Trust in Me (8 page)

She closed her eyes, wishing it wasn’t working. How had he gotten so deep into her heart that she couldn’t freeze him out? How was she supposed to stop herself from giving in to him when he kept giving her everything she needed without ever asking for anything in return? He deserved better. And she…

Hell, she didn’t know what she deserved.

“Our lives would be so much easier if this was just about sex,” she whispered, her confusion turning her words into a lament.

His chest rumbled, but she couldn’t tell if it was an agreeing sound. “If we were just about sex, it wouldn’t be as good.”

She almost choked. “You think this is
good
?” Good didn’t hurt, not like she’d hurt him, time and time again.

“I think you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Susie. Good doesn’t begin to cover it.”

She closed her eyes, her bottom lip between her teeth, indecision keeping her rigid. But the scent of him, crisp and woodsy, was a subtle seduction all its own, tempting her to give in.

“Talk to me, baby,” he whispered, still rubbing her back gently. “Don’t be afraid. Whatever it is, we can deal with it together.”

She lifted her hand to the triangle of skin she’d uncovered, touching it reverently. So close to his heart… Close enough to feel it beat. To wonder if it was beating just for her.

The way hers had come to beat for him, tattered and broken as it was.

Tears burned behind her closed lids, old shame and new hope at open war in her mind. She’d tried. Tried so hard, for so very long, not to feel for this man. Not to want him or need him or care about him in the slightest. To put him in her mind with every other man she came across—something she never noticed and never wanted to be noticed by. She even knew he tried to let her do it.

It hadn’t worked. Not for either of them.

No matter what she’d done—and God, she’d done a lot—he never gave up on her. Never hid his want of her, a want she knew went so much deeper than just lust. A want she echoed. And feared.

But the fear didn’t stop anything. She felt so much for him now, she was choking on it. Desperate to push him away, desperate to hold tight and no idea which was the right way to go.

He deserves better…

He also deserved the truth.

She didn’t know how she could give him either one.

But the longer he held her, silently offering his strength, the more she knew what she had to do. If he still wanted her when he knew her secrets… Well, she’d cross that bridge when she came to it.

“I think he’s found me.” The words were hoarse and little more than a whisper, but he heard. His hands stilled on her back for the briefest of stutters.

“Who?”

Wasn’t that the million-dollar question? The answer would change everything between them all over again, but she knew she couldn’t hide it from him any longer.

“My husband.”

Locke watched his own hand continue to slide up and down Susie’s back. His fingers would appear at the top of her shoulder, then disappear behind her only to loop back. He wasn’t sure how long he watched them move, his mind oddly disconnected from the movement.

Susie had a husband.

Married.

To someone
else
.

The wrongness of that threatened to tear open something in him he’d never quite realized existed. A primal, possessive thing that shuddered with a sudden need to destroy something. Destroy it now.

“Locke?” Susie’s voice, softly tickling the skin at his neck. “Did you hear what I said?”

Given the pressure in his chest that had nothing to do with her body against him, he had to surmise that yes, he had heard her. But the word refused to compute. Husband.
Husband…
He nodded for her, though, because she seemed to be waiting for something from him. And he rubbed, not liking the tension that had turned her body from the softness he loved to the taut hardness of someone waiting for a blow to strike.

That thought finally pried him out of the hollow blankness.

I think he’s found me…

Her fear. The fear that had lain banked in her as long as he’d known her. Always a shadow in her eyes, keeping them apart. A live thing that kept her chained, no matter how she insisted on her freedom. A puzzle piece in the mystery of her clicked into place, but it didn’t answer many questions. Just one very important one.

“He’s the reason you’re afraid of me.”

Susie sat up, brows creased, the blue of her eyes flaring in affront. “I’m not afraid of you.”

Locke raised his brows.

She held up for a few seconds, but eventually her shoulders slumped a little and she dropped her gaze. As if she had something to feel guilty about. He needed to know what it might be.

He tipped her chin up, turning her face back until she looked at him again. “You’re still married to him?”

