Waiting for You (6 page)

“Why did you disappear on us?”

He didn’t pretend not to understand. “I didn’t want to interrupt the chicken dance. But I did tell Dad I was leaving. He said he’d tell you.”

“You could have answered your cell phone when I called. I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

He’d turned his cell phone off that night, something he’d been doing more and more lately. All his calls seemed to be from people wanting to check on him.

A quick pulse of anger made him push his chair back from the table. His emotions had been volatile this past week, breaking through the layer of numbness he’d lived with for so long.

He knew it was because of Erin. She’d affected him like a chemical agent, reacting with his armor and making it porous.

He grabbed his empty dishes and brought them to the sink. “I’ve told you before not to worry about me. I’m fine.”

“It was snowing like crazy that night. Most of our guests stayed over—we’d rented out a block of rooms. You could have spent the night at the hotel, even if you wanted to leave the reception early.”

The truth was, he’d never considered that as an option. He didn’t like staying in hotels. There was no guarantee he’d have a quiet night, and if he didn’t, he hated the idea that a guest in the next room might hear one of his nightmares.

He shrugged. “I needed to give someone a ride home.”

“Who’d you give a ride to?”

“Jesus, Allison. What’s up with the interrogation?”

He turned his back and started to wash the dishes. When Allison didn’t say anything for a minute he turned around again to face her. She was just watching him, her face impassive, but he knew his sister and he could spot the hurt in her eyes.

He sighed. “Sorry I snapped at you. I gave Erin Shaw a ride home and then went back to my place. Okay?”

“Erin? You gave Erin a ride home?”

He wasn’t sure which was worse—the worried look that had been in her eyes a moment ago, or the eager, excited look there now.

“Don’t get any ideas. Erin needed a ride and I gave her one. End of story.”

Allison brushed that aside. “It was snowing, and you drove her home from a wedding. Tell me that’s not a romantic moment waiting to happen.”

He started to say something cynical, but a sudden memory of Erin walking through the snow, her cheeks rosy with cold and her hair shining against her black coat, brought him up short. Then he remembered what she’d looked like in his arms, her breath coming fast as she’d gazed up at him with those big gray eyes.

Turning her down that night was the first decent thing he’d done in months.

It was also the hardest thing he’d done. And a part of him had regretted it ever since.

“You’re thinking about her, aren’t you? You’re thinking about her right now.”

Allison’s voice sounded smug, and he decided it would be a long time before he accepted another invitation to a family dinner. “Will you cut it out? There’s nothing going on between me and Erin. I haven’t even talked to her since that night.”

He’d actually tried to, a couple of times. When a few days went by and he still felt like shit about the way things had gone down, he decided the least he could do was call and apologize. Her home number was unlisted but he’d found a business number on her website. He’d left two messages for her, asking her to call him back.

She hadn’t.

Now Allison was looking indignant. “You mean you haven’t called her?”

“I tried to,” he said shortly, and then wished he’d kept his mouth shut. The last thing he wanted was to get into a conversation with his little sister about his love life.

Not that he had a love life. Romantic relationships were the furthest thing from his mind right now, especially with someone like Erin. She was so sweet and innocent, and he…wasn’t.

He still had a hard time believing that a woman that desirable could still be a virgin. Since she could have any man she wanted, the fact that she
was
still a virgin meant she really was waiting for the right guy.

It was even harder to believe that she could have thought, even for a minute, that
he
was the right guy.

There it was again…a flash of regret. Most guys would fall all over themselves for a chance to be with Erin.

To be her first.

His jaw hardened. He’d done the right thing. Because he
wasn’t
the right one.

“What do you mean, you tried?”

He shrugged irritably and turned back to the sink. “I left her a couple of messages and never heard back. So, end of story.”

“That doesn’t sound like Erin. Maybe she didn’t get the messages.”

“She got them. She just doesn’t want to talk to me.”

