Until I Love Again (21 page)

Emma squeezed Susanna's hand, and they hurried through the living room and the tight kitchen quarters. Once in the washroom, they found their shawls and draped them over their shoulders. With Susanna in the lead, they crossed the lawn and arrived at Henry's buggy as he came up with his horse. There was no sign of James.

“What's this all about?” Henry teased. “Did I invite someone home while I was asleep?”

“Oh, stop it,” Susanna chided him, but Emma seemed to enjoy the tease.

“Am I not a worthy catch?” Emma teased back. “You'd have a difficult time doing better, I'm thinking.”

Henry roared with laughter. “Truly this is a woman bold and brash. I wouldn't have thought it of you, Emma. You appear so meek and mild in the service.”

Emma chuckled and held up the buggy shafts for Henry. “Let
that be a lesson in appearances, young man. Not all things are as they seem.”

Henry's laughter was lower. “You sound like Susanna.”

Susanna climbed in the buggy and let the sound of their happy chatter wash over her. The tears threatened to flow, but she held them back. This afternoon was not a time for sorrow. Emma had reached out to her in compassion, and she was thankful. Susanna lifted her heart toward the heavens for a quick prayer.
Thank You, Lord, for Your grace. You must have known the load had become too heavy for me to bear.

James's holler came from behind them. “Hey, what's going on here?”

“Just an extra rider,” Henry told him. “You'll be walking home.”

“No I won't,” James retorted.

“Sorry about this,” Emma cooed. “I fell in love with Henry this morning, and I had to ride home with him this afternoon already.”

Henry's hoot caused several men in the yard to look their way.

James grinned from ear to ear and said loudly, “Well, Henry could have done worse, I guess.”

“If you both don't stop this…” Emma's face grew red. “I didn't mean for you to broadcast my teasing to the world.”

James glanced at his brother. “Now she sounds like Susanna.”

“That's what I just said,” Henry agreed. “Maybe we should bring her home more often, and they could straighten each other out.”

“Sounds
goot
to me.” James chuckled and hurried off.

“What brothers you have,” Emma told Susanna as she settled into the buggy.

“
Yah
, they are decent men,” Susanna said, scooting over to one side of the seat. Emma did the same, and Henry tossed in the lines to climb up and sit between them.

Henry took a moment to look around and proclaim, “My, what
a day. I have two
goot
-looking girls in my buggy. How privileged indeed.”

“Just go,” Susanna said. “You'll make a scene.”

Henry grinned and jiggled the reins to steer Ranger out of the driveway. Susanna tried to stifle herself, but giggles overcame both girls by the time Henry pulled out on the blacktop road. She had never known Emma to act this way, but then again, Emma had never come home with her before. Maybe the Lord had allowed their friendship to develop so she would have another firm support once she married Ernest.

Susanna's face darkened at the thought, and she turned to gaze across the passing landscape. Her silence wasn't noticed as Henry and Emma resumed their chatter.

“What's your horse's name?” Emma asked.

“Ranger. Do you like it?”

“Will you change it if I don't?”

Henry chuckled. “I doubt that, since my marriage prospects to you have been so cruelly wrenched out from under my feet.”

Emma joined in his chuckle. “Your horse is a plodder, so it probably wouldn't help anyway. That's what his name should be—Plodder!”

“Oh, don't you have such nice, kind things to say?” Henry pretended great bitterness.

“The horse suits you quite well, I'm thinking,” Emma shot back.

Their laugher pealed across the open fields. “So what really brings you home with us?” Henry finally asked.

Emma hesitated before she answered. “I thought Susanna needed some cheering up.”

“I appreciate that,” Henry allowed as he turned onto Maple Ridge Road. Minutes later he pulled back on the reins and turned into the Miller driveway.

“Well, here we are. Thanks for the wedding thoughts,” Emma said, and the two laughed again as Henry came to a stop by the barn.

Emma jumped out first to help Henry unhitch. Susanna hung back and watched them. Maybe there was a romance between the two of them that neither wished to admit? They sure seemed to enjoy each other's presence.

But soon Emma's attention turned back to Susanna. Henry left for the barn with Ranger, and Emma didn't gaze after him. Instead she faced Susanna and offered a soft smile. “Sorry about all that. I got to chattering with Henry and forgot why I came home with you.”

“Don't worry about that,” Susanna said. “I was enjoying the time. The Lord knows I need the diversion, so thanks. Shall we go in the house?”

“That would be great.” Emma fell in line behind her. “Maybe we can go somewhere and speak in private?”

“Sure, we can go up to my bedroom. But first…do you and Henry have something going after all?” Susanna attempted a tease.

Emma ignored the comment as they walked through the empty house and up the stairs.

“What a lovely room!” Emma exclaimed when they entered Susanna's bedroom. “I haven't been here in a while.”

“Well, I'm glad you're here now,” Susanna said. “So was I so terrible this morning with my forced cheerfulness that I need a lecture?”

“Of course not,” Emma said. She came over to sit beside Susanna on the bed. “I feel bad about this whole situation, that's all. I can't believe the community is doing this to you. You shouldn't have to marry Ernest if you don't want to.”

