When the Music Ends (The Winter Rose Chronicles) (15 page)

            "That
was fun. I actually love teaching freshman composition."

            "You
may be the only person who does. Most professors see it as a chore."

            "Do
you think I should do that?"

            "I
think, Sheridan, that it would be a very good idea for you to consider it. In
fact, I hoped you would. I have the application here if you want to fill it
out, and, of course, I would write you a recommendation, not that you would
need it. Are you interested?"

            "That
depends. Would you keep on helping me, being my mentor?"

            "Of
course."

            "Then,
yes. I think that would be the perfect solution, except…how would I pay
for it? The money my parents set aside for me to go to college is spent."

            "Well,
I’ve been thinking about that. You assisted with that one class this
semester, and you did a very good job too. If you were to get a teaching
assistant position, you could work for your tuition, and there’s a small
stipend too. And if you’re concerned about housing, well, when I was in
grad school, I was a resident assistant. You would have to stay in the dorm,
but it would be paid for and you would get a room to yourself."

            "You
think of everything, Dr. Burke. Thank you. This is exactly what I want. I hope
I can do it."

            "You
will. You’re always successful, Sheridan."

            "Thank
you."

            "By
the way," his tone became casual, too casual, "if you’re
teaching here, you’re going to be more and more my colleague rather than
my student. I would like it very much if you would call me Michael."

            Sheridan’s eyes widened. Then a grin that put the late autumn sunshine to absolute
shame broke over her face. He met her smile with a look of intense longing.

            "Michael."
She tested the word as though it were a delicate confection. Impulsively, she
hugged her professor. She wanted him so badly sometimes she feared she might
burst with it. If only he knew, but alas, she had been rather free with her
hugs, and for all he knew, it might only be a friendly gesture. She had to do
more. She leaned forward and pressed her lips to his cheek. Then, embarrassed,
she scooped up the applications from his desk and fled.

            Sean
stormed through the English department, furious that his sister had tricked him
into driving three hours just so she could try and manipulate him. How dare she
interfere?

            He
was so intent on his angry thoughts that he almost crashed into a small figure
running the other direction down the hallway. He stopped just in time to avoid
a collision and looked down at the person he had nearly run over.

            It
was Erin. She froze, her gaze running up the length of him to his face,
recognition dawning on her beautiful features. Her soft pink lips parted
slightly in surprise. God, she looked wonderful. She had put on some weight.
Not a huge amount, maybe seven pounds, but oh, they were strategic. Her tiny
bosom had filled out, as had her hips. She now had a womanly curve to her
slender frame. She had cut her hair too. Instead of hanging long down her back,
it ended just above her shoulders, with little swinging layers at the end and a
sweep of long bangs that crossed her forehead diagonally to tuck behind her ear.
The cut suited her, made her look more grown up. In fact, she looked all grown
up, sexy, and even more heart-stoppingly beautiful than ever before.

            As
he watched, her mouth soundlessly formed his name.

            Of
all the people to run into, Sean Murphy had to be the worst. Erin was looking
for her roommate. The door of their dorm room had locked unexpectedly again,
trapping her in the hallway with the key inside. She needed to get Sheridan’s key before her friend got tangled up in one of those endless
conversations with Dr. Burke. Instead, she had run directly into the one person
she had never expected.

            She
had tried so hard to put memories of Sean behind her. But she had failed. Never
once had she forgotten how she loved this man. She had forgotten, however, just
how gorgeous he was. He was a drug on her senses, so much so that she forgot to
breathe for several seconds. Then the weight of their shared history crashed
over her like a wave. This was her first love, her only love. She had given him
her virginity. They had conceived, and lost and grieved a child together. He
was the only person who had ever cared what happened to her. And then he had
abandoned her without explanation. She had expected it, but that had not made
it easier to take. And now he was here, in front of her, close enough to touch.

Suddenly she no longer cared about looking pathetic. If he knew how
she pined for him, so be it. She couldn’t bear to go another moment
without touching him.

Erin launched herself at Sean, throwing her arms around his neck,
pulling him down so she could kiss him, not caring if the other students
milling around them saw, wanting them to see, wanting everyone to see that she,
Erin James, loved Sean Murphy with every fiber of her being.

            After
a startled second, Sean wrapped his arms around Erin’s slender waist and
began to kiss her back. He had almost forgotten how bold she could be when her desire
was riding her. He had also forgotten how sweet Erin’s mouth was,
clinging tenderly to his. Nothing had ever been sweeter, at least not anything
that he knew about. And this was certainly not the kiss of a woman who had
moved on. Sheridan had been right. They needed to talk.

            Gently,
he disengaged his mouth from hers; still keeping his arms around her so she
would know it was not a rejection. She tried to hang onto the kiss, sucking softly
at his lips.

            "Easy,
Erin," he said. How many times had he said this as he tried to slow her
down, when she was clawing with passion? The familiar words broke through and
she released him reluctantly.

            "Sorry,"
she said softly, "I just…can’t believe you’re here.
Sean, I’ve missed you so much."

            "I’ve
missed you too, baby," he told her, his voice gruff.

            She
had told herself for years that their parting was inevitable, that she
wouldn’t beg. But now he was here, and her strength of will dissolved in
an instant, melted in the heat of that kiss. "Then why, Sean? Why did you
stop calling me? I thought we were forever. That’s what you said."
Her grief over his actions was clear in her voice and on her face, no less
powerful for all the years in between. Sean winced. Had he really hurt her so
badly as that?

