When Tomorrow Never Comes (2 page)

Dear Diary,

My heart hurts. Why did you have to leave me? I can’t go on, I just can’t live another day without you…I love you.

I wake up in a dark room with a piercing scream falling from my lips.

Clutching my pillow to my chest I close my eyes against the sudden onslaught of bright light as my newest foster mom, Julie, rushes into my room.

My newest foster dad, Jake, rushes in next with a baseball bat raised high in his hands ready to swing at any intruders.

He lowers it once he realizes there’s no danger.

Julie sits on the edge of my bed. “What happened to you, Evette? Why do you scream out every night like this” She whispers gently.

I stay quiet as I hold the pillow tighter to my chest.

This would be the final day for me in this house. I had woken them up far too many times like this and I had never once answered their questions

What was the point when they truly didn’t care?

This had been the sixth home I had been to in the last month alone.

I had been with an older couple at first.

I had nearly given them both heart attacks when I had woken that first night with them screaming. I couldn’t really blame them for sending me back the next day.

After that I had been in the other homes no longer than a week and a half before they gave up on me.

My screams terrorized them.

No one knew how to handle me, even I didn’t.

No one had wanted a depressed and broken teenager to take care of, especially not one that would wake them up at random times every night.

“We can’t help you if you don’t talk to us, Eve.” Jake states as he sits down on the edge of the bed next to his wife.

They were such a sweet couple.

She had soft brown hair like mine and he had dark hair like Cole and Liam had.

Watching them was almost like looking into the future that could have been me and Cole. It was hard sometimes to see them.

“You’re only going to make me leave.” I whisper sadly.

Jake and Julie both shake their heads.

“We won’t do that to you, Eve. Both of us know how hard being tossed around in the system can be. No matter what happens here this will be your home. We aren’t going to let you go.” Julie replies.

“But…” I begin but stop as Jake stands to his feet.

“You’re not going anywhere. We’ve already filed for the adoption papers.” Jake admits.

My eyes go wide for a moment with utter shock. “Seriously, you don’t even know me.”

“We want to get to know you. We want to know everything about you, Eve.” Julie replies wholeheartedly as she reaches for my hand.

A sob falls from my lips as I move forward abruptly to hug Julie.

She doesn’t hesitate to hold me tightly as I weep into her chest.

Her hands smooth my hair down as she rocks us back and forth in a soothing motion. “Shhhh, Sweetheart. Everything will be better, I promise.” She whispers softly.

I wanted so badly to believe her words.

It was still just so hard to believe that they actually wanted to keep me.

They wanted to help me.

No one had ever cared like that.

Once my crying slows I pull back out of Julie’s embrace and wipe my tears away from my cheeks with the backs of my long sleeves.

“Tell us what’s giving you nightmares, Eve.” Julie then pushes again.

I nod and bite my lip as I reach under my pillow to pull out a picture of Cole holding me on his lap. I had a bright smile upon my face and Cole was looking at me with unbridled love shown in his eyes.

The picture had been taken long before we had actually become a couple.

We had started out as best friends before that had happened.

All it had taken was one moment when we had been outside swimming in his pool together in the middle of the night for us to become more.

My heart had fallen hard for him after that first kiss.

Holding out the picture I hand it to Julie.

She takes it from me and studies the photo before looking to me in question.

“That’s Cole. He was my best friend and my boyfriend. He meant everything to me.” I explain softly.

“Where is he now? Is there any way we can help you get back in touch with him, because if being separated from him is causing this…” Julie trails off as I shake my head and bite my lip as I take the picture back from her hands.

“He’s gone. There’s no way to get him back. If there was a way trust me I wouldn’t hesitate to get him back, but he’s gone, he left me.” I reply.

“What happened to him?” Jake questions as he sits back down beside me, glancing at the photo in my hands.

“He committed suicide.” I sigh as I run my finger over his face.

“You found him, didn’t you?” Jake asks gently. “That’s why you scream out at night, isn’t it?”

He had hit the nail directly on the head.

I nod my head. “He’s all I ever think about when I shut my eyes.”

“How long has it been since…?” Jake then asks.

“It’s been three months.” I answer. “It still feels like it all happened yesterday though.”

Both Julie and Jake nod in understanding.

