Wanting Reed (Break Me) BOOK 2 (31 page)

I tug at a lock of my hair, well aware of my current dilemma. I stare across the street at passing traffic and people living and enjoying themselves, something I haven’t done in a while. I couldn’t bring myself to answer Tyler the other night. There are decisions to be made; medical school is one of them. I don’t expect Tyler to pack up and leave his life to come and follow me. That’s a lot to ask, especially with his promising baseball career. Our lives are going in different directions, but knowing Tyler as well as I do, I know he’ll go to any length to make our relationship work. I’m on the fence about this and I need to pick a side and jump. Once I do, I can let one of them free and life will be easier for everyone. That’s my hope. I turn slightly, and out of the corner of my eye and I can see that Karlie is waiting for an answer.

“It’s complicated,” I explain as we head across the street to the Starbucks. I open the door and head to the counter to order two lattes and grab two chocolate chip cookies while Karlie finds a table next to the window.
Chocolate makes me feel better.

“So…it’s this other guy? The guy from the ice cream shop.” She looks up as I slide into the seat across from her.

“Yes,” I respond as I blow on my latte before taking a sip.

“And, Tyler is the one to catch you when you fall.” It’s not a question, but a fact. “Always,” I confirm, straightening my shoulders. “Tyler always has a place in my life, but it’s not the place he wants. He wants more.” I unwrap my cookie and take a small bite.

“Tell me how you ended up here, like this.” She looks up, wrapping her hands around her warm cup of coffee.

I tell her everything from the night at the club, working at the center, my break up with Cane, and my short relationship with Reed. Most importantly, I recount how Tyler was there for me through it all. She sits quietly, nodding and asking a question here or there, but mainly listening to the events of my rather tumultuous summer until a couple of weeks ago.

“Well, I have to say I don’t know how you survived all of that.” She sighs, leaning back in her chair with a knowing smile. “You love this guy... Reed, but you’re afraid to open yourself up again. Tyler is your safety net. He never lets you down, but what you feel for him is not the same kind of love you feel for this other guy.”

“Yes.”

“You’re just afraid of being alone.”

“I think so…” I reply, not exactly sure anymore.

“So, you haven’t talked to Reed since he’s been back?”

“No,” I whisper. Mentally wincing, I recall the night he didn’t show up at Linden Park. I shake my head, folding my arms across my chest and feeling a mix of emotions. I don’t want to be in this position anymore. I want my heart to decide, but my mind is getting in the way again. Can I do this again? Tyler makes me feel safe when everything crashes around me. I love him, but I don’t see my relationship with Tyler being anything more than friends. I need to talk to him before I hurt him, but every time I try, I pull back, thinking that if I tell him I’ll lose him completely and end up alone. Reed just disappoints me. I can’t take it now, so what makes me think I can take more if we get back together?

“You have to talk to both of them.”

“I know. I just don’t know how or where to start.”

We began at Stoddard’s, Tyler’s favorite place to eat and hangout, and made the rounds through the city of Boston, hitting the Good Life and the Wharf. By the time we pull up in the cab at Gypsy Bar to conclude the night, it is close to one in the morning. Noticing that I’m having a difficult time getting out of the cab in my stilettos and skintight red dress that Karlie insisted I wear, Tyler takes my hand and helps me onto the curb and Resting his hand on my lower back as we follow Travis and Karlie inside.

The club is packed. People are everywhere, sweaty and writhing on the dance floor. The bass is thumping in my chest, immersing my ears with a heavy thumping. Tyler grabs my waist, and we move closely together toward the bar, which is three rows deep of people waiting for their drinks. The women at the bar don’t pay attention to Karlie who looks stunning in her black mini dress or me when we approach; instead, they all eye Tyler and Travis with open interest. Why wouldn’t they be? They’re both insanely good-looking with perfectly mussed hair, chiseled jaws and full lips.

“How are you feeling, birthday boy?” Travis jokes, patting Tyler on the back.

“Little drunk, but I’m good.” Tyler smiles as he pulls me up so that my back is against his hard chest.

“So, what’s the good news that you’ve been holding out on us all night long, Trav?” Tyler asks, leaning down to kiss me on the cheek.

“Oh, yeah.” Travis scratches his forehead. His eyes dart in Karlie’s direction as she laces her fingers though his. “We’re engaged.”

Tyler straightens and stares at Travis for a minute before speaking. I feel his heart racing against my back.

“No shit,” Tyler breathes, clapping him on the back and pulling him in for a hug. “That’s great news.”

“Indeed, little brother. I’m staying in town, too.”

“You’ve been hiding this all night long? What the fuck, Bro?” He laughs.

“Tonight was about you, man. I didn’t want to steal your thunder.”

“Shit, birthdays happen every year. Getting engaged....damn, that’s fucking huge!”

“Ehhh...I’ve known for a little bit.” His face softens when he glances at Karlie, and she blushes, throwing him an air kiss.

I smile widely at Karlie and give her a hug. I’m genuinely happy for her for finding Travis to spend the rest of her life with. For some reason, even with their engagement announcement, a sinking feeling overcomes me. I wonder if I’ll ever have the happiness that Travis and Karlie share. Watching Tyler, I imagine how life would be with him. I know he would give me the world, but can I give him the same? Can I give anything to anyone else right now? I smile meekly, averting my eyes to Karlie.

“Let me see the ring,” I announce excitedly, pushing my thoughts aside. I impatiently grab her hand before she has a chance to answer.

“Hey, relax.” She laughs. “I have to take out an insurance policy on this,” she quips as I pull her hand under the light.

