We Found Love (14 page)

“Don’t be like that, kid.”

“Don’t tell me how to be,” Riley snapped. “You haven’t even told me why this is happening. You tell me I’m losing my roommate, and I don’t even fucking know why.”

Jerry shifted his eyes to the door, like he was waiting for someone to come in and bitch at him to get a move on. Or maybe he needed to make sure no one was coming before he gave Riley the lowdown. He took a step toward Riley, but Riley warned him away. Jerry said, “Someone caught you guys last night.”

“What?” That made Riley straighten. The wall no longer supported his weight. “Caught us doing what?”

“In the same bed.”

“Fuck. Are you kidding? He was cold and shaking, and I just….” Riley licked his lips. He was about to do his best grandstanding, his best lying. “It didn’t mean anything. I was helping keep him warm. That’s all. I got sick of hearing his chattering teeth.”
Lie. Lie. Lie.

“That may be, but rules are rules, Riley. You’ve been here long enough to know that.”

“Gee. Thanks, Jerry.”

“Sorry, kiddo.”

“Stop saying that shit.”

Shaking his head, Jerry two-fisted the cart and rolled it out of the room. Riley gave in to the sinking feeling he’d been fighting since Jerry had come into their…
his
room. He slid down the wall and ass-planted on the floor. He buried his face against his palms. The tears burst free, and Riley didn’t bother stopping them. He needed this cry, needed it like the air he’d been fighting to breathe.

His shoulders shook uncontrollably as he gave in to his sobbing. It didn’t make things better, didn’t put Hunter back in the other bed, but at least he got the release his therapists had been bitching about him needing. At least he was finally owning something besides his anger and resentment. Now who sounded like a shrink?

“Connors. Lunch,” someone called from the doorway.

Luckily, he’d been sitting in a place where anyone passing by wouldn’t have seen him breaking down. Riley knew he needed to reel this crap back in before he headed out to the common area. No one needed to see him like this, especially not Hunter.

He wiped away the wet streaks on his cheeks as he rose to his feet. His lips were probably still bright red, nose like Rudolph’s, and God, he didn’t want to think about the swollen eyes. Maybe he could kill a few minutes before going out there and facing everyone.

“C’mon, Connors.”

Maybe not.

Riley dragged ass out to the common area, hoping to get it together in the few minutes it took to walk down the hall. He practiced even breathing, practiced keeping calm, because he didn’t want to break down the moment his eyes landed on Hunter.

He stepped up to the back of the dwindling line without surveying the crowd first. Someone passed him a tray, and Riley didn’t even bother mumbling a thank-you. He kept his hands locked around the sides of the tray, turned and faced the common area, and that’s when he spotted Hunter… sitting with
him
.

Bubba was the last damn person he wanted to see next to Hunter. Sure, they’d had this long talk about the new guy, and how Hunter knew him, and how there was nothing to worry about, but still. Hunter had just been taken away from him.

“Move it, Connors,” Jerry whispered from behind him. “Be cool and keep going.”

But Riley didn’t want to. He was cool with standing right there, glaring at the asshole beside his friend.

Hunter glanced his way, expressionless and… empty. He looked as hurt by this situation as Riley was. And yet, Riley couldn’t make himself step toward that table. He wasn’t even sure he was allowed to. Then the new guy stood. He patted Hunter on the shoulder, and Hunter gave a curt nod.
What the hell?
The new guy was heading right for him.

“What’s up?” Bubba nodded. Riley caught a glimpse of his eyes shifting. That’s when Riley realized Jerry no longer stood behind him. “You should come sit at our table.”

“Our table?” Riley snorted.

Bubba leaned in a little closer. Under his breath, he said, “Hunter needs you right now. I know you hate my guts, but right now, I’m making it possible for you to be close to him. Now stop being a hardass and come sit down with us.”

How could Riley argue with that? To the core, he just wanted to be close to Hunter. Nothing made him feel good like Hunter did. In the ten years it’d been since the cops freed him from that house, he hadn’t felt genuinely free until he met Hunter. If that meant sitting by some asshole he couldn’t stand, then so be it.

