Waiting for You (16 page)

“I’m pregnant. Please come home.”

And he would. Like a shot. He’d cut his trip short and be home in a heartbeat. He might not be the settle-down-and-raise-a-family type, but he was the honorable type. There was no doubt in her mind that Jake would own up to his responsibility and do the right thing…whatever he decided that was.

He might even ask her to marry him.

She buried her face in her hands. The idea of her ridiculous girlhood fantasy coming true like that made her feel sick. Jake was clearly at a place in his life where he needed to roam. He had no interest in being in Iowa right now, and he had no interest in her.

She wanted him to come home because he wanted to, not because he had to. She wanted him in her life for the same reason. But once he found out about the baby, every interaction between them would be based on obligation.

She
would be an obligation.

The sudden ache in her heart made her press her palm against her chest. She stayed like that a minute, and then she pulled out her cell phone.

She stared at the screen and willed Jake to call. If he’d only reach out to her, tell her he was thinking about her...

The phone felt clammy in her hands. After another minute she slid it back into her pocket.

There would be no white knight coming to her rescue. No magical moment.

And no mystical connection between her and Jake. They’d slept together and made a baby, and that was it.

They’d always had the worst timing in the world. Jake didn’t even want a relationship. How would he react when he found out he was going to be a father?

Of course he had a right to know, and she would tell him. She was due on February 7th. If she hadn’t heard from him by Christmas, she’d call. If he came home before that she could tell him in person. And in the meantime she’d give him his space, the space to stay in Texas or go to New Mexico or Colorado or wherever he needed to be. After everything he’d been through, he deserved a chance to heal.

She’d let him know he could be as involved in the baby’s life as he wanted, but that she didn’t have any expectations. She’d make it clear that he could be a father without giving up his freedom.

And that she was fully prepared to raise this baby on her own.

Her hands were resting on the steering wheel, and suddenly she clenched them into fists. So what if there was no white knight in her life? She’d rescued herself before and she could do it again. She was strong. She was capable. She—

There was a strange fluttering under her breastbone, like a goldfish swimming around in there. It felt like…

She gasped.

After a moment, she felt it again. She pressed both hands to the place, right under her heart.

And just like that, her universe shifted.

Chapter Ten

“Jake?”

“Hey, Allison. What’s up?”

“You’re still planning to come home for Thanksgiving?”

“Yeah.” He’d actually been packing when Allison called. He’d come back to San Antonio after a trip through Colorado, to see Mitch once more and to say goodbye to Paul and Angie. But his thoughts had been turning more and more towards home.

“Okay. Good.”

There was a funny kind of tension in Allison’s voice, and Jake frowned. “Is everything okay with you and the baby?”

“Yes, everything’s fine. I just…think it’s time for you to come home. You’ve been away six months, Jake. A lot can change in six months.”

“Change? What’s changed? Are Mom and Dad okay?”

Allison sighed. “Yes, Mom and Dad are fine. Everyone’s fine. I just think you should come home.”

Maybe she was going through some pregnancy hormone thing. “Well, you’re getting your wish. I’ll be home soon. Okay?”

“Okay.”

Jake rolled into Iowa a day ahead of schedule. He’d planned to be home on Wednesday morning, but he made great time and got there by Tuesday afternoon.

He was looking forward to seeing his family again, and to being home for the birth of his nephew. But as he rode north on I-35 it wasn’t his family he was thinking of.

It was Erin.

For the last three hundred miles her face had been in his mind’s eye, guiding him forward like the North Star.

They hadn’t spoken since July. He’d made a deliberate decision not to call her, even though he’d thought about her often. But he wanted to give her the space to live her life without him as a factor—at least while he was trying to come to terms with his past.

With Mitch’s help, his nightmares were under control now. He had some confidence that he was making his way, step by step and mile by mile, out of the hell he’d been living in.

He still didn’t know if he was ready for a relationship. The truth was, he might never be. But he was ready to go home, to make a life for himself in the place that he loved. And he wanted to see Erin again.

