Underestimated (60 page)

lady the same question. I looked over my shoulder and

smiled, shaking my head when the lady pulled out her

wallet.

Stupid lady.

I had the best shrimp and lobster I had ever had in

my life, sitting at a quay restaurant. I loved the ocean. I

decided at that moment, wherever I ended up, it was going

to be by the ocean. The ocean and I had become friends.

We had an understanding, a bond that in some way

counseled me. The sea was full of emotion. The ocean

knew my moods. It could hate, love, it knew my dreams,

my fears, my happiness. I told the ocean more secrets than

I had ever told anyone in my life, without a word spoken,

and it understood.

It was still pretty early, and I wasn’t tired at all. I

should have been after the long drive and the roller

coaster ride from going back to my old roots, maybe I was

tired and had too much on my mind to relax. I still hadn’t

opened my time capsule. I wasn’t sure what I was waiting

on. I knew there wasn’t anything worth a damn in it. I still

couldn’t believe that neither one of my men had called to

check on me. I hadn’t talked to either one of them in two

days.

I had to pry the tin lid off because it was so rusted

around the edges. I broke a nail in the process. That pissed

me off.

Mother fucker…

The first thing I saw brought a happy smile to my

face. It was a faded green Christmas tree, cut from

construction paper. Justin made it in kindergarten. It didn’t

say, I love mommy, or I love daddy. It said I love my

sissy. I held my finger through the red piece of yarn. I then

took out the love letter from Polecat. That wasn’t his real

name. His real name was Billy Sweeny. It seemed like

everyone in the hills had a stupid nick name. It was dumb.

I used to think that I was in love with Polecat. He was a

tough guy, always in fights and drinking beer. He had

gotten his first amateur tattoo when he was only thirteen.

I read about two lines of the childish love note and

tossed it to the paper can. A week after he had written it,

he broke up with me to go out with Missy Glass. She put

out. I didn’t. I picked up the picture of my Grandma Joyce

next. She was sitting on her porch, where I picture her, the

most. She always sat on that porch, rocking for hours.

I picked up the tarnished, cross necklace next. It

had been a gift from my grandma. I think it was for my

birthday or maybe Christmas. I was sure that it came from

Avon. I used sit on her porch and circle all the things that I

wanted from the little catalogue. I had three tarnished

rings, as well. I remember thinking how rich I felt when I

had worn my little pink diamond to school, showing it off

to my other poor friends. I kept the Christmas tree, the

cheap jewelry, the two dollar bill, the picture of my

grandma, and the newspaper obituary from Grandma

Joyce. The rest I left in the tin and tossed it to the paper

can.

I lay in bed, thinking about reconnecting with my

mother. I should have kept my mind on that. I thought about

how I would feel when I saw her. I was angry, and carried

a lot of bitterness, not that I wasn’t grateful for getting

away from that hell hole. She sold me, just like my dad

had. She let the almighty dollar come before her own flesh

and blood. How could she just go off and start another

family when she left us behind. Why didn’t she take us

with her? I already knew the answer to that. Randal

Callaway was going to make sure that she disappeared.

Money does talk, no matter who it hurts.

I thought about Dawson and Drew next, wondering

what the hell I was supposed to do about them. Maybe I

really did need to start thinking about moving on without

either of them, but I loved them. I loved both of them.

Could I ever love like that again? I just had to go and think

about having sex on the peak with Drew. I moved my hand

to the small of my back. The bruise still felt a little sore

when I pressed on it. I could almost feel him entering me

as I closed my eyes and visualized our love making on top

of the world. Of course my vagina had to go and stick her

nose in it too. I felt the throbbing between my legs.

I knew my body and my betraying female parts all

too well. It wasn’t going to shut the hell up until I gave it

what it wanted. I moved my fingers between my wet folds.

Talk about being fucked up. My mind went from Drew to

Dawson. They were both fucking me as my fingers pleased

my aching core. Dawson was on his back. I was on my

hands and knees with Dawson in my mouth, and Drew was

giving it to me up the ass. Maybe I did need therapy. I

writhed beneath my fingers, frantically bringing myself to

a much needed orgasm, shaking my head in disbelief at

myself as I came down.

***

walking from my room to my car. I wore a sundress which

let the ocean breeze braze my skin.

I was starting to get nervous as I drove to the ferry

that would take me to my mother. What if she didn’t want

to see me? What if she told me to leave? What if her new

family didn’t know about me? It didn’t matter. I had to do

this. This was one of those parts of my life that would

never be laid to rest if I didn’t. I wouldn’t stay long, just

long enough to give her my two cents of what I thought

about her and what she had done.

I stood outside my car and watched the waves

swirl around the ferry as we crossed the bay. I was

running on pure adrenalin and my stomach was in knots. I

realized that I had forgotten to go down for the continental

breakfast like I had planned. Why the hell did I always

forget to eat when I was anxious?

It took almost forty five minutes to reach the dock,

and then another forty five from Kitty Hawk to Rodanthe.

“Shut the hell up,” I yelled at the robotic GPS as I

waited my turn to drive my car off the ferry. “If I turn right,

you’re fucking going swimming,” I spoke to the car. I

knew it was nerves.

