Undone (14 page)

"When did you become so cynical?"

"I think it was somewhere between ruining your life and my family's."

"You didn't ruin my life."

Sophie snorted. "You would’ve been my step-brother had I not intervened in our parents' relationship."

"Be that as it may, I now honestly believe that Nicholas and your mother would've ended up together regardless of whether you'd intervened or not. There are just some things in this world that are inevitable."

"How very insightful of you."

"Comes with age, I guess,” he said, despite Sophie’s laconic reply. "Sophie, you will need to eventually talk to someone about what's going on with you. It's bound to tear you apart if you don't."

Maybe it already has
. Roan thought silently as his gaze perused the woman standing in front of him.

"I'm fine. I don't need to talk to anyone, Roan."

Roan sighed heavily. "I’m not going to pretend I know what it feels like for you right now. There are obviously deeper issues here than I can possibly comprehend. But I know that anger inside of you. I can see the fear and sadness eating away at you. Let me in, please, let me help you."

It felt like there
was not enough air to fill her lungs as Sophie fought to breathe around the constriction in her throat. She didn't realize how violently her legs were shaking until she felt the warm hand on her thigh, ceasing the tremors.

"My heart hurts, Roan,
all
the time,” she finally confessed. Brokenly, tearfully, Sophie chomped down on her quivering lip. "My heart hurts."

"Then let me hurt with you
,” he whispered back with conviction. Taking her into his arms, Roan rested his chin on the dark head burrowed against his chest. "I'll hurt with you, Sophie,” he said poignantly, holding her as she wept.

~*~*~*~

With the morning sky dappled gray from the snowstorm, nine in the morning looked more like six or seven. Having fallen asleep huddled together on the small futon, Roan and Sophie had awakened half an hour ago. The former had sheepishly excused himself to the bathroom, no doubt to answer nature's call, while the latter took it upon herself to fix them breakfast. She’d scrounged through the brown paper bag, unloading the interesting choice of groceries she'd found inside.

Finding a good use for one of the two pints of strawberries she’d unpacked, Sophie meticulously sliced them lengthwise. Careful not to squish them, she carefully placed them around the crepes she'd made.

Heading to the mini fridge, she retrieved the pitcher of orange juice and poured out two glasses, then carried them in the middle of the carpeted living room where a fleece blanket had been laid out. Splayed on top of the blanket were two small plates on which Sophie had placed the crepes and strawberries and where she now placed the two glasses of orange juice. She’d found the half-emptied jar of Nutella spread between the powdered sugar and box of hot chocolate in one of the cupboards; she'd done a celebratory dance upon her finding, a little too excited in discovering that Roan also had an affinity for the scrumptious hazelnut spread.

Upon hearing the shower turn off, Sophie’s heart gave a little jump. She ran her hands over the oversized clothes she wore, swept her hair behind her ears, and bit her bottom lip anxiously. Then realizing what she was doing
, she rolled her eyes. She distracted herself with putting the rest of the groceries away and when her hand came in contact with the box of condoms, color rose to her cheeks. She hastily pushed the offending box further down the kitchen bar as the bathroom door sprang open.

Roan stepped out and Sophie nearly swallowed her tongue.

Roan Westport epitomized sex on two legs standing in nothing but his royal blue bath towel. He was resplendent, from the top of his shorn golden-brown head, to his large feet. Everything in between was gloriously
male
. He had a swimmer’s physique, an inverted triangle of broad shoulders and a well-defined torso that led to a flat as board abdomen. He had the right bit of muscles, lean, toned muscles that were not the least bit bulky.

The ridges of his abdomen had her fingers itching to sweep over the valley of dips and rises. Sophie bit down on her lip, her hands fisting at her sides
, sure that her traitorous body would submit under the impulse. She should’ve turned away just then, propriety demanding it of her, but Sophie’s gaze failed to understand decorum as it raked with bold curiosity down the expanse of the Roan’s body. Unable to stop herself, her gaze followed the dark trail of hair that led from his navel to the blue towel hanging oh so precariously around his waist.

