her sister’s footsteps. She was bounding down the steps just as Mattie came inside from telling Deirdre goodbye.

“I suppose you’re leaving too?” Mattie questioned.

“I’m tired of always being picked on in this family. I can’t do anything right by anyone. I thought about it last night and decided I’d rather go home to be alone than have to deal with Erica and Deirdre’s snide comments.”

“They only care about you.”

Connie stopped and shifted her backpack. “I don’t think they do, Grammy. I’ve tried to be more open to them, to see that they care, but all they want to do is show me how I’m living my life wrong and how I need to do things differently. They want me to be successful, but only if I honor their definition of the term.”

“It doesn’t have to matter,” Mattie suggested. “They have to live their own lives and so do you. But, Connie . . .” Mattie let her words fall away. She eyed her granddaughter quite seriously. “I don’t want you to be naïve. You don’t have to live up to their standards, but there is a higher standard that you have been raised to follow.”

“Not you too, Grammy,” Connie said in complete exasperation. “Does everyone have to come down on me? I know I’m not perfect. I know I’ve made mistakes—that I will make more mistakes in the future. I’m trying to change—I’m trying to do better.”

Mattie patted her arm gently. “I wasn’t trying to come down on you. I just wanted you to know I care. I think that’s all your sisters really wanted to say. Maybe they aren’t using the right words, but I
think the sentiment is there.”

“I doubt that. They don’t really care about me.” Tears began to stream from Connie’s eyes. “I’ve never felt like they wanted me in this family. I’ve never fit in.”

“Maybe that’s because you’ve never wanted to fit in,” Erica said, coming down the stairs. “I’m so tired of hearing you play the outcast. It’s like a Broadway play that’s gone way past the point where it should have been closed down.”

“Erica, that was hardly kind,” Mattie said, turning to her youngest granddaughter.

“See what I mean, Grammy?” Connie asked, turning to frown at Erica.

Erica, hands pushed deep into her black jeans, shrugged her shoulders. “It’s true, and everyone feels the same way. I may be the youngest, but even I know that a person’s place in the family depends on what you’ve chosen for yourself. If you don’t want to fit in—you won’t.”

Connie dried her eyes and sniffed loudly. “Wisdom from one so young. If you’re so secure in your position, why are you having such trouble saying yes to your wonderful Christian boyfriend? Isn’t marriage what you’ve always wanted? You condemn me for my actions outside of marriage, and maybe I have been wrong—”

“No maybe about it, you know what we’ve been taught.”

Mattie quickly interceded. “Enough!” She shook her head at the two women. “I just listened to Deirdre go off angry, and now you two are at each other’s throats. I don’t know where it was that I missed the boat in raising you, but I thought that I’d instilled better values and principles.”

“Sorry, Grammy,” Connie said, turning to head for the door. “I know I’ve worn out my welcome. I’ll just go.”

“You’re always wanted and welcomed here, Connie,” Mattie said seriously. “You can tell yourself many things, but this farm is mine and I say who is and who isn’t welcome.”

“But it won’t fit into her plan if somebody loves her for real,
Grammy,” Erica said rather haughtily. “That’s why she won’t commit to a real relationship.”

“Is that so?” Connie questioned. “Then what’s your excuse?”

Mattie felt a supreme sense of frustration with both of them. “I said enough and I meant it! Now, either apologize or go your own way, but stop this bickering. You’re saying things that are mean and spiteful—things you’ll one day regret.”

Connie nodded. “I’ll call you later, Grammy.” She kissed Mattie on the cheek, then headed to the door, ignoring Erica.

Mattie didn’t try to stop her. Nor did she try to stop Erica half an hour later. Instead, she walked out onto the porch and watched the last of her granddaughters drive off. She stared out after the car, long after the dust had settled and the vehicle disappeared from sight. Finally, in complete dejection, she sat down on the front porch swing and tried to sort through her emotions.

“Lord, they are so lost and hurt,” she murmured. “I just can’t help them anymore. It’s going to be up to you.”

She smiled at that thought. She almost laughed out loud to imagine God’s relief that she was putting Him in charge of something she’d been struggling with for years. But could she really just let it go? After a lifetime of giving herself over to her granddaughters, could she really just walk away from their suffering and allow God to work without her?

She rocked in the swing long past breakfast and was still rocking there when Harry’s pickup came roaring down the drive. He caught sight of her on the porch and slowed considerably before stopping altogether.

“You okay?” he asked, bounding up the front porch stairs. “You weren’t at church and I got worried.”

“Oh, Harry, how sweet of you.” He really was like a son to her. “I’ve just been sitting here wrestling with God.”

Harry grinned. “Who’s winning?”