“Can you tell us why the family you were with let you go. We looked into your background and saw that you had lived with them for three years. They were even going through the process to adopt you. Why did they change their minds?” Jake asks next.

That was an easier question to answer.

“They thought that begin somewhere different would be better for me. We had lived across the road from where Cole’s parents and brother lived.” I explain.

“Honestly I don’t think they wanted me for the fact of my nightmares and the way that Cole’s mother would look at me with such hatred.” I add.

“Why would his mother hate you?” Julie questions with shock.

I shrug. “I didn’t save her son. I saw all the warning signs and ignored them thinking that I would be enough to save him. I thought that if I loved him enough he would never want to leave me.”

“None of it was your fault, Eve. Your boyfriend made his own choices and he left heartbreak behind to replace him. All you can do now is move forward.” Jake replies. “We can get you all the help you need to get past this and we will support you for however long it takes.”

I nod and hug Julie once more, grateful for their support.

Jake claps his hands together as we pull away. “Alright, I know this is a lot to take in for tonight but we’ve all got places to be tomorrow morning and if we don’t get a little bit of sleep we’re all going to be cranky.”

We all chuckle together for a few moments.

Julie sighs, as our laughter dies down, before she stands to her feet. “Will you be fine the rest of the night?”

I nod. “I’ll be fine. This isn’t a first for me.”

They nod their heads and then leave my room slowly.

I listen as their door down the hall shuts before I get up from my bed and begin pacing back and forth.

My heart was at war with its self.

I wanted to trust these people but I just didn’t know if I could. They seemed to genuinely want to get to know me and help me but I had been told these same lies before.

The others hadn’t been as convincing as this couple.

Stopping my frantic pacing I sigh, I should have told them how grateful I was for them actually considering helping me.

Sighing again I move to my door and peek out to see if they had fallen back to sleep yet.

Their door had a sliver of light shinning at the bottom of it so I slowly make my way out of my room and then towards their door.

I hold my hand up ready to knock, but stop.

“She can’t stay here.” Jake whispers from the other side of the door.

“We just promised her that she could though, she’s going to be completely heartbroken, Jake.” Julie cries softly.

“Julie, we aren’t prepared to tackle something like this. She needs help that we really can’t provide. I don’t even know how to relate to what she’s been through. She’s better off with someone else.” Jake argues lightly.

A moment of silence seeps its way in before Julie speaks again. “You know as well as I do that she’s just going to get passed around until she finally turns eighteen. She’s going to fall hard as soon as she’s tossed out.”

“She’ll be fine, she seems like a fighter.” Jake reassures her.

That’s the moment I walk back to my room slowly. I didn’t want to hear anymore.  My heart was yet again breaking in two.

Shutting my door softly I slide down it to sit on the floor as I bury my face into my hands. I couldn’t take much more of this.

I couldn’t take the lies and false hopes any longer.

It was cruel.

Holding back my emotions I sigh softly and then stand back up to my feet before moving over to the three small boxes that I had.

Pulling one open I move around my room and place the few things I had unpacked back into the box before closing it back up again.

Sitting on the bed I hold my favorite photo in my hands.

“Why did you do this to me?” I whisper softly as I trail my finger across the photo. “I wanted to be with you forever.”

“Why wasn’t I enough?” I add with a whimper.

I didn’t understand it and I probably never would.

Without warning Julie abruptly pokes her head in with a questioning look. “Were you talking to someone?”

I shake my head. “I like to talk to Cole sometimes when I feel lonely.” I lie as I hold up the photo that I still had in my hands.

She nods her head. “Okay, just try to get some sleep.”

A second later she shuts the door and I let out a breath of air.

Lying back on my bed I sigh softly and close my eyes.

I couldn’t help the memories of home that invade my mind. Right now I would have given anything to go back there.

But if I went back home I would be constantly reminded of a life I could have had.

To me it would have been worth going back, because no matter how far I went Cole was still prominently in my mind.

Memories of him were the reason I had been moving so much after all.

He would always be with me, always.

Like he had always said to me
‘we always have tomorrow’
. It was his promise to me. He had always promised me that tomorrow would always come.

Tomorrow had always come, but for him it hadn’t.

It had come for me though and that was the hardest tomorrow I had ever faced.

Sighing again I roll to my side.

