What the Heart Knows (2 page)

“As you can see, I don't have many choices. I'm willing to try anything,” she murmured, for once feeling a ray of hope. Maybe that was the answer.

“I'll walk you to the car. I'll say something to Mark about the meeting Sunday evening.”

“He used to be very involved in the youth group in Shreveport until a few months ago. I hope you can convince him to come.”

“If not, I'll think of something.” Jared fell into step next to her on the stone path leading to the parking lot.

“Frankly, where my son is concerned, I don't know what to think anymore. Right after his father died he was so strong. He was a wonderful comfort to me.” Guilt wove its way through all the other feelings she was dealing with. Everywhere she'd gone in Shreveport, she'd been reminded of her deceased husband. All her friends had been John's friends, as well. It had just gotten too painful for her to stay. She'd longed to be around her family; to renew the feeling of belonging she'd had when she'd lived in Crystal Springs as a child. Had she been wrong to leave Shreveport and her old life behind?
To want some control back in her life? Had she driven her son to this behavior?

At the edge of the parking lot Kathleen glanced toward her silver Taurus, relieved to see Mark leaning against its hood with his arms crossed over his chest and his shoulders hunched. “For a while he talked to his school counselor, but even that stopped six months ago.”

“Let me see what I can do.”

She paused two rows away from her car and faced Jared. “My sister has a great deal of faith in your ability. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your help.”

He offered her a reassuring smile that brightened his blue eyes. “The reason I became a doctor was because I wanted to help others when they were in trouble. Mark is in trouble. If there is a medical reason, I want to find it and make things better for him. If there isn't a physical reason for his behavior, I still may be able to help him. I have to try.”

There was a touch of desperation in his last sentence that caused Kathleen to wonder what had put it there. She wished she knew him well enough to ask. “Thank you for being here.”

“You don't need to thank me. It was the right thing to do.”

Dressed in a long-sleeved blue chambray shirt and tan slacks, Jared presented a confidence that gave her hope his plan might actually work. Observing Mark interacting with others and his environment was a start. She would continue to encourage her son to go to the doctor for a checkup, but without his cooper
ation she doubted it would work. “Not everyone would care,” she murmured, realizing this man had chosen to get involved in her and her son's life when a lot of people, having witnessed what happened on stage, would run the other way.

“But that's not what Christ taught us.”

Kathleen started to reply when she heard, “Mom. Come on.”

Shrugging, she said, “I'd better go.”

Jared followed her the rest of the way and offered his hand to Mark while he introduced himself. Her son limply shook it, his fingers barely touching Jared's.

“I'd love to see you at the youth group meeting this Sunday evening. You probably know some of the guys who attend. Your cousin is one of our leaders.”

Mark avoided eye contact with Jared. “I don't know if I can make it,” Mark mumbled to his chest.

“We're going to plan a fundraiser, then continue our volleyball tournament. I can always pick you up if you want or you can come with your cousin. What do you say, Mark?”

Kathleen marveled at the persuasive tone in Jared's voice and hoped her son agreed.

“I'll think about it,” Mark mumbled, this time lifting his head and looking Jared in the eye for a few seconds before dropping his gaze again.

“Good. Summer around here can get long and boring without some things to do.”

Mark yanked the door open. “Let's go, Mom.”

Over the top of the car Kathleen mouthed, “Thank you,” then slid behind the steering wheel.

After pulling out of the parking lot, Kathleen stopped at the corner and studied her son's slumped posture and sullen expression. “I can take you if you want Sunday evening.” Her son had refused to get his driver's license three months ago when he'd turned sixteen.

With his gaze glued straight ahead, Mark tensed. “I said I'd think about it.”

Kathleen eased her foot onto the accelerator and maneuvered the car out into the flow of traffic. At least her son hadn't flat-out refused. There was hope. In fact, because of Jared Matthews she felt more hope than she had in a long time. Maybe this move home was going to turn out for the better after all. She needed to believe in something again. After John's death she had lost faith, her prayers had gone unanswered. Then the recent events concerning Mark had found her drifting even further away from God.