“Well, why not?” When he didn’t answer, Allison’s voice turned suspicious. “What did you do to her?”

He went back to the table and grabbed his leather jacket from the back of his chair.

“I didn’t do a thing. Not a damn thing. Tell everyone goodbye for me.”

“Jake, don’t—”

He was out the back door and striding down the driveway before she could stop him, and the first thing he did after he slid behind the wheel of his truck was to turn his cell phone off.

That night, for the first time in a long time, he had a dream with no violence in it, no explosions, no death. In the dream he was with Erin, but this time he didn’t turn her down. He unzipped her dress slowly and let it slide to the floor, and then he carried her upstairs to the bedroom.

When he woke up, he was hard and aching and his hands were fisted in the sheets. He lay awake for a long time, seeing Erin’s flushed face from his dream, and then remembering the look in her eyes when he’d left that night.

She’d offered him an incredible gift, and he’d rejected her. It had been the right thing to do, but he’d done it badly. The fact that she hadn’t returned his calls was proof of that.

He had to talk to her—and not just to apologize.

Physical desire wasn’t the only thing he felt for Erin. And while hurting her was his biggest regret, it wasn’t his only one.

He also regretted the loss of a potential friendship.

He’d actually felt at ease with Erin for a few moments that night. There weren’t many people he could stand to be around these days, and Erin was one of them.

But he’d made a move on her and then rejected her, and messed up any chance the two of them might have had to be friends.

Not that a friendship with her would be smooth sailing. He wasn’t the easiest person to get along with right now, and keeping his desire for Erin under wraps wouldn’t be easy, either. But it would be worth it if it meant he could have her in his life.

At four in the morning, he gave up trying to sleep and drove to the garage in town. He spent the next five hours putting the finishing touches on a bike he’d designed and built for a client, and then called to let him know it was ready.

“It looks incredible. I’ve never seen anything like it,” the client said when he came to pick it up.

“I machined the plate for the clutch basket. I also machined the bolt and coil covers, front forks and motor mount. That’s why it looks unique.”

“It’s fantastic.” The client shook his hand before pulling out his checkbook. “You know, you could do really well for yourself if you had a web presence. You can’t just rely on word of mouth, not anymore. Not if you’re serious about starting a business.”

A web presence.

That started him thinking. He wasn’t sure if he was serious about starting a business, but he was definitely serious about talking to Erin again.

And he had a pretty good idea of how he could make that happen.

***

Why had she said yes to this lunch date? Evan was handsome, successful, polite—and so boring it was a struggle to keep from yawning.

Or maybe she was yawning because she’d had another dream about Jake last night, one that had left her as wakeful and restless as all her other dreams since the wedding—although this one, for a change, hadn’t been about that night.

It had been about the night of her sixteenth birthday.

The Landrys had thrown her and Allison a joint party, and there was a lot of teasing from their friends about “sweet sixteen and never been kissed”. It wasn’t true about Allison, who was dating her first boyfriend, but it was true about Erin.

Jake was nineteen that summer and had been in the Army for a year. He was home on leave for a few weeks, and Erin had been wondering if he’d notice that she was wearing contacts now instead of glasses.

Or if he’d notice her at all.

But she hardly saw him at all that week, and when she did he treated her like he always had.

Erin had resigned herself to that fact by the night of the party. It was a lot of fun, in spite of all the teasing, and several boys had offered to give her that all-important first kiss. She’d even thought about taking one of them up on it.

Then she went to the kitchen for more snacks, and found Jake there swigging milk straight from the carton. He was wearing faded jeans and an olive green tee shirt, and he looked so good he took her breath away.

But she had three years of experience at keeping those feelings to herself.

“Irene hates it when you do that,” she reminded him.

He grinned at her. “What are you, the milk police? Anyway, I finished it,” he added, shaking the empty carton to prove it.

He tossed the carton in the trash and leaned back against the counter, sliding his hands into his pockets and hooking one ankle over the other. This was the first time they’d been alone since he’d gotten back, and Erin wondered if he would finally notice how much she’d changed this year.

