Until the Sun Burns Out (15 page)

“Forget it,” I muttered, my face flaming. It was a mistake. Before I said anything, I could tell myself it was all in my head and that there weren’t other girls. But now I knew the truth, and it hurt.

“Mina,” Austin reached for me. “We agreed that this would be a summer thing.”

“I know,” I said. “I just don’t know if I can do this anymore.”

His finger lighted on my face. “I know I can’t.”

I froze. “What?”
Was he saying this was over?
I held my breath.

“The answer to your question is no, I wasn’t with any other girls when we were apart.”

“Seriously?” It was a little hard to believe, and yet I wanted to desperately.

He nodded. “I tried. I went out on a few dates--”

“You did?” I interrupted, my heart in my throat.

His finger caressed my cheek, his gaze intensely colliding with mine. “Only because I kept picturing you out with other guys.” I opened my mouth to tell him there weren’t any others, but he spoke before I could. “But I couldn’t get into it. On the dates, all I could think about was you. That’s why I sent you the necklace.” One side of his lip curved upward. “Because I’m a coward, and I’m selfish.”

“What are you talking about?” Reaching up, I fingered the gold chain around my neck. When I left the beach house this morning, I knew I should take it off. The saltwater would probably rust it, but I couldn’t bring myself to. I’d been like this since the day I got it.

“I didn’t want to go back on what I said. I didn’t want to ask you to commit to me, but I also couldn’t stand the thought of you being with other guys.” The smile he flashed was a shame-filled one. “I guess I thought the necklace would be a constant reminder – to you and to other guys.” His gaze dropped to the sand. “Lame, huh?”

“No,” I whispered. Raising my arm, I touched his face. “You could’ve asked me to commit to you. I would’ve said yes in a heartbeat.”

His head swung toward me. “What if I’m asking now?” My heart stopped. “I don’t want you to be my summer girl anymore.” Moving forward on his knees in the sand, he bridged the gap between us. Then he framed my face with both of his hands. Our gazes locked. “Be my forever girl, Mina.”

It was the moment I’d been waiting for. A moment I wasn’t sure would ever come. And all I wanted to do was say yes. However, he’d been so adamant about our former deal. “What changed?” I had to know.

“I fell in love with you,” he said.

A group of kids ran past kicking up sand, and it made me feel like I was waking from a dream. I’d been so focused on Austin I had forgotten where we were. My gaze scoured the area revealing that the beach was still in full swing.

“But you were in love with me last summer too. At least that’s what you said.” I hated myself for making this so difficult. We could be hugging and kissing, declaring our feelings for one another right now. Instead, I was forcing this uncomfortable conversation. But I knew that if I committed to Austin, he would own the final piece of my heart. I’d already given him most of it, but I’d been holding onto the last of it. I’d been guarding it, keeping it safe, just in case this all blew up in my face.

If I handed over what little I had left, he’d own me. All of me. So before I did that, I had to be sure.

“I fell in love with you last summer, but I was scared. Scared of losing you to some other guy back in your home town. Scared that your feelings would change while we were apart. Scared that my…” his voice trailed off, a flicker of darkness passing over his face. “Just scared. I’ve never been in love before, Mina.”

Everything he’d said resonated with me. It was funny how alike we were. Last summer we’d had our first big fight, and it was all because we were both feeling insecure and uncertain. Seems we’d been doing that once again. “Me neither,” I confessed.

“And it seemed crazy that I had to fall in love with a girl who lived so far away.”

A laugh escaped through my lips. I’d thought the same thing so many times.

“But being away from you all these months has been torture. And the more time we spent apart, the more I realized that I didn’t want anyone else. I want to be with you, Mina. Even if it scares me. Even if my heart gets broken in the process.”

I stared into his eyes, the sincerity in them stealing my breath. He wasn’t playing me. And he was right. There was no way to predict where this would lead. Then again, nothing in life was certain. But I still wanted to go for it. I loved Austin, and he loved me. Wasn’t that enough?

Besides, who was I kidding?

Austin owned my entire heart already. I may have thought I was still holding back a piece, but every time he looked into my eyes, I knew that wasn’t true.

My heart belonged to him.

“Yes,” I breathed. His head cocked to the side, one eyebrow raised as if he wasn’t sure he’d heard correctly. “Yes, I’ll be your forever girl.”

The smile that swept across his face was brighter than the sun.

***

I was walking on air when I returned home that night. It was like my feet never even hit the ground. Austin loved me and wanted to be with me exclusively. The whole thing was like a dream. In fact, it was a dream I’d had many times. As I headed inside the house, I fished around in my beach bag for my phone. Grace would die when she heard the news. Yanking out my cell, I planned to hide away in my room and call her. I knew I’d have to tell Dad at some point, but it didn’t need to be tonight.

