Transcending Queen (10 page)

“He’s got a long reach and if he tells his
followers the evils of such an establishment like mine, doesn’t
take a genius. Even worse, he’s got his thumb on you.”

“Give me a burger, salad and a soda. That’s
what I came for.” I demanded as I became sick of hearing about
him.

“Here’s another good piece of information, he
covered his tracks in the skimming allegations.”

“What skimming allegations?”

“Don’t play dumb with me, you know the
rumors. You really don’t trust anyone around here do you?” he
asked.

I conveniently ignored him and changed the
subject, “Luann has mentioned a few things.” I confided.

“Oh, you talked to Luann?”

“Just a little bit here and there, nothing
substantial.”

“Quite a few years ago Clayton got into a
scandal with her.” I put my glass down listening intently. “That’s
right. I could imagine what you’re thinking right now, word is
you’ve been spending lots of time over there. He hasn’t gotten into
your panties yet, has he?”

I suddenly felt sick to my stomach, “I can’t
believe you’d ask such an idiotic question.”

“Rumor was he took it without consent, but
the whole thing got squashed because she was drunk and could’ve
been passed out at the time.”

I felt no need to comment, by this time it
was debatable what held truth in this town.

“I need to check on these other guys, you
need to hurry and get out of here before Clayton knows you’re
here.”

“It’s too late Tony.” We heard as a
thunderous deep voice from the back of the bar echoed through
making its way to us.

“Father, I tried to give her a warning and
move her along but the storm, I couldn’t kick her out.” Tony
explained with concern.

He overshadowed us dripping wet from the rain
captivating our attention as we awaited his next move. If he’d been
carrying a chainsaw it could’ve been a great scene from a horror
movie, my heart skipped several beats while waiting for his
response.

“Melissa, it’s time to go.” Father Clayton
demanded.

I began to stall hoping a sign would smack me
in the face, some way to get out of this crazy scene.

“She isn’t drinking.” Tony excused.

He motioned for me to come along and kept his
eyes on the others giving them a clear signal to stay out of
it.

I resigned to the fact there was no
possibility of getting a free pass and moved slowly towards him. As
we left the bar and out onto the street his palm rested on the back
of my neck guiding me the whole way, I wondered how I always found
myself in these messes. He waited to discuss the matter until we
were back inside his house.

“What the hell were you thinking back there?”
he demanded.

“I wasn’t drinking!”

“You didn’t come immediately.”

“Good to know, I’m not a dog.”

“I thought we had an understanding!” he
started yelling.

Baffled I didn’t know what to make of that,
“What? The last I remember you were blowing me off because I wasn’t
convenient for you!”

“Not true.”

“Bullshit! You had your fun and now it’s
over, you used me.”

I felt a sting as his hand slammed across my
face, “I deserve more respect than that.”

“Be careful Father, someone might hear you.”
I reminded. “And let’s get one thing very clear, I deserve respect
as well.”

“So now you’re getting mouthy?”

“Go find one of your parishioners to get the
respect you’re looking for.” I advised.

His glare held a bite when I realized nobody
has stood up to him in a while. He’s allowed his ego to become
inflated and has let in people always feeding it. Then someone like
me comes along and all hell breaks loose. He might have the uniform
perfectly pressed and tucked but he’s certainly no priest. He left
the room and abruptly came back with a thick leather strap in his
hand. Before I could react, his arm began flying toward me at warp
speed as he whipped it so hard I heard the air make noise pushing
me back into a corner. My back slowly crept down the wall as my
knees buckled until I was unable to slink any further. Hovering
over me he landed blow after blow stinging unbearably until it felt
as if my skin broke open the last time he cracked it against my
face, then he suddenly stopped. Out of breath he backed away
mumbling, “God bless it.” I was confused at his actions and watched
him in bewilderment until I sensed something warm and wet trickling
down my upper lip confirming upon a swipe with my finger it was
blood. I observed him looking at his reflection in a mirror combing
his hair over and tucking in his shirt completely unconcerned with
the destruction he left behind. Quietly, I pulled myself up
sneaking past him before heading straight for the bathroom locking
the door behind me. I wet a washcloth placing it under my nose
cussing in pain. It hurt, but I didn’t think it was broke. “God
damn it!”

