Where Does My Heart Belong? (9 page)

CHAPTER 23

The next day I go down to the Lopin’
Lariat to practice with the band.  Johnny is the only one there.  He tells me
the band partied hard last night and they may not show up at all but we can run
through a few numbers that he has on tape.

“I want to do
Unchained
with you
one more time.  That and
Danny Boy
.  Can we get away with that?”

“You bet we’ll sneak them in somewhere. 
Let’s see your list of the other songs you want to do.”

“Most of them are Patsy Cline with one or
two Tammy and Loretta thrown in.  I’d like to do a duet with Wade, the Patsy
Cline, and Jim Reeves number
Have You Ever Been Lonely.
”

“Terrific, Wade will love it.  He hasn’t
been getting much front time lately so this will give him a shot in the arm.”

We spend the next hour rehearsing our two
duets.  The rest of the band finally straggles in and I ask Wade if he will do
the Patsy Cline/Jim Reeves number with me.  It’s a resounding yes.  Wade has
the talent to mimic any male country star and he always wants to show it off. 
Then we strategize on the sequence of songs for each set.  My being there are
has knocked them off course.  They’ll start out the first set as usual with
Johnny doing
Proud Mary
to get the audience in the mood to dance.  I
won’t come on until the next to last song, with my version of
Crazy. 
Once
we get the set sequences down, I head for home, optimistic that I can pull this
off.  

On Saturday night, I drive myself to the
club an hour before we’re set to be on stage.  Tony will bring Grandma later. 
Unbeknownst to me they have invited everyone and their uncle to come hear me
sing.  When I peer out the curtain to see what kind of crowd we have I’m amazed
at the number of senior citizens.  Fred is here, so is Henry and his wife,
Grandma’s attorney’s and financial advisors, and to top it off José and
Isabel.   I hope there’ll be room for the young crowd or there won’t be much
country line-dancing going on.

The first set goes well, and I get a good
round of applause for my rendition of
Crazy. 
At the beginning of the
second set, the owner of the club comes over and tells us there’s a couple in
the audience who are celebrating their 50
^th
wedding anniversary. 
The husband would like to request that we sing
Unchained Melody
in honor
of his wife.  Yes, this is just what I’ve been waiting for.  Now these people
will get to hear how great Johnny can really sing.  Johnny tells him that we’d
be glad to.  Then he steps up to the microphone.  We both nod at the elderly
couple.

He says, “I’m Johnny.”

“And I’m Libby.”

“We have a young couple here tonight who
are celebrating their 50
^th
wedding anniversary, Mr. and Mrs. Robert
Berg, sitting right over there,” he points at them.  The crowd claps and
cheers.

“Mrs. Berg, your husband would like to
dedicate this next song to you,” I say.

Johnny signals to the band and starts
singing the first verse.  I sing the second verse and we keep trading off the
verses with our voices overlapping on the harmonies until the end where we join
our voices in a crescendo.

The crowd goes crazy.  They’re on their
feet clapping and cheering.  I look over at the Berg’s and Mrs. Berg has her
face pressed into her husband’s shoulder, sobbing.  Johnny and I both bow and thank
the audience, and then he takes my hand and leads me down off the stage to
where the Berg’s are sitting.

“I always request that song for my wife,”
Mr. Berg says.  Thank you so much for doing it.  That is one incredible
arrangement you have there.  I’ve never heard it before.”

“Our pleasure,” I tell him.  “I hope you
have many more years of happiness together.”

I look over at Grandma and Tony.  Grandma
is pumping her fists in the air and Tony is sitting there with a shocked look
on his face.  Guess we blew them away.  The rest of the night goes great.  For
our last number we do
Danny Boy
, Johnny’s signature song from back
home.  It’s another standing ovation from the crowd. 