If he did, he gave no sign of it.

“Have I told you happy birthday yet?” he asked.

“No.”

“Do you want me to sing?”

That made her laugh. “No.”

“Well, then, happy birthday. Is there anything you wanted that you didn’t get?”

She spoke without thinking. “A kiss.”

As soon as the words were out of her mouth she wished she could call them back. Jake was staring at her, and she felt herself flush from head to toe.

“It’s because of that saying,” she said, trying to sound nonchalant. “You know—sweet sixteen and never been kissed. I was hoping it wouldn’t be true by the end of the party.”

He looked at her for another moment before glancing out the window. “I think you’re in luck. I bet any one of the boys out there would be happy to kiss you.”

She followed his gaze out the window, hoping he couldn’t tell how disappointed she was. Which was stupid, of course, but then she’d never been very smart when it came to Jake Landry.

“It’s a great party,” was all she said, going over to the cupboard where the chips were. “Your parents were so nice to do this. I know it was a lot of work.”

“Mom doesn’t think of this as work. Here, let me get that for you,” he added as she tried unsuccessfully to reach a bag of pretzels on a high shelf.

He came up behind her, reaching over her head, and his chest brushed against her back.

Erin froze. As if he sensed her sudden stillness, Jake froze, too.

For a moment they stayed like that. Erin was acutely aware of Jake’s strong body behind her, and the sound of his breathing. She was aware of her own breath, and the sudden thunder of her heartbeat. She started to turn, slowly, expecting him to back away any second.

But he didn’t. And then they were face to face, and she was staring up at him with less than an inch of space between their bodies.

He smelled so good, like he’d just come back from a motorcycle ride. Like wind and leather and clean male skin. When he gripped the counter on either side of her, her heart beat so frantically she thought it might fly out of her chest.

She couldn’t look away from his blue eyes. She’d dreamed about having all that intensity focused on her, and now that it was happening, she could hardly breathe.

She watched his pupils dilate until the blue was almost swallowed up in black. Then he dipped his head and kissed her.

At the feel of his mouth a shiver started deep inside her. His lips were so much softer than she’d imagined…

She slid her arms around his neck, wanting to get closer, and when his chest pressed against hers something liquid and warm made her whole body melt.

His hands went to her waist. Her shirt had ridden up, and his thumbs moved over her bare skin. A thrill of excitement stabbed through her.

Then she heard voices in the front hall.

Jake jerked away from her. He was breathing hard, and staring at her like he wasn’t sure what had just happened. The voices came closer, and they both looked towards the doorway to the hall. Whoever it was would be in here any second.

She glanced back at Jake and their eyes met. Whatever she’d hoped to find in his expression, it wasn’t the guilt and confusion she saw there.

Her body was trembling, and she knew she couldn’t face anyone. The feelings spiraling through her were too intense. She turned and fled through the other doorway, the one that led to the back stairs. She hid out in Allison’s room for a while until she felt calm enough to come down again.

When she went outside to join the party, she saw that Jake’s motorcycle was gone from the driveway.

They never spoke about the kiss. Jake avoided being alone with her the rest of his leave, and she didn’t seek him out. She wasn’t sure what to say, and it was obvious he didn’t want to talk about what had happened. After a few days it seemed natural to act like it never had.

A week later he went back to Fort Benning. Then 9/11 happened, and not long after, Jake left for Afghanistan on his first tour of duty.

He came home on leave every couple of years, but Erin never saw him during those visits. She didn’t feel comfortable inserting herself into what had to be precious family time…and if he wanted to see her, Irene or Allison could tell him how to find her. She still lived in town, after all.

But he never called or stopped by, and it wasn’t long before she stopped expecting it. She still prayed for his safety, and she never saw a news story about Afghanistan or Iraq without thinking of him. But the night of Allison’s wedding was the first time she’d seen him in eleven years.