“Melissa, come out of there. Let me see
you.”

I held still trying to clear my head wanting
a locked door to stand between us. He didn’t say anything after
that initial effort. I knew I couldn’t stay there all night and
there wasn’t a window to climb out of. I flipped the lock back to
the open position and waited. Nothing happened as I was pleasantly
surprised for some odd reason. I made my way out slowly when I
caught him out of the corner of my eye and cautiously approached
him, “What just happened?”

He ignored me.

“Father Clayton…”

Not a syllable uttered from his mouth as he
leaned over his desk shuffling paperwork.

I should’ve taken this as my cue to get the
hell out of there, but I couldn’t. It’s like all the rage of my
past boiled up and I needed an answer from someone, “You son of a
bitch, answer me. You owe me that much.”

Nothing, absolutely nothing as if I wasn’t
even there.

“I’m leaving, you need to tell me, say
something!” I urged.

He kept himself withdrawn leaving me in
complete and total isolation emotionally stunning me.

“I just want you to open up to me, say
something before I walk out that door. God damn it, you stubborn
jerk! Do you even know how to love, truly love?”

He exhaled a deep breath leaning onto his
fists as if my words were beginning to cripple his very core, but I
counted the minutes he still refused to say anything. I shook my
head in disbelief as tears weld up and gradually cascaded down my
face, “Colin, say something…” I pleaded in a whisper as my voice
shook.

Chapter 14 – Give It Up

My self-esteem has been shattered into tiny,
little pieces as the shards left in its wake poke every once in a
while to remind me when I start feeling good about myself. Was it
when I spent time with Max, had it been before with John or even
stemming back to my childhood? When it happened, I have no idea.
There is something so unbelievably stupid about loving a man who
isn’t available, especially one that could be hiding so much. But
when I’m with him alone nothing else matters. I don’t know why,
maybe because we’re in a small town in the middle of nowhere
feeling lost in our own lives together or possibly because he’s
held a distraction from my own problems. In every instance when I
let go, he swoops in to rescue me turning up out of nowhere to let
his presence be known. “Why?” I asked myself aloud.

I tracked down Luann once again working as
usual with tired bags under her eyes hiding under a gallon of
makeup to help her glow without the work of forcing a smile.
“Luann, I need to talk to you again.”

“You look tired, haven’t you gotten any sleep
lately?”

“I could ask the same of you, but that
doesn’t really matter right now.”

“Have a seat. What’s got you so
unraveled?”

“I had a chat with Tony last night.”

“Ok….” Luann wasn’t following.

“He mentioned, how do I say this in the best
way….your incident with Father Clayton?”

“I told you already, are you losing your
memory?”

“Not the tree incident, but a different
one.”

She swallowed hard, “What did he tell
you?”

“Well, that’s the thing, it’s pretty
shocking.”

“What did he tell you?” she demanded to
know.

“I need to know who I’m dealing with, but I’m
not sure how to spit this out.”

“Just give it to me, don’t hold back.”

“He said Father Clayton may have taken
advantage of you.” I blurted out.

She started chuckling when I immediately
began to wonder if she was loonier than a box of fruity cereal. “I
told you I got counseling from Father Clayton after my dad died. We
got closer than we should have, but the rest is only rumor. I don’t
know, one night I did get drunk while we were together. I can’t
remember much of that night, what I do recall is he seemed like a
perfect gentleman. After he left that man lying on the ground
bleeding, it was over for me. I saw how cruel and uncaring he could
be.”

“But he said there was a scandal and you had
questioned consent?”

“It was so long ago and perception is a funny
thing. I left it in the past a lifetime ago, so let’s keep it
there.”

