When the Music Ends (The Winter Rose Chronicles) (12 page)

            "He’s
refusing to sign?" Erin guessed. Sheridan nodded against her
mother’s shoulder. "But why? Does he want the baby?"

            "No.
Not at all," Ellen replied with a pained sigh, "his attorney says
he won’t sign unless the charges against him are dropped. Since
he’s known to be the father of the child, if he doesn’t, the
adoption won’t be legal."

            "Hell
with him," Erin said bluntly, "There has to be some way to
terminate his rights without his signature. He’s a criminal. Surely under
these circumstances…"

            "No."
Sheridan sobbed the word rather than spoke it. "What if he’s
acquitted? He could cause trouble for her and the Potters for the rest of his
life. He could take her away at any time." She placed her hand to the
side of her swollen belly.

            "Oh
sweetie, I’m so sorry. It’s just terrible. What are you going to
do?"

            "This
is so hard, damn it."

Ellen made a face at the curse, but didn’t protest. These were
extreme circumstances.

"If it were me," Erin said fiercely, "I would tell
him to go to hell. Take your chances. You have a strong case. You can win. He
belongs in prison for what he did."

"I know, and what if he does this to someone
else…" Sheridan choked, took a deep breath. "But how can I
risk my daughter this way? She didn’t ask for this. She needs to have the
best future. That won’t be with Jake or the threat of him. She needs to
live in peace with the Potters."

"You’re not seriously considering dropping the charges?
My God, Danny."

"It’s done." Ellen said grimly. "The charges
were dropped this afternoon. It’s over."

"Oh no." Erin said, squeezing the other women a little
tighter. It was just so unfair. Could nothing, not even one thing, ever go
right for poor Sheridan?

******

Dropping the rape charges was a terrible blow, even though Jake
decided to go to school in another town a few miles away, where he was not
quite so notorious. Seeing him in A.P. English every day would just be too
much.

As time went on, new scandals erupted, new gossip broke out, so there
was less ugliness overall. But as the weeks went by, and Sheridan’s body continued
to swell and change, most people just didn’t know what to do with her,
and kept their distance. This meant that Sheridan relied on Erin as much as
ever, to be her friend, her confidant, her support when she was away from her
family. Erin rose to the occasion as best she could, and never told a soul how
the sight of her friend’s growing belly made her own heart ache and
filled her with such terrible jealousy.

            She
did go to her senior prom though. Sheridan insisted that there was no such
thing as a maternity prom dress, and she was already too big to fit into
anything. This bothered Erin, but there wasn’t much she could do about
it, so she saved up her orchestra pay, bought a pretty dress for herself and
just enjoyed showing off her gorgeous boyfriend for everyone to see.

            The
year ended on a high note. Along with state, there was a second music
competition of the year, called Solo and Ensemble. The regional level had long
since passed and in the late spring, just before the end of the school year, Erin performed her solo for the state Solo and Ensemble judges and received top ratings. A
few weeks later, robed in blue polyester gowns, adorned with cords for academic
honors and the National Honor Society stoles, Erin and Sheridan crossed the
little stage that had been erected in the football stadium and received their
diplomas. The Murphy parents and their son cheered loudly for both of them. The
James parents were conspicuously absent at the graduation of their only child.

Later, after the ceremony was completed, the girls put their arms
around each other and posed, cheek to cheek, smiling hugely, so Roger Murphy could
take their picture.

            High
school was finally over and there would be a massive overnight party hosted by
the school at the country club to honor the graduates. Erin deliberately lied
to the Murphys (a deeply unpleasant experience), saying she would be there, but
to call her cell phone if there was an emergency. Then she drove to
Sean’s apartment for a private all-night celebration. Sheridan stayed
home. She had not intended to go to the party anyway, and going without Erin would have been impossible. She was so big by this point, with less than a month to
go, and even the thought of dancing, playing silly party games, and generally
being gawked at by her treacherous classmates didn’t appeal in the
slightest. She spent her evening alone in her bed, touching her belly and
wishing that things were different. She had long since stopped being angry
about this pregnancy, and now wanted to memorize every sensation of her
daughter moving inside her body.

"Little girl," she said tenderly to her belly,
"I’m not sorry you’re here." A foot pressed against her
hand, and she smiled sadly. "I know you may never understand this, but
I’m not giving you up because I don’t want you. You are wanted. You
are loved. They told me I could help name you, and we agreed that you will be
called Desirée, because there’s never been a baby more wanted than
you. I wish I could keep you, I really do. It’s going to kill me to hand
you to the Potters." Her voice broke. "I have to do it, you know.
It’s what’s best for you. Christine will be your mommy, and William
will be your daddy, and you’ll have a wonderful life. I can’t give
you that life by myself." Her voice broke again and this time a tear slid
down her cheek. "There are hard things here, little Desirée,
things I hope you never know, about how you came to be. They don’t
matter. But I don’t want them to hurt you. I don’t want anything to
hurt you. So I have to let you go. I have to because I love you."

The pressure of the tiny limb against her palm was almost like a
response. And she touched that foot, and the other, and felt the life inside
her, and wept long into the night.

******

            Erin also spent her graduation night in bed, but not alone, of course. Sean made love to
her again and again until she felt quite certain that she would never be able
to get up, and in between they cuddled close. The time for heavy conversations
was over. All the plans had been made, and the couple, knowing that they faced
years of separation, clung frantically to the few waning moments they had left
to be together. It had taken the whole school year, but Erin finally believed
that Sean actually loved her, almost as much, perhaps, as she loved him. She
had never expected this and savored it. The best part of the evening was
actually not the sex at all, even though it had been tremendously pleasurable
as always. The best part was when Sean pulled Erin close to his chest and they
both went to sleep, spending the entire night together for the first time since
the very beginning of their relationship. Erin was sure that if she could sleep
beside this man for the rest of her life, it would be enough.

