Unconditional (15 page)

Mum offers me a lift and I hesitate, then accept. After all, I’ve already told her he lives on the Estate.

‘I hope you don’t go walking around here on your own,’ she frowns as we drive down a street with more boarded up houses than lived in ones.

‘He walks me most of the way back,’ I assure her. ‘And
you’ve never moaned about me visiting Rianne.’

She nods, conceding my point but still looks uncertain and so I jump out of the car as swiftly as possible, air kissing her cheek. She gives a little wave, still not looking too happy, but thankfully she drives off without saying anything or giving me any lectures. I hope her invitation to Joe won’t result in her interrogating him over the dinner table.

‘Have fun with Matt,’ I call after her, and satisfied that I’ve made my point I knock on Joe’s door, feeling the usual fizz of excitement.

His eyes widen when he opens the door and he looks me up and down with undisguised appreciation.

‘Wow, you look gorgeous,’ he says, pulling me towards him for a kiss.

The warm crush of his mouth chases away any lingering doubts that were still lurking, and my body thrills to his now familiar touch as if it recognises him instantly. He’s warm and smells of aftershave and shower gel, with just a slight lingering metallic undertone of engine oil. I mould myself into him, letting my world narrow down to just consist of Joe and me.

We finally break away from each other and he holds the door wide for me to come in, playfully squeezing my bum as I walk past. ‘So how did the reunion dinner go? I thought you might be a bit upset, to be honest, so I’m guessing it was all okay?’

‘It wasn’t exactly a reunion.’ I giggle, and tell him about Matt. We’re both laughing by the time I’ve finished.

‘You’re a dope,’ he says with affection and ruffles my hair as we go to sit down.

‘It’s funny, because if I had just known from the start she had a new guy I might have been worried about it, but now I’m just so relieved it’s not Dad.’ Even as I say it I feel a bit
sorry for my dad though after his admission the other week about still loving her.

I look at Joe and don’t even want to think about how losing him would feel.

‘I thought we could watch a film or something,’ he shouts over from the kitchenette. There’s a bottle of wine in the fridge Steph said we can have, if you want it. She’s out at bingo.’

‘Are you trying to get me drunk?’ I tease. He smirks at me in a way that makes me blush all the way down to my groin.

‘Do I need to?’

I debate throwing a cushion at him, but as he’s now got glasses in his hand I decide against it. He comes over and hands me a drink of white wine that makes me pucker my mouth as I sip it. It’s really dry, but I don’t want to hurt his feelings so I try and look enthusiastic.

I needn’t have bothered as Joe sits down, takes a swig and promptly spits it back out.

‘Urgh, that’s foul,’ he grimaces.

‘It’s not the best,’ I admit, laughing as Joe runs for a glass of water.

‘I don’t even like wine.’

‘Why offer it then?’

He looks sheepish.

‘I thought it would be romantic.’

He actually blushes as he says that and it’s so cute I want to kiss him.

Eventually we end up curled up together on the sofa watching a teen horror, which is kind of crap but I pretend it’s scarier than it is so that I can curl up closer and bury my head in his shoulder. And we drink beer.

I try to concentrate on the film, which he seems engrossed in – probably something to do with the overkill
on hot bikini wearing girls – but just being next to him is distracting. Lying with my head on his shoulder I can smell his clean boy smell and feel the warmth of his body, and it takes a lot of self-control not to start nuzzling his neck or nipping at his earlobe. His arm’s round me and his hand on my leg but he makes no other move to touch me other than the occasional quick kiss when there’s a dull moment in the film. By the time it’s coming to an end I’m practically itching with frustration. Is that normal? I mean, I’ve been not a virgin for less than two days and now getting naked with him seems to be all I can think about.

Joe seems completely oblivious.

‘Good film, wasn’t it? I’ve got the sequel if you want to put it on?’

‘I’ve got to be home by twelve,’ I point out, and his face falls.

‘You should have said, I thought you were staying the night.’

Well, I suppose that explains why he was more interested in the film.

‘I think Mum wants to meet you before she’ll be cool with that. I could have said I was staying at Dannii’s, but after the row we had yesterday I don’t want to cause any more trouble.’ I leave out the part about Dannii not being my favourite person right now.

