Unplugged (36 page)

The mess of the last couple of weeks tipped everything sideways. Life with Cerys w
ould always be different, but when I reconnected with her, I never expected to be involved in custody battles and child abduction. The uselessness I felt in the time we were in Italy is new to me; I’ve always been able to fix things with money to the right person. Not this time.

Cerys
’s words when we found Ella cut to my heart, how she accused me of not caring enough because Ella isn’t my daughter. I didn’t only help Cerys find Ella because I wanted to help her mum; I did it for Ella. The reason I wouldn’t let Cerys look at those parental abduction sites. Because I couldn’t handle it. She wasn’t the only one with visions of Ella hurt and frightened. Between them, Cerys and Ella have my heart in a strong grip, holding me in their lives.

A noise in the hallway alerts me. Cerys stands watching, a
grey blanket wrapped around her shoulders. Her brown hair is tangled and the haunted look remains, but she’s acknowledging me, instead of lost in her own thoughts.

“
Are you okay?” I ask.

“
No, but better than I was a day ago.” Cerys curls up on the sofa next to me. “How are you?”

“
Confused. This whole thing has been a major head fuck.”

“
That’s one way of putting it.” She pulls the blanket closer. “Does that mean you’ll leave tomorrow?”

“
What the...?” I struggle for a response. “Do you mean you want me to go?”

“
No.” Cerys places a hand on my leg. “I just thought you might’ve had enough and want some space.”

“
This isn’t finished, Cerys, you still need help, and I’m not going anywhere until you feel more secure.” When her shoulders relax, I realise she’s worried about this. “How can I be somewhere else and do anything constructive, if I’m consumed by worrying about you?”

Cerys grabs my head and surprises me with a hard kiss. I don
’t respond.

“
I’m sorry about what I said in the car,” she says quietly. “After everything you did for me and Ella that was selfish. I wasn’t thinking straight.”

I drop back against the sofa and reach out a hand to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear.
“Doesn’t matter.”

“
Yes, it does. I saw how much it hurt you. You are the most amazing person I have ever met; I can never thank you enough for holding me together the last couple of weeks when I couldn’t cope.”

“
I’m here for you always, Cerys,” I say. “Always.”

The woman I embrace moulds her body and soul to mine, the tension held within her and between us ebbing away as I encompass her in my arms. The fierce love I have for Cerys will never wane
; and it’s become as automatic as breathing.

Cerys cheek rests
against my chest. “Your heart’s beating very fast,” she whispers, “are you okay?”

I tip my face to kiss the top of her head.
“Every time you listen to my heart, I want you to remember one thing. Until the day my heart stops, it belongs to and beats for you – always remember that.”

Cerys burrows further into me, pressing her face harder against my chest as if burrowing further into my heart and soul. She doesn
’t need to. She’s there, always.

CHAPTER
36

CERYS

Ella sits on a checked blanket beneath the tree at the corner of Liam
’s garden, dolls arranged around her as she distributes chocolate buttons onto their plates. I’m close by curled up on lounger with a book and glass of juice. The sticky summer continues and with Ella due to start school in a week, I have decisions to make.

Craig hasn
’t been near us or in touch; Liam has everything going through lawyers now. Although he’s clearly stopped any chance of full parental rights, I’m torn over what to do. I don’t want him anywhere near Ella in case he takes her again; but if I stop him seeing her completely and he’s determined enough, he’ll do it anyway. Liam’s annoyed with me because I won’t press charges, but I don’t want anything escalating.

We
’ve stayed at Liam’s for a few weeks now, behind the safety of security gates in his Camden home. I’m not going back to the house in Cardiff. I’m not a hundred percent certain I’ll go back to Cardiff at all.

Emily comes out of the house carrying a tray with a jug of juice
, dressed in smart blue shorts and polo shirt. Liam invited her over to stay with us. I would freak out every time Ella was out of my sight; this led to arguments, and we settled on Emily as a solution. I’m happy to leave her alone with Emily. Nobody else. The fact Ella adores Emily and that her arrival brought the sunshine back to my daughter’s face helps.

“
Is Liam still in the studio?” I ask.

“
I think so.” The tall girl sets the tray on the table. “I’ll keep an eye on her now, if you like?”

Liam woke early this morning and snuck off to his studio in the basement of the Victorian house. When he
’s there, I tend to leave him alone; but he’s been terse with me the last couple of days and refused to admit anything is wrong. After all the crap of the last few months, we’re not going to fall apart due to lack of communication.

I love Liam
’s house, the polished wooden floors, and classic furnishings in the living areas contrast with the sleek, modern kitchen of granite and stainless steel. It’s a fraction of the size of his Malibu place, but for the location, this place is big. Most importantly to me, the property is secure. The bedroom we share is two rooms converted into a room and en suite, bright and airy with windows catching the afternoon sun.

Ella
’s room was a neutrally decorated guest room but is now strewn with toys. She sleeps on the edge of the king size bed because her
Frozen
duvet doesn’t stretch far enough to use the whole bed. Liam suggests to me he could buy her a new bed but with that comes the expectation we’ll stay.

I head down the stone steps
toward Liam’s basement studio. The heavy red door is closed but the guitar sound filters underneath. I wait for a pause in the music then knock. Liam calls to me to go in and I push open the door.

