Wayside School Gets a Little Stranger (7 page)

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Chapter 10

Mr. Gorf

“Mr. Gorf,” muttered Joy as she walked down the stairs to recess. “Did she say Mr. Gorf?”

Maurecia nodded.

Leslie caught up to them. “Did she say Mr. Gorf?”

“I think so,” said Maurecia.

“Do you think—?” Leslie asked.

“I don’t know,” said Maurecia.

“I hope not,” said Joy.

Before Mrs. Jewls ever came to Wayside School, the children had a teacher named Mrs. Gorf. She wasn’t very nice.

Even Myron was worried. And Myron had never gotten in trouble in his whole life.

“Mr. Gorf might be a good teacher,” said Eric Bacon. “Just because he has the same last name as Mrs. Gorf doesn’t mean he’ll be horrible.”

“That’s right,” said Eric Ovens. “People with the same name can be different.”

“I agree,” said Eric Fry.

“There are probably lots of people named Gorf,” Dameon said hopefully. “I bet if you looked in the phone book, you’d find ten whole pages of Gorfs.”

“Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m not coming to school tomorrow,” said Joy.

“Me neither,” Maurecia agreed.

But the next morning their parents made them all go to school.

Everyone arrived on time. Nobody dared to be late.

But there was no teacher.

Deedee sat down next to Myron. “Is he here?” she whispered.

“Sh!” whispered Myron. He folded his hands on his desk and stared straight ahead.

One by one, the children entered the classroom and quietly sat down at their desks.

They couldn’t take any chances. Mr. Gorf might walk through the door any moment. Or maybe he was already there, hiding in the coat closet, just waiting for someone to do something wrong.

“I didn’t want to come today,” whispered Calvin. “But my parents made me.”

“Sh!” said Bebe. “He might hear you.”

Mr. Kidswatter’s voice came over the P.A. system. “Good morning, boys and girls.”

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“Good morning, Mr. Kidswatter,” the children all answered together, like good little boys and girls.

They listened attentively to their principal. Then, when Mr. Kidswatter was finished, they took out their arithmetic books and started working.

After that, they did social studies, reading, and spelling.

When the recess bell rang, the children put their books neatly in their desks, quietly lined up, and walked out of the room and down the stairs.

“So how’s your substitute teacher?” asked Louis, out on the playground.

“Tough!” said Bebe. “I’ve never worked so hard in my life.”

“I did more work before ten o’clock than most people do in a day,” said Calvin.

“But he’s very fair,” Myron quickly added, just in case Mr. Gorf was listening. He might have been hiding in the bushes.

“Yes, he’s nice and fair and a very good teacher,” said Jenny.

“Very smart too,” said Deedee. “We’re lucky to have him.”

Louis twisted the end of his mustache between his fingers.

After recess the children returned to class and worked until lunchtime. At lunch they ate all the food Miss Mush served them. Their manners were perfect.

Mr. Gorf might have been hiding under the table.

After lunch they returned to class and practiced their handwriting.

Myron looked around. All of a sudden he got a terrible urge to do something. Anything!

“Ugga bugga,” he said.

Jenny put her finger to her lips.

“Biff. Boff. Boof!” said Myron, a little louder.

“Sh!” said Jenny.

Myron stood up. “No!” he shouted. “I don’t have to be quiet!”

Everyone tried to get Myron to hush up.

Myron climbed on top of his desk. “Look around, folks! There’s no teacher! We’re doing all this work for nothing!”

“Get down!” whispered Allison. “Do you want to get us all in trouble?”

Myron jumped on top of Allison’s desk. “Hi, Allison!” he said. Then he hopped over to Deedee’s desk, then Ron’s, then Maurecia’s.

“Please, Myron,” said Maurecia.

“This is fun!” said Myron. He made a great leap and landed on top of the teacher’s desk.

Mrs. Jewls had always kept a coffee can full of Tootsie Roll Pops on her desk. It was still there.

“Hey, anyone want a Tootsie Roll Pop?” asked Myron.

Everyone stared at him.

Myron took one for himself. He sat in the teacher’s chair, with his feet up on the teacher’s desk, and sucked on it.

“Please stop, Myron!” begged Jenny. “What if he’s hiding in the closet?”

“Get real!” said Myron. “Why would he hide in the closet?”

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“What if Mr. Gorf was married to Mrs. Gorf?” asked Allison.

Myron laughed. “Who would ever want to marry Mrs. Gorf?” he asked.

“Somebody had to marry her,” said Rondi. “Or else she wouldn’t have been a Mrs.”

“What if he loved her very much?” asked Allison. “And then one day she didn’t come home from work. And he never saw her again. And he didn’t know what happened to her. But he knew she used to teach this class! So he might be hiding in the closet to try to find out if we’re the ones who got rid of her.”

“If I was married to Mrs. Gorf,” said Jason, “I’d be glad she never came home. He should thank us.”

“Nice going, Jason!” said Jenny. “If he is hiding in the closet, you just told him we’re the ones who got rid of his wife.”

“Well, if I didn’t, you just did,” said Jason.

“It doesn’t matter!” shouted Myron. “Because Mr. Gorf is not hiding in the closet!”

