Where Loyalty Lies (39 page)

I yanked the front door back open, still not sure where it was I was headed, but as it turned out I didn’t need to make a decision. Henry’s hand was frozen in motion, reaching for my door handle. He blinked at me in surprise.

“Did you know he was going to do it?” I asked.

“Ah, you’ve heard already,” Henry said, coming in and closing the door behind him.

“So, it’s true then? Saul’s refusing to work?”

“Well, I wouldn’t call it refusing; it’s more like he’s taking time off. It’s not so unusual really; vampires book time off work just like humans do.”

“But Saul doesn’t,” I said. I didn’t know that for sure but the guy in the hall had said it, so I thought it probably wasn’t far from the truth. “So why has he decided to do it now?”

I watched Henry carefully. He’d once promised me that he’d never lie to me and I knew he wouldn’t break that promise.

“Everyone needs a break sometimes,” Henry said. He started browsing through my DVDs that were lined up on a shelf.

“Henry,” I chided, as if he was a naughty child.

He turned to face me with a look of resolution on his face.

“Why won’t you answer my question?” I asked.

Henry sighed. “Because it isn’t my answer to give.”

“You’re right,” I said. I crossed to the door.

“He’s not in his rooms,” Henry said, guessing where I was heading. I turned to him and I don’t know what expression was on my face but Henry sighed again.

“You could try the conservatory; he spends a lot of time there. Just head for the library but instead of turning left at the end, go right and follow the corridor all the way round to the north east side of the building.”

I nodded my thanks and left.

If I hadn’t overheard the two men talking in the hall, it still wouldn’t have taken me long to realise that something was going on. Everyone I passed gave me odd looks which only quickened my pace. Following the corridor Henry had told me to take, I was starting to think I’d gone the wrong way; the rooms on either side were getting darker and darker. I was just about to turn back when I noticed a patch of bright light ahead.

I had to blink a few time to adjust my eyes from darkness to daylight. The place was like a jungle with huge overgrown plants scattered everywhere so I couldn’t even see the edges of the room, just the glass panels of the ceiling. It was pouring with rain outside and the sound of it hitting the glass was very loud. I followed a small tiled path, feeling like I should be dropping breadcrumbs.

In what I guessed was the centre of the room, there was a set of high-backed woven chairs with cream cushions, all placed around a matching table. One of the chairs was slightly apart from the rest and Saul was sitting in it with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands.

All the way there I’d been practising a speech in which I demanded to know what exactly Saul was playing at. I’d been planning on asking him if he didn’t think I had enough on my plate without him pulling this little stunt which made me stand out a mile. But my thoughts vanished as I stood and watched Saul. In my mind, I’d assumed this had been part of some stupid plot to try and win me over, I’d been picturing him feeling pleased that his new plan had caused such a fuss. However, the person in front of me wasn’t smug or happy. 

Saul must have either heard my breathing or sensed my emotions because he suddenly looked up and, in record time, he covered his own expression with a careful blankness.

Seeing him hide his emotions made me so sad. I had no idea why, but I had an overwhelming urge to put my arms around him and try to help him. I pushed the thought away before Saul could pick up on it.

“Are you okay?” I asked, not really sure what to say now that I’d been caught off guard.

“I’m sure I can guess the rumours you’ve heard,” Saul said, not answering my question, “but you don’t have to worry, I didn’t do what I did because of you and I’ll make sure I set the record straight on that.”

I nodded. “Thank you.”

I felt like a complete idiot. I’d been so full of it, marching down here ready to give Saul a piece of my mind about how I still wasn’t interested and how he should stop whatever this game was, only to find out it was nothing to do with me. I thought about asking if he was okay again but he clearly didn’t want to discuss it with me and who could blame him? I’d frequently told him I wanted nothing to do with him.

I was so preoccupied as I walked back to my room that I hardly noticed all the stares and comments. I couldn’t understand why it bugged me so much to see Saul so upset. He was so complex that I felt like he was a million different people rolled into one. I’d seen him soft and gentle when we’d been at the abandoned house, intense and angry when we’d argued, relaxed and carefree with Henry, powerful and formidable when surrounded by others and now I’d seen him troubled and sad. I was beginning to wonder why I judged him so differently. Why did I have to put him under a magnifying glass and analyse everything he did?

Henry was still in my rooms when I got back. He watched me as I picked up my bag of gym clothes and carried it into my bedroom. I chucked the dirty clothes into my laundry basket and stood for a moment staring at nothing. I had the strongest feeling I was missing something. I felt like there was something right on the edge of my mind but the harder I tried to grab at it, the further away it moved.

My gaze landed on my bed and stayed on the electric blue flower that was resting on my pillow. Henry’s words from last night came back to me. It was just me getting the flowers. Every single night, a beautiful exotic flower had been placed on my pillow. I thought of Saul sitting in the conservatory, surrounded by plants and vines. Henry had said that Saul spent a lot of time there.

I snatched the flower up and strode into the living room. Henry looked up at my entrance and clocked the flower in my hand before resting his gaze on me. He seemed too calm and I realised he was trying hard not to give anything away.

“It’s Saul, isn’t it?” I asked.

“That’s not my answer to give either,” Henry replied but a slight glint in his eye told me what I needed to know.

“But why?” I said dumbly. “It doesn’t make any sense.”

I stared at the flower in my hand. If Saul had left notes with the flowers or hinted that they were from him, I’d have thought it was another plan to try to win me over. But he’d never said anything; for months he’d been sneaking them in here and there was no reason for him to do it other than because he thought I’d like them. Every day he’d done it, even the days when I’d ignored him or insulted him.