Parking in her driveway, she curled her fingers tightly around the steering wheel and watched her son's quick escape into the house. “I am not alone. I have my family here and someone who may be able to give me some insight into what's going on with my son.” The words whispered in the quiet confines of the car reassured her for a moment until she saw her son come to his bedroom window and lower the black shade he'd insisted on having.

Lately Mark preferred to live in the dark, but she wouldn't. No matter how much she wanted to do everything on her own, she couldn't refuse help—
not now when her son's health was at stake. If she had an ounce of strength left in her, she would discover with Jared's assistance what was wrong with Mark.

K
athleen sat at her table in the kitchen looking out her bay window into the backyard. A green blanket of lush grass extended to a rock garden where a stone bench and birdbath beckoned. Watching a male cardinal land on a branch of her maple tree, she thought about her encounter the night before at the church with Dr. Jared Matthews. There was a presence about him that gave her some hope he might succeed where she hadn't been able to with her son. Maybe he would be able to reach Mark.

As she brought the cup of hot tea to her lips, the doorbell rang, startling her from her musings. She checked the clock on the wall and noticed it was still early in the morning—eight. Quickly, before the person rang the bell again, she hurried to the door. Mark hadn't been asleep long and she didn't want anyone waking him up. He had been so tired after the talent show, and yet she'd heard him roaming around until a few hours ago.

When she opened the front door, she blinked several times, surprised to find Jared Matthews standing on her porch, his chest rising and falling rapidly.

Dressed in navy blue running shorts and a white T-shirt, he smiled, dimpling both cheeks. Sweat glistened on his brow and dampened his shirt. “I was on my way home from jogging in the park and thought since I wasn't too far from you I would stop by and see how Mark is doing after last night.”

“He's asleep right now. Would you like something to drink? Water? Coffee? Tea? I was having a cup of hot tea, but I can fix you some coffee if you like.”

Shaking his head, he swiped the back of his hand across his forehead. “Anything hot right now doesn't sound too appealing, but I'll take a tall glass of ice water.”

She stepped to the side. “Come in.”

He didn't move. “I've been jogging.”

She laughed. “Believe me, my kitchen table has seen worse than a man who's been jogging sitting at it.”

He opened the screen door and came into the house, his large frame filling the small entry hall. He took a deep breath. “Something smells good.”

“I'm baking bread.”

“Baking bread? People still do that?”

“I'd do it even if I didn't like to eat it just for the smell.”

“My mom used to bake bread, but that was ages ago. I haven't had freshly made bread since I was a young kid.”

“I have one loaf finished. I'll cut you a piece if you want.”

“There's no way I'll turn down that offer.” His smile grew, deepening the two dimples in his cheeks. “This is my lucky morning.”

Jared trailed her into the kitchen and took a seat at the glass table. She brought him some ice water, then returned to the counter to cut several slices of bread.

“Do you like to cook?”

She glanced over her shoulder. “Yes. You could call it one of my passions.”

“One?” He arched a brow. “What other passions do you have?”

The question caused her to pause. Tilting her head, she thought about it, realizing so many of her passions had been tied up with John. They had loved to hike and camp as a family. They had taken pride in fixing up their old house room by room until it had been stamped with their personalities throughout. “You know, besides cooking, I suppose I like to read just about any type of book.”

“You don't sound very convinced.”

“So many things that I used to do were connected with my husband and son. Since my husband's death there's been a void that's been hard to fill.” Kathleen finished slicing the bread, then brought the plate to the table and sat. “You probably know what I mean. Didn't your wife die recently?”

A slight tensing of the shoulders and clenching of the jaw were the only indication Jared was bothered by her question. He took a sip of his water and
picked up a piece of warm bread. “Alice has been gone for a little over a year.”

“Then you know how hard it can be to start a new life.”

“Yes,” he clipped out, downing half his water in several gulps.

“I married John when I was twenty. I've never had a career and I don't have to work now. But suddenly I'm finding my life isn't fulfilling, the way it was when my family was whole. I still take care of Mark and the house, but everything has changed. It's as though I'm at sea adrift with no place to go.”

