Vampire Charming (23 page)

An
arrow pointed down a narrow path that had appeared out of nowhere.

“Oh
screw you, movie.”  Jane cast a glare towards the sky.  “Is that the best
you’ve got?”

These
bastards had no idea who they were dealing with if they thought she’d run off
and leave Slade behind.  Even the hero of the film needed some help, now and
then.  Jane Squire wasn’t some Red Riding Hood, waiting in the woods for Prince
Charming to come and save her.  She might not be the star, but she’d choreograph
her own fucking fight scenes.

Slade’s
blue eyes locked on hers as she moved towards him.  Desperate relief filled his
face when he saw she was okay.  “Jane.”  He whispered the word like a prayer.

Dallyn
used his momentary distraction to strike.  There was another flash of swords
and the Mage drove Slade towards the rushing water.  She pushed him to the edge
of the rocks at the top of the waterfall.  One more step and he’d topple over
edge.  Jane wasn’t sure even a Vampire could survive a fall like that.

“You
were stupid to bring that mortal slut here, Vampire.”  Dallyn chortled,
reaching one lethal palm towards him.  Electricity arched between her fingers,
eager to fry him.  “You should have kept her locked away in her own dreary
would.  No ordinary human can survive this land.”

Slade
didn’t try to evade her deadly palm.  He didn’t have to.  “My human is far from
ordinary.”  He murmured, his gaze still on Jane.

Dallyn
realized what was about to happen a second too late.  She turned, her mouth
opening in a silent scream of denial as Jane slammed the nine iron into her
skull.

The
Mage’s powers would’ve incinerated wood, scorched flesh, or electrified swords,
but the golf club had an insulated handle.  Dallyn’s electrical powers
traveling through the metal, the rubber grip not conduct the charge to Jane’s
skin.  It was the perfect weapon for beating Slade’s bitchy stalker.

Jane
swung the club like a she was going for a homerun at Wrigley Field, smiling
with satisfaction as Dallyn cried out in panic.  Without her zappiness fixing
the fight, it was just about which of them was stronger.  Too bad for Dallyn
she’d been cast to look good in a leather bathing suit, not for her muscles. 
Size mattered.  Jane hit her again and the impact sent the smaller woman flying
backwards into the river.

Mages’
magicks really should’ve come with a warning not to go swimming.  The water
came alive with short-circuiting, orange lightning.  Dallyn shrieked in agony,
her own energy turning against her.  Her body was cooked alive in the broiling
water, even before she was swept over the falls.  Her blackened form
disappeared in the torrent.

All
over the Endless Woods, the terrible fires winked out and the ominous claps of
thunder faded.

It
was over.

Jane
let out a long breath, glancing at Slade.  “Okay, you were right about holding
onto the golf clubs.”  She admitted.  “They did come in handy.”

For
once, the King of the Vampires didn’t remind her that the King of the Vampires
was
always
right.  Slade just stared at her, like he was in a trance.  It
wasn’t like him to pass up a golden opportunity for gloating.  Maybe he’d hit
his head.

Jane
frowned in concern, looking him over for injuries.  “Are you hurt?”

“In
my entire life, I have never felt such joy.”  He said quietly.  “Thank you for
existing, Jane Squire.  I had given up hope.”

Well,
that was kind of dramatic, but at least he appreciated the save.  About time he
showed some gratitude for all the shit she put up with.  “You’re welcome.”  She
muttered, staring over the waterfall.  “I don’t think we were supposed to kill
Dallyn that easy, though.  That probably means she’s still alive.”

Slade
seemed to rouse himself from his amazed stupor.  “No being could survive a
defeat like that.”

“If
that were true, there would be a lot fewer cheesy sequels filling Cineplexes every
August.”  Still, there wasn’t anything they could do about Dallyn now.  Jane
heaved an irritated sigh.  “Whatever.  Let’s just move onto the next act before
something else goes wrong.”  She glanced over at the script, which had fallen
to the ground a few feet away.  “But first, I have to leave a message for my
new admirer.”

