Wanting Reed (Break Me) BOOK 2 (59 page)

“Did you hear anything?” I ask, pulling away and walking to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water from the refrigerator. Why? Why can’t things be simple with him? Being with him is testing every emotion in me. I love him, and I need him despite all of it.

“No.” He stares at me, subtly shaking his head.

I twist the cap and look up at him before I take a sip of water. I shrug, trying to prevent my voice from breaking. “Cane is not the father.”

“What the fuck? Why would he tell you?” he seethes. He steps toward me, and I hold up my hand to halt him. Frustration and fear sweep across his face.

“It doesn’t matter who told me what. We all knew this was unavoidable, and we would find ourselves here, right? Another bad call on your part?” I counter harshly, knowing that the words burn when I see the pain in his eyes.

“I thought...”

“That was before, Reed,” I interrupt him. “This is now, and it’s real. No what ifs, this could be your future.”

“Doll, we’ll be okay,” he replies, but I’m not entirely convinced.

“We? I don’t know what’s going to happen...with us. What about the baby? The baby needs a father.” He moves toward me again. This time he takes the bottle from my hands and places it onto the counter. He leans in and kisses me with a kiss so sweet and gentle that it captivates me.

“Talk to me.” I hear the desperation in his voice. “Let it out.”

“This is too much,” I breathe, trying to control the situation before I completely crack. I raise my hand and run it against the roughness of his slight scruff, loving its coarseness beneath my fingers. I lean up on my tiptoes and place a faint kiss onto his soft lips again. I want to wipe the regret and pain from his eyes, but what about mine? My heart wants to believe him when he tells me everything will be okay, and we can have the life that we want together. My wits have been thoroughly scattered and ripped to shreds over what the results of the test could be. “I need to leave.” I pull away. “I can’t do this.” Tears pool in my eyes, and my voice is a mere whisper. I head into my bedroom and change into my running gear as he quietly watches me from the doorway. I don’t care how cold it is outside. I need to run, to think.

“Can’t do what? Elle, come on!” he says, rubbing his temples. “Don’t run from me!” He drops his arms, clenching his fists at his sides. “I love you. You mean everything to me. You know that!” He looks down and then back up.

“I need to think this through. This affects my life too, Reed. Not just yours!” I snap. I brush past him, grabbing my iPod as I rush toward the front door with him following close behind me. I hear his words, but they’re not making sense to me.

“But...” He reaches for my hand, but I pull away. “Where are you going?” His voice is hoarse with emotion.

“Please... Reed, I need this!” I wince at my tone. I open the door and look over my shoulder, watching this strong man, whom I love with every ounce of me, being taken apart piece by piece just as I’m being torn to pieces as well. Is this what I want now? Mindy and her baby? This is not my dream, not the life I pictured with Reed. Am I being unreasonable? Our relationship has been bumpy from the beginning. Nothing has been smooth or easy with Reed, so why should this situation be any different?

The fresh, cool air against my skin, the pavement beneath my feet, the blaring music from my iPod, and my muscles moving in sync are all soothing and cathartic. The view of the Charles River as the sun reflects off the water has a relaxing effect on me. I needed this. I needed to get out to clear my mind and to give myself some time to think about what Cane just told me. Now, it’s down to Reed and Luke.

Paper Route’s
“You and I”
fills my ears, triggering images and thoughts of Reed and me. I want this chance with Reed to finally have the life I want. I saw the frustration in his eyes, and he must have witnessed the same in mine. We’re tearing each other apart, suffering through all of this and trying to figure out what we have. I know he loves me, and he’s giving me space to sort out my feelings. It’s only fair. I remember what his mom said about finding love and how Reed has never been this happy. I’ve felt that too, but I’ve also felt the pain of not knowing if what we have will survive these obstacles. I want to believe that we can and that we will.

Finishing what feels like a thousand miles, I find myself running in the direction of my mom’s house. My footsteps weaken, and as I turn up my mom’s street, I intake a sharp breath as I jog down the familiar street that houses memories of my entire life. It becomes so overwhelming for me that I’m knocked clear out of my stride as salty tears begin to fall, soaking my cheeks. I don’t know why this is happening, but maybe it’s good that it is. It’s almost a therapeutic cleansing.

I run my last few steps up the driveway where an Acura TL sits in the driveway. I don’t recognize that car and sneak a peek inside as pull off my ear buds. Jace could not afford a car like this and it can’t be Cane’s and mom would not be caught dead is such a car. Not satisfied I spin around towards the house to find out who’s here as Jace appears leaving the house with Brooke carrying their backpacks over his shoulder. I immediately feel stupid for snooping, but Jace and Brooke don’t seem to notice since Jace is preoccupied with keeping his relationship with Brook from me.

“Hey, Sis,” he utters, bashfully scratching his forehead and averting his eyes from Brooke to me. “You remember Brooke, right?”

“Of course.” I smile at Jace and acknowledge Brooke as I nudge him in the ribs.

“Hey, Brooke, can you give me a sec? I need to talk to my sis.” He chuckles nervously.

“Sure,” she replies and smiles. “Nice to see you again, Elle.”

“Same here,” I reply as she skirts by me to the parked car in the driveway. I return my attention to my brother and quirk my eyebrow. “So, you’re looking extra spiffy today,” I say, eyeing him in a pair of black jeans and a white thermal long-sleeved T-shirt that accentuates his athletic frame. “When were you gonna tell me?” I needed the reprieve from my predicament, and Jace always seem to lift my mood.