Myron went to the back of the room and opened the closet door.

A man stepped out. “Thank you,” he said. “I accidentally locked myself in here this morning, and I’ve been waiting for someone to open the door.”

Myron swallowed his Tootsie Roll Pop, stick and all.

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Chapter 11

Voices

“My name is Mr. Gorf,” said the man who stepped out of the closet.

And, surprising as it may seem, the children weren’t afraid.

It was his voice. His voice was full of comfort and wisdom, like an old leather chair in a dusty library. It didn’t matter what he said. It felt good just to listen to him.

He was a handsome man, with neatly combed brown hair and clean fingernails. He carried a brown briefcase.

Nobody even noticed that his nose had three nostrils.

“Since I am going to be your teacher for the next few months, let me tell you a bit about myself. I was born in the Himalayan Mountains in a town called Katmandu.”

“Cat Man Do,” said Terrence. “Cool.”

Everyone laughed. They weren’t laughing at Terrence. There was just something about the name of that city and the way Terrence said it.

Terrence’s voice was like a rusty drainpipe.

“Have you ever been married?” asked Allison. Allison’s voice was like a cat walking across a piano.

“No, I’m a bachelor,” said Mr. Gorf.

Allison smiled, greatly relieved.

“Well, that’s enough about me,” said Mr. Gorf. “How about some of you telling me about yourselves?”

“My name is Mac,” said Mac, without raising his hand. Mac’s voice was like a freight train. “I built the biggest snowman you ever saw. Man, it was huge. I had to stand on a ladder to put the hat on his head. It was a stovepipe hat, like Abraham Lincoln wore, but I don’t know why they call it that. We have a microwave oven. Have you ever put a bag of marshmallows in a microwave oven? Man, it’s like—”

Mr. Gorf’s nose flared.

His right nostril flared to the right. His left nostril flared to the left. And the hole in the middle seemed to get larger.

Mac coughed. He tried to speak, but no words came out.

“Thank you, Mac,” said Mr. Gorf. “Anyone else?”

Deedee raised her hand.

“Yes, young lady,” said Mr. Gorf.

Deedee giggled. She liked the way he said “young lady.” “My name is Deedee,” she said. Her voice was small, but full of energy, like a superball. “I like soccer and Ninja Turtles. My favorite—”

Mr. Gorf’s nose flared.

Deedee lost her voice too.

“Who’s next?” asked Mr. Gorf. “Yes, the girl in the polka-dot shirt.”

“My name’s Maurecia,” said Maurecia. “I have two brothers and one sister.”

Maurecia’s voice was like a pineapple milkshake.

Mr. Gorf sucked it up through his nose.

“Hey, what’s going—,” said Todd.

Todd was silent.

“Look at his nose!” shouted Eric Bacon. “It has—”

Eric Bacon had nothing else to say.

“Nobody say anyth—,” Jenny tried to warn. Her voice disappeared up Mr. Gorf’s nose.

Soon the class was quiet.

Mr. Gorf’s middle nostril had snorted all of their voices.

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Except for Allison. She remained silent. She knew she’d only get one chance to speak, and she had to wait for just the right moment.

“What good little boys and girls you are,” said Mr. Gorf. “So nice and quiet.” He laughed.

“Of course, this isn’t my real voice,” he said. “I stole this voice from a gentleman I met in Scotland.”

He touched the tip of his nose.

“This is my voice!” he squawked.

If a donkey could talk, and if the donkey had a sore throat, and if it spoke with a French accent — that was what Mr. Gorf’s voice sounded like.

But what he said next was even more horrible than his voice.

“Mrs. Gorf was my mommy.”

The children sat frozen in their chairs, too scared to move.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door.

Mr. Gorf touched his nose. “Who is it?” he asked in the pleasant voice he stole from the Scottish gentleman.

“Miss Mush,” said Miss Mush from the other side of the door. “I just came up to say hello and welcome you to Wayside School.”

“That’s very nice of you, Miss Mush,” said Mr. Gorf. “But we’re very busy right now. Maybe we can get together for tea and crumpets sometime.”

Miss Mush giggled. “That sounds lovely,” she said. “By the way, Mr. Gorf, are you married?”

“No, I’m single,” said Mr. Gorf.

“So am I,” said Miss Mush.

“Miss Mush!” shouted Allison. “Help! Mr. Gorf is taking—”

Mr. Gorf’s nose flared.

“Did you say something, Allison?” asked Miss Mush.

Mr. Gorf touched his nose. Then he spoke, this time using Allison’s voice. “Mr. Gorf is taking us on a field trip next week. But he might need help. Do you want to come with us?”

“Maybe,” said Miss Mush. “Thank you, Allison.”

“Oh, don’t thank me,” said Allison’s voice. “Thank Mr. Gorf. He’s the best teacher in the whole world!”

“I’m glad,” said Miss Mush. “He sounds very charming.”

“And so do you,” said Mr. Gorf, speaking like the gentleman from Scotland. He touched his nose.

“See you later, Miss Mush,” said the voice of Eric Ovens.

“Take care,” said Calvin’s voice.

“Have a nice day,” said Kathy’s voice.