What Brings Me to You (9 page)

              "There's no argument  here, Charley. I want to do this, okay? Please let me."

CHAPTER SEVEN

Charley

              I’ve made a decision to take one step toward getting back to normal: I'm going to go grocery shopping. I'm not going now, though. I'll go later tonight, or tomorrow. Like, say, midnight. Super Wal-Mart is open twenty-four hours. It'll be dark, and there's no chance of me running into anyone I know if go then but, just to be safe I'll go at one. I'll be awake, anyway. Lying awake, talking to you in my head. It's all so much worse at night. I can occupy my days with stuff: mostly daytime talk shows and avoiding people's phone calls, but at night, when the phone stops ringing, the house is so quiet, those are the bad times. I loved that it was so quiet in this neighborhood when I first saw the house, now I pray for an errant car alarm or a siren or dog doing a three am monologue. Anything to break up this soul crushing silence.       

*****

              Teddy took me to the mall. The mall. A place I'd been maybe once or twice. We walked into a place called Nieman Marcus. I knew it was an expensive department store because mother shopped there, but I had no idea how expensive until we were there. We walked in hand in hand in the store and then he let go and left me standing alone.
Where did he go?

              "Teddy," I tried to whisper. The shiny, creamy white travertine floors made every sound echo to three times louder. Speaking at a normal volume was deafeningly loud to me,                             "Psst! Teddy!" I whispered into the throng, praying he could hear me. He ambled over from the cologne counter with that cocky half smile on his face. He was so heartbreakingly beautiful.

              "Yes dear?" He was trying to be funny but I was too busy being terrified to notice..     

              "Teddy, I don't know what to do."

              "You're a girl. Do your thing. Whatever you want, I've got it."

              "No," I was shaking my head furiously, "Teddy, you don't get it. I've worn the same two pairs of jeans for like, three years. I have about eight tee shirts that I cycle through and a couple of hoodies. That's it. That's everything. What am I supposed to be looking for?" I couldn't read the expression on his face. It was surprise and anger and something else...something softer.

                    "What do you mean, 'that's it, that's everything'? Don't you own a skirt or something?"

              "I don't think so. I haven't worn a skirt since I was twelve, and I'm pretty sure that one was my mom's." Now I was sure it was anger. He reached in his pocket for his cell phone and held his index finger in my face signaling me that he'd be a minute and not to move. Not like I would've moved anyway -the entire situation was surreal, and totally freaking me out. I was so intimidated by all the tall skinny women in black pants suits with tiny metal name plates. They all had perfect hair and perfect makeup and their black pumps clicking on the tile made me feel like I was surrounded by robots. They were staring at me, too. I could feel their perfectly lined and shadowed eyes watching me wondering what exactly I was doing there in a bathing suit, tee shirt and sarong. My heart raced at the thought that any moment they would all swarm me and boot me out of there, but I was paralyzed with fear and thus stayed planted where I was.  With each minute I felt the terror increase it’s clutch on my throat and by the time Teddy returned I was nearly gasping for breath. Seeing him calmed me immediately even though he returned looking slightly flustered. He ran his hand through his hair from front to back and breathed a heavy sigh.

              "We'll need to wait a few minutes."

              "What are we waiting for?"

              "Personal shopper."

              "What?"

              "I don't know a lot about girl's clothes, this woman shops for people for a living. She can help."

              "Teddy...no...
no....
"

              "Charley,” he said placing his hands on my arms and rubbing them up and down. An action that leeched all the remaining fear from my body. In his smooth voice he said, ”This is not a discussion. I'm doing this for you,” and he placed the sweetest kiss on the top of my forehead

              "Teddy --," I never got to finish because there was a tall, blond with supermodel-esqe legs and wickedly beautiful green eyes striding toward us.     

