We Found Love (12 page)

But as soon as Hunter took the seat beside him, Riley knew the cold-shoulder shtick wouldn’t last. He’d been biting his tongue, but now the pressure hurt in that emotional sorta way the therapists always talked about.

“So, y’all got nicknames, huh?” he whispered in Hunter’s direction, keeping his eyes straight ahead.

“So you’re talking to me, huh?”

Riley turned his head away, aiming it more at the doctor he couldn’t stand looking at rather than the guy he could stare at for hours. How the hell was he supposed to answer that? Didn’t he have a right to be a little pissed off?

“Didn’t look like you needed someone to talk to.”

“So when you’re being a jerk I’m supposed to sit with you and get the silent treatment… again?”

Jerk? Jerk! How the hell?

Eyes widened, Riley whipped his head toward Hunter. His mouth opened, ready to pour out a stream of belligerent bullshit, when the doctor saying “Let’s get started” put the brakes on the verbal explosion.

Now he had no choice but to sit there and fume, and he managed that well for all of about ten minutes. Had it not been for all the mixed feelings and the anger over New Guy getting cozy with
his
man, Riley would’ve been content to keep his mouth shut and waste an hour of his day with people he couldn’t stand.

Oh, but he couldn’t do it. “How was I being a jerk?” he whispered bitterly, half not caring if they got called out for speaking out of turn.

“Are you shitting me? What? I’m supposed to embarrass myself in front of everyone and drag over the chair you
pushed away
? I assumed that meant not to fuck with you.” Hunter’s whisper held a low growl, jaw clenching as he glared at Riley.

Someone outside the bubble of their argument cleared their throat. Both Hunter and Riley jerked their heads in the direction of the sound. It’d been the doctor with the funky mouth, and he didn’t appear to be pleased at all.

“Is there something you’d like to share, Mr. Connors?”

Riley shook his head.

“You, Mr. Morgan?”

“Nah,” Hunter bit out.

“May I proceed, then?” Doc asked.

Neither one of them said a word. Riley didn’t so much as cut his eyes, despite his wanting to.

They were relegated to sitting in silence again, Hunter doing whatever Hunter did, Riley staring at the floor, counting down the minutes until they were finally free to go back to their room. And who knew what kind of fresh hell awaited them there. For all Riley knew, Hunter had every intention of chewing him out, up one side and down the other.

The hour went by faster than Riley expected it to. Probably because he wasn’t looking forward to being alone in a room with Hunter. Wow, what a contradiction to how he’d felt last night. Now he seriously wondered what the hell Hunter’s angle was.

Riley entered their room first and immediately slid into his bed. He didn’t bother with blankets or removing his slippers. Right now he just wanted to sleep and pretend none of this ever happened—well, none of it save for meeting Hunter. It didn’t matter how mad he wanted to be at Hunter, Riley cherished every second they’d spent in each other’s lives.

Boy, didn’t that make him want to melt into a puddle of blah.

He curled around his pillow, facing the wall, because looking at Hunter right now made him think about the moment he stepped into the common area, just wanting to sit down next to his friend and spill his guts over his session with Dr. Landers, only to find Hunter hanging out with someone else, laughing and talking to someone else in a way he didn’t really laugh with Riley. Maybe Riley was too morose. Maybe he needed to lighten up and chill the fuck out. Maybe he’d pushed Hunter away just like he’d pushed his mom away after he’d been rescued.

I
T
WASN
’
T
until he heard something scratching near his head that Riley realized he hadn’t been awake in some time. He’d slept hard, damn hard. So much so he’d drooled on his own arm, and wasn’t that disgusting. Hey, but at least he’d slept. He couldn’t remember the last time that had happened, not to that extent anyway. His nights had remained pretty restless since the age of ten. He rubbed his arm across his mouth and raised his head, only to find Hunter sitting on the edge of Riley’s bed with a tray in his lap. The scratching sound had been the second tray being left on the nightstand.