The forty five minute drive took five minutes. I

swear I was there five minutes after I had gotten off the

ferry. The road that I was driving on was something that

you had to experience to even know what I am talking

about. I had ocean on both sides of me. It was almost

surreal, and I felt like the ocean was carrying me. I just

wasn’t sure what it was carrying me to. The ocean was its

own, god, its own boss. Nobody manipulated the ocean,

and it could bring you the upmost peace or your worse

wrath. I just hoped that we had gained enough respect from

each other that it was taking me to a happy place and not

the vehemence that was terrifying me as I drove over top

of it.

The gray beach house was beautiful with decks

sticking out from all sides and angles. It was massive,

almost as big as the mansion in Vegas. It was pretty

secluded, and I could barely even see the closest house to

it. I hated the house. I felt like it took the place of me and

my little brother. It did.

I parked and walked up to the massive deck in the

back of the house. I knocked on the door with my knees

knocking louder, underneath my pale yellow sundress.

Nobody came. I realized that I was supposed to open the

door and walk into the lobby. I did, and stopped at the

desk and rang the little bell on the counter.

Breathe, Morgan, breathe…

A nice looking middle-aged man walked out

drying his hands on a white dishtowel. He smiled at me.

“Morgan?” he asked.

I frowned. Who the hell was this guy, and how the

hell did he know my name.

“Do I know you?” I managed to get out.

“No. You don’t. I’m Jason, your mother’s

husband,” he offered with his hand.

I cautiously took his hand. She talked about me. He

knew who I was. I wasn’t expecting this. I was expecting

to hear that she never told him about me or Justin. How

did he know from looking at me who I was? She must have

pictures. I didn’t speak. I couldn’t speak. I was

speechless. No words would come out.

“You have no idea how happy you are going to

make your mother,” he smiled.

“Is she here?” I managed.

“No, she had to take Caroline to the dentist this

morning. She won’t be long. Are you hungry? We were

just getting ready to have brunch. Would you join me?”

“Sure.” What else was I going to do? Sit outside

and wait for her?

He led me to the front deck facing the ocean. There

were two families, three other couples, and two tables

with pairs of women. We sat at a table, and a lady

wearing shorts with a palm tree on the right leg asked

what we would like to drink. I’m not sure why I noticed

the palm tree or why it was even significant. I just noticed.

I asked for coffee. I hadn’t had any yet. Jason got an iced

tea.

“How did you know who I was?” I asked Jason.

He smiled.

“I will show you after we eat,” he answered.

We didn’t talk about anything personal. Jason

explained life at the beach house. He told me that they had

eight rooms and were booked most of the year. He

explained that they closed up for four weeks every year,

two in the winter to celebrate the holidays without

company, and two in late summer to vacation by

themselves. I guessed that you would have to do that to

keep your sanity, working where you lived twenty four

seven.

I had a delicious Reuben on toasted French bread

with Jason. I hate to say it, but I liked him. He talked about

seven year old Caroline. He was a proud pop, and I

envied the little girl who had a family, a real family.

“She looks a lot like you,” he said. “You can

definitely tell that you two are sisters.”

Sisters…

I hadn’t thought about her like that, but she wasn’t

my real sister. We had different dads. Wait. Justin and I

had different dads, and I couldn’t imagine loving him

anymore. That wasn’t fair to Caroline.

Jason led me back into the house and to a side of

the house that I was sure was off limits to the guests. It

was its own little house inside of a house. There was a

small living room, opened to an eat in kitchen with a small

table. There were three other doors that I presumed were

bedrooms and probably a bathroom. I was mesmerized

when I looked around at the wall of fame. The whole wall

was plastered in pictures of not only Caroline, but Justin

and me, as well.

I watched my little brother grow up in pictures on

the wall. I brushed my finger over one of him sitting in

front of a birthday cake with seven candles and a happy,

toothless smile. It made me smile, but made me wonder, as

well. Every last picture of me on the wall lied. If you

didn’t know it, you would have thought that I too was the

happiest girl on earth. Most of the pictures of me were

when I was all fancied up and at one of Drew’s functions.

There were several of the two of us, and the one that I

thought that I looked beautiful in brought back the after

party memory. I had stayed locked in the empty gym eating

fruit, naked for three days.

I felt a little better when I moved to the next

picture of Justin. He was just a little guy and riding on the

shoulders of a man who I presumed to be his dad. He was

happy and the beautiful woman pushing him on the swing

in the next one must have been his new mother.

“Morgan?” I heard my mother say. I knew that

voice before I ever turned around. My heart took a

plummet right to my stomach.

I cautiously turned to see her holding the hand of a

seven year old mini me. I again was speechless, and

couldn’t think of one God damn word to say. She let go of

Caroline’s hand and embraced me. She cried. She really

cried. She did miss me, and probably thought about me

more than I had thought.

“Oh, my God, baby. I can’t believe that you are

here.”

Baby? She never called me baby.

“Yeah.” That was it. That was the only word that I

could think of.