Warrior's Cross (29 page)

Julian stepped closer and cocked his head, peering at Cameron through the gloom. “I do, don’t I?” he asked sadly, wincing visibly at the realization.

Cameron couldn’t do anything but look at Julian miserably. He remembered the first time they’d talked about this, how Julian had claimed he’d never been with someone who hadn’t, at some point, been frightened of him. It made his heart ache to see Julian react to him now.

“I… I don’t know,” Cameron stuttered, trying to be honest with himself and with Julian despite how much it might hurt them both. “I don’t think you do, but then something happens, and—”

“Something happens to make you question me,” Julian observed as neutrally as possible.

Cameron could almost see him internally trying to come to terms with this new turn of events. He bit his lip to keep from trying to apologize. He had to be honest now if they were ever going to resolve this. “Maybe,” he answered regretfully. “I wait for you every night, counting the days ’til I get my damn turn with you, scared to death that you won’t be coming back. What sort of life is that?”

Julian pulled back and looked at him with a hurt frown. “I’ve been doing everything I can to protect you,” he insisted.

“But are you doing everything you can to protect yourself?”

Cameron demanded.

“Of course!” Julian snapped in frustration.

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Cameron’s shoulders hunched. “I still worry about you. Wonder if you’ll be back. Wonder if you’ll be killed or hurt somewhere where I can’t get to you. Wonder if something will go wrong and you’ll have to just… disappear. I love you, Julian, but every thought like that is so painful I can hardly stand it. And apparently everyone I know is scared of you!”

“What the hell does that matter?” Julian asked in frustration.

“It matters to me!” Cameron insisted.

“You can’t have it both ways!” Julian hissed. “I can’t be this nonthreatening entity you and your friends seem to want me to be and still be the type of person able to protect myself and you like I have to!”

“What is it about your life that’s so dangerous that makes you feel I can’t handle knowing about it?” Cameron blurted. The fear of what he was doing actually clawed at his throat. “It’s not so dangerous that it keeps you from coming back week after week.”

Julian took a step back as if Cameron had actually slapped him.

Cameron couldn’t see any emotion in Julian’s black eyes, but he knew he’d hurt him.

“That’s because I’m fucking good at what I do,” Julian snarled after a moment. “I can come back because I
am
fucking dangerous,” he said in a low, angry voice. “It’s what I do!”

Cameron tried to hold back the tightness gathering in his throat.

“What you do—what you do? I don’t know what that is, except it means you get hurt and shot at and beat up and maybe even killed,” he said. “If that’s your job, I’ll never stop being scared. I’ll never stop hurting.”

Julian stared at him, visibly stricken by the implication. “Do I hurt you, Cameron?” he asked suddenly. “Do I abuse you in some fashion?

Do I leave you with any doubts whatsoever that I love you and I’m doing everything in my power to be with you?”

“I’ll never believe that you would hurt me physically,” Cameron answered confidently.

“Physically,” Julian echoed. “If not that, then what?”

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“How about emotionally?” Now that Cameron was on this road, he had to get all the doubts out there or they’d eat him up inside.

Julian stared at him in disbelief, for once his emotions playing clearly across his face. “This is what you think of me?”

“I love you more than anything. I can live with not knowing the details. But you tell me how I’m supposed to live like this and not be scared,” Cameron choked out. “Live with you not even two days a week, not knowing where you are or what you’re doing or if you’re coming back. How long will this go on? Do people like you retire? Is there anything in the future but a funeral? You haven’t told me anything!”

Julian brought his hand up to push against his stomach as if he might be ill. He looked away and actually groaned softly. “Are you telling me it’s all or nothing?” he asked with difficulty, unable to look back at Cameron just yet. “You or my job?” he breathed as he finally forced himself to look at Cameron and meet his eyes.

A tear escaped to trail down Cameron’s cheek. He found it within himself to straighten up and look clearly at the man he loved. If Julian had taught him anything, it was to stand up for himself. “I can’t live like this, always scared, never knowing if you’re okay or if you’re coming back.”

Julian’s stricken black eyes searched Cameron’s for long moments of tense, painful silence. Finally, he lowered his head and nodded, not saying a word in response. He turned silently and began walking back toward the shadows.

Cameron was so stunned that he couldn’t even breathe, much less call out to stop him, and the tears spilled free as the darkness swallowed Julian up.

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MIRI stood quietly at the counter, organizing the early evening’s tickets. It kept her mind busy on the slow nights, especially when she didn’t want to get stuck with bathroom duty. She turned up her nose slightly as she punched numbers into the register.

Movement caught her eye, and she glanced up to idly watch Blake as the man walked slowly across the floor to the bar area, where a stranger in a black pea-coat sat hunched over on the end stool. Blake walked up to him and actually sat down beside him. They sat side by side for several minutes, neither man moving or speaking. Finally, Blake said something to him, stood back up, and gestured to the door.

Miri frowned. She’d never seen Blake tell someone to leave the restaurant before, and she wondered what in the world the man could have done or said. The man turned on his stool, staring at Blake for a long moment before he stood, picked up his heavy glass with a smirk, and walked out with it. Blake didn’t even try to stop him from taking the glass with him.

Miri’s brow furrowed as she caught sight of the man moving, almost prowling, out the door. It was a little creepy, truth be told, and after seeing that, she was happy Blake had asked the man to leave.

After a moment of watching the man in the pea-coat walk away, Blake moved and disappeared into the back. Concerned, Miri set her checks aside and followed Blake, intending to ask him if everything was okay. She followed him to his office; he hadn’t even bothered to close the door entirely before he picked up the phone and dialed.

Miri stopped short at the half-open door when she caught some of his words.

