Unbearable (the TORQUED trilogy Book 2) (9 page)

I’m not sure I was successful in making her understand my unwillingness to let this arrangement take on a greater meaning has nothing to do with her and everything to do with me. After Berkley, I decided I was better off staying away from love and relationships all together. Like I told Raven, it’s not a matter of
can’t,
it’s a matter of
won’t
. Nothing and no one is going to change that, even if she is the first person to make me feel the good and forget the bad all at once.

Staring at the door, the one she just walked out of, I knew I couldn’t stay here. Not with the memories of this place—and her—and how it’s all changing.

Grabbing my keys off the counter, I head to the bar, the one place I know I can at least try to forget what’s happening.

You know when you’ve had someone in your life for a long time and you just sense when they’re around, well that’s how it is with Red and me. I know the moment he steps into the bar, and turning to see him take a seat on the stool next to where I’m standing, it’s obvious he knows. It’s written all over his face.

He shakes his head and licks his lower lip in agitation, turning so his eyes are trained on mine as I stand next to him. There’s a split second when he stands up when I think of running. “You’re fucking my little sister?”

What do I say? No? I can’t lie to him now.

I almost smile at his petulant tone and how dumb I’ve been, but while I may be dumb, I’m not stupid enough to do that. Utter silence expands between us. Until I clear my throat. “Look, Red—”

Scowling and muttering under his breath, Red draws back and punches me. Right in the fucking jaw and it stings like a motherfucker.

Running my hand over my throbbing jaw, I wonder briefly if he’s done some damage and then realize he hasn’t, but my pride is certainly wounded.

I glare at him. Though I know I deserved that, it still stings a little more to be hit by my friend.

Shaking my head, I step back. “Message received, I suppose.”

I stand there staring at him, gauging when his anger begins to dissipate and he nods to the bar. “Sit. Down.”

I do as he says, mostly because I don’t want him to hit me again.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Man, I’m sorry. But we’re adults and I didn’t really see the need to ask for your permission. And dude, you’re scary.” I rub my jaw, a reminder.

“That’s bullshit and you know it,” he grumbles, raising an eyebrow. “Why did you guys have to go behind my back?”

I think about my answer for a second and then ask, “What was I going to say? Your sister and I decided to be friends who fuck? That’s not really a conversation either of us was willing to have with you.”

Zack comes by, eyes the two of us and then slides two beers our way.

“Well, did you think for even a minute that by not telling me you made it worse?” Red asks when Zack disappears to the other side of the bar.

“Look,” I twist slightly in the stool to face him. “I get that you’re upset that we didn’t tell you but you know me. I’d never hurt her or use her. So yeah, you can be pissed that we didn’t tell you what we were doing, but honestly, I don’t think you have any right to be mad at either of us for being two consenting adults who enjoy each other’s company.”

Taking a slow drink of his beer, he slams the glass down pointing out the obvious. “I’m pissed because you’re six years older than her.”

“Yeah, but she’s not a little girl anymore and you can’t be stupid enough to think this is her first rodeo. She was with Holden for four fucking years.”

“I don’t get it. How did this even happen? Did this happen in the shop?”

“No, the shops all yours, man.” I chuckle, bringing my beer to my lips. “It just happened.”

He glances away, then nods. Once. Sharp. Like he’s really wanting me to consider his next question. “Just for a minute put yourself in my shoes. What would you do if it was you?”

Heavy question.

I’m not sure how to answer it. So I don’t, for an entire minute.

“Honestly, dude, I don’t know. I didn’t grow up with siblings. I’d never be in that position.”

“I just don’t get it. She was eight when you met her. She was like your fucking sister.”

“I know, but she’s not eight anymore and I’m not fourteen. I get it, but I would never hurt her intentionally.”

Look at Red. He’s a perfect example of how things can change even when you don’t want them to. He told himself his love was buried with Nevaeh. And then Lenny came along and surfaced every emotion he thought was six feet under.

With Raven, as the weeks went by I realized why this girl had taken a hold of me when she was younger. I thought of her as a little sister myself, but it still didn’t mean I wasn’t attracted to her.

She just turned twenty in August and I’m twenty-six. I’ll be twenty-seven in December. That’s a huge age difference.

Given her recent background, and mine, it surprised the hell out of me she even wanted more.

I’ll admit I’m a bit hostile when it comes to relationships. Mostly because I’ve been burned in the worst way.

Last February my now ex-girlfriend, Berkley, found out she was pregnant and we couldn’t have been happier. So I thought.

Two weeks later, she miscarried and a week after that she moved out claiming she needed to find herself.

After six years of being together, I think it’s pretty obvious if that was her way of dealing with it, she was never truly in love in the first place.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” I tell Red, hoping he listens to me. I never went into it with Raven thinking I would deceive my best friend. I told myself I’d tell him eventually and then that turned into six months and how do you start that conversation?

With his elbows resting on the bar, Red laughs low and without humor as he toys with the paper label on the longneck in front of him. “I know you are.”

Does he?

Red looks over at me and I think I know what he’s going to say next, because I’ve certainly felt it. “You made her dirty by hiding it.”

Guilt hits me in the chest. I should have told him and the fact that he found out this way only makes it worse. The fact that I made Raven look dirty, well that’s enough to destroy me.

