Wayside School Gets a Little Stranger (4 page)

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Chapter 6

Pet Day

All the kids in Mrs. Jewls’s class brought a pet to school. The room was very noisy. Dogs barked. Cats meowed. A frog croaked. A pig squealed. A cow mooed. Birds tweeted.

Mrs. Jewls held up two fingers.

All the animals became quiet.

Stephen didn’t have a pet. So he brought an orange. He kept it in a cage on his desk so it couldn’t escape.

Todd brought Ralphie, his baby brother.

“Todd?” said Mrs. Jewls.

Todd barked.

“You cannot have a pet human,” said Mrs. Jewls.

“He doesn’t bite,” Todd assured her.

Joy told Todd to sit and be quiet.

Mrs. Jewls got a large piece of poster board from the supply closet. “Let’s make a chart,” she said.

Across the top of her chart she wrote, “Name of Kid,” “Kind of Pet,” “Name of Pet.”

She started with Deedee. She wrote “Deedee” under “Name of Kid.” “And you have a dog,” she said.

“Cat,” said Deedee.

“Cat?” asked Mrs. Jewls.

Deedee nodded as she petted her dog.

Mrs. Jewls moved on to Ron. “Ron, I see you have a cat.”

“Dog,” said Ron, as he stroked the cat on his lap.

Mrs. Jewls shrugged. “Okay,” she said.

“He’s my dog,” said D.J.

“Ron has your dog?” asked Mrs. Jewls.

“Ron has a cat,” said D.J.

“That’s what I thought,” said Mrs. Jewls. “But what—”

“What’s a dog,” said Jenny.

Mrs. Jewls covered her ears and shook her head. “Let’s start all over again,” said Mrs. Jewls. She got a new piece of poster board from the supply closet.

“Mac, what’s your dog’s name?”

“What’s my dog’s name,” said Jenny.

“I’m not talking to you, Jenny. I’m talking to Mac.”

“He can’t talk,” said Mac.

“Who can’t talk?” asked Mrs. Jewls.

“Mac,” said Mac.

Billy barked at Mac.

Mac barked at Billy.

Todd barked at both of them.

Joy made Todd lie down by her feet.

Mrs. Jewls moved on. “What’s your pet, Myron?” she asked.

“Your pet’s a turtle,” said Sharie.

“What?” asked Mrs. Jewls.

“What is Jenny’s pet,” said Sharie.

“Jenny’s pet is a dog!” said Mrs. Jewls. “What’s his name, Jenny?”

Jenny nodded. Her dog sat up straight and tall and seemed to smile at Mrs. Jewls.

“He’s handsome,” said Mrs. Jewls.

“My mouse is handsome,” said Benjamin. Benjamin had a little white mouse in a cage on his desk.

“If you like mice,” said Dana, making a face.

“Mrs. Jewls likes mice,” said Calvin. “She eats them.”

“Gross!” said Dana.

“He won’t come when you call him,” said Kathy. “He doesn’t know his name.”

Billy meowed.

“Will Mrs. Jewls eat yogurt?” asked John.

“No way!” said Calvin.

“I will too,” said Mrs. Jewls. “I like yogurt. I like strawberry best.”

Maurecia beamed. “Mrs. Jewls likes strawberry best,” she bragged.

“You shouldn’t pick favorites,” complained Dana.

“Do you like crackers, Mrs. Jewls?” asked Rondi.

“Don’t worry,” said Calvin. “Mrs. Jewls won’t eat crackers.”

“How do you know what I’ll eat, Calvin?” asked Mrs. Jewls, a little annoyed. “I like eating crackers with cheese on top.”

“Oh, gross!” said Myron.

“He won’t come when you call him,” Kathy said again.

“Mac! Keep Mac away from my socks!” shouted Allison.

“Wait,” said Jason. “Now you’ve got my socks, and I’ve got your socks.”

“I can tell the difference between my socks and your socks, Jason,” said Allison.

Mrs. Jewls covered her ears and shook her head. She moved on. “What’s your pet, Dameon?” she asked.