“Have you thought about getting a job?”

Kathleen nodded. “But with the way Mark's been behaving lately, I don't think I should. Maybe if things are better when he starts school in two months, I'll try to find something to do.”

“You can always volunteer. We could use someone to organize volunteers at our hospital. Or I could always use an extra person to help with the youth group at church.”

Kathleen sipped her lukewarm orange-spice tea. “I'll think about that. I used to volunteer at Mark's school in Shreveport, as well as at our church. I enjoyed doing both of those jobs. If I'd finished college, I probably would have gone into a career as a social worker or a teacher. I like working with people, helping them.”

“That's one of the reasons I became a doctor. I suppose you could say fixing problems is a passion of mine.”

“Since I have a problem, I'm glad it is.”

Jared settled back in his chair, relaxing totally as his gaze shifted to the large bay window. “Your yard is beautiful.”

“I wish I could take credit, but the former owners must have loved yard work. They did a wonderful job landscaping. I like to drink my tea in the morning and look outside or sit on the deck if it's not too hot. There's something about a rock garden that's soothing.”

“The Hendersons, who owned this house, often worked wonders with the church garden. That'll be a void we'll have to fill.”

Kathleen chuckled. “Don't look at me. If I can't find someone to do my yard, this may be the best you'll see.”

“Actually I was thinking of taking over that job at the church. I love to work in the yard, get my hands dirty. One of my favorite things is to commune with nature.”

“I love to commune with nature, too, like a connoisseur who appreciates fine art but doesn't actually paint.” Their gazes connected, forming a momentary bond between them. “But I haven't done any communing with nature lately. John, Mark and I would go out—” Her voice trailed off into silence. That life was over. She had to move on—quit thinking about the past.

“Go where?” Jared asked, his gaze returning to the yard, breaking the bond.

She flattened her back against the chair, the wooden slats pressing into her. “Camping and hik
ing. Also on trips into the bayous.” A long time ago, she thought. She'd come home to start a new life.

“With snakes and alligators?”

“Yes.”

“I'm impressed. I could never get my wife to go anywhere outdoors with Hannah, Terry and me.”

“She didn't like being outside?”

“No.”

Again a shutter fell over his features, clearly putting an end to the direction of the conversation. A finely honed tension sprung up between them. The atmosphere shifted, and she wished the past had remained in the past. Each was uncomfortable talking about their deceased spouses.

Silence prevailed while Jared popped the last bite of bread into his mouth, then finished his water.

“How long have you lived in Crystal Springs?” Kathleen asked, needing the conversation to head in a more neutral direction.

“Ten years. My wife wanted to live near her mother. What made you move back home?”

“My family.” My need to put down roots in a familiar place, she added silently. To control the direction my life is taking.

“Family is important.”

“I'm hoping being around mine will help Mark. It's becoming more obvious each day that my son needs more than I can give him, especially after last night at the church.”

“You don't have just your family to help you. I'm here, too. We'll find an answer to what's going on
with Mark. How was he after he got home last night?”

“He didn't say much on the drive home or later. He went to his room and played his CDs—loudly.”

“You said he's still asleep. When did he go to sleep?”

“Not until after four this morning.”

A frown creased his forehead and slashed his mouth. “When did this sleeplessness begin?”

“Six, seven, maybe eight months ago. It happened gradually. He would stay up later and later. By the end of school this year it was severely affecting his grades. He has always been a good student up until this year. He made several Ds and the rest were Cs. Do you think he's suffering from depression?”

“That's a possibility. Hopefully I can spend some time with him, maybe convince him to come in for some tests. Did he say anything about coming to the youth group on Sunday night?”

“He didn't say no, which is a good thing. At least he's thinking about it.” The oven timer went off and Kathleen removed the last loaf of bread. The aroma filled the kitchen with warmth and cozy thoughts.

“Good. Getting him involved with people might help him.”

