What I'd Say to the Martians (8 page)

Call around, see if I am in anyone’s will.

Work on design for the Everyday Helmet. Should be thick enough to protect head after tripping, and to repel objects thrown at head, but light enough to be casual.

Meditate for an hour, lying down, on the couch.

Fight inner demon. Let inner demon win so he doesn’t feel bad.

Call up Don, see if I can borrow some more money. Remind Don I have finished making Voodoo Don.

Do something just for fun. Go fly a kite. Or go to a bar and get really drunk, and complain about the government.

Ask person on street for the time. Check my watch to see if he’s lying. Nod and say “You passed” if time is the same. Just shake head and walk away if not.

Practice head shaking.

Lie in hammock, count shooting stars. See if number continues to have eerie similarity to number of ants. Nobel Prize?

Get out telescope. Check on college girls, to make sure they’re okay.

Thank the man upstairs for putting a roof over your head. On second thought, don’t thank him, as he may raise rent.

Prepare next day’s list of things to do. If too tired, just use this one again.

Make self big martini. You deserve it!