Until I Love Again (18 page)

“You're a totally hopeless cause tonight,” Katherine muttered, and got up to leave.

Ernest smiled up at her. “I'm in love.”

“I hope the deacon can talk some sense into you tonight,” Katherine said. “What's he coming over for anyway?”

Ernest sat up straight. He had forgotten about Deacon Herman's request after the service on Sunday. “Have you got a moment some night this week?” the deacon had asked him.

“For you, I'll make time,” Ernest had answered.

Deacon Herman had chuckled. “I thought I'd stop by and catch up on things, but it's nothing that can't wait, of course.”

Ernest had nodded, not wanting to ask questions. Deacon Herman wouldn't divulge the reason for his visit anyway, but he couldn't imagine he was in trouble with the church
ordnung
. That was usually the reason the deacon stopped by. He was one of the most upstanding members the community could wish to display to the world.

Katherine waved her hand in front of his face again. “Do I have to dig for that too?” She didn't wait for an answer, but disappeared into the kitchen.

“Thanks for reminding me,” Ernest hollered after her.

Katherine wouldn't eavesdrop once Deacon Herman arrived. The Helmuth children had all been brought up to respect each other's privacy, but Katherine would ask him afterward for details.

As he heard the sound of a buggy pulling in the driveway, Ernest got up from his rocker and hurried out the front door and across the lawn. Deacon Herman had tied his horse to the hitching post when Ernest arrived at the buggy. The deacon turned and greeted him with a cheery, “
Goot
evening there, Ernest. I see your sister's got the place still in one piece.”

Ernest laughed. “
Goot
evening, and
yah
, Katherine has been a
great blessing to me. I don't know what my girls or I would have done without her.”

Deacon Herman smiled. “The Lord provides grace as it's needed. I hear you expect some further grace supplied, perhaps with a
frau
this wedding season.”

Ernest grinned from ear to ear. “Susanna Miller has been given to me straight from the Lord's hands. She is a woman full of grace and glory, and Susanna is all that a man who wishes to follow the Lord's will could desire. I could speak all night on that subject, but I'm sure you are aware already of what a blessing Susanna will be to me.”

Deacon Herman gave Ernest a quick glance. “I see you're in love, and that is
goot
. The Lord intends for us to marry and bear
kinner
for the next generation. I was a little afraid you had forgotten that command, but I see you were just a little slow getting around to it.”

Ernest leaned against the buggy wheel. “All in its own
goot
time, deacon. You can't hurry the Lord, you know. He grinds His grain fine. Isn't that what you preachers say on Sunday? It seems one's faith gets tested in real life at times.” Ernest paused to glance in Deacon Herman's direction. The man had a slight smile on his face, so he took the teasing well. Ernest cleared his throat. “I have always appreciated your efforts on the community's behalf, deacon, so don't get me wrong. Preaching and teaching the Lord's Word cannot be a small or easy task. I know I wouldn't be nearly as
goot
about it as all of you are, so I guess that's why no one ever voted for me. They must have read the Lord's mind—”

“Ah,” Deacon Herman interrupted. “I understand how you feel, Ernest. None of us choses to walk in the church's holy calling, but all of us are brethren together, as you well know. We must keep our hearts equally holy before the Lord.”

Ernest brought his head up with a jerk. “You're not saying that
I…please don't tell me this is about some
ordnung
transgression that caused this visit. I have been most diligent, deacon, I can assure you. Although with my sorrow at Naomi's passing, and perhaps with my girls I have missed something in their dress or comportment? Katherine tries, but she is still young. You know that, surely?” Ernest stopped. Deacon Herman must have shaken his head some time ago, but Ernest hadn't noticed.

Deacon Herman smiled again as he said, “If you'll let me get a word in edgewise, I'll explain the reason for my visit.”

Ernest looked toward the ground and ran his shoe in circles through the gravel. “We can go inside to talk, if you wish. It would be more comfortable. There's an extra rocker open.” Ernest forced a laugh. “Not for too long, I hope, but it's empty now.”

Deacon Herman coughed and Ernest fell silent again. There was no reason for nervousness. He had done nothing wrong.

“It would be best if we spoke out here,” Deacon Herman said. “I know you trust your sister fully, but I wish to speak plainly on a matter.”

“What is it, then?” Ernest asked.

“This concerns Susanna,” Deacon Herman said, “and your plans to wed the woman. This is what you intend, is it not?”

“Of course.” The words leaped out of Ernest's mouth. “All my hopes are in that direction. Susanna's in the baptismal class, and Ralph has given me his full approval. I mean, who else would marry the woman after how she has conducted herself? I know the ministry had hoped that no signs of Susanna's
Englisha
mother would surface in her character, but now that they have, what else could—”

Deacon Herman silenced him with an uplifted hand. “I know you are taken with the woman's charm, Ernest. And Susanna is a beautiful girl.”

“Beautiful as the Lord intended,” Ernest leaped in again. “But
Susanna's intentions are plain enough. She plans to deal with the effects of her
Englisha
mother's influence with submission and obedience to the Lord and to the church. What more—”

“And to you?” Deacon Herman interrupted again.

“
Yah
, once I wed her.” Ernest allowed his puzzlement to show.

Deacon Herman attempted a smile. “In the meantime, there are some concerns that the ministry has about Susanna.”

