Twin Flames: Soul Memory (5 page)

Joy was a changed person now.

“
Dammit, baby.” He shoved his fingers through his hair and
clenched the strands before relaxing. He faced her and rolled his
shoulders. “Why didn’t you listen?”

His cry sent a spear to her stomach and she realized he
knew. He knew how she came to be abused. Her mind scrambled for a
logical explanation as to
how
he had the knowledge of a decision she made within her mind
and not aloud, but came up empty. Rationality did not exist
concerning her actions.

“
I…I…” She twisted her fingers together until a stone from her
ring pierced her flesh. The slight pain was nothing compared to
what rolled off him. What had been her reason? She lifted her chin.
“I wanted to prove my mother right. I ignored what was true in my
heart. She is the one in the wrong, not me. I’ve always known who I
am. I wasn’t ever confused.”

Her mother’s convictions had Joy questioning everything she
sensed and felt. Instead of trusting what was right for herself,
she struck out to prove her mother was in the right. For as much as
people want individuals who think for themselves and be original,
the truth is they want mindless followers. The fact was her mother
had been wrong. Joy needed to be herself and not a copy.

What was right for one person was not right for
everyone.

Tears blurred her vision, but Joy refused to blink and release
them from their prison. The healing that came with their liberation
wouldn’t occur. If she started, she would never stop.

“
Oh love,” he said.

She clenched her jaw, she wasn’t weak.

“
You never had to prove yourself to anyone. Not even to your
mother.”

The lump in her throat swelled, she didn’t want to cry. Not in
front of him.

“
I’ve always been inside you. I know you. I feel everything
you do as if it’s my own.” His voice broke and he took the final
steps to her. She glanced up and stared at the shimmer of tears in
the corners of his eyes. “I am a part of you. We’re two halves of
the same whole, one person.”

She blinked. Tears slid down her cheeks, and he touched the
trails they left behind with a gentle fingertip. His throat worked
and he wrapped her in his arms, she gladly went into them without
fear. His comfort soothed the abrasions and bruises, easing her
tense muscles. Joy pressed her ear to his beating heart.

He swung her up and carried her to the bed. Laying her down he
spooned around her, holding her close and letting her cry. The
words he murmured she didn’t understand. The softness of his tone
calmed her. She sighed.

“
Te amo. Siempre te amare. Tu eres mi vida, mi ser—” his voice
drifted off and she relaxed.

That was all she wanted, protection and love from
him.

* * *
*

Relentless anger beat at him from witnessing her assault, it
didn’t compare to the sensation of her wrapped close though. The
comfort of her alive, breathing, always eased his
tension.

It did not make the repeated assaults easier to
handle.

Her reasons for doing what she had left Jairo speechless. She
wasn’t suicidal. Yet, she willingly refused to fight the brute for
her life. She gave him no choice but to fully connect with her and
make her strive to live.

As her sobs quieted, he brushed the bleached blonde hair off
her face and grimaced at the shading. He despised the shoulder
length locks and the color.

She looked peaceful, serene. A dark purplish bruise accented
her cheekbone and he moved the strands away from her neck. Rage
enveloped him again at the blackened prints gracing her windpipe
and jugular.

How many times can a person be strangled without suffering
permanent damage?

Jairo swallowed the growl, refusing to let his fury take
control. Their only link to each other was in the realm between
sleep and awake. Where they touched and lived, no more than a
wishful dream on the part of their subconscious minds or souls. He
closed his eyes and forced himself to relax, absorbing her into his
frame through their mental corridor. His body ached as if he took
the physical beating and been robbed of oxygen.

Sighing, he buried his nose in her hair. She had a way of
taking his mind away from the job he performed. Jairo knew she
didn’t do it on purpose. It did not stop him from wondering why
they were like this to each other. How it happened, if an
explanation could be found.

She shifted in her sleep, her ass brushed against his groin
and he hardened. He clenched his jaw. She’d just been beaten and
raped again. Intimacy was something she would not accept from him.
He had been shocked she allowed him to hold her at all, let alone
touch her.

The memory of her head bouncing off the wall and lolling to
the side stole his breath, Jairo had seen her eyes roll back…but
she didn’t fight. Then she dropped to the floor, no more than a
disposed used towel. Her limp body laid there as she gasped for
air, the picture sliced through his heart like a blade.

The moment Jairo whispered to her, he’d wanted to tear apart
the man who violated her. But he wasn’t physically in the room.
Which made him powerless to stop the events from unfolding, until
he remembered she’d hear him if he spoke.

“
Fight, baby, please fight for me.”

He didn’t have her name so he called her “baby,” his way of
alleviating some of the trauma the asshole inflicted. That bastard
never used her name and…Jairo couldn’t. The acid of it roiled in
his stomach. To her
boyfriend
she was just a nameless female body to fuck, instead of a
jewel to be loved and treasured above all else.

Her body shook and he tightened his arms, willing her to ease.
He could only do so much in their dream state. If he had a way to
find her, he would. But a starting point was missing. No name or
address…nothing. All he had were drawings, sketches from his
memory, nothing more.

Where did she live? Did she realize they were connected to
each other like he did?

He gently kissed her jaw. He drew her scent deep into his
lungs, imprinting it on his consciousness. Jairo wished he could
bathe in her aroma, a flowery bouquet of lavender and chamomile, a
very calming and soothing blend.