Of course, there was no guarantee she’d want to see him.

He thought about calling her to let her know he was coming, but decided he’d rather have their first conversation in person. He’d spend Thanksgiving with his family, and sometime that weekend he’d stop by her house and knock on her door.

It was late afternoon when he got to his parents’ place. He saw Rick’s car in the driveway, which meant he and Allison were here. Jenna and Michael and Claire were spending Thanksgiving in Florida, with Claire’s grandparents.

The front door was unlocked, and when he went in he heard voices and a burst of laughter in the kitchen. He crossed the living room and stood in the doorway, a smile spreading over his face as he took in the familiar scene of dinner being prepared amidst the cheerful chatter of the family.

Allison was the first to spot him.

“Jake!”

She practically launched herself at him, but she had to lean forward to throw her arms around his neck.

“Wow, you’re huge. Sure you’re not carrying twins?”

She smacked him on the arm. “You shouldn’t bait a woman who outweighs you.”

Rick was there, shaking his hand, and then his mother and father were hugging him. “It’s so good to see you,” his mother said. “I know you said you’d be home for Thanksgiving, but I didn’t want to get my hopes up. In case you changed your mind.”

He kissed her on the cheek. “I’m sorry I stayed away so long. But I’m back now.”

Irene had always been able to read her kids pretty well. Something in the tone of his voice made her eyes shine as she looked up at him. “I always knew you would be.”

After dinner, as soon as he had a moment alone with Allison, Jake asked the question he’d been wanting to all night. “Have you heard from Erin lately? Do you know how she’s doing?”

What he really wanted to know was if she was dating someone, but he couldn’t ask that without sounding like a high school kid—and without whipping Allison up into a matchmaking frenzy.

They were outside, sitting together on the porch swing. Allison was the one who’d suggested they come out here, but when he asked her if there was something she wanted to talk about, she just shook her head.

When he asked about Erin, she’d looked startled. Then she bit her lip.

“You should go see her.”

He waited, but Allison didn’t say anything else. A flicker of unease went through him.

“Is she okay?”

“You should go see her,” Allison said again. There was something resolute in her tone of voice, like she was determined not to say anything else, no matter how much she wanted to.

He remembered how weird she’d been on the phone the other day, and the flicker of unease became a spasm of fear.

“Is something wrong with Erin?”

Allison stuffed her hands into her pockets. “I promised I wouldn’t say anything.”

“About what? Damn it, just tell me.”

“Erin’s fine. But you should go see her.”

Light spilled from the house as Rick opened the front door. “Allison, it’s freezing out here. Come back inside where it’s warm.”

“I’ll be right in,” she called back, before turning to Jake again. “He worries,” she said apologetically.

“I know how he feels.” He glanced at his watch. “Look, Allison—you’ve managed to freak me out. I’m going over to Erin’s house right now. Say goodbye to everyone for me, okay? I’ll see you all on Thursday for turkey and football.”

“Okay.” Allison hesitated. “Give me a call if you need anything. After you talk to Erin.”

Why the hell would he need something?

Erin’s house was only ten minutes away, but that was plenty of time to imagine what could be going on that would make Allison talk like that. Had Erin gotten married? His muscles went rigid just thinking about it.

When he pulled up in her driveway, he took off his helmet and forced himself to take a deep breath. Erin’s car was here and her lights were on, so she was home.

He felt a surge of conflicting emotions. He’d been looking forward to this moment for so long—to seeing Erin again. Of course he’d known there was a chance…a good chance…that she’d be in a relationship. That’s why he’d stayed out of her life, after all. To give her that chance.

He told himself it didn’t matter. If they could only be friends, then they’d be friends. If she was with someone—

A wave of possessiveness rolled through him. Okay, so he hated the idea of Erin belonging to another man. But he couldn’t deny that that might be the best thing for both of them. Especially for her. He didn’t know if he could ever—

Her front door opened, and Erin came out onto the porch.

