What I Didn't Say (33 page)

3 weeks ‘til Sam’s birthday

The keys to my car stared back at me, daring me to pick them up, to put them in the ignition, and let the road fall behind me.  It wouldn’t be hard.  I’d gotten the address.  All I had to do was pack a few things, get in the car and go get her.

Because not knowing what was happening was killing me.

Nine days.  That was how long it had been since I’d heard a word from Sam.

Anything could happen in nine days.  I tried not to let my imagination get away with me.  Not to let things like thoughts of Mr. Garren driving them somewhere, drunk, getting in car crashes, dying, thoughts like him doing things to Sam that he shouldn’t, go through my head.  Thoughts like him accidently lighting the curtains on fire and burning the house down with Sam in it.  Things like him turning into a vampire and draining Sam dry.

My imagination was getting away with me.

I stood and grabbed my keys off of the dresser.  I opened the door to my bedroom and walked into the kitchen.

“Jake?” Jordan said from the bar where she worked on her homework.  “You look… green.  Are you okay?”

I shook my head, my teeth clenching together.

I was so far from okay.

“You haven’t heard from her today either, have you?” Jordan put the pieces together.  I shook my head again.  “How many days has it been?”

I held up nine fingers.

“Crap,” she breathed.  She slid off the bar and crossed the space between us.  She wrapped her arms around me, squeezing me tight.

I held up the keys in my hand, staring at them.  Jordan released me and looked at the keys too.

“I know how bad you want her back,” Jordan said, a trace of fear in her eyes when she looked back at me.  “I want her back too.  I want her to come home.  But you know what will happen if you go and get her.  You’ve already had one fight with her dad.  You got lucky that time.  You go at it with him again and you could get thrown in jail or something.  And then think of what he might do to Sam?”

I just stood there frozen for a second.  I hadn’t thought about that part.  I hadn’t thought about what it could mean for Sam if I showed up when I wasn’t supposed to.  I hadn’t thought about what might happen when I actually got there.

This was nothing short of torture.

I wrapped my arms around Jordan, hugging her so hard I knew it had to hurt just a bit.  One tear slipped down my face, followed by two more, followed by a whole flood.

I didn’t care that I was crying like a baby.  And Jordan didn’t seem to either, she just hugged me back and didn’t let go until I was finished.

1 week ‘til Sam’s birthday…

“I’ve got something to show you,” Mom said one day after school.  Only seven days until Sam’s birthday.  “Come outside with me.”

Setting my backpack down on the dining table, I followed Mom out the back door.  I nearly tripped over one of the chickens who sat at the bottom of the steps.  She hustled away with a loud squawk and a flurry of feathers.

Mom crossed the lawn to Sam’s motorhome and opened the door.  I followed her in and she flipped the lights on.  Dad must have hooked up the power.

I had never seen the motorhome so clean.  Sam wasn’t a total slob, but she wasn’t exactly a neat freak.  Mom had scrubbed everything, from the cabinets to the floor to the ceiling.  She’d also painted the dingy, dated cabinets a fresh, bright white and it looked like she had taken the paint to the entire trailer.  Everything looked fresh and bright.

She’d put in new soft yellow curtains in the main area of the motorhome.  As I wandered back toward Sam’s bedroom, I saw that Mom had also gotten a new sea green bedspread and decorated the bedroom to match.

It was like stepping into a completely different motorhome.

“What do you think?” Mom asked, her face beaming with pride.

It’s amazing,
I wrote.

“You think Samantha will like it?” she asked as she straightened one of the curtains.

She’ll love it.
  I couldn’t help but smile.

“I’ve been spending most of the day out here this last week while everyone’s been in school,” she explained as she sank into the seat at the dining table.  “Dad went and got all the paint, as well as some other things that needed to be repaired.  It’s actually been really fun fixing this thing up.”

I nodded as I looked around, amazed at how much better it felt with just a simple coat of paint.  I suddenly wished I’d thought of doing this.  But it really did mean a lot that my parents had gone to all this trouble.  It meant they cared about Sam too. 

“How’s she doing?” Mom asked, her eyes locking on me.

I slid into the seat opposite her, placing the notebook in front of me.

I really have no idea.  I haven’t heard from her in forever,
I wrote. 
Her dad doesn’t let her leave the house much.  She just stays home all day and is basically doing homeschool.

“I hope she’s alright,” Mom said, her eyes sad.  “I’ve been worried sick about her.  It doesn’t sound like her dad’s a real great guy.  Not that I should judge.”

