Waiting for You (22 page)

His vision started to blur as they walked down the corridor. His face felt numb, and then his hands. His heart was thudding in his chest.

“I need a minute,” he heard himself say, just as the nurse paused outside a small room next to the O.R.

“All right,” she said, surprised, and then he was walking away, moving blindly through the corridors, not sure where he was going but conscious only that Erin might be better off if he weren’t with her.

There’d been times in the last couple of years when he’d wondered if he was cursed, if he was some kind of bad luck charm. Even though his sessions with Mitch had convinced him that wasn’t true, he realized now that the knowledge had only sunk in so far.

Deeper down, below the level of rationality, he only knew that people he cared about had died and he’d been powerless to save them.

And now Erin was lying in an operating room, and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do to help her. There was no action he could take to ensure her safety or the safety of their daughter.

He’d become a soldier to protect people. But a soldier needed a weapon to fight with or he was just a man without a job. A man waiting, helplessly, for the people he loved to die.

He came to the end of a corridor and realized he was at the entrance to the lobby. He felt a blind urge to get out, and he pushed open the doors.

His mother was there, sitting in the waiting area. She saw him in the doorway and jumped to her feet, smiling. But when she saw his expression the color drained from her face.

“Jake, what’s wrong?”

He stared at her, disoriented. “What are you doing here?”

“You called to let us know Erin had gone into labor. Don’t you remember? I told you I’d be here.”

He looked at the clock on the wall. It was just after midnight.

“What’s going on? Has Erin had the baby?”

He shook his head, trying to clear it. “She’s having a cesarean. Her labor wasn’t progressing and the baby’s heart rate was slowing. They’re prepping her now.”

Irene nodded, looking relieved. “My goodness, I was worried there for a minute when I saw your face. Jake, there’s no need to panic. This hospital must perform thousands of cesareans a year. Everything will be all right. But you should get back to Erin.”

He spoke through dry lips. “She’s going into surgery. The baby’s in distress. What if—”

His mother put her hand on his arm. “Erin and the baby will be fine. But they both need you right now, so you should—”

“Need me?” A sudden wave of anger made his voice rough, and he shook off his mother’s hand. “There’s nothing I can do for them. I can’t give Erin what she needs. You should be in there with her, or Allison. Anyone but me.”

His mother spoke softly. “But you’re the one she wants. And you do have what she needs. It might be buried pretty deep, but you have it.”

His chest felt tight, his throat raw. “I don’t.”

“Jake…” His mother shook her head. “You’ve solved so many problems in your life. You’ve used your courage, your resourcefulness, your strength. But there are some problems that can only be solved by love.”

Everything in him went still. “Love doesn’t solve anything. I loved Megan. I loved Hope and Dan. My love didn’t help them. It didn’t save them.”

“That’s where you’re wrong. Your love will always be with them…and theirs with you. Love is the only thing we take with us, and the only thing we leave behind. You can’t force it. You can’t deserve it. You can only give it…and accept it.”

There was a piercing pain in his chest, like something inside him was splitting open.

He pressed his knuckles against his breastbone. “I can’t.”

“Jake, you’re the bravest man I’ve ever known. This just takes a different kind of courage.” She put her hand on his arm again, and this time he didn’t shake her off. “It’s hard to love. It’s hard to hope. We’re fools for even trying, if you think about it. Considering all the suffering we face in this world, despair makes a lot more sense.”

She shook her head. “And yet, somehow, we don’t give up. Even when logic tells us we should…we don’t.” She smiled suddenly. “It’s the one trait we have in common, those of us who choose to love. It makes no sense but we do it anyway. And we never pay attention to the odds.”

She squeezed his arm. “The good news is, you’re not in this alone. You and Erin will figure it out together.”

He remembered the night of Allison’s wedding. The night he’d held Erin on the dance floor, and hadn’t wanted to let her go.

He felt that way every time she was in his arms.

He remembered talking to her in O’Malley’s, telling her things he’d never told anyone. He remembered the day she’d shoved him into a cold shower. And he remembered the look in her eyes when they made love.

That first day in Mitch’s office he’d wanted to walk out a hundred times. But he’d thought of Erin, and he’d stayed. He remembered his trip back from Texas, how Erin’s face had guided him home like the North Star.

Steady, constant, a light in the darkness.

