What We Learned Along the Way (29 page)

“I’m sure she will, but not 24/7. We should
take her out, show her a good time!”

“Okay, I’m not sure who you’re expecting, but
I’m expecting my mom, a woman who only leaves the house to go to
jummah and the grocery store. I can’t imagine there being anywhere
she would want to go.”

“Yes, but she’ll be on vacation. I’m sure she
wants to relax, try something new. I bet she’ll be open to trying
some things outside of her usual routine.”

“No, I’ve been on plenty of vacations with my
mom, and she wasn’t interested in anything new. That’s just how my
mom is, an ultra-conservative homebody.”

“Look who’s talking? You’re not the most
adventurous person, yourself,” Joseph pointed out.

“Oh, and you can talk? This from the same
person that though ‘heck’ was a bad word,” she retorted
playfully.

Joseph laughed. He thought back to the
childhood conversation he knew she was referring to.

“Come on. That doesn’t count. I was 7 years
old. How was I supposed to know the difference?”

“I’ll never forget that. You tried to
threaten me by saying you were going to tell my daddy if I didn’t
stop saying it. You really thought you were going to get me in
trouble, didn’t you? I should have beat you up back then,” she said
as she grabbed his arm and twisted it behind his back.

The day before her mom arrived, Jaime spent
the afternoon cleaning to make sure the house would be presentable.
She didn’t stop at the usual cleaning that would have taken place
on a usual day. She went into super cleaning mode, the kind that
made her clean the most random and invisible areas, like under the
kitchen sink and behind the refrigerator. She even stood on a chair
to dust the top of the ceiling fan they had never used. She almost
lost her balance when the phone rang.

“Hello?” she said slowly, not recognizing the
phone number.

“This is Mariam,” a familiar voice said.
Jaime carried the phone over to the sofa and sat down slowly like
an old woman with bad knees. Surely she couldn’t have heard what
she thought she did. Her mind must have been playing tricks on
her.

“Hello,” she said again, her voice
trembling.

“I said this is Mariam. I know you didn’t
forget me, did you?” she said in an odd voice. It definitely wasn’t
inviting, but Jaime couldn’t really say it as harsh either. It just
was.

“Oh, Mariam. As salaam alaikum, of course I
remember you, girl. I was just caught a little off guard.”

“You okay? You’re breathing a little hard.
You might want to get that checked out,” Mariam said in a sarcastic
voice. Jaime took a second to compose herself.

“I’m fine,” she said, gripping the phone with
both hands and trying her best to steady her voice. “I just thought
I’d never hear from you again. I figured you hated me.”

“And you’re right about that. I definitely do
hate you, but—,” she took a deep breath before she finished her
sentence, “I can’t continue to live like this, with all this hate
inside of me.”

“I’m confused. What are you saying,
Mariam?

“I’m not even sure at this point, but I can’t
keep allowing this rage to take me away from who I really am.”
Jaime started to say something, but Mariam kept talking. “I’ve
always been a happy, optimistic, level-headed person. This rage has
turned me into a monster. That’s not fair to me. I have to make
some changes. That’s why I’m calling you.”

Jaime couldn’t believe what she was hearing.
“So, so, you mean you forgive me?” she stammered.

“Oh, hell no,” Mariam said calmly. “I’m not
there yet, but I guess I’ll have to work on that.”

“Mariam, thank you. This really means a lot
to me.” Jaime fought back the tears of joy.

“It shouldn’t. This really doesn’t have
anything to do with you. And please don’t think this is my way of
saying that I’m interested in being friends again. I assure you,
I’m not. This is just me trying to get back to a healthy place in
my life. I can’t do that without forgiveness.” Jaime hadn’t
expected that response, but then again, she hadn’t expected the
phone call either. She didn’t know what to say.

“Even if it’s not for me, I really appreciate
the call. I hope you are able to forgive. For yourself, I mean,”
she added quickly. “I know it’s not about me.”

“Whatever.” Mariam hung up the phone before
Jaime had a chance to say goodbye. Though she knew no one was on
the other line, Jaime sat there with the phone still in her hand,
looking at it as if it could explain what had just happened. She
didn’t know if she could believe Mariam. It could be a plot to play
with her emotions. The intense phone call left Jaime feeling
drained. She wanted a nap, but couldn’t leave the babies
unattended. After she made her afternoon prayer, she plopped on the
sofa and watched old black and white reruns.

