Until the Sun Burns Out (11 page)

“Thanks for coming over.” Grabbing Austin by the wrist, I tugged him inside. Then I slammed the front door behind us. Whirling around, I pasted on the same fake smile I’d been wearing for the last hour. “Austin’s here!” I announced, my tone revealing more relief than I meant it to.

Austin’s eyebrows knitted together as he stood awkwardly beside me. Leaning over, he whispered in my ear, “Subtle.”

I tossed him a glare, and then pushed my lips back up into the fake grin. Luca shook his head at me. Dad appeared slightly unnerved, but Penny wasn’t ruffled at all. Then again, she didn’t know me well enough to read my moods. I’d always been weird around her, so I was sure she thought this was my normal behavior.

She’d already been here an hour, and I wasn’t sure I could endure another minute alone with the three of them. It’s not like Penny wasn’t nice. She was. And, even if I didn’t like the idea of Dad dating, I’d come to grips with it. But that didn’t change the fact that she wasn’t my mom. And when it was just us four, it felt suspiciously like we were a family. It made me itchy all over as if I’d rolled in the grass for the last hour.

But Austin’s presence calmed the itchiness.  Actually, it calmed everything.

One touch of his hand and my chest expanded, my nerves vanishing. As his fingers closed around mine, I knew I’d make it through the remainder of the night.

“Nice to have you here, Austin,” Dad said, smiling.

“Yes, it’s great to see you,” Penny added. “How is your mom?”

Austin stiffened by my side. “She’s fine.” He barely opened his mouth when he spoke, and it reminded me of a ventriloquist. I would’ve laughed if it were anyone else. But the situation with Austin’s parents made me sad. I didn’t fully understand it. There were obviously deep-rooted issues there, but even what I saw on the surface was ugly.

“Great. I’ve been meaning to get over to your house to see her,” Penny gushed, clearly oblivious to the tension arising inside of Austin.

“I’m sure she’d like that,” he responded politely, but his hand gripped mine so tightly I almost cried out in pain.

Dad must have noticed something was off, because he cocked one brow and then said, “Hey, Austin, wanna help me with the grill? I’m about to put the chicken on.”

“Sure.” Austin exhaled, his grip on my hand loosening. Gratitude swept over me as the feeling returned to my fingers.

“I wanna help too!” Luca shouted, bounding toward Dad.

Austin gave me a small smile before untangling his fingers from mine. It wasn’t until he trailed Luca and my dad that the reality of the situation crashed over me. I’d been so worried about Austin that I hadn’t stopped to think about the fact that if the boys went outside, I’d be stuck in here with Penny.

“What do you say we throw together the salad?” Penny asked in that high-pitched cheery voice of hers while she ambled into the kitchen. When I first met Penny, I had hoped the screechy voice was an act. As if she thought kids liked that or something. But the longer she’d been around, the more convinced I had become that she actually did talk that way. My mom had a nice low timbre. Dad used to say that he found it sexy. That it was one of the first things that attracted him. I had no idea how Penny’s voice didn’t drive him batty. It bothered the crap out of me.

Penny spread lettuce and vegetables out on the counter. When she bent down and pulled a bowl out of the cabinet, my stomach tightened. She sure knew her way around Dad’s kitchen. It shouldn’t shock me. She’d probably been in this kitchen more times than I had. Still, it was weird.

“Here.” She slid the lettuce and a bowl in my direction. “Why don’t you tear the lettuce? I’ll chop up the vegetables.”

Robotically, I nodded. Then I headed over to the sink. As I turned on the faucet, I could hear the thump of the knife blade against the cutting board. After thoroughly rinsing off the lettuce, I began to tear off pieces and toss them into the bowl.

“Your dad said you did great in soccer this year,” Penny said as she continued to chop, the rhythmic sound filling the kitchen. “He was so proud of you.”

“Yeah,” I mumbled. Glancing up, I caught my reflection in the mirror above the sink. It was eerie in the glass, almost like I was a floating head. Looking through it, I spotted the guys on the patio. Austin was laughing about something Luca said, while Dad flipped the chicken over. Steam rose from the barbecue, swirling around Dad’s head. I longed to be out there with them. When we used to go on vacation with my parents, Mom always encouraged me to go out and help Dad man the grill. If Mom needed help in the kitchen, it was usually Luca who offered. He’d always been a momma’s boy, although he took offense to me calling him that.