She was stubborn enough to love. She was even stubborn enough to love him, and to refuse to settle for anything less than love in return.

He grabbed his mother’s hand. “I have to go back in there. And you have to go to my apartment and get something for me.”

***

“Ms. Shaw, you need to lie still.”

She struggled to sit up on the operating table while one of the nurses tried to push her back down. “Where’s Jake? Please, you have to find him.”

“I’m sure he’ll be in soon,” the woman said soothingly. “But in the meantime, you have to—”

And then he was there, by her side, taking her hand and pressing a kiss to her forehead.

She was so glad to see him she started to cry. “They didn’t tell me where you were. I was so scared you wouldn’t be here in time. You have to stay with the baby when she’s born, because they’ll be sewing me back up and I won’t be able to hold her right away. You have to stay with her every second and talk to her so she can hear your voice and…”

She took a deep breath. There was something she had to say to him. “I should have told you this before, but…Jake, I need you. I can’t do this alone. The parenting thing. I can’t do it without you.”

He kissed her on the forehead again, and then on the lips, and something in his kiss made her go still.

“I can’t do this alone, either. Not just the parenting thing. The life thing.”

She stared at him. “What are you talking about?”

He framed her face with his hands. “You’re my heart. You’re my soul. I need you, Erin. I need you so much.”

Maybe the anesthesia was making her hallucinate. Or maybe he was the one hallucinating. “Did they give you a tranquilizer or something?”

He smiled at her. “Erin, I love you. I’m so crazy about you it hurts.” He lifted her hand and set it against his heart. “I want to spend the rest of my life showing you how much.”

Erin’s doctor peered at them over the blue drape hiding her lower body from view. “I hate to interrupt this romantic moment, but we’re about to begin the procedure. Are you two ready to have a baby?”

Erin nodded, her eyes never leaving Jake’s face. “Yes. We are.”

***

An hour later, Erin was in a different hospital room recovering from surgery when Jake came in with a tiny bundle in his arms. She’d only caught a glimpse of their baby girl in the operating room—Dr. Anderson had held her up briefly over the drape before she was whisked away. Erin had squeezed Jake’s hand and told him to go with their daughter.

Now he came in and sat down on the edge of the bed, and settled the baby in Erin’s arms.

“She’s perfect,” Erin whispered, staring down at her. She touched the tiny nose, and stroked her soft cheek. “Now that we’ve met her, we need to name her,” she said, looking up.

He laid his hand gently on the baby’s head. “She’s Megan.”

“Really? Are you sure?”

“Absolutely.”

Erin smiled down at the sleeping infant. “She does look like a Megan, doesn’t she? What do you think about Elizabeth for her middle—”

She froze. Jake had reached into his pocket and pulled out a ring box, and when he opened it, a square cut diamond shone against the black velvet.

She looked at him, and a slow smile spread across her face. “You’re proposing on Valentine’s Day? That’s awfully sentimental for a guy who said no hearts or flowers or soul mates or fairy tales.”

“I know.” He took a breath. “I’ve had the ring for a month, but I was afraid to ask you again. I knew I deserved another no.”

He took her hand in his. “Erin, I’m head over heels in love with you. Will you marry me?”

Warmth spread from her head to her toes. “I’m tempted to say yes, but what if it’s just the morphine talking?”

He smiled. “I’ll ask you again tomorrow. And the day after that, and the day after that.”

“It’s too much,” she whispered.

“What is?”

“Getting everything I ever wanted.”

He leaned down and kissed her. “Is that a yes?”

“Yes.” She took a deep breath and let it out. “Happy Valentine’s Day, Jake.”

“Happy Valentine’s Day.”

The baby stirred in her arms, and Erin kissed the top of her head. “And happy birthday to you, baby girl. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

“Was it worth the wait?” Jake asked softly.

Erin looked at the man she’d loved since she was thirteen years old. She knew he could see her heart in her eyes, because she could see his.

“The good things always are.”

About the Author

Abigail Strom started writing stories at the age of seven and has never been able to stop. She lives in New England with her family, who are incredibly supportive of the hours she spends hunched over her computer. You can visit her website at www.abigailstrom.com; find her on Goodreads, Facebook, or Twitter; or email her at [email protected]. She loves to hear from readers.

Also by Abigail Strom

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THE MILLIONAIRE’S WISH

CROSS MY HEART

Table of Contents

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen