We Shouldn't and Yet... (35 page)

“I’m fine.’’

“Jensen?’’

I look at her and wryly smile at her. I run a hand in my beard and curse myself for listening to her plea for not shaving this morning. I know she loves it, loves to feel my facial hair against her skin, but I’m spending the weekend with her parents. If there’s not a time when I should be fucking presentable…

“I’m meeting your father for the first time and the last time I saw your mother was when…’’

“When you told Hal. I know.’’

We both get lost in our thoughts for a few minutes, still hurt from that day. Hal is still not talking to me, but he wished a happy birthday to Aideen a couple of weeks ago. It was a simple text, but it gave her hope. I’m happy for her, but I fucking miss my son. My only kid is not in my life anymore and there’s a fucking missing piece in my chest. That hole is gaping and painful, but my beautiful woman is here to make it better. I’m too damn lucky considering what my life had been like so far. I never thought I’d say I’m a lucky bastard, but I truly am.

“Do you think your father is going to threaten me or something?’’

“Threaten you? What are you talking about? They’re not the mafia.’’

I chuckle and open my door, quickly rounding the car to open hers. I wrap her in my arms and hug her to me. Even now when I feel her breasts against my chest, her hands on my back, not that far from my ass and her face is tilted up toward mine and I see her big smile and her eyes so bright looking at me, I both want to worship her and make love to her until we both collapse. I can’t get enough of her.

“He’s your father. I mean, he must not be glad that I’m, you know.’’ I make a face and kiss her forehead before she pulls back and leads me to the trunk. I quickly grab her bag and my duffle bag and give her the keys to her car.

“He’s curious to meet you. Other than that I can’t really tell you how he’s going to be. It’s not like I’ve had a long string of boyfriends.’’

“Good.’’ I shoulder my duffle and take her hand as she starts to lead us toward the house.

My hands are clammy and I know she’s aware of it. It’s an obvious clue of my nerves, but she doesn’t call me out on it. Yet. I’m so rusty with the whole boyfriend-parents meeting shit and I really want them to see that I care about their daughter, that I love her. She’s the love of my life after all. There’s one good thing though; since Mrs. O’Leary’s visit she’s been rather supportive of our relationship so there’s at least one person I don’t have to worry too much about.

Right before we reach the front door it opens and I gulp. Aideen releases my hand and runs to her father who wraps her in his arms, patting her back gently. I’m standing there like an idiot with her bag and my duffle, fidgeting and unsure as to how I should say hi. I mean, it’s just a fucking hello! But I’m tongue tied. It’s pretty pathetic at my age.

“I’ve missed you, Baby Bear. Sorry I couldn’t make it when your mother up and left to visit you.’’

“I’ve missed you too.’’ She kisses his cheek and turns back to me. Her smile is radiant and the look in her eyes is pure love. And a hint of lust too. That puts me a little more at ease and I walk to her father whose eyes are taking me in very slowly, going from my battered old biker boots, my washed out denim, thankfully without any holes in them, my new shirt—a gift from Aideen for the occasion—to finally settle on my unshaved face. His eyebrows arch up and he looks back at his daughter with a smile.

“He doesn’t look like I thought he would. Come in.’’ He shakes my hand and turns around to walk back in. Aideen and I exchange a questioning look and I let her go in before me. I close the door behind me and follow her through a nice and cozy living room where I set our bags on the floor near the threshold and walk into the family kitchen. It smells good and my stomach grumbles, but only my girl hears it and pinches my stomach. At least, she tries to find something to take a hold of, but she fails. She glares at my abs, but I know that as soon as I strip off my shirt, it’ll be the first place she’s going to touch and kiss.

“Jensen, it’s good to see you again,’’ Aideen’s mother says as she kisses her daughter’s cheek before hugging me quickly, taking me by surprise. I belatedly pat her back and make a face at Aideen who smirks at me.