Susanna stared at Emma. “Well, you're about the only one in the community who thinks that way. Is that what you're here to tell me? Because if it is, I sure need to hear it!”

Emma reached for Susanna's hand. “I don't want to shock you, Susanna, so I don't know where to start with this. But…” Emma looked away. “I don't know how to say the words, or how much I should say—because if you really are in love with Ernest, I don't want to interfere.” She gave Susanna a quick glance.

Susanna stared. “What are you saying?”

Emma looked away again. “
Do
you love Ernest, Susanna?”

Susanna shook her head.

Emma let out a long breath. “I didn't think so. But now that I know for sure, I can say this. I met Joey last week. Or rather, he looked me up. And I promised I would speak with you.”

Susanna grabbed Emma's arm. “You spoke with Joey? Where? What did he say?”

“Just a minute, slow down.” Emma rubbed her arm.

Susanna stood to pace the floor. “Where have you spoken with Joey? And why?”

Emma hung her head for a moment. “Maybe I can explain. Let's just keep it simple and say that I know I should be ashamed of myself for even bringing Joey's message to you—but I'm not. I can't help seeing how unhappy you are, Susanna, and I have my own reasons for being concerned. There's your happiness, of course, but there are also other things. Some of them personal…but let's start with this: How can a marriage between you and Ernest ever work? I mean, really, seeing how you feel… Have you thought of what would happen to Ernest if this marriage doesn't work? If you were to jump the fence after you're married to him, he would have to live with that for the rest of his life. He would be terribly unhappy.”

“
Yah
,” Susanna agreed. “There's no
goot
answer. But what did Joey want from you?”

“He wants to speak with you, and you must go to him, Susanna. It's all arranged. I'll come by this Wednesday and pick you up. We
already have a spot planned, where Joey will meet us. If you don't want to go at all, no one needs to know about this plan. Or if you
do
want to go, to cut your ties with Joey, that will be fine too. He just needs to know. He's very worried about you. And so am I.”

“You?” Susanna asked. “Why?”

Emma hesitated. “Of course I care about you…but I also care about Ernest's happiness.”

Emma dropped her gaze for a moment. “
Yah
, I'll admit that I couldn't stand to see Ernest marrying you if you won't make him happy. If you're happy with Ernest, I won't complain—but if you're not, then why would you marry the man and ruin both of your lives? What if things become so bad that you jump the fence after the wedding? There is more to a marriage than vows, Susanna. Surely you know that. And if you left Ernest after becoming his
frau
, you'd be condemning him to a single life. The man could never marry again while you're alive. And I'm the one who would have to stay behind and watch Ernest endure his loneliness.”

Susanna stared at Emma. “You care for Ernest?”

Emma reddened. “He doesn't notice me, Susanna. So that's not the point.”

“But you do!” Susanna clutched Emma's arm again.

“Okay,
yah
, I admit it. Even though I know I don't have a chance,” Emma said. “There are plenty of widows in the community who have set their
kapp
for Ernest. You know that.”

“But you do care,” Susanna insisted.

Emma looked away. “
Yah
. I'd have taken Ernest ever since his Naomi passed, but he won't give me a sideways glance. I don't blame the man for that, but that doesn't mean I don't care for his happiness. Think well before you turn down Joey's offer. Maybe if you speak with him, it will settle things in your heart. After that, if you want to cut off the relationship and be truly happy in the community, I will
say no more. I can stand having my silly heart broken. I'm not the first girl to have a crush on a man, so I'll accept the Lord's will. But you need to find where your heart is and follow it, Susanna. Nothing else matters…” Emma's voice trailed off.

Susanna reached over to lay her hand on Emma's arm. “
Yah
, I will speak with Joey. You can pick me up Wednesday.”

Emma's smile grew. “You will go?”

“
Yah
,” Susanna said and then opened her arms. Emma rushed into them, and the two clung to each other.

Chapter Twenty-One

W
hen Wednesday morning rolled around, Susanna came slowly down the stairs with both of her hands clutching the handrail. Emma had driven in the driveway moments before, and if Susanna appeared nervous as she passed
Mamm
in the kitchen,
Mamm
would know something was up.

“Wednesday's my day off from the roadside stand,” Emma had chirped on Sunday afternoon to Susanna's
mamm
. “I could come by and pick Susanna up. I think she would benefit from a morning's drive. I know I like them. We could both enjoy and soak in the beauty that the Lord has written into nature.”

Both
Mamm
and
Daett
had regarded Emma with skeptical looks, but
Mamm
had finally nodded. “You have cheered Susanna greatly with your visit today, so maybe getting out of the house later in the week would also be good for her.”

Emma had smiled, and that had been the end of the matter. Only it wasn't. The shame of their deception made Susanna's knees weak. Who would have thought that Emma could be up to such a thing? Emma had always been the decent one. Emma was such a credit to the baptismal class, and she would make an upstanding member of the community once she joined.

Susanna clenched her hands and forced herself to move forward. Would she make a decision today that would set the course of her entire life? If she decided to marry Ernest after the visit with Joey today, she would soon become a married woman with two
kinner
in her care. And today might be the last time she'd speak to Joey, even as just a friend. Susanna's heartbeat quickened at the sobering thought, and her face flushed.