She shook her head, as best she could with him still lifting her chin until it was where it should be.

“You still love him?” Her answer had the potential to destroy him, but he forced himself to ask. He’d been and done many things in his life, but being a coward was not and never would be something he’d accept in himself.

She swallowed, but her gaze softened, even as it became absolute. “I didn’t know what love was when I knew him.”

But she knew now. She didn’t say it, but he was never a man who put a lot of stock in words. Actions. Loyalty. His gut. Those were the things with weight he could feel and he felt this now. She knew what love was now.

The ferocious thing in him all but roared in satisfaction. “Then he’s not your husband.”

She must have heard its growl in his tone because she sighed, rolling her eyes before she pulled his hand off her chin and leaned to the side as if she meant to slide off his lap. “That’s not what
he
thinks.”

“Why do we give a shit what he thinks?” Whoever this bastard was, he didn’t matter anymore. Never would again, if Locke had anything to say about it—and by God, he would have many things to say. Which was why he settled his palms on her hips and kept her right where she was.

Susie looked down at his hands, her body stilling with a different kind of tension now. One he was far more comfortable with. She met his gaze without hesitation, her mouth turning mulish. “You don’t control me, Havelocke Jackman, so you get that thought out of your head right this second.”

“Have no interest in controlling you.” Though his life would be a damn sight less difficult if he did. “So don’t think you’re getting out of the question by being pissy.”

Her offended gasp almost made him chuckle, but he figured she’d slug him if he did. All she did was sit back and glare at him instead.

“Talk to me.” He gave her a small bounce with his leg.

She socked his shoulder, then shook her hand out as if it had hurt. “I’m not five and this isn’t a pony ride.”

“It won’t turn into one, either, if you don’t start being honest with me. Who is this guy and what makes you think he’s coming after you?”

She immediately began shaking her head.

“I’ve got the rest of time to wait for your answer, baby.”

Susie wrinkled her nose and looked around the room. Anywhere but at him. “Yeah, well, I don’t. He’ll come soon. I know him—he doesn’t let go once he’s found something he wants.”

Pulling her hadn’t worked and Locke wasn’t sure how much longer his patience could hold out, so he leaned into her line of sight, demanding she see him in the only way she’d accept. “Do you really think I would let someone like that near you? That I wouldn’t tear apart anyone who came here with the intention of hurting you?”

Her gaze flickered, a rush of almost confused blinks.

“Let him come.” It took work to tamp down his desire to pound the faceless man until there was nothing left. “No one in this town will blame me for doing what I have to do to protect my own. They sure as hell won’t try to stop me.”

“I’m
not
your own, Locke.” Her voice might be soft, but it was still implacable. Just like her spine under his fingertips. “I belonged to someone once and it almost destroyed me. Broke me in ways you will never, ever know. I was a thing to him. A possession he could use and abuse as he saw fit. I will never go back to that. Not even for you.”

“Good.” So what if his voice was so rough he barely understood himself? He was so fucking proud of her right then. She’d been shaken, but that core of strength in her hadn’t faltered. It burned like a beacon, calling to him like nothing else he’d ever known. He cupped the back of her neck, pulling her closer even as she held herself apart. Always a struggle of wills with her… He couldn’t imagine it any other way.

“You are
not
a possession to me. You never have been and you never will be. But you
are
my own. I’ll protect you with everything I am, all that I have and every last breath in my body.”

Her lips trembled, those bright eyes filling with tears it would kill him to see her shed. When she spoke, it was only a softly strangled “Why?”

But she knew. It was tearing her up—he saw the pain on her face, felt in his chest.

“Because I love you.” The simplest, hardest words he’d ever managed to say.

“Locke—”

“Don’t.” He didn’t shake her, but Lord, he wanted to. “Don’t belittle me by pretending I don’t know what I’m feeling or that you don’t feel the same way. Don’t you dare.”

She hissed in a breath, but she didn’t look away.