‘Yeah, you’re probably right. It’s going to feel awkward now that she found that stuff.’ Joe grimaces and for the first time I realise all this is probably hard for him to. He’s got to meet my mum knowing she’s just found out we’re sleeping together and is none too pleased about it. Thinking about it, he’s probably glad himself that my dad isn’t completely back on the scene.

‘Does she know?’ he asks abruptly and I don’t quite get what he means.

‘Well, she found the condoms and I told her I’d stayed here so…’

‘No,’ he cuts me off impatiently. ‘I mean about me. About my record.’

I nod, and his face hardens. Not for the first time I kick myself for yesterday’s little outburst.

‘Why?’ he demands, looking angry now and moving away so he’s pressed into the corner of the sofa. ‘Now she’s already going to have a bad opinion of me. Wouldn’t it be better if I had met her first?’

‘She won’t have a bad opinion of you, she’s really not judgemental like that.’ God I hope I’m right. She was so angry and completely judgemental yesterday that I’m thinking she’s perhaps not as laidback as I thought. Surely she’ll love him, how could she not?

‘I’m sorry,’ I say quietly as he continues to look angry, and wonder if we’re about to have our first row. But his face clears and he puts his arm back round me, tipping my chin up to look at him with his other hand.

‘It’s alright, babe,’ he says softly, though I can tell he’s anxious about meeting her now. I go to apologise again but he lowers his face to mine, and finally kisses me like I’ve been waiting for him to all night.

We kiss for ages, all thoughts of parents and the past forgotten, until we end up splayed out on the settee with him lying between my thighs and his hands inside my shirt. At some point either he or I has taken his top off and I run my hands over the taut broadness of his shoulders, loving the feel of him. When his hands go up under my dress and tug at my knickers I pull away gasping.

‘I didn’t bring a condom,’ I say cursing myself. I was so busy admiring myself in the mirror I didn’t even think about it. He groans in frustration, pushing his hips into me so I can feel exactly how much he wants me.

‘Haven’t you started that Pill yet?’

He moves gently against me, starting a low thrumming in my body that doesn’t care about contraception or anything else other than feeling him inside me again. I close my eyes as if blocking out the sight of his desire filled eyes is going to help, but it just makes me more aware of his body pushing against mine. I shift to the side to relieve some of the pressure, but it has the opposite effect on him as he makes a low growling noise against my neck.

‘Not until next week.’

‘Damn, Ash.’ I can hear the need in his voice.

We kiss again and I feel that delicious warmth spreading through my body. I want to lose myself in him and I know if one of us doesn’t pull away soon I’ll be making another trip to the doctors tomorrow.

I don’t know which of us does it first but we pull away from each other, breathing heavily and adjusting our clothes, Joe taking a peek up my skirt as I pull it down with no shame at all.

‘Wow, that was intense,’ he says, and I nod. Intense doesn’t even begin to describe it. Joe looks up at the clock.

‘You’ll have to leave in about an hour if you want to get home in time anyway, and I don’t want to have sex and then boot you out.’ He grins at me and I poke him playfully in the ribs.

‘Cheeky. More like I don’t want to have sex and then just leave. You might feel used.’

We laugh, which breaks some of the tension, and end up watching a comedy on the TV. Nothing sexual, which is probably just as well. I lie on Joe with my head on his chest, our legs entwined. I feel safe and happy. Crazy how much can change in just one day.

The rollercoaster ride of emotions I’ve experienced over the last few days must have taken its toll because before I
know it I’ve dozed off and Joe is shaking me awake.

‘How long have I been asleep?’ I ask, looking at the clock and feeling a wave of disappointment as I see it’s time to go.

‘I was tempted to let you sleep so that you had to stay over, but figured your mum would then just hate me,’ he says. I sigh, knowing he’s right, and drag my still sleepy limbs up and off the sofa.

Walking back the Estate looks almost pretty in the moonlight, in a kind of spooky way. We’re just approaching the park, hand in hand and me yawning uncontrollably when I see a figure coming in our direction on the other side of the street. As they get nearer I realise who it is and tense automatically, my hand gripping Joe’s.