“So you’re saying…”

“Tony likes to stir the pot and Father
Clayton is a magnet for such rumors as we all know. The juicier
they are, the more people gobble it up. I’ve told you what I know
about Clayton before and I’ve also asked you to stay away from him
because really none of us know what he’s capable of. It’s almost as
if the congregation wants so badly to believe in his sainthood, but
sometimes things don’t add up. Honestly, I focus more on the guests
visiting than I do the locals. I have more fun with them and when
they’re gone I don’t have to worry about anything, either they had
a good time or not. That’s all I care about.”

“Well listen, don’t ask me if I’ve had a good
time when I leave.” I muttered under my breath.

“What did you say?” she asked.

“Has Jack been around?”

“I haven’t seen him.”

“Right, I think I’ll stick around here for a
while.”

“Suit yourself.” Luann said when she left the
room.

I took a seat at one of the tables deep in
thought mulling over the information Luann had relinquished. My
hand started twitching uncontrollably as I anxiously began
wondering where Jack was hiding. I leaned over grabbing a cup of
tea in an effort to calm my nerves when a panic attack ensued
leaving me wheezing as the walls closed in at warp speed.
Desperate, I pushed myself out the back door for fresh air as I
crashed to the ground. There I lay with my eyes closed forcing
myself to think of a serene place as I struggled. This wasn’t
working, so I changed my focus onto the clear blue sky as white
marshmallow like clouds crept by. This seemed to help when I
regained some balance wishing I could sit on one of those clouds up
away from all this drama. Sparrows fluttered across the sky while
making joyous music reminding me of angels, flying so free. John’s
face appeared over me blocking the view and said, “Not yet kid, you
have a lot of living to do.” I knew John wasn’t really there unless
he’s trying to guide me in his afterlife. And I also knew the
sightings had to stop. The episode subsided, after which I rolled
over to a sitting position and rested my back on a bench nearby.
Reality kept crashing in without so much as a handshake or an
apology.

Chapter 15 – Say Nothing

My mind held busy with random pieces of
information people were shoving bluntly into my brain leaving me to
sort out the aftermath. I couldn’t get any sleep and feared what
still lay ahead, the unknown. I hated being in this dingy motel
living out of a suitcase when I started wishing for a fresh start
in a place of my own and begin anew without a care in the world. I
decided I must get some much needed exercise to burn energy and
help stave off these panic attacks. I got dressed and walked my way
out of town, sunglasses in tow striding on a dirt road with no
traffic in sight. My mind cleared to focus on the moment breathing
in peacefully while viewing a few rolling hills with a cow or two.
I thought about Jack and knew that no matter where he hid, I still
had a case to solve and insisted on finding closure one way or
another to keep Colin from ripping at the very fibers of my being.
I thought about Alice wishing she could be here with me and what
it’d be like going back to Barrington. I ended the walk strolling
back through the parking lot when I spotted him. I hesitated unable
to handle his constant company these days.

“Why did you stop?” Colin asked.

“I don’t want to be around you right
now.”

“You can’t avoid me.”

“I know.”

“I’m sorry, you have to understand.” He
admitted.

I scooted past him hurrying to leave him
behind.

“Melissa, stop.” He followed me to my room
where I refused to unlock the door.

“Why won’t you leave me alone?”

“You have to believe that I’m sorry.” He
pleaded.

“I talked to Luann, she told me about your
relationship. Admit it, I’m nothing special. You make a habit of
toying with women.”

“No, you’re wrong! That happened so long ago,
it should’ve never been.”

“Like us?”

“Not like us, we’re meant to be with each
other. I admit I’m not who you think I am.”

“Stop, say nothing. I’m so tired of this
crap.” I demanded as I opened the door, made my way through and
tried to slam it in his face when his foot abruptly stopped it. I
burst into tears, “Please get away from me. You don’t know what
you’re doing to me.” He didn’t care about my vulnerability when he
planted a kiss on my lips and his tongue found its way down my
throat. As he forced himself onto me I pushed him back against the
wall, “Go, I want you to get out.” He lunged in for another kiss
when I slapped his face. He blew it off as if he thought I was
being cute, I was his muse for the moment.