“There she is,” Dad’s voice boomed as I attempted to scurry down the hallway undetected.

I paused, swiveling around. And that’s when I saw her – Penny – standing beside Dad with her hand tucked in his. Luca was sitting on the couch, and his wary expression gave me pause. What was going on? “Yep. Here I am,” I said, my gaze catching Luca’s, hoping he’d throw me a bone. But he didn’t.

“Hi, Mina. Welcome back,” Penny said wearing a smile.

“Thanks,” I mumbled.

“Have you been out with Austin all day?” Dad asked, way too cheerily.

Had I entered the twilight zone?

“Yeah. We were at the beach.”

“Wonderful,” he said.

Looking down at Luca, I furrowed my brows.
Wonderful?

“It was fun,” I spoke slowly. “Now I’m just gonna go get changed out of these wet clothes.” Pointing down the hallway, I longed to be in my room away from all the weirdness. I had no idea what was going on, and honestly I wasn’t sure I wanted to. Penny was already weird enough on her own. The last thing I needed was for her to rub off on my dad, but it seemed like she was.

“Okay.” Dad nodded. “But don’t be long. Penny and I have something to share with you.”

I stiffened, warning bells going off in my head so loud it reminded me of the time I helped Mom with dinner and set off the fire alarm. Stomach churning, I glanced over at Penny. The smile she wore was a nervous one, her lips slightly trembling as she fought to keep her lips up. When my gaze lowered down to Penny’s hand, I blew out a breath. A diamond ring was wrapped around her ring finger.

“You’re engaged?” I asked, praying she was marrying some other guy. However, I knew that was an irrational thought, especially since she was clinging to my dad as if he were a life raft and she was drowning in the ocean.

Penny didn’t move. Dad nodded.

“When?” It was the only word I could push from my throat.

“Next summer,” Dad answered.

I exhaled. At least that gave me time. I wasn’t sure what I needed time for. Time to process it. Time to talk him out of it. I didn’t know. Regardless, I was grateful for the long engagement.

“Congratulations,” I forced out.

“Thank you.” Penny’s shoulders visibly relaxed.

Dad threw me a grateful smile. Luca appeared perplexed. He probably expected me to lose it. I was actually surprised I hadn’t. Perhaps it was because I knew what it was like to be in love, and clearly Dad loved Penny. She may not have been my first choice for him, but Austin didn’t seem to be Mom or Dad’s choice for me either. Actually, Austin probably wasn’t the smartest choice for me. But love didn’t seem to be about weighing options or waiting for everything to be perfect. Love was like an ocean wave. It crashed over you when you least expected it, and by the time you came up for air, it had already consumed you.

I white-knuckled the door handle as Austin took the corner too fast. My body jolted. When he almost sideswiped the car in the lane next to us, the driver honked loudly. Austin righted the rental car, but he over-corrected and my head bumped against the passenger window.

“I think I understand why your parents didn’t let you drive last year,” I said dryly.

Austin laughed.

“Pretty sure it wasn’t meant as a punishment,” I continued, once I knew he found it funny. “It was meant to keep you alive.”

Smiling, he said, “I know it must be bad if you notice.”

“Hey.” I crossed my arms over my chest. Only it was a dumb move because my body swung to the left and I almost fell in Austin’s lap. Not like that would’ve necessarily been a bad thing. But probably poor timing. He was already having a hard enough time driving.

“Don’t act all offended. You and I both know your driving skills could use some work.”

“Forgive me if I don’t ask you for assistance.”

“In my defense,” Austin said, “this drive isn’t the easiest one.”

He did have a point. The road had been narrow and winding for miles now. We were on our way to a carnival in the next town over. Penny had mentioned the carnival to us the other night, and we decided it was the perfect opportunity to get out from under our parents’ thumb. Besides, we didn’t usually leave Inland Cove, so we figured it would be a fun adventure.

At long last we were able to exit the winding road. A little town greeted us that appeared very similar to Inland Cove. It didn’t take long to spot the carnival. A large ferris wheel loomed over the streets. When I rolled down my window, carnival music blasted through the air.

The scent of corn dogs and cotton candy wafted under my nose when Austin pulled the car into the parking lot. It catapulted me back to my childhood. Even though the air was hot and sticky, I had no desire to roll the window back up. Instead, I stuck my head further out the window.

“My dog used to always do that,” Austin observed.

Grunting, I drew my head back into the car. “Thanks. That’s what every girl wants to hear. That they remind you of a dog.”