“It’s…uh…good to see you again too.’’ I run a hand through my beard and glance at both parents. “Thank you for having me for the weekend.’’

“I wanted to meet you,’’ her father says and opens the fridge, showing me a beer bottle to ask me if I’m interested.

“No, thank you. Water would be good, though.’’

Aideen comes back to me and wraps an arm around my waist and kisses my shoulder. I’ve stopped drinking alcohol since the day I told Hal about us. It’s hard, sometimes it’s a real pain and in turn I’m acting out, but it’s good for me, and good for my girl. It’s time I fucking clean up my life and alcohol is good shit to get rid of. Also, it was a stipulation from Q and Olivia upon asking me to be their baby’s godfather. Apparently, being in love makes me a pussy because I hugged Q for a solid five minutes and almost teared up when they had Aideen and I over for dinner a month ago.

“Come outside with me,’’ Aideen’s father says, not beating around the bush. I nod and fake a smile that makes Aideen laugh against me. She discreetly squeezes my ass and pushes me to follow her father out the kitchen door leading to the garden. Outside the sun is quickly disappearing. The tall trees have menacing shadows on the ground. I can barely make out the green of the grass. I follow Aideen’s father to the table and he sits across from me. I sip some water, hoping that it’ll ease some of my nerves. “From the way my daughter was in there I take it things are going great right now.’’

“Yes, sir. Aideen is wonderful and I know I’m very lucky. I—‘’

“Don’t play the perfect boyfriend act with me, Jensen.’’ He sighs and takes a sip of his beer. I feel parched, even with my glass of water. I crave that beer for my nerves alone. “I’m aware of the way that relationship started. I want honesty here. Can you give me that?’’

The man stares me down and even though I’m taller, I have several pounds on him and I’m bigger than him, I actually am ready to shit my pants. The father look warning off men from their daughters is actually pretty scary.

“Uh…I love your daughter.’’ I clear my throat and look down at my hand clasped around the glass. “I’m sure you have no respect for me whatsoever. In your shoes I wouldn’t have any, but I can assure you that I’m doing all I can to be worthy of your daughter. I…believe me, I’d love for it to be easier than it is. She’s lost a very close friend and I’ve lost my son.’’ My voice breaks and I clear it again. My eyes start to prick. “But I love her. I want to be everything she needs me to be, I want her to lean on me when she needs to, I want to support her and share a life with her. I’m not acting. I truly and completely love your daughter.’’

I look back up and meet his eyes. He nods once.

“She’s happy, I see that.’’

“But?’’

“But I don’t like how it started and, I’m sorry but you’re not the choice I’d make for my daughter.’’

“I can’t blame you there.’’ I shake my head and glance back at the house. Aideen and her mother are watching from the window. I see her mother’s arm around her shoulder. I smile reassuringly at my girl, but it’s painful to my cheeks. Fuck, I hope she doesn’t see how fake it is. “I’m getting real close to hitting forty, I’ve got an adult son who I’ve discovered recently and I fucked it up royally in a matter of months. I’m also not exactly boyfriend material and I look more like a bar goer than a model citizen. Obviously I’m not the perfect pick.’’ I cringe when I realize that I’ve dropped a curse. “And I also swear like a sailor.’’

His eyebrows arch up and he chuckles. He holds up his beer and takes a swig. “That’s brutally honest. And harsh on your behalf.’’

“I don’t shy away from my screw ups and my short comings. That’s the only way I see to improve myself and get closer to what your daughter deserves. But another honest truth, sir. Even though she deserves better on a lot of accounts, I love her too much not to fight for her and our relationship. I haven’t lost my son for nothing and I really think she’s the love of my life. I hope you’ll get to know me with time and see that I have her best at heart even though I’m selfish and I’m fighting to keep her when maybe I should convince her that I’m not right for her.’’