“
What’s your name, baby?”
He opened his eyes
and sent the words whispering along their mental link. She wouldn’t
respond. She never did. Why?

Part of him wanted her forever wrapped safely in his arms, but
that wasn’t possible. One of them would awaken and what appeared
real would be shown for actuality.

A dream…not reality.

Jairo decided he’d watch her sleep. She needed rest. He wished
she’d take better care of herself. She made sure everyone else was
well cared for, but not herself. He wanted to demand she do a
better job, he couldn’t though. His hands were tied until he found
her.

When they met in the dream realm just the two of them existed,
alone. The questions he needed answers to were forgotten. He’d been
too damn happy to see her. Nothing else mattered.

Would he ever have disclosure?

She was thinner than he remembered as her ribs brushed his arm
when she inhaled. Had his absence and wanting to escape their
connection caused her decline in health?

He had his moment of desiring to escape whatever plagued him
and brought her to him. In that time Jairo learned early on drugs
kept him numb. They also locked him in a fantasy world she couldn’t
penetrate. He hadn’t seen her in the dreamscape realm any of the
times he shot up.

Clean now, he wondered why he had fallen for the seduction of
the needle.

Those questions he wanted disclosure on, but certain things
were better off left alone. Maybe these were one of
them.

From now on, he’d be within calling distance of her. He made a
choice when he got clean. He would live for and eventually find
her.

“
I will correct the wrongs done to you, mi amor.”

* * *
*

Another memory…or was it his thoughts? Jairo didn’t know, but
had a feeling this was the “Joy” his sister kept
mentioning.

Was it a different moment or the same occurrence?

A deep seeded voice stated firmly it was a variance, not the
exact one as prior. This had been that young woman’s life. They
were her recollections, past events in her life that, by some
unexplainable chance, they shared. Was it even possible they could
share dreams as well as memories from each other’s life?

Jairo wanted to ask Jezzaray. She had not left him like
earlier; he heard her breathing and the turning of pages. His lips
couldn’t move, still they stayed closed.

A silent scream echoed through his mind, it was his
own.

Joy sat curled in the corner of the room with blankets and
pillows around her. Her body ached, but she couldn’t stop the
shakes that attacked her frame since waking from the
nightmare.

Were they her memories? Did both events actually
happen?

Her mother’s logic was the reason behind her abusive
relationship. The repeated rapes and beatings were all her own
attempt to prove her mother right.

Her mind remained silent on its secrets.

She knew the person who gave birth to her wasn’t at direct
fault, it was the words used that caused the confusion within her
during those times.

You cannot know a person without physically knowing
them.

Then she’d state clearly…
Listen to your gut, it’ll never steer you
wrong.

None of the pieces fell into their rightful places. Words
rolled over, but nothing sparked recognition beyond that. The
dreams and nightmares that haunted her every time she closed her
eyes were all she had. It roiled her stomach to know she refused to
fight that abusive man.

If I would’ve fought, the damage to my body would have been
worse.

Even that knowledge did not settle her. From somewhere she
knew submitting to the abuser limited the extent of physical
trauma. But, did that make her a weak female?

Joy pulled her knees tighter to her chest, her gaze locked on
the door. Would it open like the one in her night
terror?

No, from a place deep inside she knew she’d left the abusive
man and rebuilt herself. What she saw were memories, repressed
memories. Although she could not personally recall them, a part of
her recognized them. An instant in history where her self-worth was
so low she believed she deserved the forced sex, each strike and
every brutal verbal assault.

“
You are worth so much more than that,
baby.”
His
voice caressed the walls of her mind and wrapped itself around her
heart.

Who was he?

Joy wanted to respond to the soft warmth and unconditional
acceptance his presence exuded, it was the uncertainty of who she
really was that kept her silent. It was her same reaction to
calling the people in her contacts. She didn’t know herself so how
could she trust there wasn’t a reason she was apart from her
family?

There had to be a motive, something deep within her remained
hesitant.

Gut instinct
…she would trust it. As of right this second, it was the
only thing she could be certain of one hundred percent. Herself and
what she sensed, the opposite of what her mother
claimed.

Joy tugged the blanket up and scooted down. Resting her head
to the side, she inhaled and exhaled until the terrified sensation
eased from her body.

It wasn’t completely gone, just dropped a notch or two so she
could relax.

His essence was there, as if he sat beside her on the linens.
His hand touched her shoulder and his breath caressed her throat as
his fingers brushed at the tears on her cheek.

She swallowed the lump.

“
Shhh, baby, I am here. I’m not going
anywhere…ever.”

More tears gathered as his tenderness reached in, past her
fear. Joy wanted to trust him with everything, let him take care of
what she couldn’t remember. Let him fill the emptiness that seemed
to be her life now.

Nothing could bring herself to voice the words aloud, not
yet.

She was not weak…no matter what those visions showed. They
only proved she made a wrong decision somewhere. As long as it
wasn’t repeated it was not useless.

Whoever Joy Lyons-Morgan was, she seemed determined and
stubborn. She would continue learning about herself, on her own
terms, because there was a reason for her memory loss. A lesson she
needed to learn at a deeper level than the physical
perception.

Everything happens for a reason…

Joy recognized those words, only the person who said them she
couldn’t bring to the forefront of her mind. The phrase was a
favorite, their answer for everything that transpired in life. Part
of her wanted to pack her things and return to living life. Was
that what she had been doing when she lost herself…living
life?