Sitting back down at the table, Kathleen sipped at her now-cold tea. “Maybe. In the past few years my life has certainly changed. If you'd asked me two years ago what I was going to be doing now, I wouldn't have thought this.”

“Unexpected things happen in life.” He sighed,
running his finger along the rim of the glass. “I don't let it worry me too much. My life is in God's hands.”

Kathleen curled her fingers tighter around her empty mug and carefully placed it on the table. She used to think that until she'd lost John. “Have you ever wondered why bad things happen to good people?”

“Like your husband dying?”

“Yes.” Her chest tightened, trapping her breath.

“God has a plan for us. We don't always know what it is. If we put our trust in Him, He will show us.”

Kathleen stared down at her mug. “When John first died, I couldn't bring myself to pray or go to church. I only started attending again recently.” She brought her gaze to Jared's, his image blurry. “John was such a good man. I still don't understand why he had to die so young. A freak accident took him away just like that.” She snapped her fingers.

“Maybe John fulfilled what God had planned for him. He's now with our Lord in heaven. That's not a bad thing.”

“It was for me.”

“But you're only one of God's children. He's concerned for all of His children.”

Kathleen wasn't sure if she could accept Jared's words. His strong faith obviously helped him overcome a lot of difficult problems, such as the death of his wife, but their situations were not the same.

Jared started to say something when the ring of his cell phone cut him off. “Just a minute.” He retrieved
the instrument from the pocket of his shorts and flipped it on. “Dr. Matthews here.”

As he listened to the other person on the phone, the lines in his forehead returned. A frown darkened his eyes and his grip tightened until his knuckles whitened. “I'll come home immediately.”

When he disconnected, Kathleen asked, “Is something wrong at home?”

“Hannah. She's locked herself in the bathroom and won't come out.”

“Why?”

“I'm not sure, but from what the housekeeper said, I think my daughter has started her period.”

“Oh, I see.”

His gaze embraced hers. “You probably do see, even better than me. Hannah doesn't respond to our housekeeper that much. She calls her the old battle-ax. I'm not sure my daughter will want to talk to me about this, and I know she won't with Mrs. Davis.” He attempted a grin that failed. “That's why she's in the bathroom right now with the door locked. She refuses to talk to the housekeeper.”

“Do you think she would talk to me?”

“I don't know. But I'm willing to try if you are.” This time his grin stayed in place. “I'm a desperate dad.”

“Well, in that case, let me come with you and give it a try. It can be a confusing time for a girl. Have you talked to her about her body changing? Did your wife?”

“No, Alice didn't. I tried and Hannah wouldn't listen. I gave her a book about it.”

“Did she read it?”

“I think so. But then, knowing Hannah, she may have flipped through it just to please me. She's one girl who I don't think is too pleased to go into womanhood. She's still quite a tomboy. She can get dirtier than Terry when she's playing.”

Kathleen rose. “It's not an easy time.”

“For the dad or the daughter?”

“Both. You're a doctor. You're very knowledgeable about all the changes that Hannah will go through. This is just the beginning.”

Jared reached for his plate and glass and took them to the sink. “Why do you think I'm so desperate? I feel ill-equipped to handle this.”

“I know what you mean. There have been issues with my son that I felt so awkward talking to him about. But I believe young people should be kept informed, and I want to be the one informing, not some friend who may or may not have the facts right.”

Outside on the porch Jared descended the steps. “When I signed up to be a parent, I didn't realize all that it entailed.”

“Parents rarely do the first time around.”

“How about the first time with each sex? Raising a boy is so different from raising a girl.”

“You won't get an argument from me.”

“You see, I knew there was something about you I liked. No arguments.”

She laughed. “Don't count on it. I love to argue when I feel I'm right.”

“Is that a warning?”

“You bet.” Kathleen lifted her face to the sun and relished the warmth on her skin. The June air was still cool, the breeze caressing. She inhaled then exhaled a deep breath, wishing the beauty of the day could wash away the turmoil churning in her stomach. “Before long summer will be in full swing, searing heat and all.” She peered toward the Ozark Mountains. “But for right now there's still a touch of spring in this corner of Arkansas.”