He sighs and puts his beer down. He smiles at the house over his shoulder seeing his daughter and wife still there. “My family went through a lot over the past year. For Aideen it was worse, but she never complained. In fact, she wouldn’t unload and talk about Yann.’’

I nod. “I know. She told me.’’

“She trusts you a lot then.’’

“I think she does, but I can’t speak on her behalf.’’

“She doesn’t know this, but even though I loved Yann like he was family, I wasn’t fond of her with him.’’ I frown and straighten up. “I saw that their relationship was complicated, but my daughter wouldn’t say a thing about it. She was always keeping an eye on him and it had nothing to do with how she’s watching us over there.’’ He gestures to the house. “She seemed like a mother with her toddler. There was love and real attachment between her and Yann, anybody could see it, but it was nothing like you and her.’’

“You’ve picked up on this in under a minute?’’

“It’s obvious. And my wife told me a lot from her visit.’’

I mull over his words, glad to have another peek at what her past relationship was like. It hurts to know that she was deeply in love with someone else, but I know it was a difficult love, and very different from the love between a man and a woman should be. “She misses him. She often looks at a picture of them when they were in high school.’’

“He was her best friend since infancy. She’s also feeling guilt with his death, but it’s not placating her as strongly anymore. At first I thought it was because she moved away, but I think it’s because she’s opened up her heart again and this time around it’s to a strong relationship based on equality.’’

“You don’t sound like you’re that against me anymore.’’

He chuckles and stands up. I quickly jump to my feet. “I trust my daughter’s judgment. That doesn’t mean I’ll ever like how this started, but I can respect how it is today and where it’s going from here on now.’’

I smile and let out a deep breath, not even trying to hide it. “Thank you, sir. I…Just, thank you.’’

He nods and we both walk back to the house. So, meeting the parents isn’t that bad after all.

“But Jensen, I may be imposing, but if you ever hurt my daughter I can guarantee you that I’ll put you down without any issues.’’

I blink at the man walking next to me, at least a head shorter than me and gulp. I barely nod and almost trip on my own feet as we reach the door and walk in the house.

***

AIDEEN

It seems surreal to be in my old bedroom, lying on the bed under the thick pink sheets and watching Jensen stripping down to his sexy white boxers. He turns back to me and smiles as he crawls on the bed and gathers me in his arms.

“It’s a fucking shame that we’re sharing a bed but can’t do anything.’’ He runs his hands along my side and explores more slowly the small patch of exposed skin above the tiny shorts I have on.

“And I thought you were adventurous.’’

“I’m not exactly fond of thinking of your parents hearing us.’’ He shivers and I laugh at seeing the disgusted face he’s pulling. “Your parents are starting to warm up to me, I don’t want to ruin that.’’

“It’s a shame.’’ I kiss his chest and let my tongue lick a path from his collarbone to his pec. I bite his flat nipple and he growls, already getting hard. “Jensen—’’

“Don’t tempt me, beautiful. When I make love to you, I don’t want us to have to keep quiet if we don’t want to, I don’t want to hold back and I sure don’t want an audience. When I’m inside you, I want nothing but us to matter and that can’t happen here.’’

I crawl over him and nip at his lips, already getting wet. But he’s right and I love his words. He always says the perfect things to me and he doesn’t even have to think about it or rehearse. The man doesn’t realize how he makes me melt.

“Falling in love is the best thing that has ever happened to me, even though we shouldn’t have.’’

He brushes away my hair and lets his eyes take in my face, taking in every detail. “Even with everything that happened?’’

“Yes. We shouldn’t and yet…’’

“It was unavoidable.’’

We smile at each other and kiss again. It’s a soft, deep and sensual kiss and it reaches my heart, my insides and my core. Loving him isn’t a choice, isn’t going to be easy and isn’t without obstacles and pain. Loving him is beautiful, sensual, bright and makes me feel alive, more alive than I’ve ever been. In time, things will get back into place and in the meantime we’re there for each other. I’m his anchor and he’s mine.