“That’s not how I meant it,” he assured me, but his laughter wasn’t helping. Then again, it was pretty rare that Austin wasn’t laughing. And most of the time it did seem to be at my expense.

“Then how did you mean it?”

He shook his head. “Nah, I think I’ve already put my foot in my mouth far enough already. I’ll stop now.”

“Smart move.”

“My dad always says that a wise man knows when to keep his mouth shut.”

It was the first time he’d mentioned his dad in a positive light to me. “Is that how he’s made his marriage work then?”

“Probably one of the ways,” Austin said.

“So, you have a dog, huh?” I asked as we stepped out of the car. He’d never mentioned a dog before, not even in our phone conversations, so his comment had caught me off guard.

“I did when I was a kid.” He slammed his door and made his way over to me. “His name was Harrold.”

“Harrold?”

“Yep.” His warm hand found mine. Even though both of our palms were sweaty, we didn’t let that stop us from threading our fingers together.

“I don’t know that I’ve ever met a dog named Harrold,” I mused.

“And he never met a girl named Mina.”

I giggled.

“Do you have a pet?” he asked as we walked through the parking lot toward the carnival entrance. A clown with puffy orange hair and a red nose waited to greet us. My neck prickled. I’d never liked clowns.

“Does a goldfish count?” I asked.

“You have a goldfish?”

“No,” I said. “I just wondered if it counted.”

Austin’s head swiveled in my direction, a puzzled expression cloaking it. “Why?”

“Because I had one once. It’s the only pet I’ve ever owned.”

He nodded. “Then yes. A goldfish definitely counts.”

“Then I did have a pet once. A goldfish named Pippi.”

“Pippi, huh?”

“She was orange.” I shrugged. “She lived a week.”

“A week?” Austin’s eyes widened, and he let out a low whistle. “Wow. It’s a good thing you never owned a dog. And I’m glad you never were around Harrold. I loved that dog.” I was glad he smiled to show he was teasing and that he didn’t really think I was a threat to dogs, especially now that I knew he had an affinity for them.

“You never mentioned Harrold before.”

“You never asked.”

It was true. Austin was a man of few words. He didn’t readily give information. And in the past, I’d always felt that he had a wall up, that he was guarded around me, as if there were things he’d never share. Neither of us had talked much about our pasts, but mostly because he’d set that precedent. But now that had all changed. This year he’d been slowly piecing out things about his life back home and about his past, and it made me feel closer to him.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw the clown moving toward us. Flinching, I turned toward Austin, folding in on him like a crumbling piece of paper. At first he appeared worried, his eyes crinkling, his forehead a mess of squiggly lines. Then his gaze shot past me, and a slow smile spread across his face.

“You scared of clowns, summer girl?”

I nodded. No use denying it.

His arm came around me and he held me close, using his body as a shield. “It’s okay. I’ll get ya inside.”

I buried my face in his chest as we hurried up to the ticket counter. When the clown attempted to approach him, I felt his head swivel back and forth. Then I heard the clown scurry away.

“My knight in shining armor,” I said when I dared to lift my head.

“There might be more inside, so stay close,” he said in a serious voice as if we were about to embark on a secret mission. I knew he was teasing, but I had no intention of leaving his side. Not because of the clowns, but because there was no place I’d rather be than as close to Austin as possible.

***

Austin and I didn’t go on dates. We played sports, went to the gym, challenged each other at bodysurfing. It was how our relationship had always been. But this summer things had changed, so it made sense that this aspect would be different too. After our day at the carnival, Austin offered to take me out for a nice dinner.

“The second time I ever saw you was here,” I told Austin after the hostess had seated us at our table. “You and your family were sitting at that table right over there.” Reaching out my arm, I pointed. “I remember being jealous of you. I thought you had the perfect family.”

“Looks can be deceiving.”

“Yeah.” I nodded.

“You had such a chip on your shoulder that summer.” Austin grinned.

I chuckled. “I was pretty angry.”

“I like to call it feisty. Gives it a nice ring.”

My chuckle deepened. “Well, you’ve always been good at bringing out my feisty side.”

“You mean there’s another side to you?” He joked, throwing me a wink.

“Around other people, yes.” When his hand landed on my thigh, the laughter died down. I cleared my throat and reached for the menu.

“Have I told you that you look gorgeous tonight?” Austin asked, his fingers massaging into my leg.

I wore a simple black dress, and my hair was down in loose curls. “About twenty times.”

“Then let’s make it twenty-one.”

My lips twitched at the edges.

“What do you normally get here?” Austin picked up his menu.

“Something different every time.”

“Ah, that’s right. You like to try new things.”

“And you’re a boring eater,” I pointed out.

His gaze bounced to mine, his face wearing an expression of mock offence. “What? Me, boring? I don’t think so.”