I’d spent so long trying to avoid Saul; it had never occurred to me that I might be wrong. As I stood stock still, I tried to see the last couple of months from Saul’s point of view. If he’d been telling the truth about his feelings for me, then it must have driven him crazy that I’d simply refused to believe him. I’d based my opinion of Saul on my past prejudices of the way men felt about me and on what Monique had said. How could I have been so stupid as to believe what people like Monique had said, rather than what he’d tried to tell me himself? Even Henry had tried to tell me that I had the wrong impression of Saul and I’d flat out refused to listen.

Christ, I’d spent too long not taking any chances because I was scared. I didn’t want to live like that anymore. So what if it turned out that this meant more to me than to Saul? Surely it was better to try and fail than to never try at all. I did not want to get to old age and regret that I had never taken the chance. My decision was made. Most of my life I’d been waiting – waiting to grow up so that I could move away from Mary, waiting to decide what I wanted to do in life, waiting for my trial to find out what The Sénat declared me to be – but now I was sick of waiting. Right in front of me I had the opportunity to discover something amazing and I wasn’t going to wait any longer. I was all in now.

A mass of feeling bubbled up inside me and I looked up at Henry. He felt it too and smiled.

I took off, back to where I’d just come from and, by the time I finally reached the conservatory, I was practically running.

            “Saul!” I yelled over the sound of the rain as I made my way down the path again, hoping he was still there.

I came skidding to a halt as I reached the clearing and found Saul standing by his chair, looking at me in surprise. He opened his mouth to speak, but my emotions must have hit him because he closed his mouth and looked puzzled.

Suddenly I wasn’t sure what to say; there were so many words and explanations spinning through my mind that I had no idea where to start. I decided that Saul’s built-in emotion detector might just come in useful. I let my feelings wash over me. I finally let myself admit how much I cared for him and that I believed him. I thought about our kisses in the rain and the pool and how much I wanted to kiss him again.

A slight crease appeared in Saul’s brow and I knew it was working. I pushed any thought of worry and mistrust out my head and focused on how much I wanted him, on how long I’d spent wishing we could be together and on how, from the very first moment, I’d wanted him. All the feelings I’d spent months bottling up started to spill out and I couldn’t do anything to stop them.

Saul’s expression changed from confusion to astonishment. He moved towards me only stopping when we were a couple of inches apart. His hands grasped each side of my face and he tilted my head back, searching for the truth in my eyes. He lowered his head towards mine as if he was going to kiss me, but stopped. I knew he was remembering our last kisses and how I’d freaked out afterwards. I stood on tiptoes and pressed my lips to his.

It wasn’t like our previous kisses; it was intense and desperate. His hands stayed holding me to him and I fisted my hands into his shirt and pulled him even closer, letting him know that this was what I wanted. My heart was pounding so hard that I was sure everyone at Rillith could hear it.

When, eventually, he broke the kiss he stayed pressed against me, our foreheads still touching.

“Is this some kind of test?” he asked, sending a spike of guilt through me.

“No, it’s more like an apology.”

“An apology for what?”

“Everything. I’ve been a complete bitch to you but, if you’ll just give me a chance, I want to make it up to you.”

Saul replied by bringing his lips to meet mine again. I wanted to stay here forever, to lose myself in this moment that I’d thought I’d never share with Saul, but I knew that my apology needed to be more than a kiss. I owed him an explanation. Regretfully, I pulled my mouth from his but stayed close enough that I was still in his arms.

“I want to explain, but I can’t do it here.”

“We can go to my rooms,” Saul said. For a moment I considered it; I’d never been to Saul’s rooms before and I had to admit I was intrigued to see what they looked like but now was not the time. I needed to clear my conscience and the less distractions the better.

“No, let’s go to mine,” I said.

Saul’s arm snaked around my waist and he held me close to his side as we walked. If I’d thought I’d received some heavy looks earlier, they were nothing compared to the ones I got with Saul’s hand resting on my hip. There was no whispering now, though; Saul was far too respected to have gossip spoken within his earshot. Not a sound was uttered except for one voice that muttered something so quiet I couldn’t catch it. Saul must have heard it, though, because, before I could take another step, he’d gone. I spun round to see Saul with his hands clenched around the offending vampire’s shirt collar, holding him a foot off the ground.

“You’re fucking crazy,” the guy choked.

“Only just figured that out, have you?” Saul growled. “If I ever hear you even say her name again, I’ll kill you.” Then Saul released his grip and the guy staggered a few steps before regaining his balance.

For a moment I thought all hell was going to break loose but Saul simply stood and stared at the guy for a few moments before turning and walking away.

Henry was no longer in my rooms. I paced nervously up and down a few times, not sure where to start. When I glanced at Saul, he was standing by the closed door looking stuck somewhere between bewilderment and longing. I laughed. I couldn’t really blame him for being confused.

This was why I needed to explain; so that he didn’t have to worry about me suddenly running cold on him again. Plus, if I was truly going to give this a shot, I should at least be honest.

“You were right,” I said. “All those times you said you could feel how much I was attracted to you, well you were spot on.”

A little embarrassed, I looked down at my feet. Saul reached out and lifted my chin up with his hand so that I had to look him in the face.

“What happened?” he asked. “That day we went to Inverness, I thought... I thought you understood how I felt about you but, when I saw you after that, you couldn’t even look at me.”

I swallowed. “I overheard someone, they were saying that...” I broke off, feeling the hard lump in my throat that always rose when I remembered Monique’s harsh words. “They said that the only reason so many men were showing an interest in me was because you had first. They said that everyone would love to get to me first just so they could get one up on you, and then she said you only wanted me because you wanted to be the first vampire ever to get a half-breed into bed.”