            "Walk
with me, Erin. Let’s talk, okay?"

            "Yes,
let’s." She took his hand in hers; lacing their fingers together
the way they used to do, they left the building.

            Outside,
the autumn air was rather chilly, and Erin shivered. She remembered suddenly
that their relationship had begun the same way, with a shiver. Sean released
her hand and wrapped his arm around her shoulders instead. She snuggled into
his warmth.

            There
was a bench in the courtyard, in a patch of feeble sunlight, and they sat,
ignoring the piles of cigarette butts on the ground around their feet.

            "Okay,
Murphy, spill it. Just what the hell were you hoping to accomplish by making me
fall madly in love with you and then dropping me like a rock? Was I just an
easy lay after all?" She tried to sound playful, but it wasn’t
really that convincing.

            "Of
course not. Don’t cheapen what we had like that. I loved you and you know
it." He sighed. "I’m sorry Erin. I know I hurt you. I
didn’t want to, but I didn’t see another way. I didn’t want
to get in the way of you pursuing your dreams."

            "Sean,
you were my dream, you and our life together. The symphony, the music lessons,
the family..."

            "It’s
too small. You could achieve whatever you want."

            "Funny,
isn’t it, how people say that when it’s so clearly not true. Did
you ever stop to ask what I wanted? I never asked to be famous, to be in some
high powered orchestra and deal with all the internal politics and backbiting.
I just wanted to play my instrument, make music, be part of a group and make
people happy. And I wanted to come home to you every night. I told you that,
but you didn’t listen. You were so sure you knew me better than I knew
myself. What I wanted was to get my degree and come home. I certainly
didn’t achieve that."

            "You
almost have your degree. A few more months will do it."

            "But
now I have no home to go to."

            "Erin, if what you’re saying is true, why didn’t you insist I talk to you? You
just let it go, didn’t ask any questions, didn’t protest. I thought
you were done with me, glad I stopped meddling in your life."

            Erin shook her head. "I didn’t want to bother you. I guess I figured you were
done with me, that you were sick of your silly adolescent girlfriend and wanted
to move on, find someone else, someone not such a baby, not so…I
don’t know…boring."

            "How
could you think that? You’re not boring. You’re amazing.
Didn’t I keep telling you that?"

            "You
know what they say, Sean, about actions and words. No one has ever really
wanted me. I was glad you did for a while. I didn’t expect it to last. I
dared to let myself hope, but then you did what I had expected. You got over
me."

            "I
never did. I thought you were over me." Sean’s voice turned a bit
irritated. "Oh, this is ridiculous. You know, both of us have been doing
a fair bit of assuming. I think it might be a good idea for us to stop second
guessing each other and just say what we feel."

            "That’s
hard."

            "It
is, but isn’t it time to be honest?"

            "Yes."
Neither of them spoke for a long moment as they pondered their words. At last, Erin said, "Can I start?"

            "Of
course. Ladies first."

            "Sean,
from the night you took me to homecoming, and kissed me in the parking lot
until this day, the love I have for you has never wavered, never changed. I
love you. You’re my one and only, Sean, forever. If I can’t have you,
I don’t want anyone. Why, when I’ve already found my perfect love,
would I even attempt to replace you? I would rather have your memory than any
other man. And to this day I still want you as much as I ever did."

            She
was very close to him, and the temptation was too great. He kissed her,
rewarding her sweet words with a tender wet touch of his lips.

            "Are
you telling me, Erin, that you’ve never…dated anyone, not in all
these years?"

            "Why
would I have? No one can compare. Now you, Sean. Tell me what you feel."

            He
looked into her soft brown eyes, shining with love. Surely it couldn’t be
wrong to love her back. She’d had years to think about this and her
feelings hadn’t changed. After everything that had happened, she still
wanted him. His resistance broke. Taking her hand in his, he answered her.

            "I
love you. I see you the way I always saw you…as the woman I want to
marry. I told you that a long time ago. I don’t see you as boring, or a
baby. I never did, even when you were eighteen and in high school. It scares
the hell out of me, though, to think that one day you might wake up beside me
and see the man who took away all your choices, and I would see that regret in
your eyes."

            "Silly
man. You are my choice. You were my choice four years ago and I have never
doubted or regretted it."

            "I
don’t understand how you knew at such a young age exactly what you wanted
in life."

            "It’s
just the way I am. I know what I want. It’s not hard for me to make
decisions about really important things. Did I ever tell you about the first
time I played the oboe?"

            "No.
Tell me."

            "It
was in sixth grade. Everyone was trying out different instruments to see what
they wanted to play in the band. I had been fooling around with this clarinet,
and I liked it, but it wasn’t quite right. Clarinet has this cheerful
quality that really didn’t suit me. But I thought it had potential. Then
the director handed me a double reed. I blew it and it made a sound like a duck
call. I hated it. I couldn’t imagine what on earth would make anyone want
to use such a thing. Then she showed me their loaner oboe. It was a mess,
covered in fingerprints, tarnished. It even had a big crack in the wood. It was
so ugly. I put the reed in it and blew, and it quacked like you can’t
even imagine. It was horrible. Then she told me something. She said I had to be
gentle with it, not blow so hard. So I took it easy and it came alive in my
hands. That day I knew there was nothing else I would ever want to do. Falling
in love with you was the same. I just knew you were it. That there would never
be anyone else. That’s why I was in such a hurry to go to bed with
you."