Upside Down (20 page)

“Carol, I hate to say it, but I’ve got to go. It’s pretty late here and I haven’t been sleeping well. I’m beat.”

“I’m sorry I kept you up, honey. Go get your beauty sleep.”

“You, too.
Love you!”

“Love you more! Bye.”

As usual, talking to Dave helped me put some things into perspective. I had a very clear idea of what I had to do next. However, his last question kept me up for most of the night – how can I be with Mark when I want to be with someone else instead?

That persistent voice in my head kept whispering an answer I didn’t like. At first. But, the more I thought about it, the more it made sense.

* * * *

A week
went by before I decided what I would do. Thank God I was much more decisive in my work. During that week, things with Mark were back to normal. That meant we worked every day and spent most of the evenings together. We talked, fucked and I, sometimes, let him make love to me. One night, after we were done, he asked me something I had been dreading.

“Carol, have you talked to him?”

“No.”

“Why not?
”

“Because.”

He sat on the bed and crossed his arms over his chest.

“You look so gorgeous when you’re mad, Mark.”

“Don’t give me that shit. You won’t distract me with sex. You’re not a teen to give me that kind of answer. Why haven’t you talked to the guy? Have you seen him?”

Flashes of the week passed in front of my eyes at his question. Boy, had I seen Cindy! She had been everywhere I looked when I was in the office. She had even managed to get a temporary assignment in my personal brokers group
, which meant she had worked overtime beside me for most of the week. And she hadn’t missed one single opportunity to make it very clear to me that she hadn’t forgotten our little adventure. I was the one who had chicken out. She had told me she would have loved to give it another try but I had changed the subject. It hadn’t felt right.

“Carol? Are you going to ignore me?”

“No, Mark, not at all. I’m sorry. I did see him and he wanted to get together. But, it didn’t feel right to me. Things have been so great for us. I didn’t want to spoil them. Besides, like I said, that Thursday he took me by surprise and now it would be planned. It wouldn’t be fair to you.”

“And do you think it’s fair to me if you are with me but you want to be with someone else?”

“Et tu, Brutus?”

“Why? Who asked you that?”

“Dave did. Last weekend, after you left, I called him, told him all that is going on here and asked for his advice. He asked me that exact question.”

“What did you answer him?”

“I didn’t. It was food for thought. He didn’t expect an answer.”

“Have you come up with an answer since?”

I almost told him he wouldn’t like the answer the annoying little voice in my head had come up with. I shook my head instead.

“Carol, we can’t go on together with this hanging over our heads. You have to make up your mind and you can’t do it honestly without talking to him.”

“That’s the problem, Mark. You keep telling me to talk to him but you know as much as I do that I can’t decide on anything based on a simple conversation. We’ll end up having sex again and that is what’s been killing me,” I put my hand on his chest, right over his heart. “I’ve hurt you too much already without meaning to. I don’t want to do it intentionally.”

He thought about it for a while, took a deep breath then exhaled with a
long sigh.

“I see what you mean. You’re right. On the other hand, you
need to make up your mind,” he kissed me for a long time. It was a tender, heartbreaking kiss. His eyes were misty when he pulled away. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but here goes nothing. We should take some time apart. Then, you won’t feel like you’re cheating on me. For me, it will hurt like hell either way but I see why you can’t do it otherwise. You felt deeply betrayed by your parents as a child and you can’t do it to someone you care about.”

“
You’re right. I do care about your feelings, Mark. Besides, I’m finally considering the possibility of a stable relationship. I don’t want to put all this at risk. But it’s all so new to me. I’m afraid to lose this chance if I let you go.”

“I’ve told you already. I’m not going away. I’m not leaving you. We’ll just
take some time apart. What do you say to that?”

I gave his idea some thought and saw he was right.

“I see your point. It’s worse to run away from these nagging feelings and doubts. They will always sneak up on us, again and again, until we solve them once and for all. Let’s take a break. We don’t need to start right away, do we?”

I
had found him under the sheet and was stroking his already half-hard member in a way that it was growing fast under my hand. He looked up, at the ceiling, feigning resignation.

“Well, I guess somebody has to make some sacrifices around here, right?”

We laughed and he embraced me, holding me tight and burying his face in my hair, his voice was muffled by my mess of red curls when he spoke.

“I hope I won’t regret convincing you this was a good idea. I don’t want to lose you.”

My old self-defense mechanism – mockery - kicked in automatically when I heard the sheer panic in his voice because I was also terrified.

“Why don’t you give me a good reason to come back to you?”

He tensed his muscles around me, then pulled away to check my expression. When he made sure I was kidding, he relaxed again and gave me the naughtiest smile. Shivers of excitement ran down my spine, concentrating all their energy down below, in my core. I held my breath and he laughed at my expression before winking at me and flipping me over on the mattress. He was so strong the movement seemed easy but I shrieked in surprise.

“What are you doing?”

“Making sure you’ll come – with me, again and again now, then back to me later.”

Fo
r the next couple of hours, Mark did exactly what he had promised he would do. He made love to me until we both saw stars. He fucked me hard and fast until I couldn’t breathe. He made me come for him, with him, over and over again. He branded my body and my soul with his own mark so that I wouldn’t be able to forget him any time soon. Even if I wanted to. It was almost morning when he got out of my bed. He dressed and sat down beside me to say goodbye. He kissed my bruised lips, then, ran a thumb over them, soothing the burning feeling.