“When it comes to food, you totally are, Mr. Vanilla.”

“Hey, vanilla’s the bomb.”

I giggled, having heard this a million times already. “If you say so.”

The waiter approached our table, so I quickly scanned the menu and came up with something to order. After the waiter left, Austin dragged his chair closer to me.

“Pretty soon you’re gonna be in my lap,” I teased.

“Promise?” He bantered back, and my cheeks warmed.

I plucked up my ice water and gulped some down. My body cooled as the frigid liquid slid down my throat. Austin watched me with amusement, but that was nothing new.

“Thirsty?” He raised his brows.

I nodded, my mouth full of ice. Austin laughed lightly. A family was seated at the same table I’d first seen Austin at. Both of us watched as they got situated.

“I remember you that night too,” Austin said. “You were pretty upset.”

After chewing the remainder of the ice, I said, “Yeah. That was when I was refusing to play soccer. Dad and I sorta got into it that night.”

“You were hurt.” Austin shrugged. “You wanted your parents back together. It’s understandable.”

I nodded, thinking about Dad and Penny’s engagement.

“You still want them back together, don’t you?” he asked.

“Awfully perceptive of you,” I said, my eyes meeting his. He stared back at me, stone-cold serious, and I knew the joking was over. He expected a real answer. “I know it’s irrational. They’ve been divorced for awhile now. But I guess deep down I want them back together.”

“Is that why it’s so hard for you to see him and Penny engaged?”

“Yeah,” I whispered, fingering the edge of my dress. “It just makes everything seem so final. Plus, I don’t really like Penny.”

“You don’t like Penny because she’s not your mom.”

I hated when he said that. It may have been true, but it made me sound like a brat. “My mom is pretty awesome. A lot more awesome than Penny.”

“I can’t wait to meet her in person one day.”

My entire body warmed as I imagined Mom and Austin meeting. They had “met” once on Facetime by accident. Mom walked in my room when Austin and I were chatting, so I had her stop and say hi. Later she’d told me he was cute and polite. Therefore, I was certain she’d love him once she got to know him. There was no way she couldn’t. He charmed everyone he met. But as my mind played through the scenario, I was hit with reality. Being here in Inland Cove, it was easy to buy into the fantasy. This entire place was an escape from real life. While I was here, I was lulled into a dreamlike state. But what happened when the summer ended and I went back home? Back to my senior year of high school? What then?

“Austin?” I snatched up his hand. “How is this gonna work?”

“Us?”

I nodded. “After we go back home and everything.”

“I don’t know.” The light from the candle on the table flickered, light illuminating his face. Behind him were windows that overlooked the ocean. The water shimmered in the moonlight. It all appeared so magical. “It won’t be easy, but the alternative is worse. I know, because I already tried it. And we both saw how successful it was.”

I smiled. “I love you, Austin.”

“I love you too, forever girl.”

A chill ran up my spine, my entire body tingling. The waiter appeared next to me, and I flinched. How did Austin have the ability to make everything else become invisible? A second ago I had completely forgotten where I was. After the waiter left our food, I picked up my fork. I wasn’t that hungry anymore though. My insides were churning as if I was on a small fishing boat in the middle of the ocean. Austin was the only person on the planet that could make me feel this way. As I pushed food around my plate, I noticed Austin watching the family in the corner.

“How is your sister doing in college?” I asked, partly out of curiosity and partly to ground myself. Maybe if we talked about something benign, something that didn’t involve the two of us, my stomach would settle.

“Good.” He took a bite of food. Once he swallowed it, he added, “She’s actually here.”

“For the summer?”

“Nah. She’s only gracing us with her presence for a few weeks.” There was a sour note in his voice.

“Things aren’t any better with your parents, huh?”

“Worse.” He frowned. “Ever since I…” There it was again. That dark, secretive look. What was he keeping from me? Reaching out, he covered my hand with his and forced a smile. “You know what? I don’t want to talk about my family anymore today. I just want to enjoy my time here with you.”

I smiled, my earlier suspicion waning. He wasn’t keeping anything from me. The topic of his family always agitated him. That was all. Besides, he’d opened up to me so much today. And, honestly, I was tired of all the serious talk. It was wearing me out. “Deal.”

“And don’t worry about what’s going to happen with us when summer ends. We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.” His easy smile returned. “But we don’t have to worry about it tonight, because we have the entire summer still. Let’s make the best of it.”

My heart flipped in my chest. He was right. This wasn’t something we had to think about now. “Sounds perfect to me.” I tossed him a challenging smile. “Besides, you’re gonna need the rest of the summer to brush up on your skills if you want to beat me at soccer.”