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“Julian,” Blake greeted in a low voice. “I thought you might like to know I had a visitor tonight.”

Miri glanced around and took a slight step closer to the office door, straining her hearing.

After a moment Blake said, “Lancaster’s in town. No, he was just here… I don’t fucking know, but you need to watch your back, friend.”

Miri looked blankly at the door for a split second before backing away slowly, hoping he wouldn’t hear her. She needed to find Cameron.

He was in the service area, showing a new waitress how to properly prepare a full coffee service. He sent her off with instructions to keep smiling just as Miri entered the area. He glanced at her and raised an eyebrow at the look on her face.

“You know that Julian and Blake are friends, right?” she asked him without preamble.

Cameron’s shoulders stiffened, but his hands kept moving. “Yes,”

he said, turning away from her.

“Blake’s on the phone with him,” Miri told him, an odd chill bothering her. “He told him to watch his back; that someone named Lancaster was in town. Watch his back, Cameron! That’s not something you say to an antiques dealer!”

Cameron showed an unusual fit of temper, throwing down his towel in frustration. “What’s your point, Miri?” he asked, refusing to look up at her.

“What do you mean?” Miri asked in confusion.

“Julian is no longer any of my business,” Cameron told her in a harsh whisper, turning back to wiping down the counters. His shoulders hunched, and he’d dropped his head.

Miri took another slight step back and watched Cameron, sadness written across her face. “I’m sorry, Cam,” she offered lamely, wanting to ask what had happened but knowing not to push. “But… aren’t you just a little… worried, though?”

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“I was always worried, Miri,” Cameron said quietly. “That was the problem.” He left the counter, pushed past her, and disappeared into the kitchen.

“ARE you sure it was him?” Julian demanded as he gripped the phone tight in his hand.

“I’m getting old, Jules, but I’m not senile,” Blake snapped in return.

“He came to the restaurant,” Julian murmured as his mind raced.

Blake hummed in affirmation, and Julian closed his eyes and shook his head. “That means he’s identified you as my handler,” he said with a wince. Unless Lancaster was there looking for someone else. Julian pushed that thought away.

“Or at least thinks he has,” Blake agreed.

“We have to move you,” Julian told him with a hint of shock in his voice. They’d planned for this contingency, but he’d never actually expected to need to use it. He’d always assumed that he would be the one found first.

“And just how do you propose we do that?” Blake asked with a disbelieving laugh.

“Very quickly,” Julian answered grimly.

“Fuck, Julian,” Blake muttered in disgust.

“We’ll start tomorrow.”

“Us and what army?” Blake asked incredulously. “Emily won’t let me leave all her shit behind, you know. We can’t hire a moving company; he’ll be able to trace it.”

“Be creative, Blake,” Julian told him impatiently. “Send Emily off to wherever, and tonight I’ll find somewhere to move you. I’ll be at your house at five in the morning to start. Don’t be sleeping, and make damn sure you have help, because Preston and I aren’t lifting your goddamned furniture alone,” he snapped before ending the call and Warrior’s Cross 209

stalking out onto the landing of the massive staircase. “Preston!” he bellowed into the darkened house. “We have problems!” he shouted as he started down the steps two at a time.

IT WASN’T unusual for Blake to call his wait staff into the back rooms of the restaurant and have meetings every now and then, but tonight it was obvious that this meeting was totally unplanned. The floor full of diners was completely unstaffed, and prepared dishes waited to be taken out. It was unprecedented.

Blake stood in front of the group of gathered servers and didn’t wait for the chatter to die. “Ladies and gentlemen,” he started, his commanding voice immediately silencing the room. “The restaurant will be closed tomorrow. You’ll all be paid overtime for the inconvenience. Those of you wishing to take the day off, I hope the weather is nice for you,” he said with a smile, but there was no humor in his voice or in his eyes as he spoke. “But anyone wanting to make a little extra cash in exchange for some heavy lifting, please come talk to me in my office at some point before you take off tonight. That’s all,”

he finished, not even attempting to end his announcement with something clever like he usually did.

He turned and left the prep area, head down as he made his way back to his office.

Standing with a gaggle of waitresses who immediately began talking excitedly about the unexpected day off, Cameron frowned, wondering what was going on. Heavy lifting? He shooed the others back to work and corralled the hostesses to help deliver waiting meals as he pushed his curiosity aside.

But hours later, once most of the staff was gone, Cameron set his jacket aside on the bar and ventured down the hallway to Blake’s office, where he rapped lightly on the door.

“Enter,” Blake’s distracted voice called through the closed door.

Cameron pushed the door open and stepped part-way inside.

“Blake?”

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Blake’s eyes were wide, reflecting surprise at seeing Cameron. He reached over to the phone on the corner of his desk and said, “I’ll call you back,” before hitting a button on the speakerphone to end the call.

“Are you here for heavy lifting or is there something else?” he asked Cameron curiously.

“Both, I guess. To offer help and ask if everything’s okay,”

Cameron said, studying the older man.

“Everything is not, in fact, okay,” Blake answered with a hint of humor. He gave Cameron a small smile. “I have to move, you see. Very sudden thing. And I need help with all that damn antique furniture,” he grumbled.

Cameron raised an eyebrow. “Thus the need for heavy lifting,” he commented. Then he shrugged. “I’m happy to help.”

Blake looked at him dubiously. “Do you need the extra money?”

he asked.

“Not hardly,” Cameron answered. Then he frowned. “Have you got enough help already?”

“Not hardly,” Blake answered wryly. “We’re starting at six a.m., but you’re welcome to get there any time you like. I can send a driver for you so you don’t have to catch a cab,” he offered.