Unfaded (7 page)

             
I’d probably look more sincere if I was willing to grovel in front of an audience.

             
But Connor wasn’t in the cafeteria when I got there. Only Amber and Claire were sitting at our regular table.

             
“They decided to go throw some hoops in the gym,” Claire told me when I enquired about where the guys were. “He’s acting kinda strange this morning; did the two of you have a fight or something?”

             
“I screwed up,” I told her and then I filled my friends in on what I’d done.

             
“That’s not such a big deal,” Amber reassured me once I finished. “It’s not like he’s never stood you up before. Remember the time he forgot about taking you skiing. You didn’t even get mad.”

             
“It’s different,” I said. “He’s upset with me over what happened the other day and I think Breanna is spreading rumours about me. You know how catty she is. She caught me talking to Kian.”

             
“Oh, he’s so dreamy,” Amber said.

             
“What’s the big deal?” Claire asked. “It’s not like you haven’t talked to boys before. Connor’s never struck me as the jealous type.”

             
“Me neither,” I said. “But haven’t you noticed? He was acting really weird yesterday.”

             
“He’ll be fine,” Claire said. “Just give him a bit of time. Eugene’s acting weird too. I don’t think the guys are used to competition.”

“
Speaking of competition, I was talking to Kian earlier and I’m pretty sure he’s single,” Amber said. “There was no mention of girlfriends and I kinda dropped some hints about it. I’m thinking of asking him out to a movie next week. Wanna come? We could double date.”

             
“Who cares what Breanna does,” Claire said. “You’ve been dating Connor for four years and you’ve known him your entire life. He’s been in love with you since kindergarten. There’s no force in the world that could split you up. She’s just jealous.”

             
I nodded but I had only half heard her. I was more focused on what Amber had just said. Double date? Kian and her? Why did the thought of that annoy me so much? Why should Amber date him? She went through guys like water; Kian didn’t deserve to be treated like that.

             
It slowly dawned on me, what exactly was I thinking? I wasn’t like this. Mean. Why on earth would I think such bad things about Amber? She was my closest friend. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had a negative thought about her. Was I jealous? I searched my brain, trying to remember the last time I’d been envious another girl and I couldn’t focus on any single thought. It just wasn’t in my personality. I guess in a way I was lucky, I was usually the type of girl others were jealous of. I had a great boyfriend. I got decent grades. I always came home on time and never got into trouble.

             
I was boring.

             
Predictable.

             
But this was new. This fiery enchantment brewing inside of me. This desire to grab Amber and tell her to keep her paws off of Kian. There was something stormy brewing in the darkest pit of my soul and it was itching to break free and cause chaos. But why was it suddenly popping to the surface now? I didn’t want Kian. I wanted Connor. I knew this.

             
Maybe it was the weird fainting spells causing this. Perhaps there really was a brain tumour sitting on my frontal lobe somewhere and it was the cause of all this new found aggression. We studied that in psychology class. There was a guy who had damage done to his frontal lobe and his personality completely changed. He became aggressive and said lots of nasty things. His wife left him over it. His friends stopping hanging out, even his family wanted nothing to do with him. Eventually he ended up all alone because people couldn’t handle the new, less improved him.

             
Maybe that was it? A cold tingle moved up the back of my spine and directly into my hairline causing goose bumps to appear on my arm. Was this my future? Would I continue to have these weird spells and say and do nasty things to my friends? Would they all end up alienating me and forcing me away? Would I end up the crazy lady living at the edge of town with only seventeen cats to keep me company?

                                          *              *              *

              When I walked into English class, Kian was waiting for me, sitting on the edge of his desk, his foot resting on my seat. He was surrounded by a couple of girls which wasn’t really surprising: his new guy status would probably hold strong till the end of the year. Breanna was one of them, shadowed by Sue. I stopped before them, and I couldn’t help but give him a silly grin. What was it about him that made me feel as if I’d just won the lottery? No, that wasn’t quite the way to describe it. My stomach felt as if butterflies were fluttering around and a group of alley cats had decided to pounce at the same time.

             
“Hello, fair maiden,” Kian said and he bowed deep in a way that made Breanna laugh as if it was the most ridiculous thing anyone had ever said in her presence. Neither Kian nor I paid her any attention. Removing his foot from my seat, he brushed off any imaginary dirt with his hand and bowed again.

             
“I suppose you’ll want to be called a Knight from now on?” I said as I dropped my bag on the table. “Tis a shame there’s no dragons for you to be slaying.”

             
“Dragon’s are for chumps,” he said.

             
The edges along Breanna’s mouth hardened. She didn’t like the fact that she was no longer the centre of attention. “Where’s Connor?” she said loudly.

             
I gave her a look. “Probably in Algebra. Would you like a copy of his schedule?”

             
“Connor’s her boyfriend,” Breanna said a matter of factly.

             
“Lucky guy,” Kian said but he didn’t look too bothered by it.