Riley sat down, leaving a chair between him and Hunter only after Jerry turned a scrutinizing eye in their direction. “Hey,” he said solemnly, pushing his tray away so he could lean in close enough to hear Hunter’s voice.

“Hey,” Hunter said weakly. His gaze ate Riley up like he hadn’t seen him in years. “You okay?”

Riley snorted. Oh, he could lie all day and say this shit was no skin off his back, but… “No, not even close.” He shot a daring glare at the new guy. If that fucker opened his mouth and made one little crack, Riley was going to come across the table at him.

“I’m sorry.” Hunter’s voice sounded guttural, like speaking was painful. He cleared his throat. “This is mostly me. My stupid situation. I know you’re sick of hearing it from me, but I’m so sorry.”

“I’m not, Hunter, I swear. And this is just as much my fault as it is yours. You didn’t hold a gun to my head and make me climb into your bed. I was there because I wanted to be. And this shit is—” Riley slammed his fist down on the table, gritting his teeth as he said “—so damn wrong.”

“Connors,” Jerry barked. “We got a problem?”

“No, sir, drill sergeant,” Riley responded sarcastically, giving Jerry a mock salute.

Jerry rolled his eyes. Riley could’ve been a little nicer, he supposed. But niceties weren’t in his emotional budget right now.

“Fine, Jerry.” Hunter’s voice was normal, steady, but he didn’t look at Jerry. He took a bite of his food and ignored the man.

“We’re peaches and cream over here, Jerr-man,” New Guy said, his tone as smartassed and jovial as ever.

Both Riley and Bubba watched until the moment Jerry’s stare turned on something else. Bubba went back to stuffing his face. Riley looked over at Hunter, who still looked like someone had killed his favorite pet. The question was ridiculous, but Riley asked anyway. “What about you? Are you okay?”

“Well, I just found out if I get busted with you in private two more times I go to jail.” Hunter slid a frustrated gaze his way. “How do you think I am?”

“Are you serious?” When Hunter responded with a shrug, Riley sat back in his chair and dragged his hand over the nape of his neck. “I…. Um….” How was he supposed to respond to that? He didn’t want Hunter getting in trouble, but damn, he couldn’t stand the idea of them not being together.
Alone
together.

“I’m gonna grab a magazine,” Bubba said, thumbing over his shoulder. He stood and headed for the shelves. Of course, the moment he left Riley and Hunter alone, Jerry’s stare immediately fixed on them. Riley had to play this one carefully,
real
carefully.

“For how long?” Riley asked.

“What do you mean ‘how long’?”

“How long do we have to stay away from each other? I mean, is this a forever thing, or….” The knotting of his throat and the threat of more tears stole his voice.

“Fuck, I don’t know, Ry. I don’t. I’ve never been told to stay away from someone or go to jail. I mean, I have to get through the program. Then I’m assuming it’s okay to see you as much as I want. But….” The
you’re a lifer
was hanging in the air, Hunter’s face remorseful for so obviously almost bringing it up.

“But there’s no future with me.” Riley blew out a breath. The dam holding back his tears was so about to break… again. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel about that. I honestly don’t.”

“You think I do?” Hunter’s voice trembled. “I don’t get it, I don’t understand why, but you’re the first person to have me this messed up since….” Hunter swallowed audibly. “Since Cory. You think I just want to leave you here? Fuck, Ry, I don’t even know why you’re a fucking ‘lifer.’” He used air quotes and everything.

“Because some asshole decided stealing a kid from his parents was a good idea. Now I’m all screwed in the head,” Riley said a hell of a lot louder than he should have, and—the icing on the cake—New Guy had stepped up to the table to catch that bit of confession. Riley muttered curses, clenching his jaw so tight he swore a few teeth might bust loose. “Perfect. Fucking perfect.”

Hunter turned his attention to New Guy. “Yeah, fucking perfect,” he grumbled. “I think I’m gonna go to my room. I feel like shit.” His chair made a loud scrape as he shoved back from the table, and he was gone before another word was said.