Once it’s all over, I join Johnny in his
dressing room for a beer.  “I’m quitting the road, Lib,” he tells me.  “I’m
going back to Eagle Valley.  We’ve got one month left on our contract and then
that’s it.  I can’t stand the way my manager and agent are manipulating me.  My
wife wants to divorce me and I never get to see my kids.  I thought I wanted to
make music my career but this just isn’t worth it.  If I go back home I can get
a job at the lumber mill and play on weekends.   I’ll be able to be with my family.”

“So now you see why I have always hated
this business.  I love to sing, but I can’t put up with all the managerial lies
and manipulations.”

“What are you going to do, Lib?  Are you
going to stay here or come back home?  You’ll always have a place in my band if
you come back home.”

“I don’t know yet, Johnny, but I’m not all
that happy here.  I need a job, a career, something that’s meaningful.”

“Let me know what you decide.  I’ve got
your number and I’ll keep in touch with you, babe.  If you ever want to get a
message to me, just call my folks.  I talk to them every Sunday.”

I throw my arms around his neck and kiss
his smooth brown face.  I don’t want to leave him, this man who has been my
best friend for more than 10 years, this man who’s been like the big brother, I
never had.

CHAPTER
24

September
1972

After singing with
Johnny, I’m more restless than ever.  I think more and more about going back
home but I don’t know how to tell Grandma.  Then fate takes it out of my hands.

She and Fred tell me they
want to take a trip around the world.  They will be gone for almost a year.  Do
I want to come with them?  It will be the trip of a lifetime.  I tell them no,
this is your trip of a lifetime.

“Grandma, please don’t
get upset, but I think I want to go back to Washington while you’re gone.  I’m
kind of homesick, I want to go back and see some of my old friends, maybe get a
job.”

“You do whatever you want
to sweetheart, Fred, and I will support you in whatever you want to do.  Just
remember, this is your home; you can stay here as long as you like, or come and
go as you please, but always think of it as your home.  If you leave, Tony is
going to be here to take care of things.  So don’t worry.”

That’s another reason I
want to leave.  There is no way that I want to live here alone with Tony while
they’re gone.  He’s been asking me to go out with him all the time and I’ve
been putting him off, but there’s no telling what I might do with Grandma
gone.  I could easily succumb to him if he wanted to take our relationship to
another level.  He’s just too sexy and too damn nice, plus I love him to death
as a best friend.

For the next month, we
are all busy planning our futures.  Grandma and Fred pour over travel pamphlets
and make their arrangements.  I contact the local newspaper in Eagle Valley and
have them send me their current issue so I can get a head start in looking for
a place to rent. 

Tony is disappointed that
I’m leaving.  “I wish you would stay, Libby, I feel like I’m really starting to
get to know you, and I’ve been hoping we could get to know each other better.”

“I’m sorry, Tony, but I‘m
not happy here.  I don’t have any friends except for you, Angie and Waldo.  All
of the women I’ve met who are my age are bitches.  I don’t want to be a rich
socialite, doing nothing but charity work and going out to lunch with the
girls.  I need a job.   I need something to stimulate me intellectually. 
There’s something else that I’ve never told you.  When I came here, I was
running away from a couple of sad situations, I had a boyfriend, he was the
love of my life but he just up and disappeared.  I’ve never known why, I want
to go back and see if I can get some closure, so I can move forward with that
part of my life.”

“Oh, Libby, I’m sorry
that happened to you, but you’re right, about the closure.   I don’t want you
to go but maybe it’s the best thing for you to do.  Just know that I’ll always
be here waiting for you when you decide to come back.”

“You’re one of the best
people I’ve ever known, Tony, I adore you. Your friendship means everything to
me.  Let’s please keep in touch.  I don’t want to lose you.”

“I don’t want to lose you
either, sweetheart, and we’ll definitely keep in touch.”

On September 15, I leave
a sad Tony and Angelita behind as I get in my red convertible and head north.

“Call me every night
while you’re on the road, so I know you’re okay,” Tony tells me.  “I sure don’t
like the thought of you driving all that way by yourself.”

“I’ll be fine, Tony, and
yes I’ll call you.  You take good care of Angie and be good to yourself too,
Tony.” 

