Unforgiven (4 page)

Thinking my approach for the last two barriers would work just as well on this one, I told myself it wasn’t real and walked confidently toward it. I crashed face-first into the bricks. My immediate instinct was to soothe my hurt, but I didn’t want to open my eyes and alert Tracy to the fact I’d made it this far. It was time to finish what I’d started. So I got up, brushed off my shorts, and tried to come up with a different approach.

As I narrowed my gaze, I realized I could see images within the bricks. I brought my face so close that my injured nose touched Tracy’s wall. It was cool against my skin, and my breath left a fog on its dark surface. As I narrowed my focus on one of the bricks, the scene expanded before my eyes. I could see a book in Tracy’s lap. The image became increasingly clear the longer I watched it, and soon, I could even read the words in the book. It was about strategy, specifically war strategy. I pulled back and it dawned on me that they weren’t just images and scenes, they were
memories
.

I examined another brick. Tracy was in a meeting with David.

“I’m looking at a new candidate,” he said, pushing a folder across his desk toward her. Suddenly, I was a fly on the wall in a very real way. It was odd and exhilarating at the same time.

She opened the file, and I saw my picture clipped to the left side.

“What makes her so special?” she asked, thumbing through the papers inside the file.

She’s too old, with no previous training. This one’s going to be a nightmare.
Her thoughts sounded a lot like her voice, only they had a faint echo.

Fearing I’d be thrown from her mind if I didn’t concentrate, I ignored the sting of her early impression of me.

“Mitchell pointed her out. I was going to leave her alone, but he said her skill is making her feel isolated.”

Tracy closed my file and set it back down on David’s desk. “Isolation isn’t always such a bad thing. And I’ve never known you to take someone on out of pity. She doesn’t seem to be in danger, and based on what Mitchell has seen of her abilities, they’re not anything too extraordinary. So, what’s really going on here?”

David pulled my file closer to him and opened it, gazing at my photo with a hint of affection in his eyes. “Her true identity is classified for now.” He looked up at Tracy. “But know that she is special, and if she does decide to join us, I’m confident she would be a great asset.”

I’ve never seen David like this before. He’s almost sentimental. I wonder who the girl is.
Tracy’s voice echoed again through my mind.

I continued to walk along the wall, stopping to watch a memory every now and then. The farther I went, the older the memories were. The wall went on forever in both directions, and I found myself wondering what the other direction held. If the blocks were made of memories, why didn’t it end at present day? But I was too enthralled with watching Tracy train with the Unseen to go back to check.

Then I saw something I would never be able to forget. It was a memory from her life before the Unseen. Tracy was a teenager, walking next to a girl who was her spitting image.

I didn’t know Tracy was a twin,
I thought.

The two girls were so alike. They even had the same swagger about their walk. But Tracy was clearly identifiable by the style of her dress. Her cargo shorts and loose-fitting T-shirt posed a marked contrast to her sister’s feminine knee-length skirt and lacy top.

I couldn’t tell where exactly they were, but people bustled around them as they walked down the nameless city’s sidewalk. It seemed like a sunny, warm day, and from the look of the books in their arms and the packs on their backs, I guessed they were walking home from school.

This is going to be so fun.
The voice was more chipper than Tracy’s, so I figured it had to be her sister’s thoughts I was hearing. But the girl in the cargo shorts was the one with a smile on her face. Confused as to which one was which, I listened eagerly.

Mom hates it when we do this. We’re liable to get extra chores for a week, you know.
That one sounded a lot more like Tracy, just younger and a bit higher pitched.

Worth it,
her twin answered as she shrugged her shoulders.
Plus, it’s a double win for me because I get to see you looking pretty.

Tracy rolled her eyes as she adjusted the backpack she was carrying.
Yeah, well, don’t get used to it.

I started piecing it together. They had traded outfits with each other before leaving school in a ruse to confuse their mom. I had a hard time imagining Tracy pulling a prank like this, but the thought of her doing something so lighthearted made me smile.

Bumping Tracy with her hip, her sister smiled and threw an arm around her twin as they walked along the sidewalk together, effortlessly maneuvering through the crowd. Thinking there was nothing more to this memory, I was about to move on to another brick when I noticed a figure following the girls. Tracy’s twin seemed to notice him too.

The man was dressed casually, in khaki pants and a polo shirt. He looked like he was on an errand for work. In fact, the only thing that made him stand out from the crowd surrounding him was the way his steel-gray eyes had zeroed in on the girls. Everyone else went about their business, not paying much attention to their surroundings. But he watched the twins hungrily, like they were his prey.

Subtly, the girls picked up their pace. Just as Tracy’s twin looked over her shoulder, the man raised a pistol equipped with a silencer.

Where on Earth had that come from? How come no one noticed him carrying it?
I wondered, horrified at the events unfolding in front of me. Fear crept down my spine and through all my limbs.

The moments that followed passed by in agonizingly slow motion.

Just before the man pulled the trigger, Tracy’s twin darted behind her sister and grabbed her backpack, pulling her down in an effort to save them both. But it didn’t work. She took the full force of the bullet.

The memory returned to normal speed as Tracy whipped around and the shooter melted into the gathering crowd.

“Call 911!” someone shouted.

Tracy cradled her sister.
Patti, stay with me. It’s going to be okay. Help is coming.
Her tone was urgent, filled with fear.

But Patti didn’t answer her. She smiled at Tracy one last time, and then took her last breath in her twin’s arms, never saying or thinking another word.

The sorrow that filled my mind in that moment overwhelmed me completely. It felt like half my soul had been torn from my body. The pain I felt was altogether different from my grief over Maddie. It left me feeling raw, exposed, and so very vulnerable.

My eyes flew open, returning me to the real world and the training room with Tracy. I realized my face was wet with tears.

Tracy gave me a confused look. “What happened?”

I opened my mouth, but I couldn’t verbalize. I felt the weight of her sister in my own arms as her soul left her body an empty shell in my lap.

“Tracy, I…”

“What?” She narrowed her eyes at me, becoming suspicious.

Clearing my throat, I tried desperately to find the words to communicate what I felt. “I’m sorry.” I paused, wanting and not wanting to go on. “About your sister.”

Her eyes grew wide with shock. “What the hell did you do?” She flew up out of her seat. “That was private!” she yelled, and I shrank back in my chair, with nothing to protect me from her wrath.

“I’m sorry, I just—”

“You just what? Nosed around where you didn’t belong? How did you even find that?”

“I was just trying to get past your defenses, like I was told, but it—”

She cut me off again, clearly not ready or willing to hear me out. “It doesn’t matter. We’re done here,” she said, storming out of the room, leaving me utterly alone with a sorrow more acute than anything I’d never known.

The next morning, I was summoned bright and early to David’s office, not that I’d been sleeping. The encounter with Tracy had cursed me with an unsettled, sleepless night.

Tracy was seated in one of the two chairs across from David’s desk when I arrived. She didn’t greet me or even make eye contact. Pleasantries were never her strong suit, but her behavior was notably cold.

Before David could talk, I tried to smooth things over with Tracy. I was afraid I’d ruined everything by trying to prove that I was good enough to hack into her mind. But now that I’d done it, and the consequences were laid bare, who had I been trying to prove myself to? “Tracy, I—”

David cut me off. “Mackenzie, please sit down. Tracy has explained some of what happened in yesterday’s training. However, I’m not sure I fully understand. I’m hoping you can enlighten me.”

I sat down slowly in the chair, trying to read the temperature of the room. David seemed curious, but Tracy… well, I hoped I was misreading the hostility I felt emanating from her like heat off pavement.

“I’m sorry, Tracy. Truly,” I started. “I just wanted to prove to you… and me, I guess… that I could do it.”

“Do what, exactly?” David asked.

“Get past her defenses. All of them.”

Tracy’s eyes widened. “All of them? That’s how you knew about my sister?”

“Well, yeah. How else would I have known?”

She shrugged and shook her head. “David is the only one who knows what happened to Patti. He picked me up soon after that.”

I nodded. “Yes, I know.” I clapped my hand over my mouth as soon as it was out. For someone who hadn’t been doing much talking lately, I was sure making a habit of saying too much.

“You… of course you do.” She shook her head. “Is there anything you left private?”

“I stopped at your sister. I thought it was just a fun memory, and I was about to move on when I saw the guy with the gun. The rest played out in slow motion. I couldn’t stop it.” Just talking about it brought the images back to the forefront of my mind, making me shiver.

“I’m well aware of how the rest of it plays out, thank you.” Despite her smart words, her tone was quiet and sad.

David intervened on my behalf. “Tracy, it’s pretty clear she didn’t do it on purpose. And I trust you’ll keep what you’ve learned to yourself?” I nodded. “Now, it’s time to tell us how you accomplished it.”

“It really wasn’t that hard, once I figured it out.”

Tracy leaned back in her chair and folded her arms over her chest. “No one else thought it was that easy.”

“It was actually something
you
said to me, Tracy, about reality.” She looked sidelong at me, and I could tell she wasn’t sure she wanted to hear that she was to blame for the intrusion into her memories. “I realized the things in your mind weren’t real, at least not in the same sense that the things in the training room were real. They were real in our minds, which is how I got hurt by your damned barbed wire fence so many times, but it was still just a trick of the mind, right?” They both eyed me skeptically. “Once I convinced my own mind it wasn’t real, I literally walked through your first two defenses.”

“Even the mustard gas trench?”

“Well, yeah. The air I was breathing in the training room was fine. I just had to remind myself of that.” I shrugged. “But when I tried it on your wall, I ran smack into it. Actually hurt my nose a little.” I rubbed it, remembering the injury. “I had to work hard to keep my concentration, since you didn’t seem to realize how far I’d gotten. Honestly, I just wanted to see how much further I could go. That’s all. I wasn’t trying to pry into your past or hurt you in any way. I wish I’d stopped at the wall,” I said, thinking of her sister. Because of what I’d done, her sister’s death had haunted me the whole night. I wanted desperately to erase what I’d seen in her mind, and I hoped she realized I hadn’t snooped on her maliciously.