Riley glowered at New Guy.

“You don’t gotta tell me twice, Sunshine.” With a wink, he was gone as well.

Alone, Riley stared at the full plate of food. He hadn’t touched a single thing. The turkey sandwich on whole wheat and cup of fresh fruit made his stomach turn. The idea of drinking another cup of red Kool-Aid made him nauseous. Yeah, he was pretty done for too.

He shoved up from his chair and shot a glimpse in Jerry’s direction. “Do you trust me to go back to my room alone, or you wanna hold my hand?”

“Easy, Connors. I’m not the enemy here.”

Riley spun on his heel. Stabbing his finger toward the ground, he growled out, “You’re all the fucking enemies here.”

Before anyone could snatch him and get in his face about his bad attitude, Riley stormed away from the common area. Nothing but incoherent noises trailed off behind him. He returned to his room, slammed the door, and the sight of those two empty beds stopped him.

Everything about his
home
felt wrong now. Hunter was supposed to be in that bed, smiling at Riley like he hung the freaking moon. Now all he had to keep him company was the memory of Hunter’s red-rimmed eyes and solemn voice.

Instead of going to his own bed, he climbed onto the one Hunter had been sleeping on, thankful they hadn’t come and taken the sheets already. He buried his face in Hunter’s pillow. Sure, the shampoo was common stock, and pretty much every lock of hair probably smelled the same there, but something distinctly Hunter still clung to the fibers. It wasn’t the best, but better than nothing.

Chapter 14

H
UNTER
LOOKED
up from the game of Go Fish he was playing with Bubba. The fact Bubba could concentrate long enough to sit still and play spoke to the difference his meds were already making. They’d tried for rummy, but neither knew the rules well enough for it to be any fun, and when they’d started a round of heads up poker they’d been scolded by staff. Apparently even tournament style was against the rules. Fucking rules. Hunter scowled, but a quick glance to the chair where Riley sat reading peacefully, a mere five feet away, turned his scowl to a soft smile.

God, but he missed his friend. Missed their hugs and their private chats at night. Hell, he even missed just lying there staring at each other, though in hindsight that was probably creepy. But it was their thing, so who cared?

The doctors and their rules, apparently.
Bastards.

Riley peered over his book, and when their gazes locked, even briefly, they gave each other sad half-grins.

“Lonely, he’s Mr. Lonely. He got no one… to call his owwnnn….” Hunter winced at Bubba’s horrible singing. He gave Bubba his driest expression, hoping he’d get that teasing was not wise right now. He could practically feel the daggers Riley was throwing at Bubba with just his gaze.

“Oh, please, man. You two act like somebody stepped on a bag of kittens.”

“Nice.”

Bubba smiled broadly. “You’re so gone over that guy. Aren’t you lucky you got me to cover your ass? Well….” Bubba looked legitimately thoughtful. “Maybe not cover it. Wouldn’t want to get in the way.”

“Can we not talk about you being anywhere near my ass?”

“Oh, I get it. You’re one of those… what do they call ’em? My brother’s gay. I should know this….”

Well, that explained why he’d taken the news he and Riley had been caught together in stride.

“A top?”

Bubba snapped his fingers and nodded. “Yes! That’s it! You’re a top.”

“Shut up!” Hunter hissed, looking around to see that, yes, several heads had turned their way. Expressions ranged from
gross
to
figured
to just laughing behind their hands. “Thanks, asshole. That’s what I wanted in everyone’s head when they passed me in the halls.”

“That you’re a top?”

“That I’m topping Riley, dumbass. Now it’s in their heads.”

“It was there already; you just chose to ignore it. He’s shorter than you. We automatically jump to you, big mechanic country boy, being the aggressive one.”

Hunter raised an eyebrow. “Have you met Riley?”

Bubba guffawed. “Fuck yes. Sunshine would probably bite your dick off before he’d let you make him your bitch.” Hunter had to laugh at that very true assessment.

“It’d be funny,” Bubba continued. “I’d
have
to call you Stumpy, then.”