Wearing My Halo Tilted (11 page)

“There isn't much time.” He grabbed me by the arm as we went to the left wing of the stage.

Bryce was on stage talking to the audience. He looked over at Mel in the wings, and Mel nodded. As I stood there able to see the packed audience from behind the curtain, I remembered that Bryce had given me a hint he was planning to do something special for my career. People had given me praise before, but never had the star of a play taken time during intermission to say jack about me or my work. Whether his gesture helped or not with sales, I was impressed by the action it required for Bryce to even do this.

Bryce motioned for me to join him on stage and without hesitation, I did.
Lord, thank You,
I thought. Holding out his hand for mine, the butterflies came as we stood there connected. He mouthed that it was going to be okay and then he squeezed my hand.

He looked into the lights and said to the audience, “How many of y'all out there like to read? Shine the lights on the audience and turn the house lights up please.”

I couldn't believe all the hands that were up when we could see all the folks out there. It had to have been all twenty-five hundred people with their hands up. If even a tenth of them bought the book, I'd be really doing something.

He continued, “Well, this play, I'm sure y'all heard, is based on a book. But you might not have heard, and you probably definitely didn't read it in the program, that the author is traveling with us for some stops. Ladies and gentlemen of Houston, I'm proud to introduce to you tonight, Ms. Shari McCray.”

Folks started clapping. Bryce let go of my fingers to applaud me as well. I was blushing and felt overwhelmed.

“This sista' can make the pages come to life. You need a copy of her title,
Luv Right or Git Left.
Again I say, you need a copy. The play doesn't even begin to touch the surface of the message that God has laid upon her heart to share in the pages of her novel. We make it a little funny up here, but in her book she keeps it real. You gotta love God, man. And if you gonna say you're His child, you gotta do it all the way or you'll get left behind. I don't want y'all just raising y'all's hands saying you read. All y'all folks that really read, give her your support and make her sold out. Don't just buy one for yourself. Buy two more as gifts.”

A lady shouted out, “I know that's right!” The audience chuckled.

“So help the sista' out. Would you like to say anything?” he said, looking over at me.

“I'll say a little something,” I nervously whispered over to him.

“I'm gonna buy a book 'cause she's fine!” a man blurted out from the audience.

I touched him lightly on the arm and took the mic. “I'm just so thankful right now to be before you guys. I know it's intermission and I don't wanna take a lot of your time 'cause some of you are ready to get to them chicken wings.” I got tons of laughs. “Seriously though, there's a big message in the book. Life is tough and sometimes we wonder where in the world is God in the midst of all our problems, when we're the ones that walk away from Him. My book is about a character that is loving all the wrong things. He's loving and seeking earthly fame and fortune. And to you that might be a big house, big car, a big job, and there's nothing wrong with that. But when loving things of the world take over your heart and cause you to sin then watch out.”

As I talked I got choked up. Where was I in my walk with God. Was I loving worldly or heavenly things? Certainly I wasn't sinning, but was that what I was headed for. I shook out the negative thoughts I was having.

After a pause, I said, “But the character learns that he needs to love God and realizes that once he follows Him everything will work out. We all got issues. We all got trials, but I know a God up there that can solve all your issues and get you through all your tribulations. Give the book a try and get blessed.”

“Amen sista'!” another lady shouted out.

“How much is the book?” somebody else yelled out.

“Regularly fifteen ninety-five, but today we got it for thirteen dollars!” I handed him back the mic and gave him a light hug.

Bryce said, “Clean as you all look I know everybody in here can afford that.”

I couldn't hold back the tears when I got back to my table that had been empty for a week and saw a line longer than the one for the chicken wings. People didn't just want one book. Like Bryce encouraged, folks were walking away with three and four. My hand was finally tired from signing. What a joy it was to be able to have support. I had two hundred and fifty sold before intermission was over, I only had six left. It was amazing. It was unreal. Then I thanked God, because it was for real.

When the play was completely done, I had another long line. Yet, I only had six books to sell. Twenty-five people walked away with flyers saying they were headed to Borders, Barnes & Noble, Wal-Mart, or whatever black bookstore they could find to buy my book. Others said they were going to e-mail me and let me know what they thought. It was really a blessed time. I felt better about that signing than I did about getting an award. God had to be doing something, because too many great things were happening. And I wanted it to stay that way. Ever since Bryce had come into my life, my dreams were coming true. Was that a sign that he was right for me?

As I signed the last book, I thought,
Lord, let me love the right way now. Even in my own life, help me to do it Your way and not miss what You're trying to tell me.

 

 

The next two weeks were more of the same. I was riding high. I went from selling two hundred and fifty books a night to five hundred plus. It was unbelievable.

Bryce and I were having more and more one-on-one dinners. I was really starting to see the brotha' was deep. He cared for his children and was so torn about the separation. He listened to me as well.

Though I hated I didn't see my girls daily, I was happier than I'd been in years. Making something of my life was fulfilling. And my mother was pleased to see me finally fully utilizing my talents. I talked to Stori and Starr before they went to bed each night though. But I was missing them. But for a woman who'd been overwhelmed with motherhood, this break was mentally healthy. If I was going to return home a single mom, taking time away from the girls to blow my name up as an author was crucial. I'd be able to support myself.

In the next few cities we went to, people started to hear about the novel and I didn't have to wait until intermission to talk about my book. Bryce had me onstage at the beginning of every show. I gave my testimony and encouraged folks that if they had a dream they could reach it too.

My agent, Tina, couldn't believe the success she was hearing. So when we got to her town of New York City, she came and couldn't believe her eyes. My books were flying off the table. Like the play, the book was a big success.