“I’m going to have to charge you for that
,” he quipped, irreverent humor playing in his eyes.

Sophie raised her hands to cover her cheeks sure that she was doing a great imitation of the strawberry she’d sliced only moments ago. “I’m sorry
,” she muttered, finally getting her body to turn away.

“No worries
.” She heard the laughter in his voice. “I’m glad you enjoyed the view.”

She whirled around with a glare. “Stop teasing.”

He laughed a hearty sound that made Sophie feel all sorts of tingly inside. “I’m sorry, brat, but you’re way too easy,” he said but then realizing that Sophie was not as amused as he was, he collected himself the last bit of his humor and the lingering smile on his lips. "Something smells good."

"Yeah…
," she said with a bit of pride. "I made breakfast."

Roan grinned. "Didn't know you could cook."

"I can hold my own." Sophie’s attempt to keep her eyes on Roan’s face and off his hard, nude body became a true test of strength, which she failed epically.

"I'm going to change, I'll be right back."
He vanished inside the door-less bedroom and Sophie’s mind ran away with her.

When Roan emerged from the room
, he found Sophie staring at something on the bar, her heightened color a cause for curiosity as he neared. "Sophie?" At her name, Sophie turned and Roan grinned, spotting the object of interest. "If it's bothering you that badly I can put it away."

"No…don't be ridiculous, of course it’s not bothering me. Why would it bother me, I mean it's not like I haven't seen it before. I've seen plenty of it. Wait
…"

Roan laughed. "Right, they're gone.”

"Have you heard from your parents yet?" Roan asked a little later over their eaten breakfast.

"Spoke to my
mom a short while ago, she was more worried than pissed off. She wanted to come get me, but I think Nicholas talked her out of it, at least until the storm passes." Sophie dipped a finger inside the Nutella jar and came away with an index finger full. She stuck it between her lips and softly moaned around her finger oblivious to the effects it had on the man sitting adjacent to her as her eyes were closed in temporary bliss. "I love Nutella,” she said seconds later, going for more.

Roan adjusted himself, and then grabbed a throw pillow to cover his growing erection.
"You and Sienna both. She makes sure to keep my cupboards full of the stuff when she gets around to grocery shopping. I've seen her go through a jar in one day."

Sophie sobered at the name, a contemplative frown marring her
features. "So…what is she, like your girlfriend or something?" Her attempt to sound blasé had Roan raising his brow slightly.

"Or something
,” he said cryptically. Taking a sip from his glass, he silently enjoyed the play of emotions on her face.

"Right. Fuck buddy."

Roan almost choked. He peered at the woman owlishly staring back at him, expression practically guileless and knew she wasn't as innocent as she let on at times. The more foolish of him for underestimating the brat. "I wouldn't exactly be so crude, but yes, we have a mutual understanding that our relationship goes no further than what we do for each other in bed."

"Is she good?"

Roan pulled at the collar of his sweatshirt suddenly overheated. "Sophie…"

"Well is she? I mean, she looks like she'd be sort of the pillow princess type."

Roan’s lip quirked despite himself. "Pillow princess?"

"Yeah, you know, she just lies there and takes it."

"And you would know this how?"

Sophie looked at him as though he were a bit dim. "It’s called the internet and just because I'm a virgin doesn't mean I don't know things."

"You were blushing from just looking at a box of condoms."

"The size got to me." She looked away this time but not before Roan spotted
her cheeks flushed pink.

Roan chuckled, standing to clear their finished plates. "Thanks for breakfast. It was really good."
He set the dishes inside the sink, running them under a stream of hot water. "So," taking the glasses from Sophie, Roan rinsed his hands and left the dishes in to soak, "are you going to tell me what the deal is with you and that dickhead boyfriend of yours?"

"I'd rather not."

Roan sighed, leaning against the countertop he crossed his arms over his chest. "So what, you can probe into my personal life and I can't return the favor? How's that fair?"

"It's hard talking about things in my life."

"And you don't think it's the same for me too?"