“I already told you he was a turtle,” said Sharie.

“I wasn’t talking to you, Sharie,” said Mrs. Jewls. “I was talking to Dameon.”

“Your nose a ferret,” said Dameon.

“My nose a ferret?” asked Mrs. Jewls.

“My nose a hamster,” said Joe.

Billy bleated.

Mrs. Jewls licked her leg.

“Hey, Paul,” said Leslie. “I like your pigtails.”

“Thanks,” said Paul. “May I touch your pajamas?”

“Go ahead,” said Bebe, who was already petting Leslie’s pajamas. “She won’t scratch you.”

“This is crazy!” shouted Terrence.

“He’s cute,” said Dana.

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Chapter 7

A Bad Word

Early in the morning, a white limousine drove up to Wayside School.

Just like always.

The chauffeur got out of the car, then opened the passenger door.

Just like always.

Mr. Kidswatter stepped out of the car. “Thank you, James,” he said.

“My name is David,” said the chauffeur.

Just like always.

Mr. Kidswatter entered the school building.

“Good morning, Mr. Kidswatter,” said Mrs. Day, the school secretary. She handed him a cup of hot coffee.

Just like always.

“Thank you, Miss Night,” said Mr. Kidswatter.

He walked into his office.

Except his office door was closed.

He smashed into it, spilling coffee all over his green suit.

“Who closed my door?” he demanded.

“Why didn’t you just open it?” asked Mrs. Day.

“It’s
always
open in the morning,” said Mr. Kidswatter. “How was I supposed to know it was closed
this time
?”

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Up on the thirtieth story, Mrs. Jewls took roll.

Todd was absent.

“Oh dear, I hope Todd is all right,” said Mrs. Jewls.

“Todd’s never all right!” said Joy.

She and Maurecia laughed.

Dameon looked at Mrs. Jewls. Ever since he returned to Wayside School, he’d thought there was something
different
about her, but he still couldn’t figure out what it was.

Mr. Kidswatter’s voice came over the P.A. system. “Good morning, boys and girls.”

There was the usual pause.

“Today I want to talk about doors,” said Mr. Kidswatter.

“This should be interesting,” said Mrs. Jewls.

“Do you know how many doors there are in this school building?” asked Mr. Kidswatter.

Mrs. Jewls shook her head.

“Well, there are a lot! Over thirty! And some of you probably have doors at home too. Maybe more than one. All those doors. Think about it.”

“Well, Mr. Kidswatter has certainly given us something to think about this morning,” said Mrs. Jewls.

“So remember,” said Mr. Kidswatter. “And please be careful! Always check to see if a door is open before going through it. And if it’s not open, open it. If you can’t open it yourself, ask someone to open it for you. This may not make a lot of sense to you now, but someday you’ll thank me.”

Mrs. Jewls looked around the class. “That’s good advice,” she said. “I think most of you already knew it, but at least it’s nice to know we have a principal who cares.”

“I hate doors!” shouted Mr. Kidswatter. “It’s a dumb word. Door. Door. Door. Who made up that word, anyway?”

Mrs. Jewls waited a little longer, but Mr. Kidswatter seemed to be finished. “Some people just don’t like doors,” she said.

“I have made a new rule!” declared Mr. Kidswatter. “You may no longer say that word. You know what word I mean — but don’t say it! Instead, I have made up a new word for you: ‘Goozack.’ Open the goozack. Shut the goozack. Lock the goozack. Don’t you think that’s a better word? I do. From now on, that other word is a bad word. I have made my decision.”

Everyone turned around and looked at the goozack.

Suddenly it opened.

Todd entered. “I’m sorry I’m late,” he said.

“That’s okay,” said Mrs. Jewls. “I’m just glad you’re not sick or hurt.”

“My dad locked his keys in the car,” Todd explained. “We had to use a coat hanger to unlock the door.”

Everyone gasped.

Mrs. Jewls made Todd write his name on the blackboard under the word DISCIPLINE.

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