She was backlit, so he couldn’t see her expression. But he could see her silhouette. She was wearing jeans and a turtleneck, and his first glimpse of the gentle curve of her belly made his heart slam against his ribs.

She was pregnant.

He slid off his bike and stood beside it for a second. His body felt strange, like it belonged to someone else.

Or maybe it was the world around him that had changed. Shifted, so he was no longer on solid ground. He started to walk towards Erin, slowly and deliberately, his eyes never leaving hers.

She didn’t move. She might have been a statue. As he came closer he could see her face more clearly, and the tension and vulnerability in her expression.

He climbed up her porch steps and she still didn’t move. He stopped when he was a foot away from her.

Her hair was pulled away from her face in a messy knot. She wore no makeup, and her eyes looked bigger than he remembered.

She wrapped her arms around herself, as if she felt cold. Her forearms rested on the curve of her belly.

His eyes dropped to the roundness there, to the place where his baby was growing.

He knew the baby was his. He’d never been so absolutely sure of anything in his life. But still, he had to ask the question.

He took a deep breath. “Is it mine?”

***

Out of all the scenarios she’d pictured, it had never occurred to her that Jake might just show up at her house one day. When she’d thought about this moment, she always imagined herself prepared. Talking to him on the phone. Making an appointment to see him. Controlling the where and the when, as if that would help her break the news somehow.

Instead, he was standing on her porch with no expression at all on his face, asking if this child were his.

And in that minute she understood why she’d put off telling him. Not only because she’d wanted to give him time to heal, but because she was afraid.

Not afraid of Jake, but of his reaction. She was terrified of looking into his eyes and seeing that this was the worst possible news for him. That no matter how honorably and responsibly he might deal with things, this was the last thing in the world he wanted.

So she didn’t look at him. She dropped her eyes as she spoke the word.

“Yes.”

She hugged herself tighter as she waited for his response. Whatever happened now, at least he knew. She didn’t have to dread telling him anymore.

He didn’t say anything for a minute. Then his hand cupped her chin as he tilted her face up. His blue eyes were intense, and there was a flutter in her heart as she felt the full force of his presence for the first time in six months.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I—” she swallowed. “I was going to.”

God, that sounded lame. Jake dropped his hand but continued to hold her gaze.

“When?”

“By Christmas.”

“Christmas.” He took a deep breath. “Why the hell didn’t you tell me when you first found out?”

For the first time he looked and sounded angry, and she forced herself not to back away from him. He deserved to be angry.

“I thought I was doing the right thing,” she whispered.

He stared at her. “The right thing? Jesus, Erin. I’m not some random guy you picked up in a bar. I’ve known you for fifteen years. My sister is one of your oldest friends. I—” He stopped suddenly. “Allison knows, doesn’t she? You told her before you told me.” His voice was bitter.

“I didn’t mean for it to happen that way. I’ve been avoiding Allison since I started to show, but last week she just dropped by. When I saw her I just…broke down. When she asked who the father was, I told her. I made her promise not to tell anyone.”

“Including me.”

“Yes.”

He closed his eyes. When he opened them again, she saw the hurt behind the anger, and guilt churned in her stomach.

“I don’t get it, Erin. Why couldn’t you tell me?” He tensed, and she knew he was bracing himself for something. “Is it because of what happened the night I was here? Are you…” He swallowed. “Are you afraid of me?”

“No!” It had never even occurred to her he might draw that conclusion. She would have cut her heart out before letting him think that. “That’s not it, I swear. When I called you in July…I was going to tell you then. But we started talking, and you sounded so good. Like you were in the place you needed to be. And you were helping that family…and…” She bit her lip. “I didn’t want to burden you with all this. I didn’t want you to feel like you had to come home.”

His jaw hardened. “That wasn’t your decision to make. It was mine.”

And there it was. The truth she hadn’t wanted to face. None of the logical arguments she’d constructed could stand up against that one simple statement.