He
’s sitting on the green cushioned sofa with a black guitar strapped across his shoulder and his laptop in front of him. His hair is loose, curling around his strong jaw; and what suspiciously looks like a glass of whisky rests on the table next to the laptop. My Liam, the Rock Star. In the time we’ve been together, I haven’t seen him in this persona. This guy, who was on my bedroom wall, is the personification of that fantasy.

Now he
’s my reality.

I close the door and lean against it. Liam checks out my short, halter-neck pink dress, eyes lingering in his usual place.
“You’re not wearing a bra under that are you?”

I roll my eyes at him.
“Good morning to you, too.”

Liam grins and puts down the guitar.
“Morning.”

“
Are you drinking?” I ask, crossing to sit next to him.

“
Just the one, old habits and all that.” He brushes my hair away from my neck, fingertips sparking the heat that ignites further when he places his lips on my neck.

“
Why are you sneaking down here?” I ask.

“
I couldn’t sleep.”

“
What’s going on, Liam? You’ve been weird with me.” He doesn’t reply but hits some buttons on his laptop instead. “Liam?”

“
Just a sec.” He continues so I catch his hand.

“
Unfortunately, you don’t get to cut communication with me when something’s bothering you.”

“
Fine.” He sits back and slides a hand along my exposed thigh. Aware of where this is going, I clamp my thighs together to stop his hand wandering. He huffs.

“
That won’t work either. Come on. Spit it out.”

“
When are you leaving?” he asks.

I attempt to gauge what he
’s thinking but his green eyes are hard to read. “I’m not sure.”

“
See, that’s the problem.”

“
What is?”

“
I’m on edge the whole time because I don’t know if you’re staying or going or when. So really, you’re the one cutting communication. We should be discussing this.”

I
smoothe my dress. “I didn’t realise.”

“
It’s been almost three weeks, and every day you stay the harder it will be when my house is empty of you. If you go back to Cardiff, I can’t see you as often; if you’re here in London, I can see you everyday while I’m here, too. I didn’t say anything because I waited for things to settle down after... Italy, but we need to make some decisions.”

Italy. I
’ve blanked the memories in case the emotions follow. Ella doesn’t mention her impromptu ‘holiday’ and after a few unsettled nights, she was back to her old self. She hasn’t asked to see her dad again, though.

“
I know,” I say softly. “I won’t decide anything without involving you.”

Liam
’s shoulders relax. “Remember what I said in Italy about how I won’t let anyone hurt you again? I meant it.”

“
You mean when you told Craig you were going to marry me?” I ask, and poke him with a laugh. “You do know it’s customary to ask someone to marry you, before you inform other people?”

Liam stares at me.
“Why’s that funny?”

“
It definitely pissed him off further, and threatening the lawyers, you scared Craig enough for him to let us leave.”

Liam
’s face darkens and he mutters, “I meant it.”

“
Oh!” The breath rushes from me. “I didn’t think. Liam, I...”

“
Oh, fuck, well I never wanted this to happen.” He bangs his head on the back of the sofa.

The oxygen levels in the room must
’ve dropped because I’m struggling to breathe. I came down here to discuss why he was pissy with me, not get into heavy discussions about our future.

“
What’s that mean? You’re not making sense,” I say.

Liam places a
warm hand on my cheek. “If I was going to propose to you, I’d make a big fucking deal out of it; not in a roundabout way by yelling at your ex.”

I shift away.
“Either my brain is more shattered after the last few weeks than I thought, or you’re trying to ineloquently tell me something.”

“
Kind of.”

“
Kind of? What exactly is this conversation about?”

Liam grabs my face in both palms.
“I want to marry you, but I fucked up by not proposing properly.”

“
How exactly do you propose properly?”

“
Not like this! Fuck!” He stands and picks up his guitar. “Forget it. We need to sort out where you’re living before I start putting any more pressure on you. I don’t want you thinking I’m trying to fix you and go through that bullshit again.”

Typical man-style, Liam walks across the room and places his
bass guitar with the other red one on the wall, taking his time to arrange it properly. Avoiding looking at me.

“
Liam Oliver, will you marry me?” The words fall from my mouth as my heart grabs my brain and strangles out common sense. He freezes but doesn’t turn back to me.
Shit.

“
I love you, Liam. I didn’t think I could ever love anyone and still have enough left for my daughter. I understand now though. The love I give to you, instead of to Ella, doesn’t take any away from her. You fill the space inside Ella’s heart this leaves. You love Ella, too.”

Liam turns slowly.
“She’s a part of you,” he whispers. “A part of the beautiful, fierce, and warm-hearted you.”

I smile
. He lights my world in a brightness that cuts through the shadows surrounding us recently. When he drags me into his arms and kisses me softly, I let go. I let go of the fear, pain, and confusion of the last few weeks. Giving in to the intensity of the emotions I keep in check around Liam, I allow him into the space in my heart where I lock away my fear of hurt.

“
Do you mean it?” he asks.

Is his stunned look a good or bad stunned?
“Do you?”

“
Hell, yes!”

“
But not too soon… I want some of the crazy sorted before we move on.”

Liam circles my waist and kisses me again.
“I get it, slow down, stop telling you what to do…”

“
You can tell me what to do sometimes,” I whisper, hovering my mouth close to his.

The strange static hangs between
us, the moment before lips meet. I thought the tingling excitement to match would have passed by now, but I don’t think I’ll ever grow tired of Liam’s mouth on mine. He was right; the first night he made love to me, was the moment my whole-self belonged to him. Our hearts began to beat in a unison that leads us on the same path, one we’ll always navigate together.