And so summer began. Erin and Sean, for their parts, clung to those
flying moments, trying desperately to stop time so they wouldn’t have to
part. Erin almost wished she did want to be a band teacher, so she could go to
Lakes and not have to leave town. She mentioned this to Sean once, and he
actually got angry with her, making her cry.

            At
the end of June, just after her eighteenth birthday, Sheridan went into labor
and delivered a healthy baby girl. Both Ellen and Christine, the adoptive
mother, supported her during the delivery.  When Sheridan returned home
from the hospital, she was completely devastated. This was worse than the rape.
She had wanted so badly to keep her little girl, but knew it wouldn’t be
possible. Now she was in a deep depression.

            Erin had no idea how to help her friend. Her own grief over the loss of her pregnancy had
been excruciating, but this was worse. Eventually she did what Sheridan had done for her when she was upset. She lay beside her on the bed and just held
her, by the hour, while she cried and cried until she fell asleep. Ellen sat
beside the bed on a chair, holding her daughter’s hand, stroking her
hair. Eventually Erin dozed a little too, exhausted by her friend’s
misery.

            Later,
when Erin woke, she found that Ellen had gone, and Sheridan was staring at the
wall, finally all cried out.

            "I
can’t do it, Erin." Sheridan’s voice was disturbingly blank.

            "Can’t
do what sweetie?"

            "Can’t
go to college. I don’t see any way that I can handle it. I’m just
devastated. How would I even begin to concentrate on classes?"

            "I’ll
help you. I’ll be there. Remember, we’re going to be roommates.
I’ll be with you every day. You’ll get through."

            "It’s
too much. I won’t even ask it of you. You have so much to live for, and I
feel like my life is over."

            Erin felt panic creeping in. She couldn’t let Sheridan talk this way. "That’s
a lie, Danny. Your life is just starting. Eventually, somehow, you’ll
heal from this, and be better than ever, stronger. Don’t give up, okay?
And I’ll help you. I’ll take care of you. I want to. It’s
fine. We’ll be fine. Danny, listen to me. You can’t stay here. You
have to get away from this town and its terrible memories and make a fresh
start somewhere else."

            "Is
that what you’re going to do?"

            "You
know it’s different for me. I have to do this, so I can be whole, but I
don’t intend to stay gone forever. The only person who ever loved me is
here. Once I finish school, I’m coming back, to stay. But by then
you’ll be better. You’ll be ready to stand on your own. And until
then, you have me to help you, I swear. Be strong, Danny. You can do this. You
have to."

            Sheridan considered her friend’s words in silence for a long moment. Yes she was
devastated but she was not alone, and in some small way, that helped. "I
don’t know how I’m going to manage it, but I’ll try. And
you’re wrong Erin. Sean loves you, but he’s not the only one who
does. I love you. I would never have gotten through this miserable, shitty year
without you."

            That
did it. Erin began to cry herself. It was too much. She never complained, but
the prospect of what was ahead of her was scary, and she would have to do it
largely alone, without Sean to hold her and lend her his strength. She had
never been a strong person, and now she would have to give everything she had
every day, without support. She prayed she would be up to the challenge.

            Sheridan rubbed her friend’s back. She knew it was a terrible thing she was asking,
and far too much for anyone to expect. That Erin was willing to do it made her
love this girl even more. Could there ever have been a better friend? Someday,
when Sheridan was well, she intended to find some way to express her gratitude
to Erin. She would have to think about what would truly make her friend happy.

Independence Day dawned bright and warm, a perfect day for outdoor
activities, which was what the Murphys had planned. They started at noon with a cookout, grilling steaks and chicken, to be served with corn on the cob,
potato salad, and cherry pie. Erin hovered around the kitchen hoping to learn
some new cooking techniques. Sean had grown up eating this way, and she wanted
to understand it. Her own family’s attempts at cooking rarely involved
more than opening a box or can.

After lunch, the elder Murphys, Erin and Sheridan headed to the
municipal park for an afternoon and evening spent celebrating the holiday. Erin brought her oboe, leaving it at the bandstand. Sean was to meet them there, as was the
middle Murphy son, Jason.

The dark-haired journalism major arrived with a fancy camera hanging
around his neck. He would be recording images of the festivities for the
University’s newspaper.

"Good Lord, Erin," he drawled, staring at her, "you’d
better cover your legs. The glare will shatter my camera lens."

Erin
blushed. She knew she was pale in her shorts,
but did he always have to comment?

"Shut up, Jase," Sean said, approaching the family,
"Leave Erin alone."

Jason gave his brother a sharp look. Sean had never joined in
teasing his sister and her friend, but he had never defended them before either.
On the other hand, Sean was bulky and strong. Jason was slender. He
wouldn’t stand a chance if his brother got really angry, so he turned
away from Erin to his sister, planning to pester her instead. She was sitting
on the blanket, looking despondent, her expression far away. Only two weeks
after the delivery, her body was still distorted. She looked bloated and
miserable. He decided not to make fun of her, but wandered off looking for
candid shots of the crowd.

Erin
sighed with relief. Jason was a hard man to
know. He had always been a little mean, but since this situation with Danny, he
had become much worse; angry, aggressive, and cruel. It was very strange.

But then he was gone, and the family set up folding chairs for Mr.
and Mrs. Murphy before sprawling on the blanket to watch the air show. As
always, it was a little painful to be so close to Sean and not be able to touch
him, and Erin ached to come clean with his parents about their relationship. It
was past time, and there was really no reason to keep it secret anymore. But
for whatever reason, he wasn’t ready to take that step, and she deferred
to his judgment.