The long drive back to
Eagle Valley is uneventful and takes me three days of boring driving.  Once I
get there, I find a motel with kitchen facilities that I can rent by the month
until I find something permanent. 

Later that night I lie on
the bed in the motel room and wonder about my future.  Have I made the right
decision?   Only time will tell.

The next day I go looking
for a permanent place to rent.  I find a singlewide mobile home in a mobile
home park that’s out of town, where the owners, Chris and Barb Wilson, also
operate a horse breeding and boarding facility.  This will be perfect, I’ve
always wanted to have my own horse, and now I’ll have a place to keep one. 

I spend the rest of the
week looking for used furniture, going to yard sales and scouring the second
hand stores.    I luck out at one of the second hand places where I find
everything I need that they’d just gotten in from an estate sale.  I buy all of
the living room and bedroom furniture and move into the mobile home.

Next, it’s off to find a
job and once again, I luck out.  One of the real estate agencies in town is
looking for a part-time secretary, 3 days a week.  I apply for it and get it. 
The broker is an older man who has two women salespersons working for him, and
they’re nice.  One of the women is married to Red’s cousin, Ron, and that gives
me a concern but I don’t know her.  She wasn’t married to him when I left Eagle
Valley so she probably doesn’t know anything about me.  I think I will be happy
here.  Things are finally starting to look up. 

Once I am completely
settled, I call Tony and tell him all my good news.  He says he’s happy for me
but wishes I were back in San Francisco.

“I miss you, Libby.  What
would you think if Angie and I made a trip up there to see you?”

“Sure, Tony, you’re
welcome anytime. Just give me some advance notice.”  He says he will, but they
never make the trip.

For the next eight
months, things go amazingly well.  I buy a horse; a 20-something year old Arab
gelding, that I name Danny.  The doctors would have a fit if they knew I was
riding but I don’t care.  Danny is gentle and safe and I always wear a helmet
so I figure what they don’t know won’t hurt them. 

My broker encourages me
to get my real estate license and I do.  One day I list a gorgeous piece of
property. Two irrigated acres that overlook the Eagle River, with a fabulous
view.  I know that if I lived there I would never want to leave, so I buy it. 
I decide to put a house on it and finally have my own place.  

Instead of having a home
constructed, I buy a four bedroom, 2-bath modular and have it specifically
designed so I can rent half of it out, similar to a duplex.  The renter and I
will each have two bedrooms, a bath, and a living room at opposite ends of the
house.  The utility room, kitchen and dining area and another small room are in
the center of the house and will be shared space. 

I hire a real estate
management firm to handle finding the tenant. They’ll take 10% of the rent but
will do the advertising, background checks and handle any problems that come
up. 

I can’t wait to get
settled in my new home.

CHAPTER
25

My house is finally here.
They brought it out 3 days ago and the contractors are busy getting everything
set up.  I got a sneak peek at it and it’s going to be beautiful.  There are
vaulted ceilings in the living room areas, plush, plush carpets throughout,
granite countertops, and top of the line kitchen and bathroom fixtures.  I am
going to have a full-length deck constructed in the back so we can sit outside
and enjoy the beautiful view.

A security firm is busy
putting in fencing, gates, and cameras and another crew is assembling a
greenhouse and building a two-stall barn. Then all I’ll have to do is order sod
and bring in a landscaper.

  I call the management
company and tell them to start advertising for a tenant.    The house should be
ready to move into within the week.

A few days later my
friend Johnny calls and asks me to come to a local jam session on Sunday night
and sing with him.  One of the local bars holds an open mic session on Sunday
nights and anyone can get up and perform.  I haven’t sung in public since I
sang with him in San Francisco, and I’m dying to get back on stage so I tell
him yes.