Ernest opened his mouth, but Deacon Herman lifted his hand to say, “
Yah
, you are right. Susanna is attending the baptismal classes, and she says all the right words and has all the right actions.”

“So what…?” Ernest tried again.

Deacon Herman continued, “The woman doesn't appear happy, Ernest. Not as she was before she began the baptismal classes or you began your relationship with her. We haven't spoken with Ralph on the matter. The man has enough on his mind. But you are the one who hopes to win Susanna's affections, so we thought this should be taken up with you. Perhaps you two have spoken of her happiness? Do you know any reason that might account for Susanna's sorrow? Does she mourn her life among her
Englisha
friends? Does she still speak with that
Englisha
man who had the birthday greeting placed on the store sign in DeKalb for her?”

“You could ask her,” Ernest interrupted. “Why—”

Deacon Herman shook his head. “These questions involve you. We don't wish to place Susanna in an uncomfortable situation, since we think the answer to all of these questions is probably a
yah
. Her feelings cannot really be held against her, other than maybe her contact with the
Englisha
man, but even that can easily be repented of. Perhaps she has already taken care of that. We do have some confidence in her
daett
, that he can lead his family right. Our question is, why has your relationship with Susanna not drawn her away from all these things and brought her happiness? I don't mean to meddle,
but are you promised to each other? If you are, she must love you, and…” Deacon Herman let the sentence hang.

“Of course she loves me, as any godly woman would,” Ernest protested. “Susanna fears the Lord and wishes to walk in His ways. I am a blessing that she is thankful for.”

“I wouldn't argue with that, but...” Deacon Herman searched for words. “Surely you know that trouble could wait down the road if Susanna's heart is not truly yours. Forgive me for even saying this, but we do have to look at how things appear, and you should see the woman's face during the baptismal classes. Susanna is very unhappy. Even if she weds you, if she is not at peace, things could…” Deacon Herman looked away and sighed. “Not having a
frau
now is difficult for you, Ernest, but having a
frau
who might be tempted to jump the fence is worse than difficult. Surely you have thought of that possibility?”

Ernest shook his head. “I have not. I am a man who trusts the Lord, and so far all the signs point toward His blessing on our eventual union.”

Deacon Herman shifted on his feet. “Be patient with my boldness, Ernest, but can you tell me how Susanna reacted when you asked her to be your
frau
?”

Ernest snorted. “I didn't know the ministry had descended to asking after the sweet words lovers speak to each other. I thought you had plenty of other things to occupy you—such as people who break the
ordnung
.” Ernest waved his hand about. “I will not speak of private things we told each other. It would not be fair to Susanna.”

“This is serious, Ernest,” Deacon Herman probed. “I mean no offense, but some questions must be asked. I thought this one might shed light on the situation and ease our minds.”

“I will see to Susanna's unhappiness,” Ernest said. “I love the woman, and Susanna is my responsibility.”

Silence settled between the two men for several moments. “I guess I should be going,” Deacon Herman finally said. “I hope there are no hard feelings.”

“None at all,” Ernest assured the deacon with his best smile. “I'm sorry you had to trouble yourself in the first place. If this continues, I beg for your patience, but I can assure you that Susanna's heart is in the right place. She will do what is right.”

“I'm glad to hear that,” Deacon Herman said as he turned to climb back into his buggy. Ernest hurried forward to untie the deacon's horse and toss in the tie strap. With a nod of his head, Deacon Herman drove out of the lane.

He would have to visit the Millers again soon, Ernest told himself. Susanna needed instructions on how to comport herself in public. That was plain to see. He had tried to woo the woman with his young daughters, but it seemed that strong words were also needed. As Susanna's future husband, it was his duty to speak them.

Chapter Eighteen

J
oey paused in the aisle of the DeKalb Building Supply. The face of the Amish girl ahead of him seemed familiar. He had seen her before, but where? She glanced in his direction, and Joey smiled. The girl dropped her gaze and hurried around a corner. So much for his attempt at communication with an Amish female. He wanted to ask her if she knew Susanna, and if so, how was she doing? Was she happy in her isolation? Was Susanna on some kind of probation?

But who exactly to talk to about Susanna—that was the question. An Amish girl seemed his best bet. The faces of the bearded men forebode nothing but trouble, and the younger men might have a romantic interest in Susanna. They might be even more hostile to his questions than the older men.

He would have to take a chance. That's all there was to it. He was convinced Susanna didn't belong in the Amish community. The impression he had was of a cloistered nun locked up in some medieval convent, all without the young woman's consent. The whole affair was wrong. Susanna must be under some duress. Her voice on the cell phone had convinced him of that. He must make contact with her, but he couldn't bring himself to drive to the Millers'
place without Susanna's permission. That could be a minefield, and Susanna's father might broadcast Joey's attempt to the others. Then he would lose what little hope he presently had of making contact with someone from the community.

Joey paused for a moment. Why was the Amish girl in the store familiar to him? He thought harder, and the memory of his last evening in Heuvelton with Susanna drifted through his mind. That was where he had seen the girl. She had been in the group of Amish young folks before they broke off to eat down by the river. Maybe the girl would remember him, which would make the introduction easier. He must try, whether his attempt was successful or not.