Waiting for You (19 page)

The kind of love his mother was talking about wasn’t something he was capable of anymore. That part of him was dead.

But in spite of what his mother had said, that didn’t have to be a deal-breaker. He’d make it clear to Erin in other ways that he was there for her, that he would always take care of her and the baby. And that they ought to get married.

He intended to protect Erin, and their daughter, as long as there was breath in his body.

That would have to be enough.

“Have you thought about names?” his mother asked Erin over dessert. Allison had just announced that she and Rick had definitely decided on Matthew—or possibly Ian.

Erin looked a little uncertain. “Well, I did have one in mind, but I don’t know how you’ll feel about it. I was thinking…maybe…Megan.”

It was his youngest sister’s name—the one who’d died of cancer when he was twenty-one.

His mother’s eyes were wet, and so were Allison’s. Even his father’s eyes were suspiciously bright.

“Oh, Erin,” his mother said now, reaching across the table and grabbing her hand. “I think that would be wonderful. Of course if you change your mind that’s all right, too,” she added quickly.

“She can’t change her mind now,” Jake said gruffly. “Everyone’s crying into their pumpkin pie.”

His mother frowned at him. “Don’t you think it’s a lovely idea?”

The truth was, he didn’t. He wished Erin had talked to him about this before announcing it to her family and making it impossible to back out.

But he couldn’t say that out loud. So he just shrugged and said, “Of course I do.”

They finished their dessert and watched a little football in the living room, but Jake wanted to make sure Erin got plenty of sleep that night and suggested they head out about an hour into the game.

Erin was silent on the ride back.

“You’re pretty quiet,” he commented as they went inside and turned on the lights. “Did you eat too much turkey?”

She didn’t answer his question. “Why don’t you like the name Megan?” she asked instead, sitting down in her overstuffed armchair.

He’d hoped she hadn’t noticed his reaction. “I do like it.”

“Jake,” she said, shaking her head at him.

He sat down on the couch across from her. “You’ll think it’s stupid.”

“No, I won’t.”

He dragged a hand through his hair. “I just think it could be…I don’t know, bad luck or something.”

She frowned. “Because Megan died?”

It sounded even stupider out loud than it had in his head. “Yeah.”

She kicked off her shoes and tucked a foot underneath her. “If you don’t want to name the baby Megan, we won’t. I’d rather choose a name we both like.”

He shrugged irritably. “You saw how my family reacted. It was like you’d given them this amazing gift. I’m not going to be the guy who screws that up.”

“But if it would make you feel like our daughter was destined to get cancer or something—”

Bile rose in his throat. “Let’s not talk about this. Okay?”

“Okay,” she said softly.

He rested his elbows on his knees and clasped his hands between them, frowning at the floor without seeing it. He hated being reminded that there were some things he couldn’t guard against.

When he looked up again he saw Erin with her hand on her neck, making a face as she tried to work out a kink.

Why was he wasting time worrying about things he couldn’t control? He should be focused on what was right in front of him.

“Come here and let me do that for you.”

She dropped her hand, her cheeks coloring. “I’m fine. Just a little stiff.”

He raised an eyebrow. “You’ve been doing shoulder rolls all day. And this isn’t the first time I’ve seen you trying to give yourself a massage.”

She hesitated, biting her lip. “I do have this horrible crick in my neck. I can feel it all the way down my arm.”

Was she actually considering letting him help her? He must be making more progress than he realized.

He slid to one side of the couch and patted the cushion next to him. “At your service. Shoulder rubs are definitely part of my job description, right?”

She hesitated again. “Well…okay.” He patted the couch again, and this time she crossed the room and sat down.

She twisted her hair into a loose knot and turned to face away from him. “Here’s the spot,” she said, reaching her hand around to touch the curve where her neck met her shoulder. “It’s been aching ever since I woke up this morning. I must have slept funny, or something.”

She was waiting for him to touch her, her body language expectant, but he couldn’t seem to move.