EXT- ENTRANCE TO THE CORPSE ROAD- NIGHT

FANG stands by the waterfall and reads
the note
. 
The piece of paper is pinned to a tree. 
It seems to be part of a play.  It details an odd scene where FANG is reading
the page of a script, which has been pinned to a tree.  While reading about
himself, reading the page of a script, which has been pinned to a tree.  While
reading about himself, reading the page of the script, reading about himself,
reading the page of the script, which has been pinned to a tree.  …And so on
and so on and so on, until his eyes begin to cross.

It is dizzying.  Like looking into two
mirrors at once so you see an infinite army of identical yous, all lined up on
top of each other.

The tales of the magickal book were
true.  He has no idea what kind of powers could have accomplished such a thing,
but he knows that it is not the work of the Vampire.  SLADE is too honorable
and righteous to gloat.  This taunt is from the human.  JANE has left a message
for him, scrawled across the paper in red river mud and displayed where he was
sure to find it.

JANE’S NOTE

(In
close-up)

Give it
up, asshole.  I already know how this story ends.

Spoiler
Alert:  You get neutered.

FANG slowly smiles and his eyes glitter
in anticipation. 
He knows now that fate
doe
s
exist for Werewolves.  That there
is
one special woman for him.
 JANE SQUIRE isn’t meant for SLADE.  This mocking
little bitch is all his.

FANG

(Crumpling
the note in his hand and turning to his men.)

Whoever
brings me Jane Squire gets a really big castle and a hot date with the princess.

Redrafted Film Script- “From Here to Infinia”

The
Corpse Road was lined with wild flowers.

On
either side of the twisting path overgrown fields stretched as far as the eye
could see.  It all looked harmless and still.  Almost dreamlike.  As if
everything in the beautiful landscape was peaceful, and tranquil, and you were
the only one for miles.  As if there was nothing to worry about except finding
the perfect spot for a picnic.  As if Monet might wander by later, painting
haystacks and colorful blossoms.

Jane
wasn’t fooled.

The
environment was designed to lull you into a false sense of security.  The
strange vegetation grew tall enough to provide cover for all sorts of badness. 
That was why the gentle breeze blew
juuuust
enough to hide any movement
in the vast meadows and why the fragrance of the multi-colored blooms tried to
seduce you closer.  This whole misadventure was doomed and even the plant life
knew it.

Jane
looked up at Slade.  “Nobody who goes into those fields is coming back out.”

“I
am getting a similar feeling.”  Slade’s Caribbean blue eyes scanned the waving
grasses, his jaw tightening.  “Do not leave the path.”  It was a royal decree. 
“No matter what happens, stay on the gravel.”

“Like
I really planned to go off hiking with the ghosts.”  Jane retorted.  Even when
she knew he was trying to look out for her, it bugged her to follow orders.  With
the Goblins stationed in every other direction and Slade refusing to fly them
out of there, she didn’t have a lot of options, though.  “Any chance you can do
that teleporting thing you were talking about?”

“No. 
Those magicks only work in the heat and the weather here is quite mild.”

“
Heat?
” 
Well, that was typically random and stupid.  “God, I can’t
believe
I let
you talk me into this.”  Grumbling anti-Vampire sentiments under her breath, she
continued down the Corpse Road.  “I hate this plan even more than all the other
plans I’ve hated.”

“Great
heroes must prove themselves through hardship, Jane.  It will all be worth it
when we have our kingdom.”

“I
don’t believe in heroes.”  Jane reminded him.  “And this kingdom belongs to you
and
Allandrina
, not me.  I told you, I’m just along for the ride.”

The
“kissing Slade and seeing fireworks” debacle made it
super
clear that she
needed to get out of this place as soon as possible.  Every minute she was
around the jackass was another minute she was falling deeper under his spell.

