Unfaithful (15 page)

Lost in these thoughts, my eyes shifted to Ginevra’s hand and glimpsed it reaching for the last slice of pizza. Suddenly I felt dragged into another dimension, struck by a devastating, uncontrollable emotion. A violent one.

Rage.

Rage that rushed up from deep inside me. Furious. Unexpected. Unstoppable. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?!” I had no control over the words that spewed from my mouth. As if it had a life of its own, my hand snatched the food from hers and flung it across the room. It was like someone had taken over my body. Something dark and evil was stirring inside me. I could feel its strength. “You think you’re entitled to everything just because you think you’re
better
than the rest of us?” I screamed, horrified by the ungovernable impulse that was driving me to say these things. A little voice hidden in a corner of my brain begged me to stop.

Icy silence descended on the room. My insides mirrored the frozen faces of the others. I rubbed my arms, ashamed of my reaction. Simon and Drake stared at me in shock. I wished the earth would open under my feet and swallow me up.

“Everything’s fine,” Ginevra whispered cautiously, probably reading in my mind how ashamed I was. But nothing was fine, not at all. What the hell had just happened to me? I stared at the floor. Emptiness filled me. None of it seemed real.

“I . . .” I stammered, my voice lifeless. “I don’t know what got into me.” I was disgusted with myself. “I’m not even hungry. I have no idea why I reacted like that.” I looked up at Ginevra. “Forgive me, Gin,” I begged, mortified. I hid my face in my hands and found they were trembling, as if some violent energy were surging through them.

“It’s no big deal, Gemma,” Evan said to dispel my obvious embarrassment. “Everybody loses their temper once in a while. Besides, we all know Ginevra’s a total glutton. It does her good to be reminded of it once in a while.” He said it lightheartedly enough to clear the tension in the air, but in my heart the fog hadn’t budged an inch. Still, I forced a smile, masking the agitation that still threatened to consume me.

With a jerk of his head, Evan invited me to follow him upstairs. Unable to look Ginevra in the eye, I barely glanced at her and followed him to his room.

“What do you think got into me?” I asked Evan, leaning against the desk in his room.

“What do you think?” he echoed, slowly moving closer.

“Honestly, I don’t know how to explain it. All this anger flared up inside me and I couldn’t keep it from exploding. It was overwhelming, Evan. I’ve never felt anything like it.”

He reached for my hands and pulled me to him. “It’s nothing you should worry about. You’re making too much of it.”

As soon as Evan’s lips rested on mine I felt relieved and the last remaining traces of the terrible memory instantly vanished. I pulled back to look at him, filled with the suspicion that he’d caused the soothing sensation. “Was that you?” I raised an eyebrow, even more convinced he’d used his powers to guide my thoughts elsewhere and ease the tension.

Evan moved his lips closer to mine. “Don’t know what you’re talking about.” But the smile he tried to hide gave him away.

He watched me as I slipped out of his embrace and went to the built-in bookcase that took up an entire wall. Rows of well-worn books were lined up side by side like little soldiers. Their pages were yellowed by the centuries, their smell comforting. The first time Evan had showed it to me, he’d had to drag me away by force. I scanned it, studying the titles on their spines. “So many books,” I said aloud.

Evan shrugged. “They were the only things that gave my life meaning before I met you.”

“Not counting your car,” I teased. “And your motorcycle.”

He laughed and hung his head, probably because I always replied with something sarcastic when receiving a compliment. I realized it but couldn’t do anything about it. “Not counting those,” he agreed.

I grinned and turned back to look at the books more carefully. With an affectionate smile, I remembered when Evan had given me his 1847 edition of
Jane Eyre
. I hadn’t been able to sleep for a whole week after that. Lost in this memory, I didn’t notice that in the meantime I’d begun to trail my finger over the meticulously organized books. I’d almost reached Shakespeare when I stopped, curious, on a dusty book that looked older than the others.

“
Tristan and Iseult
,” I murmured as I carefully took it out, my eyes filled with fascination. I blew across its top edge, raising a cloud of dust. The leather cover was worn. “I’ve always loved this story,” I told him eagerly, resting one knee on the mattress and sliding down onto my belly facing the foot of the bed.

“That makes the list of things we have in common even longer,” Evan said, clicking on a playlist on his laptop that was sitting open on the desk. “Actually, it’s a legend of Celtic origin that dates back to the Middle Ages.” He lay down beside me on the bed, staring at the ceiling as the soft notes of Hans Zimmer’s
And Then I Kissed Him
filled the room.

I leafed through the book, my fingers brushing the fragile, yellowed paper. Evan gently took it out of my hands and turned the pages, a confident look in his eye. He was clearly searching for something. I could tell he’d found it when he stopped, rolled onto his side, and gazed at me. Then he looked down at the old yellowed page.

They were like the honeysuckle vine,

Which around a hazel tree will twine,

Holding the trunk as in a fist

And climbing until its tendrils twist

Around the top and hold it fast.

Together tree and vine will last.

But then, if anyone should pry

The vine away, they both will die.

My love, we’re like that vine and tree;

I’ll die without you, you without me.

He recited the verses with a sad awareness in his voice, as if they were his own. When he was finished I lay there in silence listening as the echo of his words faded inside me.

“The verse reminds me of a couple I know,” he said softly, a bitter smile on his lips. “Constantly hounded by a fate that tries to divide them, forcing them to repress their love. But not even death manages to separate them.” His gaze lingered on mine. “It’s the two of us, Jamie. Together,” he whispered in a low voice, touching my lips. “Like the hazel and the honeysuckle. Like Tristan and Iseult.”

“No!” I protested, realizing his meaning.