It had been a mistake to suggest this. She smelled so good…and he was afraid if he put his hands on her she’d know exactly what was on his mind.

What the hell was wrong with him? He should be thinking about taking care of her, not jumping her bones. The woman was six months pregnant and sex was probably the last thing on her mind.

After a moment she looked at him over her shoulder. “Is something wrong?”

She was wearing a thick wool turtleneck. “Your sweater’s a little bulky.” If he was going to ogle a pregnant woman, he might as well go for the gusto. “Do you mind taking it off?”

“Um…sure,” she said after a moment, reaching down for the hem and pulling the sweater over her head.

She wasn’t wearing anything provocative underneath it—just a long-sleeved white cotton shirt. But her neck was bare now, and the sight of the smooth, creamy skin at her nape made his mouth go dry.

“Great,” he heard himself say.

He hoped his hands weren’t shaking as he settled them on her shoulders.

***

The crick in her neck had been killing her all day.

It was just a shoulder rub, right? And she was desperate.

She had a moment’s trepidation when she first felt Jake’s hands on her, but when he started to knead her muscles all her anxiety went out the window.

She went boneless with pleasure. Jake’s hands were so big and strong and warm, and they searched out every pocket of tension along her spine. She let her head fall forward and he used his thumbs to smooth the muscles from her collarbone to the base of her skull.

It felt so good a low moan escaped her. Jake’s hands stilled and she held her breath, but after a moment he kept going, moving from her neck to her shoulders and then down her arms to her wrists.

She pressed her lips together, determined to keep quiet from this point on. She didn’t need Jake to know how much she craved his touch—in every sense of the word. He’d probably be shocked if he knew what she’d been fantasizing about last night.

He massaged her hands, and she never wanted him to stop. Who knew her hands could hold so much tension, and that it could feel so good to release it?

A few minutes later he moved back up her arms to her shoulders, and when he started to work again on the knot that had been causing all the pain, she winced.

“Still stiff?”

She nodded, and he shifted a little behind her. When she looked over her shoulder she saw that he was reclining back against the arm of the sofa, and that he’d put a pillow in his lap.

“If you lie back, I can use gravity to help me.”

She started to, awkwardly, and he caught her under the arms and pulled her towards him, until she was lying on his lap with her head resting on the pillow.

She felt vulnerable in this position, cradled between Jake’s strong legs and with him looming over her. But then he slid his hands under her back, all the way down to her shoulder blades, and walked his fingers up along her spine to her neck. Delicious sensation radiated all through her body.

Jake was kneading her shoulders now, and she felt herself relaxing completely. Then he was cradling her head, supporting the weight of her skull in one hand while he worked on the knotted muscles between her neck and shoulder.

She’d thought that one hard core of tension would resist even Jake, but he worked the muscle so gently and so persistently that after a while it started to release.

Her eyes were closed, and Jake’s touch was so soothing. She hadn’t slept well the night before and she was full of tryptophan from the turkey. She had to be careful not to fall asleep. Falling asleep on Jake would be way too intimate, way too…

***

When she opened her eyes again she was deliciously, luxuriously comfortable. She was still between Jake’s legs but she was lying on her side now, further up his body, her head resting on his chest and her hands curled into the material of his shirt. He’d tucked a blanket around her at some point, and between the blanket and Jake she felt surrounded by warmth.

She couldn’t recall ever feeling so safe, so utterly at peace. Jake had one hand in her hair, caressing softly, and his other hand spread protectively over her belly.

She could have stayed like that forever. But then she felt him shift slightly underneath her, and she wondered if his leg had fallen asleep. “Am I too heavy? Do you need me to move?” she murmured sleepily.

“No, you’re fine,” he answered just as softly. “I didn’t know you were awake.”

“I’m sorry I fell asleep. I didn’t mean to. How long was I out?”

“Not long. Half an hour, maybe.”

“Oh.”

She knew she should move—despite what Jake had said, she was no lightweight anymore and she had to be making him uncomfortable. But with the soft cocoon of sleep still lingering around her, she couldn’t bring herself to do it.