“Do you enjoy playing?” Penny’s voice cut into my thoughts.

I peered over my shoulder. “What?”

“Soccer,” she reminded me. “Do you like playing?”

“Oh. Yeah. I like it.” I knew she was trying, but for some reason every time we’d had a conversation I felt like I was on a really bad first date.

“Good.” She nodded. “That’s really great.” This time I noticed how forced her smile seemed, and it made me wonder if this whole super cheery lady thing she had going was all an act. Most likely she hated being around Luca and me as much as we hated being around her. She had Dad to herself for nine whole months of the year. Then in the summer we came and took over. I wanted to feel bad for her, but I didn’t. If anything, I felt bad for us. He was our dad long before he was her boyfriend. It seemed childish to say that we had him first, but it was the truth.

“I’m done with the lettuce.” I plopped the bowl on the counter next to the cutting board.

“Thank you,” she said.

“Chicken’s all done,” Dad said, entering through the sliding door, holding a platter of chicken.

About time.

When my gaze caught Penny’s, I saw the same relief that I felt mirrored in her eyes.

Dad set the platter of blackened chicken on the counter. He always overcooked it. “I thought we could eat outside.”

“I’ll set the table,” I practically hollered, grateful that I found my way out of here.

“Okay,” Dad said, the word riding on a nervous laugh like a surfer as he glided atop a wave. I was sure he knew what was going on, but I didn’t feel bad. He’s the one who made me hang out with Penny even though he knew I preferred when she wasn’t around. Thank goodness it wasn’t an everyday thing. Even Austin’s presence wouldn’t be able to fix that.

As I dragged some plates down out of the cupboard, Dad leaned down and kissed Penny on the cheek. My stomach lurched. Hurriedly scooping the plates into my arms, I raced outside. I didn’t think I could stay in here another minute. Ocean-scented air fanned over my face when I stepped out onto the deck. The wooden slabs chafed my bare feet as I moved forward. Austin caught my eye, offering me a slight bob of his head from where he stood against the railing listening to Luca talk a mile a minute.

“Wanna help me set the table?” I asked him, interrupting Luca. When Luca threw me a look of betrayal, I said, “Sorry, bud. But dinner’s ready, and I need some help.”

He nodded with understanding. “Okay. I’ll help too.”

Smiling, I set the plates down on the patio table. Austin sidled up next to me as Luca headed inside. “How’s it going?” Austin asked.

I groaned.

He chuckled, placing his hand on the small of my back. It felt good, and I didn’t want to move an inch. “That good, huh?”

“She’s so annoying. I can’t believe he makes me hang out with her.”

“I’ve spent a lot more time with her than you have, and she’s not that bad.”

“That’s because she’s not dating your dad.”

Austin’s chuckle turned into a full-fledged laugh. “I don’t know. That might be interesting. It would definitely liven things up for my family. In fact, maybe she’d bring out a better side of my dad than my mom does.” The chuckle died, his face sobering as if realizing what he’d said.

His words and expression cut to my heart. Before I could say something comforting, Luca stepped outside carrying several condiments in his arms.

“Dad burnt the chicken again,” he announced, giving me an accusatory stare.

“Don’t blame me,” I told him. “You two were supposed to be helping him.”

“That one was too busy yapping,” Austin said, pointing to Luca.

“I wanted to tell you about my new game,” Luca explained, dumping the condiments on the table. The barbecue sauce fell over, and he quickly righted it.

Dad came out with the platter of chicken, Penny behind him with the salad. Austin grabbed a couple of the plates and dispersed them at the empty spaces.

“I’ll go grab the forks and napkins,” Luca said before scurrying inside.

After Dad and Penny sat down, Austin and I did too. Luca returned with the forks and napkins, and we all took one. There was a slight breeze in the air, and it trickled over our bodies. It felt nice since it was still pretty hot out. I always liked eating outside. Even back home, Mom and Luca and I often ate on the back patio on warm evenings. It was weird to think that Mom had never been here. She’d never seen Dad’s house or sat on this patio. She’d never even met Austin.

It didn’t seem right. Austin was such a big part of my life. He was my first kiss, my first substantial crush, the first boy who’d reciprocated my feelings. He owned a piece of my heart, and it was unfathomable that my mom hadn’t met him. I wasn’t sure she ever would, and that saddened me even further.