“Tomorrow will come.” I whisper softly to myself

With those words I breathe out and allow sleep to carry me away.

Tomorrow would come.

Dear Diary,

You still have all of me. I can’t close my eyes without hearing your voice. You haunt my every moment no matter where I am. I just wish I could be with you again...I want to go home…I love you.

The next morning I go through the normal routine that I had shared with every one of the families I had stayed with.

I eat my breakfast in silence as Jake and Julie talk quietly while avoiding any glances in my direction.

Once I finish eating I get up from the table and rush up to my room to gather my school bag before quickly heading back downstairs.

Unlike the other families I had stayed with Jake and Julie leave without a word to me.

They were nowhere to be found when I came back downstairs.

They had been cold and completely the opposite of what I had originally thought they’d be like.

Standing outside I wait for my school bus to pick me up.

Instead of the bus coming though Matt pulls up in his jeep.

He steps out with a defeated sigh. “Hello, Eve.”

“Hello, Matt.” I sigh roughly.

He motions towards the house wordlessly before going in to retrieve my things.

A few moments later he walks out carrying my three boxes.

I watch as he places them into the back of his jeep before turning to me. “Let’s get home.”

Bowing my head, feeling utterly rejected, I slowly make my way around his jeep before getting into the passenger side.

Sighing softly I glance in Matt’s direction. “Where’s my home going to be this time?”

He bows his head he sits still in the driver’s seat.

A tense moment passes before he turns to look at me. “There’s no other place for you, Evette. You have no where left to go.”

His words hit me like a cold bucket of ice water.

“What am I supposed to do?” I whisper as fear grips my heart.

“You’re still underage so the system can’t just toss you out.” Matt begins. “I did talk to some of the higher ups about what to do with your case. They only came up with two choices thanks to my pestering.”

“What are my choices?” I question quietly.

“One is to live in a group home in Texas.” Matt answers.

I shake my head. That option was completely out of the question.

“And two…?” I push.

“Two, is that you agree to stay with me until your birthday. I offered to take care of you and after a lengthy conference they agreed to it.” Matt states.

My eyes go wide for a moment. “How is that even allowed? You’re not even married.”

He snorts. “I am in a steady relationship though and they have accepted that fact. It also helps that I am gay.”

“They must be desperate to find me a place to stay if they’re willing to look past all of their strict rules.” I sigh as I place my head against the window.

Matt nods from the corner of my eye. “They kind of are but I pushed for it to happen so that I knew you’d be taken care of. It hasn’t been easy for me, watching these families fail you over and over again.”

“You have no idea what it means to me that you’re willing to open up your house for me, Matt. I just hope you’re ready to be woken up at all hours of the night when I wake up screaming thanks to my nightmares.” I reply gently.

Matt grins as he starts the engine of the jeep. “It’s a good thing I’m a night owl then.”

I snort and shake my head as he drives off, down the road.

Pulling into a familiar town I look towards Matt with surprise. “Do you actually live here?”

He nods. “I do. I figured it would be easier for you to be back in your home town again. You really seemed to do well here while you were living with the Moores.”

“There are a lot of bad memories here now though.” I sigh softly as I watch the familiar storefronts and houses pass by as we drive through the town.

“Yes, I’ve read your file but that doesn’t mean that running away will erase those memories. All you can do is push forward, remember the good memories you had and make new ones to drown out the bad ones.” Matt replies.

I nod my head in agreement, he had a good point.

When Matt continues to drive in the direction of where I had lived I become nervous.

And when he pulls into the small gated community that I had previously lived in I turn to him with a questioning look.

He sighs. “Yes, this is where I live. I know it will make things a bit awkward but this is the best we can work with.”

“Seeing them again is going to be hard.” I whisper.

“Let me warn you now that the Moores have a new foster child about your age.” Matt grunts.

“It figures that they would get over me that fast.” I sigh and then place my forehead against the window as we drive past their house.

It hurts far worse to actually see it as Sally exits her front door with a girl that looked very similar to me.

It was like they had replaced me with a better unbroken kid.

Looking away quickly my eyes travel over to Cole’s house.

It was a mistake because Liam was walking towards the road.

As we pass I watch out the back as he walks across the street to embrace the girl I had just seen walk out of the Moores house.

Life had moved on here without me and it absolutely hurt.