              "Teddy!" She trilled and threw her slender arms around his neck. They were almost the same height, meaning she completely dwarfed me. I couldn't believe it was her in the flesh. I wanted to crawl under the clothing racks. I wanted to sink into the floor. I wanted to run. Normally, I looked slightly unkempt but now I looked like a total slob, my hair full of sand like a rat’s nest on top of my head. She of course looked flawless from the crown of her strawberry blond head, complete with skinny leopard print headband to the sole of her perfectly manicured feet and fire engine red toes. She had that look: elegance, grace. No one would mistake her for “innocent” per se, but she had a look of refinement, culture, class. All of the things that, even dressed up, I knew I lacked. There was something about having dark skin that precluded me from any kind of Grace Kelly-Jackie O-ness. I couldn’t wear red, could never wear animal print and certainly not together lest I wanted to look like a cheap whore. I never wanted to meet her, but I certainly never dreamed of meeting her like this. Teddy seemed a bit off as well. He was forcing a smile but his body language was all wrong. He clearly didn’t want to be near her, but it felt he didn’t want to be near me either.  .

              "Lace. Hey...I'm confused..." he was stammering and looking wildly from her to me.     

              "Oh," she waved her hand with a flourish, "when you called I was in Nordstrom. Thought I'd pop over see what the emergency was that you needed Nancy, like,  NOW," then her jade green eyes rolled over to me. She assessed me like I was an object she was thinking of purchasing. I, obviously, came up short.            She stared at me unblinking; I presume waiting for me to shrivel up like an ant under a magnifying glass. I almost did and then Teddy finally spoke up.

              "Lacey," Teddy cleared his throat, "this is Charley," 
deep breath,
  "my girlfriend." The declaration surprised me but, it seemed to calm him down and when he reached around to hold my hand he seemed more composed. Something crossed her face quickly and the corners of her mouth turned down slightly but she, just like Teddy, snapped her face into a dazzling smile and reached her hand out to me.

              "Hello," she said in a voice that only the really wealthy can master, full of elitist condescension. "It's a pleasure," though everything in her expression told me it most certainly was not. She, then she turned away from me without another glance. Her fiery green eyes were lazered in on Teddy. She directed the rest of the conversation to him, but it wasn't as if I wasn't there. There were things she wanted me to hear.     

              "Teddy, it's been a few weeks since I've heard from you," and she suggestively touched his arm. He subtly moved that arm and ran his free hand through his hair. 
Smooth Teddy
, I thought. He looked down at me so apologetically that I wanted to melt.

              "I've been pretty busy," then flashed me his superstar smile.     

              "That's...good for you," she halted a bit, "we'll be seeing you tomorrow, right?" I knew what she was talking about.
I'll be there too, bitch!

              "Absolutely!" He beamed and squeezed my hand twice. She seemed not to notice the gesture, but she did notice a shift in both our demeanors. She switched purse shoulders and cleared her throat once more.     

              "Great!" there was a note of sarcasm in her voice but she covered well with an unnaturally white smile. "It'll be just like old times," and she touched his arm again, this time her touch lingered and Teddy made a show of jerking it away from her. This did not seem to ruffle her; however, she actually seemed prepared for it.

              "Oops, force of habit I guess," she tittered. Sure not to say she was sorry for doing it and double sure not to look at my face. “Human nature, though. We just fall into old patterns so quickly, right Teddy?”

              "Oh?" he said in his uniquely Teddy way. There was something hard, something vicious in that "oh" that made her back off. "Bye Lacey," he said coldly dismissing her.

              "Right. Bye Teddy. Charley." I couldn't even squeak out a reply. She turned on her heel and strode easily away on her long, slender legs. I was still watching her walk, rather glide, away when Teddy squeezed my hand again, two quick pumps.     

              "You okay?" There was so much concern in his face and his eyes that I started to tear up. "Oh, baby," he sighed and hugged me around my shoulders, crushing my face to his chest protectively, "she's such a... I'm so sorry."