From across the table, Dad leaned over and whispered something in Penny’s ear causing a giggle to escape from her lips. Swallowing hard, I shoved down the irritation that rose in me. I didn’t know why Penny bothered me so much. Austin was right. She was nice. And clearly she made Dad happy. Definitely more than Mom had. Maybe it was simply because she wasn’t Mom. The fact that Dad chose Penny over the woman who gave birth to me, the woman whose blood ran through my veins, felt like a slam on me somehow. Plus, it bothered me when she was around because I only got three months a year with my dad. Therefore, when I was here, I wanted to have him all to myself. Not share him with his girlfriend.

Austin reached for the salad in the center of the table, and his arm brushed mine. Glancing over at him, I felt like a hypocrite. How was Austin any different from Penny? I spent more time with him than I did with Dad. He was here practically every day, and when he wasn’t we were exploring around town together. Actually, Austin was around more than Penny was in the summer. And yet, Dad treated him like part of the family. More so than I’d ever done with Penny.

Taking a deep breath, I made a vow to myself to try harder with her. It wouldn’t happen overnight, but I’d do my best to make her feel more welcome. Then maybe I wouldn’t feel guilty about Austin being around, because there was no way I was giving up my time with him.

For me, summer was all about my summer boy.

There’s a hill that overlooks Inland Cove. A winding road weaves up the hill, and at the top there’s a groove to park and get out, even a bench to sit on. Years ago, teenaged tourists had dubbed it “make-out point” or “lover’s point.” Many of them had gotten in trouble for using it as a place to get it on. But locals called it “Serenity Point.” They said that up on top of that hill was the most serene place in the city. It’s the place you would go to clear your head, to find peace. There was no noise to distract you, and the lights shining down on the ocean were breathtakingly beautiful.

Dad took Luca and me there twice last summer. Once at night, and once during the day. It was the prettiest at night, but both times it was stunning. And I agreed with the locals. It was peaceful. Almost eerily so.

That’s why I took Austin up there. It was because he needed peace.

Our original plan had been to go into town for a movie. The sun had dipped, and the sky began to darken. That was always my favorite time of the evening. I loved when the sky was an array of pinks and purples, meshing in the sky like an impressionist painting.

Since it was getting dark, Dad let me take his car. On the drive to Austin’s, giddiness filled me. My insides quivered with excitement. It’s not like Austin and I had never gone to a movie together. We saw several last summer, but that was different. Back then we’d gone as nothing more than friends. The closest we’d come to intimacy was when we both reached for popcorn at the same moment and our fingertips skimmed. However, I had yanked my hand back so fast popcorn kernels rained down on us like we were in the middle of a popcorn downpour. It took me weeks to live that one down.

This time I was sure our hands would touch for more reasons than reaching for popcorn. I imagined we might even do some kissing. At least I hoped we would.

Pulling up to Austin’s house, I parked along the curb and got out of the car. Hurrying up the walkway, I rubbed my lips together, my lip-gloss soft and silky. Tonight I was wearing a little more makeup than usual. A fact Dad and Luca couldn’t let go of. They teased me shamelessly before I left. But whatever. I wasn’t wearing it for them anyway.

“I can’t believe how unreasonable you’re being!”

I froze at the sound of Austin’s voice from inside the house.

“You watch your tone, young man,” his dad bellowed.

My feet stayed rooted in place. I had almost made it to the front door, but now I was scared to keep going.

“You two never give me the benefit of the doubt. Ever,” Austin said.

“Give us one good reason why we should,” his mom interjected. Even though I couldn’t see her, I was sure her lips were pursed.

Stomping sounded. “You two are unbelievable.”

“Where are you going?” his dad asked.

“Away from the two of you,” Austin growled, and stomping neared me. Biting my lip, I stood still. Austin shot through the front door with such force I worried it would come unhinged. When he slammed it shut, the windows rattled. A stream of expletives left his mouth as he stormed down the walkway.

“Austin?” I breathed out, my chest tight. “What’s going on?” Glancing up at the house, I expected his parents to exit the house at any minute, but they didn’t. For some reason that scared me more than if they had come out with guns blazing. No way would my mom or dad let me storm out of the house like that.