Sophie worked her bottom lip between her teeth, contemplating something incredibly insane, but before she could ruminate on it further and lose her bravado, she opened her mouth. "How about we make a deal?"

"What sort of deal?" Roan asked warily.

"You can ask me anything you want about my life, anything at all and I promise to answer you."

"What's the catch?"

"I want…
I want you to be my lover."

Incapable of forming a coherent thought, Roan stared in perplexed silence at the woman standing no less than a foot or so away, wondering when he'd developed such a serious hearing problem. The issue, Roan was quick to realize, did not lie within himself or his ears, but rather in the doe-eyed girl staring expectantly up at him, the violent flush coating her caramel skin, notwithstanding.

“You want me to what?” He thought he sounded relatively calm despite the absurdity of the situation, but Roan wondered how long that would last in the face of Sophie’s boldness. She’d managed to leave him thoroughly speechless on three consecutive occasions in just the last few hours alone.

Roan was averse to discover what else the eldest Grayson child had in store for him. They were unfortunately stuck in his apartment until the blizzard stopped. The meteorologist had said it
could last a few more hours and even then, the predicted three feet of snow would be a bitch to clear through once it was all over. So he was stuck.
They
were stuck. Roan hadn’t minded until a few minutes ago. But now, he called himself ten types of fool for not driving Sophie home when he had the chance. 

“I want you to be my lover,” Sophie said again, the inflection in her voice the same as when she'd first made the ridiculous offer. Completely sure in what she said.

Roan wasn't sure whether he wanted to shake her or throw her in his bedroom and lock the door. The debate of whether he'd be in that bedroom with her had yet to be
won. “Roan, I want…”

“No,” he replied succinctly, pushing away from the countertop. He advanced with purposeful strides. The scowl at his brow elicited an involuntary shiver in Sophie, prompting her to take a furtive step back only to stumble on the lip of the small carpet at her feet. Bracing herself for the inevitable contact with the hardwood floor, she was surprise to discover Roan’s arms holding her securely against his immense frame, warm and oddly comforting despite muscles that were taut with tension.

Sophie knew she should've been scared shitless. She should've fought to be released from this position so reminiscent of the scene with
Roman in the alleyway. But fear was the last thing on Sophie’s mind. Her heart raced, thundered erratically in its barred prison for an entirely different reason. She furtively peered up at his face set in granite and met his narrowed black, fathomless eyes.

Riveted by the play of emotions on Roan’s face, Sophie watched, fascinated by his desperate battle for control and before he won that battle, she
saw the desire that he worked so hard to conceal. Despite his menacing appearance, Sophie knew that Roan wanted her. Emboldened by that knowledge, she rose on her toes and whispered a kiss to the corner of his mouth.

“Teach me, Roan. I want to be your fuck buddy.” For an indiscernible amount of time Roan only stared, his midnight gaze quite possibly the most unsettling thing Sophie had ever experienced drew color to her skin.

Sophie quickly became aware of so many things all at once. Like the knees bracketing her thighs and the warmth pouring out the man who held her put. Roan smelled clean and fresh, of man and soap, the combination of which hailed to everything female in her. And that unflappable stare that shifted only slightly now intent on Sophie’s mouth had her practically panting.

“Your boyfriend…”

“We broke up.” It came out in a rush of breath, quick, soft, achingly desperate. “Roan,” she moaned as his fingers wrapped around her throat, a thumb sweeping tenderly over her fluttering pulse.

“Ah…I get it now.”
His voice was deep, a sexy rasp that had yet to fail in setting Sophie’s blood to boiling. Roan shifted, sliding a leg between Sophie’s parted thighs, supporting the majority of her weight there. He leaned close and Sophie anticipated the kiss, virtually waited with bated breath for it. But— “And I refuse to be your rebound guy.” It never came. He was gone in the time it took Sophie to miss his warmth, standing once more by the countertop, completely composed. 

Sophie shook her head. She subconsciously licked her lips, slightly wounded that she'd been rej
ected so easily.  “That's not…you wouldn't be the rebound guy.”

“You could've fooled me
,” he murmured. “What’s going on in that head of yours, brat?”