I suck in a breath when I see the ring that shimmers and sparkles under the dim light. It’s a princess-cut stone with emeralds framing the diamond in a platinum setting. “It’s gorgeous,” I gush. “Very nice, Travis. You have great taste.”

“She’s worth every karat, every penny,” Travis replies as Karlie gazes at him intently for a moment. The love they have for each other is visible and beautiful in that one look they share. Did I look like that with Cane or Reed? Why am I doing this now?

“Best birthday gift I could get.” Tyler’s reaction brings a forced smile to my face, and I don’t understand why. “My brother is getting married,” he exclaims, scanning the bar for a bartender. “We need to celebrate with some shots.” He finally attracts the attention of a female bartender who begins giving him disgustingly inappropriate glances. He orders a round, and she deftly lines up four shot glasses and fills them hastily with Patron.

We all grab our glasses and toast the good news before taking our shots together. In one swift motion, Travis is the first to slam his glass onto the bar. He kisses Karlie earnestly on her lips, whispering something into her ear and causing her to blush. I smile and slide closer to Tyler.

“Did I tell you how awesome you look tonight?” he whispers huskily into in my ear as he places his empty shot glass onto the bar next to mine. His other hand gently slides down to rest on my hip.

“Yes. Yes, you did. But, tonight isn’t about me.” I begin feeling the effects of the alcohol in my system. I know I’m safe with Tyler tonight, so I don’t feel the need to place limits on how much I drink. I want to be able to let loose tonight.

“It’s always about you,” he says, standing in front of me and leaning his arms on either side of . me

“What do you want?” I ask innocently. I’m pinned up against the bar and inches away from Tyler as his eyes scan my body. He looks yummy in his dark blue jeans and his black shirt with his sleeves are rolled up to his elbows, exposing his toned forearms. A moment of silence passes before he cocks his head to the side and grins. I wonder how long I’ll be able to resist him.

“The usual,” he says, biting his lip.

We’re not talking about anything from the bar anymore. When I catch the look in his eyes, a warm tingle courses the length of my body. I can feel the heat radiating off his body from being so close to mine, and it only heightens the sensation. I place my palms on his chest as he inhales a deep breath and continues staring at me. I know I should stop these urges that I’m unable to fight off when he’s near me. I’m having these moments, these lapses, too often. One minute I think one thing, and the next, I want to take it all back and not care anymore. I try to compose my thoughts.
This is not the time to think like this. So, when is the right time?

“Do you know what I’m thinking?” His voice is confident and soft. His breath brushes across my ear and breaks me from my internal reverie.

“You want a Heineken?” I reply teasingly.

“Smart ass.” He tugs me so that our bodies are now touching. He hooks my chin with his finger and tilts my head toward him. Thoughts come fast and furious. His eyes hold a look of desire, and I’m having a hard time concentrating. I look down, averting my eyes from his gaze.

“Heineken for the birthday boy,” I blurt out, looking over my shoulder to order from the nearest bartender.
Chad.
I don’t know how long he’s been standing behind Tyler and me. When I return my attention to Tyler, I can tell by the weight of his stare that Tyler was well aware of Chad all along. He makes sure Chad is watching as he wraps his arm around my waist.

“What can I get for you, Elle?” Chad asks. His eyes connect with mine as he drapes the towel over his shoulder. He smiles and shrugs, flicking a glance up at Tyler and nodding politely at him. Thankfully, it is a gesture of understanding after what happened the other night in my apartment.

“The same,” I reply.

“What about you guys?” I ask, turning to Karlie and Travis. “You guys want more?”

“How ‘bout another shot?” Travis slurs.

“Ugh.” I poke his chest. “Aren’t we past shitfaced?”

“Not even close.” He pushes up next to me and slaps his hand onto the bar. “Bartender, four shots of Patron. Wait. Make it five. One for you,” Travis says as he looks over at Tyler. I wonder if he told Travis about Chad.

“Thanks, man.” Chad reaches over the bar to shake Travis’ and Tyler’s hands before he lines up five shot glasses, filling them with Patron.

Leaning into Tyler’s chest, I’m not sure if I can handle another shot. “Don’t worry. I won’t let anything happen to you,” Tyler acknowledges as he lifts my chin to kiss me before we grab our shots from the bar.

“Happy Birthday, Bro!” Travis yells as we all clink our glasses.

This time the alcohol is relentless as it rockets through my body, hitting my brain instantly, but I like the rush it gives me.
I grab the collar of Tyler’s shirt, pulling him down to me and murmuring into his ear. “Did I wish you a happy birthday?”

Momentarily shocked by my assertive display, he smiles wickedly and tilts his head to the side as I watch sparks dance in his eyes. “Later,” he demands, brushing his lips over mine. I smell a combination of mint and Patron. His voice is raspy and deep, causing goose bumps to rise on my skin.

“Okay,” Karlie sings, pulling me away from Tyler. “We need to separate you two.” She pokes Tyler in the chest. “You go with your brother. We girls are gonna hang out and dance. Unless… you guys wanna dance?” She tilts her head mockingly.

“Oh, no, no....” Travis steps away. “Go do your thing. We’ll be at the bar.”

Ugh
. I wanted to stay, but Karlie drags me onto the dance floor as I’m helplessly looking over my shoulder at Tyler who’s smiling sheepishly. “Later,” he mouths with a wink as the crowd swallows me whole.

Karlie didn’t want to leave the dance floor, but I did. My dress was sticking to my skin, and I was parched and needed something to drink. She reluctantly agreed if I promised to return. I assured her that we would, but hopeful the Travis would be able to change her mind. Barely able to walk in my shoes, I concentrate on making my way through the wall of people dancing and grinding around me, finally finding my way back to the bar. I definitely regret wearing heels.