Mattie laughed. “Who do you suppose?”

His grin broadened and he nodded. “I’m pretty sure I know.”

He settled himself on the porch rail, seeming totally unconcerned for his dress slacks. Mattie thought to say something, then decided against it. Maybe she just needed to stop trying to mother the world.

“I see the cars are gone,” he commented nonchalantly. “Did the girls go home already?”

“Yes, I’m afraid so. Deirdre got a call from Dave. Seems he can’t leave work long enough to take their trip. He insisted that she and Morgan come home immediately. Morgan was heartbroken and cried and Deirdre just seemed hurt and angry. She was still mad at her sisters, but madder at Dave. Connie decided she’d had her fill and Erica quickly followed suit. And me, well . . . I was just sitting here feeling sorry for myself and explaining to God how He should take charge of this project.”

Harry nodded. “Sometimes that’s easier said than done.” He glanced at his watch and grimaced. “I’ve got to head out. I’m supposed to have dinner with Sarah’s folks.”

“Don’t sound so enthusiastic,” Mattie teased.

Harry’s face reddened just a bit and he looked rather sheepish. “Sorry. Guess I let my guard down.”

“You never need to be on your guard with me, Harry. I hope you’ll always remember that.”

He nodded and got up, dusting his backside as he did. “I’m glad you’re all right, Mattie. And I’m sorry about the others.”

“Thanks, Harry.”

They looked at each other for a moment, their expressions speaking volumes. Mattie knew she could count on Harry for just about anything, and she was certain he knew the same of her. God had put them together for a reason, and she cherished Harry’s loyalty.

“Try to have a good time, Harry.”

He nodded and pushed back sandy brown hair. “I’ll try.” After he’d gone, Mattie forced herself to get up and go into the house. How very quiet it all seemed. She stood in the living room
for several minutes and shook her head. How much longer could she keep up with it all? How much longer did she want to try? The farm had long since become more work than pleasure, and even selling part of it off to Harry hadn’t eased her burdens enough.

Every day of the week was devoted to cleaning two rooms of the house. Mattie usually kept a running pattern of cleaning one upstairs bedroom and one downstairs room. It worked rather well and still allowed her to take Sundays off. Still, it was getting to be too much. It hurt to climb up and down the stairs—her knees were starting to fail her. She frowned, wondering how much longer she’d be able to kneel down to tend to her flowers.

Deciding not to dwell on the seemingly hopeless thoughts, Mattie made her way to the sewing room. The shades were all drawn to keep the sunlight from fading the materials that she worked with. Flicking on the light switch, Mattie instantly caught sight of the prizewinning quilt. For a moment she just stood and gazed at it. She couldn’t help but remember the loving pride she’d had in working the pieces together. Each circle appliqued with the utmost care to interlock with the next. She reached out and touched the square she’d devoted to Connie.

“Lord, this child is hurting. Her heart has a wall of stone around it and she’s afraid to let anyone chisel it away. Please help her to see the truth. Please let her feel the love she so desperately needs.”

Moving her hand to Ashley’s square in the upper left corner, Mattie’s heart ached. Her granddaughter was so broken—both in body and in spirit. “This child is wounded. Her body needs healing, but so too her heart. You alone know her pain—her misery. Oh, Lord, help her to reach out to you for comfort.”

Brook’s square adjoined Ashley’s at the top right. “This child is worried for her future. She won’t talk much about it with me, but I pray she’s sharing it with you. Help her to see that she’s loved just for being herself and not for her looks. Send someone to love her with a devotion that goes beyond her fame and beauty.”

Her hand trailed down to the middle of the right-hand side.
Deirdre’s square. “Lord, I don’t know how to help this one. She’s angry and hurt and facing a great deal of frustration in her marriage. She has so many responsibilities and so many concerns. She’s always trying to fix things, and I’m just afraid this time she’ll find the situation too big for one person to fix. Let her turn to you.”

Finally, she touched Erica’s piece. “There’s so much hope in this one, Lord. She has big dreams and plans. I just ask that you would help her to figure out the right path. Let her find a way to keep both music and love in her life.”

Mattie hadn’t given the prayers much thought or preplanning, but it felt so right that she decided she would make it a part of her routine. However, before stepping away, she put her hand on the Mitchell square. “We’re a family, Lord. Help us to join together as one. Let them see the common bonds—the love they have for one another. Enrich that love and change their lives for the better.” She touched a circle made from the cloth of a dress that Rachelle had once worn. Tears came to her eyes. “Lord, I don’t know where she is, but you do. I pray that she found salvation. I pray that she sought your forgiviness for her actions and came to know peace in her heart.”