Sophie noisily exhaled than raked her fingers through her hair. “Nothing. Look, just forget I ever said anything. It was stupid, I take it back, OK? So just drop it.”
She headed to the living room, but abruptly stopped at Roan’s next words.

“So we're at this part already, Sophie? You don't get your way, so you shut down? Run away? You know what, you haven't changed one bit. Still the same snot-nosed spoiled little brat I remember. The only difference between then and now
is that you have a cuter ass.”

“Screw you, Roan
,” she said with enough vitriol to give Roan pause. The venomous glare she shot him could've melted steel and rightly so, Roan felt nearly scorched. The remnants of that glare leaving his skin raw even after Sophie whirled on her heel and headed for the entrance. As she scurried to shove her naked feet inside her boots, Roan took possession of her coat seconds before Sophie made a grab for it.

“Let go.”
The jacket dangled between them now, a sleeve in both their hands. Sophie tugged, Roan tugged back. “Damn it! Let go!” She yanked harder, Roan’s grip remained steadfast.

“No,” he said simply, working hard to meet her dark angry eyes that refused to meet his gaze. “Sophie…”

“Fine. Whatever. Keep the damn thing.” Sophie released her hold on the jacket, turned and opened the door only to have it slammed shut before she could make her escape.

Roan stood at her back. Sophie could feel the heat and length of him like a second skin. She glanced to her left and saw a giant golden hand with fingers spread wide against the coffee brown door. The muscled arm attached to that hand held more strength than Sophie knew what to do with.
She turned around and was suddenly hit with a memory of being pinned beneath that strength.  How, she wondered futilely, could she still be so breathlessly aroused when she was so angry? She took in a shuddering breath, feeling so wild and unbalanced. Roan did that to her. Made her feel uninhibited, too out of control. Sophie wasn't the sort to go around begging men to be her lover. But God help her, had Roan agreed, she knew she would've been putty in those large hands.

Damn it
, Sophie, get a fucking grip! Her mind snapped. This is the same boy who made life so miserable for you so long ago, remember?

How could she not? But then hadn't
she
been just as horrible in turn? Hadn't her tunnel vision in seeing that her parents reunited ultimately hurt this man as well? They'd despised each other with equal zeal, this she could remember clearly. But, the passage of time had healed all wounds it seemed, for looking at him now, Sophie couldn't find a sliver of hostility in those dark as night eyes.

Tempted to touch that strong hard jaw, Sophie formed a fist to keep her fingers at her side. The anger from before she summoned with great effort, finding it safer to hide behind that than face emotions that were bombarding her from all corners of her being. Anger was safe.

“Let me go.”

“Letting you go is not an option at this point, brat.” Sophie refused to be imprisoned by the timbre of that voice, refused to think of the implication in that statement. There was no profound meaning to them. She had to stop herself from thinking otherwise.

“Stop running, Sophie.” There was a plea there, not too far beneath the surface of Roan’s whispering breath. “I've been where you are and I know how scary that place is. Would it be so bad if you had someone there with you?” At her silence, Roan drew closer. It must've been well below freezing outside, but inside Sophie melted. She could feel the trickle of sweat bleeding down her spine eliciting an involuntary shiver.

“Andrew was using me
,” she said without preamble, blurting out the words before she could stop them. She allowed her head to fall back against the cool wooden door, the fight having once more gone out of her. The subject of Andrew and all it encompassed draining on her otherwise volatile emotions.

Mildly grateful for the support of the door, Sophie’s body sagged upon itself, all the world's troubles seemingly propped atop her slim shoulders. “What's the point of having someone there with you, when all they ever do is disappoint you in the end?” She sounded embittered even to her own ears. The sadness lay just beneath the surface and Sophie feared
, if she wasn't careful, she'd become a blubbering mess again.

Remembering all too well the episode of only a few hours ago, she shuddered at the memories of her breakdown, fully knowing that episode wasn't one she wanted repeated.
Ever
.

“Maybe you ha
ven't found the right someone.”

“Or maybe, I deserved someone like Andrew. You know karma for all the shit I've put everyone through.”