“Nothing,” he snapped angrily. “C’mon. Let’s go.”

I flinched. He’d never spoken to me like that before, and I didn’t like it one bit. “I know you’re mad at your parents, but I’m not them,” I spoke gently, yet firmly. I had no desire to be mean to him, but I wasn’t going to let him treat me poorly. My parents had taught me better than that.

His head swung toward me, his eyes softening. Reaching out, he grabbed my hand. “I know. I didn’t mean to be rude.” His eyes pleaded with me. “I just need to go somewhere. Anywhere that’s not here.”

“Then let’s go.” Hand in hand we made our way to Dad’s car.

After getting inside, I turned on the engine and pulled away from the curb. I wanted to ask him what happened. The question lingered on my tongue, coating it, thick, like peanut butter. But I thought better of it. Clearly, he was upset, and in my experience it was best not to push people when they were like this. I was sure he’d share when he was ready. So instead, I gripped tightly to the steering wheel and drove forward.

When I started driving toward the movie theatre, Austin spoke. “Not the movies.”

I eased off the gas a bit, my neck craning in his direction. “Where to then?”

He shook his head. “I don’t know. Just not the movies.”

“Oookay.” Blowing out a breath, I mulled over where to go as I continued forward. The street to my left was the one I would’ve turned on to go to the theatre, so I passed that. My mind whirred with possibilities – the diner, the ice cream place, the beach - but I worried he’d reject them all. I’d never seen Austin behave this way. Not only was he angry, but underneath it he seemed sad, depressed even. I’d often witnessed him upset with his parents, but the same teasing, nonchalant Austin remained in the midst of it. Not so this time, and that concerned me.

“Back home I have a really good friend. His name is Daniel,” Austin said, staring out the passenger window. I held my breath, waiting for the rest. Perhaps if I knew the whole story I could gauge where to take him. For the time being, I just kept driving aimlessly. “We’ve been friends since we were in kindergarten. In some ways he’s more like my brother than a friend. His dad and I have always been really close too. He was even our coach for a few years when we were younger.”

“At basketball?”

He nodded, swallowing hard. Then he turned back toward the window as if hiding his face. “He died last night. I found out today.”

Dread sank into my gut. “Daniel?”

“No. His dad.”

“Oh.” I felt sick.

“His memorial service is this weekend, and my parents won’t let me fly back for it.”

“Why not?”

“They don’t trust me to go alone, and they don’t wanna go back for the weekend.” He shook his head in disgust. “They said this is the reason they come here for the summer, so they don’t have to deal with stuff back home.” Anger radiated from him like the sun on a warm day. “It’s just like my parents to trivialize something this huge.”

I had no idea what to say. Nothing seemed adequate. “I’m sorry” was what wanted to come out, but it didn’t seem like enough. What could I have said to make him feel better about missing this memorial service? Anger surfaced. I couldn’t believe his parents wouldn’t grant him this one thing. This one opportunity to grieve a man that meant so much to him. Memorial services gave people closure. I remembered how healing it was when I went to my grandma’s. The simple act of sharing stories about her with others was so comforting.

My head snapped up as it hit me. I knew exactly where to take Austin.

Turning the car, I said, “Tell me about him.”

“What?” His head swung in my direction, sadness swimming in his eyes.

“Tell me about Daniel’s dad. I wanna hear about him.”

Gratitude splashed over his features. Reaching up, he ran a hand over his hair. “He was always making jokes. Sometimes Daniel hated it, but I loved it. My dad is so serious all the time, but Mr. Morgan wasn’t like that at all. He was sarcastic and witty. And he had the best laugh of anyone around.” His voice softened, his head lowering. “Even after he got sick, he was still so funny. He still joked around all the time. In fact, sometimes I forgot he was sick because he didn’t act like he was. He was still the same old Mr. Morgan.”

“He sounds like an amazing man.” The road wound to the right, and I followed it, my headlights shining in the path ahead.

“He was.” Austin nodded. “And he was the first person to believe in my basketball ability.”

My chest tightened as I drove on.

“He was the reason I kept playing.”

I eased on the brakes as we made our way to the top of the hill. Veering over into the gravel, I stopped the car. To my right I could see the entire city below us. I was surprised that we were the only ones up here. It was almost like luck was on our side. Since the air conditioning was no longer spilling out of the vents, I rolled down my window. The air was warm outside, but there was enough of a breeze to cool us off as it blew through the interior of the car. Still I knew it would be way more comfortable outside.