“I’m not him, Susie.” He wanted that clear as crystal. “I don’t need to crush you to love you. I want you exactly as you are.”

“No you don’t. And if you do, you’re insane.” She lifted up again, but he held on, just like before. This time, she practically snarled at him. “You need to learn to let go. We both know I’ll just make you miserable.”

Yeah. Like he was going to buy that. “Honey, I’ve been miserable before. Believe me, that’s not what you make me feel.” Frustrated, irritated, gut-twisted and horny as hell, but never truly miserable.

She kept wriggling, which, okay, he probably shouldn’t have been enjoying, but he never claimed not to be a pig when it came to her. Until she stopped, her body slumping in lines of defeat that had him frowning.

“Baby?”

She took a long time to answer. “Why won’t you just give up on me?”

“Why do you keep telling me I should?” Though if she said he was better than her, he was going to get pissed.

She didn’t, but her answer pissed him off anyway.

“Because I’m ruined.” Mournful. Like it was the truth.

He released his hold only to stroke her cheek. “Not ruined. Scarred, maybe, but I have my scars too. Deep ones I earned to survive, to keep my family together. A woman who’s never known pain or loss would never be able to understand me. Never be able to take the man I’ve become.” And he would never understand her either. It’d be a hellish, useless life.

“I have secrets,” she added, a huge streak of guilt turning her cheeks red. Why did she somehow believe she could still talk him out of wanting her? “Secrets
you
might consider lies.” And she knew how much he hated lies.

“Keep them.” He could wait, so long as she stayed. “Share them with me when I’ve earned them. I swear to you, though, when you do, I won’t let you regret it. I will
never
break your trust.”

“You shouldn’t have to earn anything from me.” But there was a trace of capitulation in her tone. It took all his control not to pounce.

“You’re worth it.” A simple fact.

She stared at him, weighing her decision. Measuring
his
worth. Or maybe…how far she was willing to believe in him. He stared back, determined not to be less than she needed.

“His name is Malcolm Hall,” she began, the name alone turning the corners of her mouth white. “The last time I saw him, he was killing me.”

Chapter Six

The memory threatened to smother her, as it always did when she was fool enough to let it come to mind. In the dark, when the shadows grew too long or the night too quiet, she couldn’t help but relive the feel of those hard fingers squeezing the air from her throat. The hot, desperate pressure in her face, at the back of her head, her own hands clawing desperately for anything to stop him. Finding nothing…

Locke’s head came down, nuzzling her cheek with the rough bristles on his chin. “You’re not there anymore, Susie. You’re here with me.”

She stuttered in a rush of air, the gravel of his voice soothing somehow. Actually, everything about Locke was soothing, which had to be the last word anyone else would use about him. Big, booming voice. Hard-packed muscle all over every inch of him. A temper that could blow the rafters off a barn if he ever cut it loose. He should have been everything she feared, but instead he was a solid anchor she could hang on to. That she could feel safe with. Just this once, she gave herself permission to lean into him, to be grateful for his strength. To need him and accept what he was offering.

She pushed out a breath. Locke’s support or not, this would not be easy.

“I was twenty-two when I met him. I was serving at a fundraiser, he was there with his parents. He was charming and he wanted my number. I thought he was just another upper-crust frat boy wanting to go slumming so I said no. I wish to God I’d stuck with that. But he was determined, and next thing I know, his parents are hiring my boss for event after event, with the stipulation that I work the parties. He was there every time, talking to me, charming me, flirting. He seemed so nice, and all he wanted was a chance to take me to dinner. I gave in. I really thought he’d give up once he had what he wanted, but he had made up his mind about me. I didn’t realize that at the time, of course. I just bought in to the fantasy that Prince Charming had fallen madly in love with me, and I was the luckiest girl in the world.

“For a while, that’s exactly what it was. We got married, and since we were both only children, we had dreams of starting a big family right away. Sometimes, sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I hadn’t lost the first baby…”

The doctor told them it happened now and then, that something just didn’t go right. They were young, they could try again. And they did. But nothing was ever the same after that.