Turning back around I focus on Matt as he pulls into a driveway only two houses down from theirs.

He turns the engine off before climbing out.

I remain in my seat, my body frozen in place.

If I got out now they would all see me, and I didn’t know if I could handle them seeing me like this.

Stopping by my door with my boxes in his hands Matt gives me a look before nodding to himself.

He then walks away into his house.

After a few short minutes a new guy that looked to be around the same age as Matt but with short cut black hair, military pants, and a black shirt bounces out of the house and moves over to my door before opening it.

He holds out his hand as he smiles brightly. “Hey, my name is Eric.”

I smile and take his hand in mine to give it a good shake. “I’m Evette, but you can call me Eve.”

His smile only gets bigger before he gives me a questioning look. “Why aren’t you getting out of the jeep?”

Glancing past him I sigh and then close my eyes. “I don’t want them to see me.”

He glances back before turning his attention towards me. “You know what, if they want to be a bunch of assholes just because you’re back here then there’s only one thing to do.”

“Come on, get out and let’s show them how strong you are.” He then states as he steps back.

I shake my head even though I slowly exit the jeep.

As Eric steps away from me I glance over at where Sally and Liam were now frozen in shock as they face us.

I whimper softly as I hide my face behind my long hair.

“Eve, don’t let them win.” Eric whispers as he pushes my hair back away from my face.

“How do they make you feel right now?” He then inquires.

I look to him with a raised brow.

“I hate how they’ve treated me and it hurts that they’ve all moved on without me. It’s like I never existed in their lives.” I answer him truthfully.

He nods. “Then flip them off.” He suggests.

I snort in surprise, he had to be joking.

The look on his face was serious though.

“Watch, it’s easy.” He adds as he turns towards Sally and the others, waving at them with a bright grin before flipping them off.

At first they wave back awkwardly before their faces drop with shock.

I laugh out loudly as he turns towards me with his own laugh.

“See, now your turn.” He motions for me to do it.

Laughing out I step forward and hold my hand up high, flipping them the bird.

Watching Sally’s face pale actually made me feel better.

The look on Liam’s face scared me though.

I had never seen him so angry.

Shrugging it off I turn to Eric who was wearing a triumphant smirk. “See, it made you laugh and feel better.”

I nod in agreement as he wraps his arm around my shoulders before leading me into his home.

“Did you see their face when I flipped them off?” He laughs as he guides me into the kitchen where Matt was cooking something that smelled delicious. “I swear the woman was nearly frozen.”

I laugh and shake my head. “It was funny considering Sally never thinks anyone could every hate her.”

Matt turns around as we sit down at the stools on the other side of the counter.

Pointing his spoon at Eric he raises his brow. “Please, tell me you didn’t flip the neighbors off again.”

Eric looks to me while mimicking zipping his lips and tossing away a key.

Matt groans. “I have a feeling the two of you are going to get us into a lot of trouble, aren’t you.”

Eric scoffs dramatically. “Me, get into trouble, never.”

“You seem to be forgetting our senior year in high school, Eric.” Matt replies with a wink in my direction.

“How was I supposed to know that toilet papering the house of the guy I liked would land me in jail?” Eric laughs.

“You had a strange way of flirting.” Matt snorts.

Watching the banter between these two was refreshing, but as much as I wanted to relax and enjoy staying with them I knew it would come to an end quickly.

Sighing softly I look down at my hands and tune everything out around me.

It doesn’t work because Eric lifts my chin to look in his direction as Matt steps up beside him. “None of that in this house, okay, we have no intentions of tossing you away like those others did. If you haven’t noticed Matt and I go against all the grains. We fight for what we believe is right and we don’t give a shit about what stands in our way.”

“We’re going to help you, Eve.” Matt promises.

I nod my head as I bite my bottom lip.

“Give us a chance, okay.” Eric pleads lightly.

I nod again and he pulls me out of my seat for an abrupt hug.

It was exactly what I had needed.

Holding me tightly Eric runs his hand over my back in a fatherly way, soothing me as tears fill my eyes and then spill over as sobs fall from my lips.

“That’s my girl.” He whispers softly.

For the first time I felt as if I was truly home.

It was an odd feeling to have considering I still doubted this would work out, but to be honest it really felt like Eric and Matt wouldn’t give up on me.

I already felt loved here.