“Wanna get out?” I asked him.

His eyes widened as if he just noticed where we were. An easy smile slipped onto his face. “You mean you didn’t bring me up here to do a little kissin’?”

An involuntary chuckle shot from my throat. Clamping my mouth closed, I shoved it down. “The locals call it Serenity Point.” Biting my lip, I shrugged, hoping I didn’t sound like an idiot. “I thought…maybe…” the words died on my lips. It was too late. I was sure I sounded stupid. What girl brought a guy up here to help him find peace?

“Relax.” Austin reached over, his hand covering mine. “It’s perfect.”

Relieved, I nodded.

“Do you believe in heaven, summer girl?”

It was a question I’d thought a lot about in the weeks following my grandma’s death. At the memorial service, the pastor referenced it as if he was certain she was there. I remembered staring up in the sky, half expecting to see her face peeking out from behind the clouds. She used to go to church every Sunday, and she kept a Bible on her coffee table. It was tattered and highlighted, as if it got a lot of use. Sometimes I even saw her reading it. But did that mean she was in heaven? Did it mean there was one?

Grace believed in God, so ultimately I brought my musings to her. And after many conversations, I knew I had my answer.

“Yes,” I told him. “I do.”

“Me too.” He lowered his fingers, wrapping them around my hand. “And I know Mr. Morgan’s there.”

Without meaning to, my gaze lifted to the sky, taking in the smattering of stars, the bright crescent moon. We sat in silence for several minutes. Our hands were linked between us as we gazed into nothingness. In the distance, I heard the rumble of tires, the faint sound of music playing lightly, the rustle of the breeze through the trees. Austin still hadn’t made a move to get out of the car, so I didn’t either. It was hot in here, but that was okay. If this was what he needed, then I’d give it to him. His breathing was ragged beside me. A couple of times I glanced over to see his lips trembling slightly. Hoping to encourage him, I squeezed his fingers. He squeezed mine back before unhooking our hands. Then he swiped at his face with his fingertips, staring out the passenger window.

“You know.” He turned to me, breaking into the silence. His eyes were a little red, but other than that all traces of the sad boy from a moment ago were gone. “Serenity is nice and everything, but making out is pretty nice too.” Lips curving upward, he winked.

Giggling, I scooted closer to him. “Really?”

“Yeah.” He tucked a finger under my chin. “Really.”

“Well, if that will help,” I hedged.

“Oh, it will definitely help,” he responded, his hand sliding up my cheek. “Comfort me.” Warm breath whispered against my skin.

I shuddered. It was such an Austin thing to say, but a part of me felt that it wasn’t all a joke. Maybe a kiss would comfort him. Perhaps he needed to feel loved right now, to feel affection and physical intimacy. I didn’t think the Parsons were a very affectionate family.

Austin had lost someone he loved, and I would comfort him in whatever way he needed.

Leaning forward, I feathered my lips against his. Softly. Gently. Our lips barely touched. Still, it caused a quiver deep in my belly. I brought my hand up to skim his jawline, to trail over the stubble on his chin. His lips parted, warmth caressing my flesh. Then his lips crushed mine once again, this time more passionately than before. One hand played in my hair, while the other one hooked onto my side, holding me in place. I ran my free hand up his chest, feeling his muscles flex beneath my palm as his mouth moved greedily over mine. Our lips fused, our tongues melding. It wasn’t playful like our last kiss had been. This one felt real.

Serious.

Desperate.

But that was okay. Sometimes life called for more than fun and games. Sometimes it got real. Sometimes it was messy and painful.

Even with a guy like Austin. A guy who acted like he hadn’t a care in the world. A guy who spent more time joking than being candid. I thought that was what I liked about him. I thought his teasing bonded us, but I was wrong.

This moment bonded us. This moment when his need trumped everything else, when he’d opened up his heart and poured it out to me. It was the most vulnerable I’d ever seen him, and it did something to me. It stirred something deep inside.

That was the night I gave him my heart. I can’t say it was the night I started to fall in love with him, because I think that had happened long before. Maybe even in our first few weeks together. However, I’d remained guarded, cautious.

But that night up at Serenity Point I allowed myself to fall completely in love with him.