“Do you honestly believe that?”

Sophie shrugged, aware of the even breath whispering along her cheek. “I don't know what to believe. It just feels like I'm never going to be happy. Everything just...you know...sucks...?”

“Come with me.” Those words were the only warning Sophie received before Roan dragged her away, her wrist held firmly within his grasp. Roan only released said wrist for only a few minutes while he made quick work of the sports equipment by the kitchen window. Once through, he unlocked it and pushed it open to reveal a platform and stairs with open steel gratings. Having more confidence in the fire escape than Sophie did, Roan stepped out onto the platform, snow drifting onto his head. He turned to Sophie and held out his hand. “C'mere.”

Sophie hesitated, a fr
own puckering her brow. “Roan…”

“You
gotta trust someone, Sophie. Trust me not to let anything happen to you.” It was the sincerity in his expression that ultimately convinced Sophie to throw caution to the wind and take the offered hand.

The snow fell from the dapple gray sky in great big clumps, piling high below their feet. It wasn't mind-numbingly cold, but the whistling wind added crispness to the air that made Sophie shiver despite the oversized sweater. She couldn't help the smile when Roan pulled her into the comfort of his arms, the embrace amazingly tender, tugged at something in Sophie’s chest. With her face nestled in the cotton fabric of Roan’s hoodie, Sophie inhaled deeply. “You smell like laundry
,” she commented softly.

“Clean?” There was laughter in his voice.

“Mm-hmm.”

“Well, I'll let Sienna know she's doing a good job.”

Sophie raised her head and met Roan’s gaze. “Don't…don't talk about her when we're together.” She hadn't a clue where the possessive shit came from nor did she care that she had no right to make such demands. All that mattered to Sophie at this very second was that when she was with Roan, no matter how fleeting this moment was, she wanted to be the center of his world. The why of it, she had yet to work out. 

“So let's talk about you then.”

“Why did you bring me out here?” Sophie asked, succeeding in once again changing the subject which Roan allowed her.

Sophie felt him shrug
. “Don't know, figured you needed a reprieve from the pity party you were throwing yourself. Fresh air helps.”

“I wasn't…
OK maybe just a little party, but I'm entitled to wallow.”

“So wallow and get over it.”

“Don't you think I've tried?” she sighed softly. “It’s not that easy.”

Pulling away slightly, Roan settled gentle but firm fingers beneath her chin, raising her head up. “That's why it's called life. Shit happens, you deal with it and you move on. Allowing it to consume you will only fuck you up in the end. I'm sorry for what happened in the alley and I'm sorry your boyfriend was an even bigger dick than I suspecte
d. I didn't want that for you.”

“I think it hurts more because I
thought I was falling in love with him. He was different from all the guys I dated. You know, really sweet, attentive…he didn't push for anything. I guess he was more interested in using me to get to my parents’ money than he was in sex. I should be grateful, right?”

“Yeah...”

“So why do I feel like maybe if I've given it up to him…”

“Let's stop that train of thought right there. Whether you had given him a piece of ass or not, I sincerely doubt it
would’ve mattered in the end.”

“Gee thanks
,” Sophie said dryly, her attempt to pull away was quickly deterred by Roan’s sturdy grip on her forearms.  

“Don't do that, let me finish.” Sophie stared at him expectantly,
her dark eyes wary of what would come out of his mouth, but somehow anxious to hear it. “I'm not saying sex with you wouldn't have been great for him. But one way or another, if he was determined to use you, sex wouldn't have made a difference, no matter how beautiful you are.”

Sophie grinned sl
yly. “You think I'm beautiful?”

“I…
” Despite the chill in the air, Sophie was certain that the cold wasn't to blame for the sudden rise of color in Roan’s cheeks. “You…fuck, you know you’re beautiful, OK?” His glower only served to endear him that much more to Sophie and with a knowing grin she reached out to touch the assortment of piercings adorning Roan’s left ear. She hadn’t noticed the piercings until only now, the black curved taper sticking out from his earlobe catching Sophie’s interest.