“Tell you what?” he asks nonchalantly.

“That you and Brooke are...”

“Oh, shit,” he interrupts me. “Stop the madness. I knew you were gonna go there.”

“What’s the big deal?”

“Listen. BC campus is big. I’m on the football team, and let me repeat. We. Study. Together. That’s it.” He responds with an impish grin.

“Are you saying you’re not just playing on the football field?” I smirk and glance over at Brooke, who is sitting behind the wheel, checking her lipstick. “Does she know that?”

“I made it kind of clear.” He rolls his eyes toward the sky.

“I wanted to see if you’re okay, and here you are busting my balls about my personal life.”

“I’m fine,” I say, forcing out the words.

“I’m not convinced, Sis, not after what happened earlier today,” he affirms, his eyes swimming with warmth. “You know... you and me go way back, right?” He points between us smiling impishly. “And, despite all the shit you put me through regarding my love life, I’m always gonna be here for you.”

“Yeah...yeah...” I genuinely smile this time. “I know, but not now. I can’t be pulling you away from your
... friend.
”

“Relentless, Sis. Truly,” he groans, shaking his head.

“Now go.” I push him. “Is Mom home?”

“Yep, you better go in and see her. She’s pissed you didn’t call.”

“Fine. Thanks for the warning.”

“Do I get a hug?” He tilts his head, and a grin breaks across his face.

“Yeah,” I say, clasping my arms around his waist. He squeezes me hard.

“Let me know how things go, all right?” He kisses me on top of my head before we pull away.

“Will do, Casanova.”

“Cut the shit,” he jokes, trotting to the car. “Bye, Sis.”

“Bye.”

My brother hops into the car and waves as Brooke pulls out of the driveway and heads down the street, finally disappearing around the corner. I turn back to the house. The outside is decorated with colorful Christmas lights, and the front yard is covered in snow. An ache spreads in my chest, and tears blur my eyes. I need to get a grip. My eyes roam up to my bedroom window where I spent most of my life. It’s only been a little over two months since I moved out, but it feels longer. I take a few deep breaths before I walk up the stairs and open the front door.

Entering the quiet house, I notice that the Christmas tree and entire house have been decorated while I was away. After every Thanksgiving dinner, we’d do put up the tree. It’s a family tradition that was started when we were kids. Jace and I couldn’t wait for Christmas. It’s always been my favorite holiday. I place my iPod onto the hallway table and walk toward the living room where my mom is sitting on the couch, flipping through a photo album.

“Mom.”

She raises her eye and smiles before closing the photo album and laying it onto the table. “Welcome home, honey. When did you get in?”

“Yesterday,” I reply, leaning in to kiss her on the cheek. I sink into the couch next to her, wishing I could close my eyes and fall asleep. Instead, I need to talk as I’m trying to get a hold of the chaos in my head.

“So, how did everything go?”

“Everything went well with my interview. Texas is different, and Reed’s family is...perfect.” I lean back against the couch and stare at the ceiling.

“Then, why the long face?” Her voice is quiet, and her eyes are all-knowing when she turns to face me. “What happened? Are you having second thoughts about leaving?”

“Second thoughts about everything,” I blurt out, biting back more tears that sit at the surface. “I’m so confused,” I breathe, closing my eyes to gain control of my thoughts and feelings.

My mom’s face softens at my confession. “It’s a big decision, but it’s what you’ve always wanted to do. Going to medical school has been your dream, and now it’s a reality.”

“I know.”

“Does this have anything to do with Reed?”

“It’s all so overwhelming,” I state as I begin to share every detail with her since Reed has returned. Her face remains impassive during my replay of events as she digests everything from Jerry to Mindy’s pregnancy. When I finish, she is quiet for a few moments, staring at me with unconditional love on her face.

“You should have come to me. You didn’t have to deal with this alone.” She pulls me to her and rests her chin on my head.

“I thought now that I’m on my own, I need to figure out things by myself, but it’s gotten to be a little bit much in the last couple of days.”

“I would think so.”

“I would never put up with this from anyone else, but I feel so strongly for him. I’m unsure if I can handle him being a father to someone else’s baby,” I choke, relieved to have gotten this burden off my chest.

“You’re not even certain of the outcome of the test yet, and it seems like you already believe the worst. I know this has not been an easy couple of months for you. A lot has happened with Cane and Reed, but at some point, you have to believe that things will turn for the better.”

“It’s just one thing after the other.”

“Honey, it’s normal to feel this way,” she whispers, tucking an errant strand of hair behind my ear. “There’s always a bit of a struggle in the beginning, but you’ve come this far with him. He came back for you.
If you totally love him with all your heart, whether the results are positive or not, you ought to see that that boy would run through fire for you. You have to learn how to talk about your feelings and what the future means to you. What are you scared of? Tell him how you feel. Ask him if he wants a career, marriage, kids, and if any of that includes you. Even if another baby is involved, just be honest.”

We sit in silence as I absorb the truth in her words. I know she’s right. I just hope I’m strong enough to believe it when the time comes.

“Fuck! Elle, wait!” I yell, running barefoot down the front steps. She doesn’t hear me as she disappears around the corner with her earbuds in her ears. I let her go, knowing she’ll come back. She needs clarity, and I need to consider what she just said to me. She’s right on so many levels. No more what ifs for us. We both need closure; then we can figure this out together. If I’m the father, it may mean not having her in my life. I can’t and won’t hold her back from what she wants to do in her life, even if it fucking kills me.