              "I'm fine, Teddy, really," I said into his shirt, breathing in the scent of the beach and his expensive cologne.
God,
I thought,
I could stand here all day like this.
That’s why I was crying. The tears were tears of joy. I was so proud to be with Teddy and happy he seemed to care about me so much. He did what he could in a public place to protect me, when the girl ambushed him but I didn't want to think about her anymore. "Who's Nancy?"

              Without letting me go he said, "The personal shopper. She said she'd meet us here." As if on cue someone cleared their throat behind him.

              "Mr. Holmes?" Without letting me go, Teddy said, in a much deeper voice than I was used to hearing, "Nancy I presume."

              "The one and only," she giggled. I saw her before Teddy did as she was behind him. She was cute. Must've been in her mid-thirties but had older skin covered in little freckles and lines around her eyes and mouth that betrayed her as a serial beach bunny and professional giggler. Short ashy-blonde bob and big, brown eyes.      She was incredibly well put together though: wearing a pale pink sweater set, camel colored pleated skirt that grazed her knees and tasteful camel colored mules. Teddy turned to face her, but kept his arm around my shoulders.                             "What can I do for you today, sir?"

              "We're looking for some items for Ms. Feinman today," he was so professional. That's another mark of the wealthy, they know how to speak to "the help" so that you know who's employer and who's the lowly peon.     

              "Certainly sir. Anything in particular?"

              "Specifically something to wear to a smart casual dinner taking place tomorrow, however, truthfully, she needs an entire wardrobe." Nancy's eyes grew wide, I think she may have salivated and my head reeled around to Teddy. He squeezed my hand again, two more quick pumps, to silence me. I knew what he was thinking:  "
Don't you dare fight me."
  But I just couldn't help myself. "Teddy," I whispered. Nancy's eyes darted to me and she saw I was a potential threat to her impending huge  commission.      

              "Nancy, Ms. Feinman is not likely to be an easy client," and he looked down at me sternly but continued to address her, "she is not to argue with me or you today however. She is in need of lots of items including basic essentials. Get her what she needs." Nancy's eyes got big and she brightened considerably when she saw me wither under his gaze. "Absolutely sir. Miss, will you come with me please?" She held her hand out to me inviting me into wonderland.     

*****

              It took the better part of four hours, all the way until mall closing, to get everything Teddy and Nancy decided I needed. I realized early on that if I objected to something Teddy would tell Nancy to get me two, so I kept my mouth shut most of the time. The entire experience was awkward, but the worst part was underwear shopping. I tried things on as Nancy told me to and modeled them for her. She would either approve or tell me to remove the garment immediately because it was making her eyes hurt. "No, no, no, she'd say. It's all wrong. NEXT!" All of the "keepers" she kept in an open dressing room next to mine and I purposely avoided looking at everything she'd racked up. Teddy sat outside the dressing room and left us to do our thing, though he disappeared for an hour or so in the middle and came back with a soda for me, which was sweet. It's not like I had time to drink it, Nancy kept me busy putting things on, taking them off, zipping and unzipping, buttoning and unbuttoning. By the time I was finished I could barely move my fingers.

              The total had more zeroes in it than I’d seen all together before, but Teddy swiped his black card without batting an eye. All I could think was that it would take me forever to scrape up the money to pay him back. "I'd say this was successful, wouldn't you Mr. Holmes?" Nancy asked, pleased with herself, as she surveyed all of the bags and shoe boxes.     

              "Yes Nancy it certainly was," but he was looking at me. I was in shock. There was so much. I felt a little like 
Pretty Woman
  except not as pretty, and certainly not a hooker. The thought made me want to gag so I thought of myself as Eliza Doolittle instead and hummed "The Rain in Spain" all the way home. It took Teddy and I four trips to get it all up to my room. By the time everything was unpacked and folded all I wanted to do was sleep. Teddy seemed pretty beat, too. We collapsed on my bed with our feet hanging off the side.