His hand in her hair felt so good. And it felt so natural to have his other hand resting on her baby bump, as if he were holding them both close. Would it be terrible to let herself imagine, just for a minute, that they really were a family?

That she and Jake had fallen in love, gotten married, and were now lying on the couch in their house, dreaming of the day their daughter would be born.

She sighed. She knew better than to indulge in fantasies about Jake, and after tonight she’d be careful not to get this close to him again. But since she was here, now, and would probably never feel this good again for the rest of her life, she was going to let herself enjoy it.

The only thing that wasn’t perfect was the bulky pillow in her way. With Jake there, what did she need a pillow for? She shifted a little, letting the pillow slide off onto the floor, and then settled back down again, nestling her head against his chest and her hip against his—

They both went still at the same time.

So that was why he’d kept the pillow there. With nothing between them, Erin was pressed against the long, hard ridge of Jake’s erection.

When she realized she was holding her breath, she let it out as slowly as a tire leaking air.

She didn’t know what to do. And judging by Jake’s frozen silence, he didn’t know, either.

Having sex with him would be a mistake. It would be impulsive and emotionally reckless, and it would further blur the boundaries between them.

She closed her eyes. In the stillness they were wrapped in she became aware of exactly how much she wanted him, and how much she wanted to silence the voice inside her that told her to guard her heart.

But this wasn’t about her heart. It was about her body. And for almost the first time in her life, her body seemed to have a mind of its own.

At first all she moved was her hip, rubbing it against his erection.

He didn’t move, but his hand tightened in her hair.

Then she reached down and covered him with her palm.

His body jerked. “Jesus, Erin. Are you trying to kill me?”

His voice was low and gravelly and raw, and the sound made the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. She shaped her hand to his contours and squeezed.

He grabbed onto her shoulders. “Erin. Sweetheart. Don’t do that unless you mean it. I’m serious. Pregnant or not, you keep that up and you’re going to get more than you bargained for.”

She sat up and straddled him, her knees on either side of his hips. His eyes were dark and hungry, and he was staring up at her like he wanted her. Like he had to have her.

She’d never felt so sexy and powerful in her life.

This might be her last shot at the brass ring for a while. Over the next couple of months she was going to turn into a blueberry, and she was pretty sure that becoming a single mom would kill whatever was left of her nonexistent sex life.

So she might as well go out in style.

She kept her eyes on his as she reached for the hem of her cotton top and pulled it slowly up and over her head.

She tossed it on the floor, and watched the muscles in his throat jump as he swallowed. Then she reached behind her and unhooked her bra—she was wearing a 34C now—and let that slide onto the floor as well.

He reached up to cup her with his hands. When he squeezed gently, she gasped. He brushed his thumbs across her nipples and they puckered instantly into hard, tight peaks. It felt so good she shifted against him, instinctively pressing against the bulge in his jeans.

Jake put a hand on her waist and urged her closer, putting his mouth on one breast as he teased the other with his fingers. Then he used his teeth, biting gently, and the sudden rush of adrenaline made her writhe against him, pressing her soft, aching center against the hardness that was almost driving her crazy.

He shifted on the couch, sitting up straighter so they were face to face and she was still straddling his lap. Then he kissed her, softly, teasing at her mouth until she tangled her tongue with his. He put his hands on her hips and pressed them close, center to center.

When he broke the kiss, she was flushed and panting.

Her blood was fizzing in her veins. Her body felt so charged she thought her hair must be standing up on end. He started to unbutton his shirt, but she covered his hands with hers and moved them away.

She took over, unbuttoning his shirt slowly, feeling his heart pounding when she touched his bare chest and listening to his breath turn raspy as she moved lower. He lifted himself up so she could pull the shirt off and toss it onto the floor, and then he lay back down again.

She unbuttoned his jeans, pulling them down his hips along with his boxers. Once they were on the floor she looked at him, at all that raw power waiting for her to make a move, and then she slipped out of her pants and underwear, reveling in the look on his face as he took her in, head to toe.