When I get there on
Sunday night, he is already on stage performing with his original band. When
they’re finished, he comes down, brings me up on stage, and introduces me to
the audience.  We decide to do a couple of our favorite duets.  As we’re
singing I look around at the audience and then I see
him
, it’s Red, the
one and only love of my life, my first love, the man who dumped me 5 years ago,
the man I have never gotten over.  He’s sitting at the bar and staring at me. 
I muff some of the words to the song but Johnny covers for me.  When we’re done
he says, “What do you want to do?”  “I want to get out of here, Johnny, please
help me get out of here.”

He puts down his bass,
takes my hand, and leads me off the stage, through the back door of the bar and
out into the parking lot to my car.

“Oh God, Johnny, did you
see him, it was Red.  If he asks you about me please don’t tell him where I
live or what I’m doing.”

“The only thing I’m going
to tell him is that I’m looking forward to beating the hell out of him one
day.  I could kill him for the way he treated you.”

“Don’t do anything
stupid, he’s not worth it.  I’m sorry to run out on you like this but this has
been too much of a shock.  I had no idea he was back in town.”

“Yeah, I think he’s been
back for a couple of weeks.  Stan told me he saw him, I think he’s working at
the Chrysler dealership.  Look, go on home and I’ll call you later, I’ll tell
the guys not to say anything either but if he comes around and starts bothering
you I want to know about it.  I’ll take care of it.”  Johnny is ferociously
protective of me.  He hugs me and I get in my car and leave.

Three days later the
management company calls and says they’re bringing a potential renter around. It’s
a man who’s getting a divorce and he’s willing to pay 6 months in advance.  I
tell them to come ahead.   I open the security gate for them and curious I wait
and watch.

Oh my God, they’ve
brought Red, what in the world is going on?  First, I see him on Sunday night,
and now this.  I hear them come into the house from the rear entrance.  I grab
my purse and keys and rush out the front door, jump in my car and take off.  I
can’t face this it’s too much.  I drive on up on a hill across the road where I
can watch and see when they leave.  I pound the steering wheel and scream with
tears running down my face.  Why this, why now when everything was going so
great.  Thirty minutes later I see them leave and head back.  I need a drink in
the worst way.  My only hope is that he didn’t like it or his background/credit
checks won’t pan out. 

When I get home, the
phone is ringing.  It’s the management company.  He liked the house and filled
out paperwork for the background checks.  I tell them that he’s my ex and I
don’t want to rent to him.  I asked them if he knows that I’m the landlord,
they said yes, and he figured I wouldn’t want to rent to him but they told him
that legally, because of my contract with them, I have no right to refuse him
if he checks out okay.  I am screwed. 

I hang up the phone and
grab a bottle of whiskey.  The phone rings again.  It’s
him
.  He wants
to get together and talk but I tell him no, not today. He says how about
tomorrow after work, can he buy me dinner?  No, just come after 5:30.  He says
he’ll be here.

I am still clutching the
whiskey bottle.  I take the cap off and drink from it.  The alcohol burns going
down and I cough and choke.  Oh, God, I’ve got a little more than 24 hours to
get myself together to be able to deal with this.  Never in my wildest dreams did
I ever imagine seeing him again.     I can’t do this.  I can’t let him back
into my life. I was so completely devastated when he walked out of my life 5
years ago.

I slug down one more
drink from the whiskey bottle and then call Tony.  I need a friend; I have to
talk to someone about this.  I tell him what’s happened and that I don’t think
I can stand the thought of Red being here.  He doesn’t give me much sympathy. 

“Isn’t that one of the
reasons you went back there?  So you could get closure.  You wanted to know why
he left you so now is your chance.  You need to deal with this, Libby. 
Confront him and make him tell you what happened.  Just remember, don’t let
your happiness depend on someone else.  Keep in touch, I’ll be thinking of you,
but right now I have to go, I’ve got plans this evening.”

I hang up the phone and
cry.  Why don’t I like the fact that he has plans?  It’s probably with one of
his rich girlfriends.  He was my best friend back in California and I wish he
were here right now.  I know that I told him I wanted closure, but I’d rather
be back in San Francisco with him than seeing Red again.