She ignored the doorbell the first time she
heard it. She wasn’t expecting anyone, so she assumed it was for
the neighbor. She had already fallen for that once before when she
answered the door and found the person ringing the bell was
actually across the hall. She wasn’t going to fall for it again,
but when she heard the bell a second time, she knew it had to be
hers. She put the children in their playpen and went to open the
door. She was surprised to see her mother, a day early and with
four huge suitcases.

Malikah had great news and she had to tell
someone. She started to call Kalimah, but remembered that she and
Adam were taking a second honeymoon, at least that’s what they
called it. Malikah knew the ten days in the Caribbean was nothing
more than an expensive way for Adam to clear his conscience. She
decided to call Mariam instead.

“So, guess who I’m going out with tomorrow
night?” Malikah said excitedly into the phone, bypassing any form
of a greeting.

“Uh, salaam to you, too. Who are you going
out with?” Mariam asked.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to be rude.
I’m just excited. I was in the library earlier today, studying for
a test, and you won’t guess who walked up. Muhammad!” she blurted
out, not even giving her friend a chance to guess. “So, anyway, we
start talking. You know, the usual, but he ended up asking me out!
Isn’t that great?” Malikah screamed.

“That’s wonderful. I know you’ve been
dreaming of this practically your whole life,” Mariam said, trying
to sound happy. It wasn’t that she wasn’t happy for her friend. She
truly was, but it was hard to show it when she was so unhappy with
her own life.

“Sorry to call you sounding all crazy. I just
had to tell you the news.”

“No, it’s okay. I needed to hear something
positive for a change. Maybe it’ll help. I just feel so angry,
Malikah. I’ve been trying to work this thing out with Rashad for
months now and I feel like nothing’s changed for me. I still want
to kill both of them.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know. I feel like he’s really
trying. He’s apologized a million times and he’s treating me better
than ever, despite my attitude. I really do think he’s sorry, but I
cannot get over this.”

“That’s hard to get over. You have a right to
still be angry.”

“I know, I know. But I just hate it. This
isn’t me. I find myself thinking such horrible things, and you
already know I tried to choke Jaime. I feel like Dr. Jekyll and Mr.
Hyde sometimes. One second I’m ready to forgive, the next I’m
beating him like he stole something. I’m getting out of
control.”

“You actually hit Rashad? Whoa, I can’t
imagine that.”

“That’s what I’m saying. I’m acting
completely out of character. You know me. I wouldn’t hurt a fly,
but sometimes something else takes over. Poor thing, he just sits
there and takes it. I think I gave him a black eye the other
day.”

“A black eye!” Malikah burst into
laughter.

“Malikah, this isn’t funny. I’m going insane
here.” It took a moment, but Malikah finally calmed herself
down.

“I’m sorry, girl. I just got a picture of
Rashad in a chef’s uniform with a patch over his eye.” She burst
into laughter again. Mariam joined in this time. She could see the
same picture in her head.

“Whoo, that felt good. I haven’t had a good
laugh in forever. I needed that,” Mariam said after the hearty
laugh.

“Yes, laughter is good for you.”

“Hey, I’ve got an idea. Why don’t you come
visit me? I’d love to see you. I think it would really help me. I
could take a little time off work and we could just hang out. It’ll
be just like old times.” Mariam was excited.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea? I mean, I’d
love to see you too, but now?” Malikah wasn’t so sure.

“Well, not right now. In a few weeks or so.
Think about it. I think it’d be nice for me to be able to focus on
something else. Who knows, maybe you and Aliya could come.”

“Maybe so, I’ll think about it.” Malikah
didn’t know much about relationships or psychology, but she felt
like Mariam’s sudden trip idea was just a way for her to deny her
problems. She thought about it for a minute more and then put it in
the back of her mind. She had to get ready for Muhammad. They still
had another 24 hours until their date, but she was so excited, she
couldn’t wait any longer to pick out her outfit.

She thought it was weird that when she was
obsessed with Muhammad, he barely knew she was alive, and now that
she had moved on and had practically forgotten about him, he was
all of a sudden interested. “Better late than never,” she said to
herself as she held up a blouse to inspect in front of the mirror.
After trying on everything in her closet and hating it all, she
gave up and decided to get some beauty rest.