“Me too,” she said, all the hostility draining from her, leaving her slouched and weighed down with sadness.

“So, what happened at the wall?” David asked.

“After I crashed into it, I looked at it more closely and saw that there were little scenes playing in the bricks, almost like little movies. I realized they were Tracy’s memories, so I started watching them. Each time I watched one, I moved a little further down the wall. And I just kept making my way through them until I got upset by the memory of her sister.”

“I see. You make it sound so easy,” David said as he toyed with his mustache, seeming to consider my explanation.

We were all silent for a moment. I didn’t know what to say to that. It
was
easy, once I understood the mechanics of it.

“I do have a question,” I said, turning to face Tracy. “Your wall seemed to go on forever in both directions, but the memories started pretty close to the present. Why didn’t it end at today’s memories?”

“Memories, as you grow closer to present day, grow more detailed and mundane. What you wore yesterday, whether or not you flossed your teeth, what you had for lunch. The memories are smaller, but there are a lot more of them. Although not truly infinite, they’re close—you’re always creating new memories with each passing moment, so you’re continuously adding new bricks,” Tracy explained, her tone even and unreadable. I’d hoped for some sign that we were okay, that she had forgiven me, but I didn’t get it.

We fell into silence again, and I held my breath as I waited for one of them to speak, not knowing if I’d violated some sacred Unseen rule. Would I face some unknown punishment for learning one of Tracy’s deepest, darkest secrets? Before the panic could settle in too deeply, David spoke again.

“No one has ever made it to Tracy’s wall. I’ve seen it, but only because she’s allowed me to see it. She has put trainees, not to mention Potestas trying to hack her mind, in the hospital with her mustard gas trench.” He paused, seeming to consider his next words. “No one has ever described a strategy for entering minds in such simple terms. It’s revolutionary. Not to mention the skill it takes to discipline your mind that way. It’s not easy to convince yourself that what you’re seeing and feeling isn’t real… even for those who know better.” He leaned forward on his desk and looked at me so intently it unnerved me a little. “Do you understand what that means?”

I shook my head. “No.”

“You could be the key to bringing the Potestas down for good.”

I chewed on that statement for a while. What exactly did it mean? Maybe I could be responsible for bringing some kind of peace to our country by stopping the terrorist attacks from the Potestas once and for all. And I could bring justice to those who were responsible for Maddie’s death. The thought spread its tentacles through my mind, taking root quickly. Vengeance was almost as hot a fire as hope, and once the spark was lit, the fire could become an instant blaze.

“Honestly,” David said, “I don’t know whether to be proud of your accomplishment or disturbed by it.”

I cringed a little as I glanced at Tracy. “Yes, I’m in the same place as David,” she admitted. “But mostly, I’m glad you discovered it before the Potestas did. It questions everything I’ve ever learned about creating defenses. I mean, if nothing I can create within my mind is real, what’s to stop any old average Joe from waltzing in and stealing classified information?”

She tilted her head, as though a thought had just occurred to her. “If the first two defenses were so easy for you to walk through, why did my wall stop you?”

“I’ve been thinking about that a lot. The only thing I can come up with is because it’s real. The memories are real… or at least your version of them is real to you.”

“What does that mean?” she asked, more curious than defensive.

“Well, as I was watching the attack on your sister, I noticed you never once looked in the direction of the shooter. Yet, he appeared in the memory, plain as day. I even saw your sister notice him. None of those details were blurry or obscured as they might be in a less pivotal memory. I can only assume you read reports of the event later. Eye-witness accounts and things like that filled in the gaps, so you now have a complete picture of what happened, even if that’s not how
you
saw things that day.”

Her mouth hung open for a moment as she looked at me. I glanced at David, hoping for some reassurance, a tension breaker,
something
. He just smiled at me, his expression full of… pride?

“You know, for a music major, you have a fantastic understanding of how the mind works,” David said. Tracy just sat there, stupefied.

“Well, I was a music
therapy
major.”

He smiled again. “Yes, and on that note, I think Tracy is going to take a break from training you.”

“What? Why?” I couldn’t keep the alarm from my voice. “Is it normal to take a break? Am I being punished?”

David laughed. “You are absolutely not being punished. What would give you that idea?”

“Well, I violated Tracy’s mind. That has to be against some sacred Unseen rule.” I glanced at her, trying to gauge her reaction.

He chuckled and held up his hands. “Tracy just needs time to absorb what you’ve taught us, so we know what to teach you next. That’s all.”

I sat back, trying to understand what he was saying. They weren’t punishing me, just putting me on the bench until they could figure out how to keep up with me.

“So… what should I do in the meantime?” I asked carefully, still worried I might be transferred away from what few connections I had formed.

David pushed a file across his desk to me. “You’re going to start working.”