We were backstage in the greenroom after the New York show and Tina was just acknowledging my praises when all of a sudden Bryce came up beside us, wrapping his arm around me saying, “Oh, yes, she is the bomb and I can't wait to read her new book.”

All of a sudden the pressure was on. That's when it dawned on me, I hadn't written a word. Just then I felt the creative juices flowing. I was ready to produce. Though I hadn't had a lot of quiet time with God, I felt so close to Him. I could feel Him breathing into my soul what He wanted me to write down on paper.

“Well, she better get to writing it soon,” Tina replied with one hand on her hip and her neck stretched out looking me eyeball-to-eyeball. “Or the publisher might have to drop her.”

I didn't speak. I just looked at her like
, Come on. You gotta step in and help me out with them.
She caught my vibe, and said, “But with all this good press the play is giving her, I'm sure dropping her will be the last thing they'll do. But you gotta get to writing, Shari.”

Looking more pitiful than a kid that got in trouble stealing out of the cookie jar, I said, “I will, I will, I will. I'm planning to do a little creative stuff tonight.”

Tina sternly said, “Good then.”

“I'm awfully proud of her,” Bryce said as he stroked my back.

Just the very touch of his hand made me feel warm in places that had been cold for months. Bryce and I had spent time together, but we'd managed to keep physical advances from entering those moments. Now, I was so flustered that I immediately looked into Tina's eyes for advice.

She noticed that I had the hots for this guy so she said, “Excuse me, Bryce, let me borrow her for a second.” And pulled me over in a corner. “What are you doing?” she questioned me.

Of course I said, “What? What do you mean?” as if I had no clue to what she could be talking about, trying to avoid a big confrontation.

“I mean he's a star, he's a hottie, he's fine. But girl, he's married and so are you. I know you and Dillon have been having some issues.”

“Issues? How about I'm ready for a divorce.”

“Well, you're not divorced.”

“Why do you care? I can't believe you're saying this to me. It's not like you really like Dillon anyway.” Tina stood before me with her mouth open, not believing I called her out on what was true.

Tina asked, “What would make you think that I don't like your husband?”

“What would make me think that you do like him? He's always held up info you need back from me. His mind has been poisoned against you by other authors that have had bad experiences with you. And he's been a little verbal with you before because you know sometimes you're mean to me.”

“Oh, I just tell him to get over it.”

“I know, I know, but I mean he's my protector.”

“We always get into it,” Tina boldly admitted.

“So I know you don't like him.”

“Well, that's pretty strong of you to say. My philosophy is if you like him, I love him for you. But right now I know I love the institution of marriage and I don't want you to get yourself into something—a big old mess. You're a Christian author. Christian. That stands for a whole lot of things. Your morals don't need to go out of the window.”

Just as she was talking to me, I could see Bryce still standing where we'd just come from, making eye contact with me from across the room. The goo-goo eyes and crazy faces were so silly I just had to laugh.

When Tina looked over her shoulder and noticed me eyeing Bryce down, she said, “Okay, I see I'm not getting through to you. You need to think about what I said. And if my voice of reason in your head is not enough, pray, girl.”

“I hear you. Nothing is going on with me and this guy. He's just a good friend that believes in me. Something my husband has never been able to do, and I don't know how I'll repay him. He made me blow up overnight.”

“No, he didn't make you do anything. Let's get it straight right now. The Lord allowed him to help you,” Tina said as she hugged me good-bye.

Though I heard what she said and it did make a lot of sense, I still felt that I needed to do something to thank Bryce for all he'd done. Bryce wasn't pulling my chain that day in the Japanese restaurant when he said he was going to make my name household. Everytime the play got a great review there was also a mention about me and my book. I was about to be featured in
Essence, Ebony, Jet,
and
Upscale
; an author's dream. Yeah, I knew deep down I had to do something to thank him.

Later that night, I pulled out my handout tape recorder to start taping a chapter of my new book. I didn't get too far because the phone startled me. Dillon hadn't called and I felt like I needed to get ready for his negative spirit.

“Hello,” I said groggily, looking at the clock as it read 12:05
AM
.

“Oh, you're asleep. I need to let you go.” The husky voice was a pleasant surprise.

“Bryce? No, I'm up,” I said, faster than a deer gets out of the way when he sees headlights.

Though I was asleep, my voice sure perked up. I was excited. That feeling of excitement was unexplainable. He wasn't my man, but there was a connection that I'd been suppressing for weeks. Something that made me get so excited when I knew he reached out to me.

Bryce asked, “I don't want you to take this the wrong way or anything, but I'm having a major problem and I need to talk. Can you come up to my room?”

Everything in me wanted to say no because I knew that was wrong. My mouth ended up saying, “Yeah, sure. I'll be there in a few minutes.”

After I hung up the phone, I immediately felt horrible. Agreeing to go to his room at twelve o'clock in the morning. What kind of signals would I be sending? But as I took each step forward, I did not retreat. In a matter of seconds, my mind switched from sweet thoughts of us sitting in chairs to thoughts of us rolling around in his bed with me giving his loving.

About ten minutes later, I felt my little teal jogging suit was cute enough to prance off in. As I approached his room, I shook my head hard as if I was a wet puppy trying to dry off.
What am I doing? This is crazy!
I said to myself as I stared so long and hard at the letters “Penthouse Suite” that they became a blur.

Lord,
I silently prayed,
I don't know what to ask of You. Bryce and I are just friends but why do I want something more and why does it seem fitting? Now he wants to talk to me. Just go with me into this room, and if I'm not supposed to go in help me walk away now. Because I am so weak I need Your power to guide me through. Thanks, Lord. In Jesus' name, amen.