The next day, her pile of clothes was still
on the floor, and they still looked as unappealing as they had the
night before.

“No wonder he left you. Look how you keep
house,” her mother said after opening her daughter’s closed
door.

“Usually when a door is closed, it means
something,” Malikah said, annoyed.

“Well, maybe if you kept your room like a
civilized human being, you would have heard the phone ringing and I
wouldn’t have to barge in. It’s your sister.” Malikah looked around
her cluttered room and finally saw a hint of the telephone sticking
out from under a mountain of pants and shoes. She leaned across the
floor without leaving the bed and picked up the receiver. She tried
to clear her voice, but it still sounded raspy.

“Hello, Kalimah, is that you?” She motioned
for her mother to close the door. She automatically assumed the
worst, so she waited until she knew she was alone to say any more.
“Are you okay? What did he do? How bad is it?”

“I’m fine. He hasn’t done anything. I just
missed you. That’s all. I thought I’d call.”

“What is it, like midnight there?” Malikah
tried to focus her eyes enough to read the clock across the room,
but it was too blurry. Kalimah laughed.

“We’re going to get you a geography lesson
when I get back. It’s 10:30 am here. I’m only in the Eastern Time
Zone. Malikah’s eyes had finally adjusted. The clock read 9:30
am.

“Oh, well, what’s been going on? Been to the
ocean yet?”

“Have I? Girl, our hotel is right on the
ocean. My feet are in the water right now. They have white sand
here. Everything looks just like a postcard. It’s so gorgeous.”

“Thanks, Kalimah. I love to hear that first
thing in the morning as I stare at my four, plain walls.”

“You’ll get your turn one day. Oh, gotta go.
Adam rented a jet ski for us. I’m coming, baby,” she yelled away
from the phone before she ended the call. Malikah was happy to know
that her sister was having a good time and that Adam was behaving
himself. She imagined herself on a jet ski with Muhammad. The
thought made her smile.

Kalimah held on to her husband for dear life
as they whipped through the choppy water. “Aggghhh,” she yelled as
a huge gust of wind blew her hijab off of her head. She reached up
and tried to grab it, but wasn’t fast enough. She watched it float
on the air for a moment and then drift down into the blue water.
She didn’t mind. She knew Adam would buy her ten more just like it
if she wanted. He had been so kind on the trip. This was the guy
she had fallen in love with, a kind, debonair gentleman that wanted
nothing more than to please her. She tightened her grip around his
waist and rested her uncovered head on his shoulder.

“This is great,” he yelled over the roar of
the engine and splashing water. “I’m buying one of these as soon as
we get back!” He revved the engine and went faster.

Kalimah started to get a little scared. She
held on tighter. “Easy, babe. I gotta breathe, you know.” He
wiggled around to try to loosen her grip around his rib cage.

“Oh, sorry, honey. You’re just going a little
fast. Could you slow down some?” she asked sweetly.

“You want me to go slower? Okay, slower
coming up.” He went even faster. The Jet Ski jerked violently as
they hit waves, which seemed to get bigger and bigger. Kalimah was
terrified. She could barely see with all the salty water splashing
in her face, but she could make out the blurry outline of something
floating in their path. She squinted and tried her best to clear
the ocean water from her stinging eyes. She could finally make out
the floating figure. It was a buoy, and they were headed straight
toward it.

“Adam, the buoy! We’re going to hit the
buoy,” she yelled and pointed frantically.

“Whoohooo, aren’t you loving this! Feel that
adrenaline rushing?” He ignored his wife’s warning.

“The buoy, the buoy!” she yelled again. The
salty tears in her eyes were her own this time. “Are you trying to
kill us? Please, please just stop!” He went faster.

“What did you say? There’s something in the
way? I guess we should turn, huh?” he said calmly, like they
weren’t speeding toward a huge, solid object. With less than 30
feet between life and death, he pulled the Jet Ski to the left and
narrowly avoided the collision. He coasted for a few minutes and
then stopped the Jet Ski. “You. Were. Hilarious,” he said,
punctuating each word. “Stop, stop. You’re going to kill us,” he
imitated his wife’s pitiful pleas before letting out a hearty
laugh. “Man, that was funny.”