             
I sat down in my chair, contemplating the millions of ways I could humiliate Breanna back but none of the ideas I came up with sounded legal. That was a really petty thing she’d just done. What exactly was she implying there? I wasn’t sure if it was more to dissuade Kian or remind me where my place was.

             
Either way the bell rang and Breanna and Sue sauntered back over to their desks while Ms. Gray fiddled with the DVD player in order to give us another hour of a terrible BBC classic. She was sick today; her eyes were watering and red. A box of tissues was on her desk and every other second she was grabbing one and loudly blowing her nose. I think the main reason she was making us watch this dreadful movie was because she was too sick to teach.

             
I opened my notebook, keeping my eyes as far away from Kian as possible. Once the lights were turned down and the movie turned up, he reached out and tapped me on the shoulder. A jolt travelled through my entire body and I swear, each and every butterfly multiplied.

             
“I’m sorry,” he said. “But I already know you have a boyfriend.”

             
“You do?”

             
“Sure, small school,” he said and I could hear the annoyance in his voice even if I couldn’t quite see his face. “Just about every single student has made a point in mentioning it to me.”

             
The butterflies were instantly killed off by the cold that swept through my gut. Were we that obvious? Was there something going on between us that everyone else was noticing? But that wasn’t right, as far as I was convinced, Kian and I were just friends. Sure, he was gorgeous but that didn’t mean much. Connor was beautiful too. I was happy with Connor.

             
“Kian, I...”

             
He’s got a scar on his stomach that stretches past his bellybutton about the length of a pencil.

             
He did?

             
Where did that come from? The voice was clear in my head as if someone had spoken it out loud. I actually looked around even though I knew there was no one in the room that had just told me that. No, it came from my head. My thoughts. But I had no memories of Kian. I was sure of that.

             
Just in case, I decided to ask a few questions.

             
“What do you think of Addison so far?” I asked.

             
“It’s nice,” he said. “It’s a good change for me.”

             
“How so?” I glanced back at the front of the room but Ms. Gray was busy watching the movie and blowing her nose. The garbage can beside her was rapidly filling up with tissues. Her red face glowed in the dark. She must have really been hurting because she wasn’t paying attention to the class in the slightest. Everyone else seemed to be doing other things. Breanna and Sue were deep in conversation. A few kids had put on their Mp3 players and nodding off to another beat. Others were writing in their notebooks or chatting. Apparently Chaucer wasn’t working for anyone today.

             
“Where else have you lived?” I asked.

             
“That’s a tall list,” he said. “I’ve travelled around a lot. LA. Seattle. Spent some time in Madison, Wisconsin. London. Most of Europe.”

             
That would explain his beautiful accent.

             
“I lived in Dublin for a while,” he continued.

             
“That’s where I was born,” I said. “Where else?”

             
“I spent a bit of time in Hong Kong. Tokyo. I’ve travelled through the states but not really settled anywhere. Did an entire summer in Mexico. Canada.”

             
“Wow,” I said and I was impressed. He’d just listed off all the places I dreamed of seeing. He’d done all the travelling I wanted to do. It also explained why he appeared to be more mature than most of the kids my age. He was worldly. “How on earth did you do all that? It takes time to travel. What about school?”

             
“Home schooled mostly,” he said. “Micah taught me everything I need to know.”

             
“Micah? You call your Dad by his first name.”

             
“Yes.”

             
I nodded as if that was normal. He didn’t seem to notice. It explained the sarcasm in his voice when he’d called him Dad. I guess they just did things differently. Maybe when you spent all that time travelling the world together, calling your Dad by his first name just became more natural. Maybe Micah was one of those parents who didn’t want to feel old. I wondered what Dad would do if I suddenly started calling him Larry? The thought made me smile.

             
“You’re very lucky,” I said. “I’d love to be able to travel like that. There’s so much in the world I’d like to see.”

             
Kian leaned his head on his hand and tilted his chin towards me. “What do you want to see?”

             
I sighed. “Where do I begin? I guess, London. That’s where I want to go to university. I’ve been looking into the schools there. But it’s costly. I’d also like to see Dublin where I was born. My mother was Irish. My Dad met her while he was backpacking through Europe.”

             
“London’s a fantastic city,” Kian said. “One of my favourites. I used to watch Shakespeare plays along the Thames riverbank. I’ll tell you what. I’ll make sure I’m back in England when you go to school. That way I can show you around.”

             
My heartbeat pounded just beneath my skin. “Sounds good.”

             
“It’s a date.”

             
“You might end up waiting a long time,” I said. “At the rate my savings account climbs, I’ll be at least thirty before I’m able to go.”

             
“All good things come to those who wait,” he said. “And if anyone has experience in that department, it’s me. I’ve waited a great deal in the past.”

             
“What for?”

             
“Now that’s my secret,” he said, giving me a wink.

             
I grinned. “I’m terrible at being patient.”

             
“Sometimes you have no choice,” he said. Even through the darkness I could see the distant look on his face. His eyes were downcast and thoughtful. “Sometimes waiting is your only option.”

             
“Was it worth it?”

             
“It’s always worth it.”

             
                                          *              *              *