“According
to the rebels, Allandrina was not much of a ruler, even before Fang took over. 
She is not interested in helping Infinia’s people.”  Slade glanced at her.  “Really,
if anyone should be queen of this kingdom, it should be
you,
Jane.  You
care for them far more than Allandrina does.”

Jane
laughed at that, realizing that he must be joking.  “Yeah, I’m totally cut out
for a crown.  I’ll have to telecommute from the Windy City, though, because no
way am I staying in Hyrule even one second longer than I have to.”

Slade
flashed her a brooding glance.  He was unusually pensive, like something was weighing
on his mind.  Maybe he was still annoyed that she’d left that “Fuck You” letter
for Fang.  Slade hadn’t thought it was such a good idea for Jane to draw more
of the Werewolf’s attention, but she’d been too pissed off to care.  Girls from
the Southside didn’t cower from bullies.

“You
still wish to leave Infinia?”  Slade demanded.

“Just
as fast as I can click my ruby heels together, pal.”

He
looked down at her battered Nikes in confusion.  “Is your footwear enchanted?”

“No,
of course it’s not…  Oh, never mind.”  Jane sighed.  “
Yes
, I’m still
leaving.  The fact that a psychotic Werewolf now wants to make me his
girlfriend, just makes my travel plans out of this dimension sound all the
sweeter.  You and Princess Toadstool can rule the Mushroom Kingdom on your own. 
I just want to get away from Bowser.”

Slade’s
jaw ticked.  “I will deal with Fang.”  He promised quietly.  “You do not need
to fear him.”

The
flatness of his tone caused Jane to stop walking and focus on his serious face.
 Slade was always so positive and cheerful.  She liked that about him.  His
exuberant optimism was the exact opposite of Jane’s relentless practicality, so
it felt like a breath of fresh air.  Seeing him in this dark mood confused her.

“I
know you’ll beat Fang.”  She assured him, in case that was what he was so
worked up about.  “I’m just angry that there’s been a script change and now
he’s apparently obsessed with me, for some reason.  Villains in the movies get
obsessed with the
heroine
, not the sidekick.  It doesn’t make any sense.”

“You
are not a sidekick.”  Slade’s celestial eyes burned into hers, the perfect blue
glowing like the heart of flames.  “And I’m not just going to beat Fang.  I’m
going to
kill
him.”  It was a vow.  “Now that Fang has your scent, he’s
a threat to you.  I will eradicate
all
threats to you, Jane, in this land
and every other.”

“I
can eradicate my own threats.  I think I proved that at the waterfall.”  She
arched a brow.  “Besides, you can’t make this all about me.  You were
already
going to kill Fang remember?”

“Well,
now I am going to kill him
more
. 
Everything
has become about
you.  Fang and I both know that.”  He shook his head.  “The Werewolf thinks to
take you from me and I will die before I lose you.  There is
nothing
that will pry you from my side.”

Jane
stared up at him, mesmerized by his intensity.  No one had ever cared so much
about keeping her around.  “Gee, that doesn’t sound stalker-ish, at all.”  She
whispered, because it was a better option than ripping off his clothes. 
“You’re not planning on locking me in a dungeon or something, are you?”

Slade
relaxed slightly at her sarcasm.  The side of his mouth curved upward.  “You
can go anywhere and do anything you wish, Jane Squire.”  One of his massive
palms cupped the side of her check.  “You will just never have to do it alone.”

Wow.

Jane
swallowed hard and ducked away from him, before she melted into a puddle. 
Putting some distance between them would be a
very
smart idea, right
now.  Slade was way too good at telling a girl without a home just what she
secretly wanted to hear.

She
started walking a little faster, trying to think.  What had they been talking
about?  The Werewolf, right?

Right.

She
seized on that.  “Anyway, to kill Fang we still need the Silver Sword.  And to
get the Silver Sword, we have to find Roland.  Any idea where Infinia’s
favorite tween might be?”