“
Don’t take too long to come back to me, gorgeous,” he kissed the tip of my nose, then, stood up. “I’ll be the loneliest, saddest man on earth until you do.”

“I won’t
,” I promised.

* * * *

The following week was awkward. Having Mark so close to me at the office and trying to see him as just one more employee wasn’t easy. But, he was an excellent professional and helped me get by without any serious incidents.

Cindy, on the other hand, must have noticed something was off between Mark and I because she doubled her efforts to call my attention.
I was still struggling with myself and hadn’t found a way to approach her. That didn’t mean I had forgotten our moments together or that my desire had grown cold. On the contrary, I was dying to have some time alone with the blonde beauty who wouldn’t leave me alone, day or night. At the office or in my dreams.

On
Friday evening, she stayed late to help two of my team members, Jonathan and Ted finish a presentation for a new client. I was walking to my elevator when I saw her leaving their office and coming towards me. She had her purse on and was, obviously, going home. I wouldn’t be able to avoid riding the elevator with her. I braced myself and gave her a polite but distant smile. The mischievous glint in her dark blue eyes told me she had ambushed me. My hands started to sweat and my mouth went dry. I licked my lips to soothe the sensation then bit the lower one to keep myself from saying something stupid.

She stood beside me looking up at the blinking numbers above the elevator door.
She was close enough to disturb all my senses but not enough to touch me. When the car reached our floor and was about to open its door, she leaned and whispered in my ear. “You have no idea what you do to my insides when you bite your lips like that.”

She
went into the elevator and I stayed behind. My legs felt like lead. I couldn’t move.

“Coming?” she asked, pushed the door button to keep it open and winked at me.

How did she manage to turn a single-word question into something dirty? But, sexy as hell? I felt a series of quivers starting in my lower body and spreading around me just thinking about the endless possibilities that question raised. They were all delicious, in fact. I smiled back and entered the steel box, walking up to her. Cindy walked backwards until she was trapped between me and the wall. She let go of the button and when the doors closed, I held her by the hair, yanking her head back.

“Ouch!”

When she spoke, I invaded her mouth and kissed her like I wanted to punish her. And I probably wanted to punish Cindy for having turned my perfect world upside down, for having made me want to fuck her brains out. Most of all, I wanted to take out my frustrations on her. But she took all my anger away when she didn’t fight me back or resisted. She returned the kiss with such abandon I changed tactics. I caressed her hair and shoulders as she ran a hand down my spine. Then, she cupped my buttocks and pressed her body against mine. I knew there wasn’t time for much else because the ride to the garage was a short one. That was why I had made my move. The problem was the plan backfired. I was the one panting and wanting so much more when I heard the bell announcing we had arrived.

We
stood apart, in case there was somebody waiting for the elevator, but didn’t bother to set our clothes straight. It was very late, so, the garage was deserted.

“Can I come to your place?”

Boy, was she direct! I wanted to take her home so badly and was about to agree when I remembered Mark and shook my head.

“Sorry, I want to
but I can’t. I also want to know you better. This is all new and crazy for me and we are moving too fast.”

“That’s the fun part, isn’t it? The urgency, the burning desire. Don’t you
think?”

I hesitated and she took it the wrong way.

“Are you ashamed? Do you regret having hooked up with me?”

“No, that’s not it.
It’s just that my life is so complicated right now!”

She grabbed me by the blouse and
pulled me close until our noses touched.

“What is so complicated about this?”

She kissed me again while she moved us both backwards until my back hit the wall. My heart beat like crazy because of her hands exploring my body, her mouth sucking mine, but mostly for fear of being caught. It was both terrifying and exhilarating. Her fingers found their way inside my pants and I gasped when she tapped my clitoris. She pinched and pressed down on it without letting go of my mouth. When I tried to touch her the same way, she swatted my hand away; then, grabbed both my hands in one of hers. She pinned them above my head and went on teasing my entrance with her fingers. I writhed and tried to lure them deeper inside but she controlled the show and wouldn’t have any of that. Again.

Pretty soon, I felt the waves of desire
gathering around me, pleasure growing inside me as she invaded me with two wicked but expert fingers. I whimpered under her hands and mouth but she didn’t slow down. She was about to make me come, after a matter of minutes stroking my secret parts, against the wall of a public garage and I didn’t really care. I just wanted her. I wanted to feel that mind-blowing explosion again. I moaned when my body started to tremble but it took me some seconds to realize she had pulled away from my weaken body. I opened my eyes and she had rearranged her clothes and looked very aloof.

“What? Why?”

“I want you. You want me. That is crystal clear. I don’t see why that’s complicated. Call me when you’re ready to explain it to me.”

She
opened the stairwell door and went away. She left me there panting and reeling. My skin was red all over and my body was on fire. I almost finished the job myself but suddenly that idea saddened me. What would be the fun in doing that on my own? All the pent-up energy left my body at once at the thought. I felt limp and leaned against the wall, leaning my head back and closing my eyes.

“Now, I need to take action. There’s no more running, nowhere else to go.”

When I got home, there was a message from my mother on the machine. I hadn’t talked to any of my parents since their visit. I call her back.

“Sullivan’s residence.”

“Hey, old friend! What’s up?”

“Hey, freckles. It’s so nice to hear your voice. How have you been?”

“Crazy busy. I haven’t had a chance to thank you, Bob. For that conversation the other day. You were right in so many ways. I’ve had a very strange but revealing conversation with mom and dad, you know.”