“I brought your dinner,” Hunter said, tone even.

“Dinner?” Riley frowned. “What time is it?”

“A little after seven.”

Riley rolled to sitting, and he eased back against the headboard, dragging his feet up with him. He hugged his legs to his body, looked down at the food beside him, then back to Hunter. “Thanks for bringing me dinner. You don’t have to stay. Go hang with your friend.”

Hunter’s head snapped up from looking down at his tray. “Seriously? You want me to leave?”

No.
Riley shrugged. “Does it matter what I want?”

Hunter let out a noise that sounded like a mixture of a sigh and a growl. “Are you fucking kidding me?” He plopped his tray down on the bed beside him, spilling his glass of Kool-Aid, food bouncing out of the container. He stood and paced twice before pinning Riley with his gaze. Riley stared back, unflinching. “What is your problem? You’re being such a massive dick. I didn’t
do
anything other than, what, not coming to you when you clearly didn’t want to hang out with me? Were you testing me or something? Obviously I fucking failed.” Hunter hadn’t raised his voice much louder than speaking, but Riley could see the barely contained rage and frustration simmering beneath the surface.

“Why would you wanna hang out with me when you had Mr. Fucking Ray of Sunshine?” Riley spat back. His voice cracked on the tail end, meaning tears were simmering somewhere inside him. They were slowly working their way up his throat. Oh, but he had zero intention of giving Hunter the satisfaction of seeing him cry. Again.

“What’s this got to do with Bubba?”

“Seriously?” Riley jerked forward on the bed, slinging his arm out toward the door as if
Bubba
were waiting on the other side. “You looked perfectly freakin’ happy all laughing and shit with him. You barely even acknowledged me.” Riley’s voice grew louder and louder the more hostile he became. But dammit, it felt really freaking good to raise his voice. “You want him? Am I not good enough?”

Hunter took a surprised step back. “What are you—seriously? You’re kiddin’, right?” His voice was trembling with the need to shout. It pissed Riley off more that he wouldn’t just fucking let loose. “First, you need to calm your ass down. They’re gonna put you in that special room for bad little boys if you don’t lower your voice. Second, don’t
ever
think it’s cool to yell. At. Me.” He bit off each word at the end. “Thirdly, I don’t know what the fuck the problem was with me talking to him about fucking cars, you know, since I’m a mechanic. Similar interests and all, as friends. God.” Hunter ran his hands through his hair before rubbing the blond scruff on his face.

“Wow, you’re a mechanic?” Riley was surprised to learn that, and the shock spilled into the sorrow forming his words. He tucked his chin, eyes trained on the scar on his wrist. He immediately covered it with his left hand, rubbing at the raised flesh, rubbing at the colorful ink. “I didn’t know that. But Bubba knows, huh? Anything else you shared with him and not me?”

Hunter froze, incredulity written all over his handsome face. Why’d he have to look so good when he was frustrated? “You’re serious? That’s why you’re being such a dick?” Hunter’s tone was furious. “You’re being all shitty because you’re
jealous
?” Riley averted his eyes, angry at himself for blushing, unwilling to dignify the accusation with a response. Even if it may be true. Was he? Jealous? He’d never been jealous over someone before. Surely that wasn’t what this was. Even if it was, no way was he admitting it.

Hunter let out a laugh, but not a kind one, not teasing. He was still pissed. Well, Riley was too. Fucking Hunter Morgan.
Laugh it up, asshole.

“You’re jealous because I
talked
to another person? I know you don’t know me that well, but I figured you knew me better than thinking I was throwing you over for the newer model. After last night?”

“That’s how it looked to me,” Riley said, tightening his arms around his folded legs. “I mean, who could blame you, right? Why want me when someone happier, less fucked-up comes into the picture? Why want me when my own mother didn’t want me?”