I moved to Lebanon when I was fourteen and Red has been my friend from that day on. He deserved better from me. I definitely should have told him.

“It’s never gonna be the same, man,” Red says, bringing the beer to his lips.

Weariness has me rubbing my face before I answer. “I know.”

“Do you have feelings for her or what?” There’s a curiousness in his tone, one where he’s genuinely asking and not looking for me to just say it to appease him.

“I don’t fucking know. I really don’t.” I leave my answer at that.

BY FRIDAY, I’M missing Raven. I told myself not to. Actually demanded that I not, but it didn’t work. I miss her like fucking crazy. Mostly her friendship but the sex too.

Friday marks the start of our fall softball league as well and arguably my favorite night of the week in the fall. Mostly because these guys are part of my family and I love spending time with them. Red and his family have become like my second one over the years. They say friends are closer than blood at times and I honestly believe that. I hardly ever see my family but on any given week, I’m at Red’s house two nights a week.

Except for this week. He wasn’t exactly that nice to me. I can’t say I blame him.

I’ve played softball with Walker Automotive for years and it’s always been fun. It’s different now because I’m not sure how to act around Raven since last weekend. So I act as I always do and flirt with her and send dirty text messages all week. The last thing I want her to think is that our friendship has changed. To me it hasn’t.

I get there just as Red does with Lenny and Nova.

“Uncle Ty!” Nova yells, running toward me as she’s scrambling out of the car and pushing up the sleeves of her shirt. She’s wearing a black shirt like our team with the Walker Automotive logo on the front only her number is ½ pint.

Kneeling down, she runs to me and then jumps in my arms. A pain hits my chest as she does it, mostly because I’ll never have this. I’ve always had a special connection with Nova though, and she’s called me Uncle Ty from the beginning.

“Hey, girly!” I pick her up to carry her toward the field as Red carries his bat bag on his shoulder.

“Raven coming tonight?” I ask Lenny, not Red. Though we’re not totally cool like we were, he’s getting over it.

I’m not even sure why I ask Lenny but as I do, Red grumbles and steps ahead. I know he can’t stay mad at me forever but shit, I wish he could just let it go.

“She’s on her way.” Lenny smiles, knowing why I did. Because I care and I can’t deny it.

I wink.

As we’re walking toward the field, I see who we’re playing and cringe. It’s Berkley’s parents’ team which means she’s here too. Fucking sucks for me. I hate running into her, mostly because she always finds a way to make it awkward.

Despite breaking up, she acts like I should want to be friends with her.

Walking into the dugout, I see Colt lying on the bench.

“Dude, why do you come out here if you’re just going to get drunk and pass out on the bench?”

Colt lifts his eyes to mine, a drunken smile plastered across his face as he spits chew at my feet. “Because Mia
asked
me to play. Probably because she needed extra players.”

“You got third tonight, right?” Red asks me as they’re sorting out the batting order.

“Yep.”

I watch closely to see where he puts everyone. He sticks Raven at second and I like that because she’s good there. He then puts himself on short stop. I’m concerned how he’ll play. A few months back Lenny’s ex-husband showed up in town. He caught Red, Lenny and Nova off-guard in the shop only to shoot Red in the chest. It was touch and go for days but he pulled through. Given this information, to me it seems a little early for him to be playing softball but I’d never say that to him.

Quirking an eyebrow when he turns around, he stares at me. Though I haven’t said anything, he knows exactly what I’m thinking. “What? It’s just softball.”

“Okay.” Yeah, it’s just softball but I know Red and he never goes easy. I don’t think he knows how actually. Before you know it, he’ll be sliding into bases and diving for line drives.

Raven’s rushed when she arrives, having gotten stuck in traffic. Tossing a hoodie on her bat bag and reaching for a water in the cooler, she notices me sitting next to Nova on the bench.

She gives me a nod. “Hey,” and then smiles at Nova. “Hey, kiddo.”

“Hey, Auntie.”

“Auntie looks pretty, doesn’t she?” I whisper in Nova’s ear, knowing what she’s about to do.

“Auntie, Ty says you’re pretty.”

Yep. Knew it. And yeah, I did that on purpose because just looking at Raven in her tight black pants makes me push Nova off my lap and scoot away from her.

I thought, no, I fucking hoped maybe I could distance myself from Raven since I’m clearly not what she needs, but I can’t do it. I’m a weak son of a bitch.

Nova frowns. “Why’d you do that? The bench is cold on my butt cheeks.”

“It’s for the best,” I mumble, making my way out of the dugout on the other side to stand near the fence.

Over my shoulder, I sneak glances of Raven as she puts her cleats on, her cleavage on display. Good thing I’m standing now.

“What’s up your ass tonight?” Raven asks Rawley, who throws his phone on the ground and storms out of the dugout when he sees Sophia talking with another guy. If I ever thought shit was messed up in my life, all I have to do is look at Rawley and know it isn’t so bad.

Berkley walks by the dugout right then wearing a pair of tight black pants, her white T-shirt with the number 5 on the back even tighter. For being with her for so many years, I feel nothing inside when I see her. Maybe hatred, but certainly no attraction.

Her eyes scan the bench and drift to Raven. I know she has an idea there’s something going on between Raven and me, mostly because she asks me constantly which tells me she’s concerned.

She gives a nod to Red dragging Nova back from the snack bar with nachos in her hand. “How are you doing, Red?”