He’s not,
I simply wrote.

“It will be nice to have her back,” she said, a small smile forming on her face.  “I’ve missed her.”

Me too.
  My chest ached from how much I missed her.

“Have you told her yet?”

Told her what?
I wrote and looked up at Mom with confused eyes.

“That you love her.”  Mom’s eyes were serious, but she was smiling.

I felt my face instantly blush, my heart doing a weird little skip.  For a second I thought about denying it, but there was no use doing that with Mom.  Of course she knew.

I’ve tried,
I explained. 
Sam… doesn’t believe in love, she says.  I don’t know, I think she’s just scared of it considering what her parents went through.  Her dad leaving her and her mom really screwed up her idea of relationships.

“The L word is a scary one for some people,” she said, reaching across the table and placing a hand over mine.  “She loves you, Jake.  She just can’t say it quite yet.”

I gave Mom a small smile, silently hoping and praying that it was true.

5 days ‘til Sam’s birthday

Jake: 
You’re killing me!  It’s been sixteen days!!!  I thought you must have been dead!

Sam: 
Sorry.  Dad’s been super sick the last week and he’s treating me like I’m some kind of slave.  I haven’t been out of the house in two weeks, except to go pick up food.

Jake: 
He hasn’t been around enough to deserve you helping him out.

Sam: 
No argument there.

Jake: 
I miss you.

Sam: 
I miss you too.  I thought I was going to throw up today I miss you so bad.

That brought a smile to my face.

Jake: 
I’ve got a question for you.  It’s quite a serious one and you might break my heart if you say no.

It was a full fifteen seconds before Sam responded.

Sam: 
Yes?

Jake: 
Will you go to prom with me?

Sam: 
LOL!  K, you scared the crap out of me for a second there!
 

Jake: 
HAHA

Sam: 
I don’t know, maybe not after that!

Jake: 
Come on, you know you want to see me in a tux.

Sam: 
Well, when you put it like that…

Jake: 
So is that a yes?

Sam: 
YES!

Jake: 
Touch down, number nine, Jake Hayes!

Sam: 
HAHA.  I can’t wait!

Jake: 
Me either.

Sam: 
Dang it.  I’m getting waved off this computer.  Guess I got to go.

Jake: 
Alright.  I’ll talk to you soon.

My fingers hesitated, wanting to type out
I love you.

Sam: 
Talk to you later.

4 days ‘til Sam’s birthday

Every day until Sam’s birthday felt like three.  I couldn’t help but watch the clock every period, counting them down until Sunday when Sam would turn eighteen.  My leg would bounce up and down as I counted in my head how many hours were left.  Rain and Carter made fun of me, making whipping sounds and jerking their hands as they’d walk by me in the halls.

I didn’t even defend myself.  I
was
whipped.

And I didn’t mind in the least.

Saturday was the worst day of all.  Dad must have anticipated this, as he put me to work in the yard all day.  First we cleaned out the chicken coop.  Next we started prepping our half-acre garden to be planted in a few weeks.  After that he had me help him build a nice and sturdy staircase for Sam to get up to the motorhome.  Lastly he had me mow the lawn, even though it was barely starting to grow with it only being the end of March.

I was grateful for all the work Dad made me do.  I collapsed into bed that night and didn’t wake up until Mom pounded on my door at eight the next morning, yelling at me to get dressed so we could make the 8:50 ferry.

Mom and Dad put Jordan in charge of the other kids for the day.  Normally Jordan would have complained, but she was nearly as excited as I was about Sam coming home.

Home.

The drive to the ferry felt like it took forever.  I cursed the forty mile-per-hour roads as we wove between the towering evergreens.  Not that it would have mattered if we could have driven faster.  The ferry would still leave at 8:50 either way.

We finally loaded on the boat and headed up to the passenger deck.  It was pretty quiet, though picking up a bit from the dead of winter.  I spotted a few tourists, taking pictures out the windows at the shoreline of Orcas and the marina just off from the ferry dock.

Leaving Mom and Dad to sit and talk at a table, I wandered out onto the deck that wrapped around the boat.  Resting my elbows on the painted green railing, I took in my surroundings.

Living in a place like Orcas for so long, you eventually stopped seeing the beauty that was always around you.  There weren’t many places like this in the world that had as many miles of shoreline and ocean view.  You couldn’t drive long anywhere on the island and not see ocean.  Ancient trees hung out over the water, some threatening to cave into the ocean, others blown that way by the wind into permanent position.  There had to be at least five hundred trees to every person on the island.