Hunter stood stock-still, staring at Riley. He didn’t appear to even breathe for a moment. The first sign of life from him was when he blinked his eyes, slowly, sadly, chewing his bottom lip. Riley was surprised by the way the fight seemed to bleed out of Hunter. He
wanted
him to fight. He hadn’t meant to say something like he had.
God, please don’t let him pity me.
Riley couldn’t take pity. Not from anyone, but definitely not from Hunter.

Hunter backed up until the backs of his legs met his bed, then sat with hunched shoulders. “I just thought you’d know me a little better than that.”

Riley didn’t know why Hunter repeated himself. Hunter looked back up at him, thank God no pity in his eyes, and sighed. “I’m… I guess….” He closed his eyes for a second before blinking them open, showing all the sorrow in his heart. It punched Riley in the gut. They sat, quietly watching one another.

“I’m so sorry, Riley. You’ve told me your… stuff. I’ve just never had anyone who I trusted to say anything to, much less wanted to tell. It’s just so easy to keep it locked away. It… it fucking hurts too much to let it out.” Hunter’s voice was quiet.

“You don’t….” He wanted to say Hunter didn’t have to tell him, but he wanted it, he wanted to know Hunter better. He didn’t know why any more than he knew why he was so drawn to the man. Yeah, Hunter was attractive and funny, sweet in a way that disarmed Riley. But none of that added up to a reason he wanted so badly to know what was happening in Hunter’s mind.

“Bub—Shane. Shane only knows me because he met me once at my brother’s shop. I fixed his car. I was too drunk to even remember him from that meeting. He doesn’t know that I’m gay, much less that I’m in here because the night my mom died of breast cancer I lost my shit. The day of the funeral, I got so fucked-up that I landed in here. My sister told them about the last few years of my life, leading them to think I tried to kill myself, maybe had some sort of psychological break.”

Tears were rolling down Hunter’s cheek with one more blink of his eyes. “My mother died. The last person who hadn’t given up. She was just…
gone
. The only one who knew
why
, who knew about Cory.”

The strangled way he said this Cory person’s name made Riley hold back his questions about him or her. He could relate to that. Not like he openly discussed Andy very often.

“No one wanted to help me. I was grieving, and they were already done with me. I broke Cory, broke myself, broke my family.” He wiped the tears away furiously. “But I did it to myself. The end. I’m not a good person. I hurt people, okay? Are you glad you know now? You now know me better than
Bubba
. I’m sure you’re stoked.”

“Fuck.” No,
stoked
didn’t quite cover it. Now he felt like an ass for being such a brat about what he’d seen.
Good lesson there, kiddo.
Now he wanted to hold Hunter, hold him with everything Riley had in him, and swear to God, never let go. That’s what felt right, and yet he couldn’t unglue his ass from the bed. “Hunter, I….”
Don’t be stupid. Don’t say something lame.
“I am glad I know you.” He kicked his feet down from the bed, stood, and held out his arm, hoping Hunter would close the distance. He stood there for all of two seconds before dropping to his knees in front of Hunter, and he held up his hand. “Please….”

Hunter’s tired eyes closed, mouth in a grim line. Finally….
Finally
he raised a hand and gripped Riley’s tightly. He sat quietly breathing for a beat before pulling Riley in and hugging him. “I’d never just toss you aside. I’d never do that to you. You’re my friend, the first decent one I’ve had in so long. You deserved so much better, Riley. I hate I made you think I would. I’m so fucking stupid.”

“I don’t think it’s fair to blame you,” Riley whispered at Hunter’s cheek. A single tear rolled down his face and dripped from his chin. “It’s something in my head. It’s….” He inhaled, arranging the psychobabble he’d heard from all the professionals over the years, shit he’d never really believed in but second-guessed now.
Fail.

Chapter 12

H
UNTER
WOKE
to an empty, cold bed where there had been warmth. Even around two when he’d gotten up to dry heave, Riley had remained, wrapping back around his shaking body when he got back under the covers. They hadn’t spoken since he’d apologized. He felt so horrible, having made Riley feel shut out. You’d think he would have learned by now that not sharing only got you cut off from people that you cared about.