Jason, walking with that cocky swagger some guys adopt. His eyes sweep over us and even from across the road I can see the hostility in his gaze. Joe stares back, his face completely impassive, until Jason drops his eyes and continues on his way. For all of his menacing air, I know he’s wary of Joe, and although that gives me kind of a thrill, knowing that he could protect me, it worries me too. Is his past really behind him? I wonder how he would react if he was in a similar situation now. I can sense rather than feel how his body has gone tight, like he’s ready to pounce. Then he turns and smiles at me and I tell myself to stop being stupid. Over dramatizing things again.

Joe walks me home, right to the end of the street as it’s so late and I wonder if I should bring him in, but it’s pretty late and we’ve both got to get up. Hopefully after he’s met Mum she’ll be okay with me staying over, and in any case I’m eighteen in a few months.

But for now we kiss goodbye on the end of the street like we’re still in Year Ten and I walk down my road looking back over my shoulder to see if he looks back himself.

He does.

Hugging myself in delight I let myself in, fuss the dog for ten minutes and then go upstairs, wide awake now. Seeing Mum’s door ajar and her reading lamp on, I knock lightly, wondering if Matt’s still here.

‘Come in,’ she calls. She’s alone, sitting up in bed with a book in her hand. I squint at the cover and laugh when I see what it is. Mum’s a crime and thriller fan and always teases me for my love of old fashioned romances, but in her hands is a book of mine, all virgins with heaving bosoms and dashing highwaymen. She must have it bad.

‘Sit down,’ she pats the bed and I sit on the edge, remembering back to when I was little and I would wake up in the night and creep in next to her. It happened a few times after Dad left too.

‘Did you have a nice time?’

The way she says it, I know it’s not what she really wants to ask and I sigh. We’re going to ‘talk’ I just know it. I decide to just plunge right in.

‘We didn’t have sex again, and when we do, I’ll be fully protected. And no, he’s not pressuring me into it.’ If anything, I think I want it as much as if not more than he does. But I’m not telling Mum that.

She just nods slowly at my words, her eyes sweeping my face as if assessing me and I squirm under the scrutiny. Finally she gives a sharp, satisfied nod.

‘Okay, Ashley. I don’t like it, but you were going to grow up sometime. I’m just surprised you didn’t talk to me about it beforehand.’

She looks hurt, which makes me feel like crap, so I tell her the truth.

‘I wanted to. I was worried that you wouldn’t approve of Joe and I knew there was something going on with you.’ I pause, and she jumps in, blaming herself.

‘I was distracted because of Matt’ —she looks horrified—‘and you felt you couldn’t talk to me.’

‘No,’ I say quickly, hating the look of self-recrimination in her eyes. ‘It’s not that. I was avoiding talking to you about anything because I thought, well I thought you were getting back with Dad.’

I expect her to burst out laughing or even get cross but instead her eyes fill with tears. I don’t understand until she reaches over and pats my hand.

‘I’m sorry, sweetheart. You must be so disappointed. I had no idea that Rob returning would get your hopes up like that.’

Oh God, she thinks I wanted them to get back together? I shake my head vehemently.

‘No, you don’t get it. I didn’t want you to be back together. I was so worried, I thought it would just happen all over again.’

I have to blink to stop my own eyes tearing up, but Mum looks relieved.

‘I’m really happy for you, Matt seems great,’ I assure her, and a thought occurs to me. ‘Does Dad even know?’

‘A little. I haven’t made too much of an issue of it, what with his situation with Anya.’

Which shows how decent she is really; you couldn’t have blamed her for rubbing her happiness right in his face. At that vindictive little thought I feel instantly ashamed. It’s not Mum who is still bitter about him leaving, it’s me. I rub my face, feeling tired again. I’m not sure I can cope with all these revelations. Mum seems to notice and holds her hand out. I hesitate only for a second before snuggling up into the crook of her arm.

‘Tell me about this Joe then,’ she murmurs against my hair. So I do. I tell her how hot he is, how he makes me feel both special and safe and how the world seems more vivid
with him around. Mum just listens.

‘So what’s all this about the prison sentence?’ she probes gently. I tell her as much as I know, continuing to sing Joe’s praises, trying to paint him as a hero almost and ignoring the twinge of doubt I had earlier when we walked past Jason.

‘So you’re not worried about his temper?’ she asks as if reading my mind. But I catch the edge in her voice and realise with horror what she means.