“I couldn’t go on living without you,” he said, closing the book with a little puff of dust.

“But you
have to
,” I said, a pleading look on my face. “You can’t—you can’t even
think
of something like that, Evan!” My fate was uncertain and Evan had already planned his if worse came to worst. My life could end at any minute, but his couldn’t come to an end because of me; I would never allow it.

“I’ve already made up my mind.”

“Change it,” I ordered him with a determination I didn’t know I had.

“I can lie to you if you want, but I’m not going to change my mind. I can’t even stand the thought of losing you.
I’ll die without you
,” he said slowly, looking me in the eye.

A shiver ran down my spine and I looked around, sensing something.

Evan looked at me, frowning. “Something the matter?”

“I have a bad feeling. A sense of foreboding.” He stared at me and the serious look on my face caused concern to appear on his own. “Something’s wrong, Evan. Their strange lack of interest in me and especially in
you
. Why weren’t you ever held accountable for what you did?”

“I don’t know. I imagined I would be denied entrance to Eden, but there must be some reason behind their apparent disinterest. I’ll pay for my decisions, you can be sure of that. The Elders never go about things directly. They’re far more subtle.”

“I don’t know. It’s like I can feel something brewing. The uncanny silence that comes before a storm. Doesn’t it seem odd to you too?”

He put his arm around my shoulders and rested his forehead against mine, driving off the anxiety threatening us both. “We’ll face it together,” he whispered tenderly.

“All right,” I made myself reply even though I wasn’t convinced. I got up from the bed, his eyes still on me, and went to the bookcase to put the book back. Another book fell off the shelf but I caught it before it hit the floor. “
Paradise Lost
. The irony of fate.” I chuckled and looked at the book for a long moment, lost in a silly thought. “You think Milton’s vision of heaven did it justice?” I asked casually, hoping his answer might reveal to me what mankind had always been forbidden to know.

Evan looked at me with a strange smile. I frowned. “What did I say?” I asked, at a loss.

“You can ask me . . . or you can see for yourself.”

“See for myse— What are you talking about, Evan?” I asked, stunned.

From the way he laughed out loud, I guessed this particular book hadn’t ended up in my hands by coincidence. “Actually I’ve been considering it for a while now and I think you’re ready.”

I began to worry that I’d actually understood what he was saying, but the thought that flashed through my mind was too ridiculous to take seriously.

“I want to show you my world,” he said matter-of-factly.

Another shiver spread all over my body, giving me goosebumps.

“I want you to be part of it.”

My thoughts blurred and I tripped over my words. “You—No, wait, y-you want—oh, no! You can’t be serious. This is another one of your jokes. You’re talking about—” I stared at him in shock as Evan nodded with a little grin on his face.

“We’re living in
your
world. It only seems fair for you to know the place I come from too.”

I sank onto the bed. Evan took my hands as his enthusiasm grew. “You don’t know how long I’ve waited for you to be ready, Gemma. You’ve got to see it!”

“Do you think it’s really possible?”

“Why shouldn’t it be? It’s like home to me. It’s hard enough not being able to see the other souls there. I want at least to show it to the one person who matters to me.”

“It could be dangerous,” I said. The idea was as tempting as it was frightening.

“It won’t be. Trust me, no one will see us.” He knelt down in front of me and made me look at him. “It’ll be just you and me, in heaven.” I rested my forehead against his. “The two of us against the world,” he added. “What do you say?”

Sometimes it was impossible to talk him out of his recklessness and just as impossible to resist that look in his eye, as wild as it was tender. “I feel like I’m already in heaven,” I whispered, my eyes closed and my forehead against his. Even so, the idea made me tremble and I couldn’t refuse. I bit my lip, my unspoken acceptance sending a tremor of excitement through my heart. A glance at the clock told me it was already five in the afternoon.

Evan squeezed my hands and pulled me to my feet. His lips brushed my ear. “Close your eyes,” he whispered. “Empty your mind of all thought and let me guide you. Trust me completely.”

A strange tingle filled my head. Instinctively, my lips sought his to dispel the fear that, in spite of myself, was mixed with excitement. Evan held me in his arms and the tingle spread all over my skin. It was a pleasant sensation that made me dizzy. When he relaxed his grip on my arms, I wasn’t completely sure I was ready to open my eyes, so I hesitated. A sweetly scented, intoxicating breeze caressed my skin and I understood at once that we weren’t in his room any more. A fresh delicate fragrance filled my nostrils, arousing my curiosity.

I opened my eyes and everything I had known up to a moment ago ceased to exist. The sight was so astonishing I realized nothing would ever be the same—because
I
wouldn’t be the same any more. Everything I’d feared, everything I’d always believed no longer made sense; but then again nothing had ever made sense until this moment. It was a new reality that my spirit drank in thirstily. No, not new. A part of me trembled under my skin, as if this world were all I knew. It belonged to me, I could feel it deep in my soul. I belonged to this place.
I wanted it
. At all costs.

I inhaled deeply. The air had a different aroma, new to my still-human earthly senses. Still, part of me recognized it as familiar. It must have been my soul. This was where it had come from and where it wanted to return. I could feel it.

The reward . . . Eden.

“My God,” I murmured, looking around, astonished by the landscape that exploded in a myriad of colors, shapes, scents beyond my wildest imagination.

“Well?” Evan’s pleased voice snapped me out of my daze. “What do you say about Milton’s description?”

My mouth opened and closed convulsively before I finally found my voice. “This is even better than Pandora!” I exclaimed, unable to believe it was real. My eyes widened, trying to take it all in.

“The first woman created by Zeus to punish mankind?” Evan asked, looking confused.